by SR Jones
“Touch yourself, ride me; get yourself off,” I instruct her.
And she does.
I thought she might hesitate, or be embarrassed, but she isn’t. She moves up and down on me, and I use my arms to help her as she slips one hand between us and strokes herself.
I watch her as she moves, eating her up with my gaze, so greedy for her. Even now, with her on me, around me, and me inside her, it’s not enough. I don’t think it ever will be.
Tell her, a voice in my head says. Tell her you love her.
I open my mouth, but it doesn’t come out.
Fucking coward, the voice sneers.
I push it away and vow to myself I will, not quite yet, but I will.
Instead of telling her I love her, I kiss her with all I have as we fall over the edge together.
Chapter 10
Violet
There’s a lot going on work wise for Andrius. He seems to have taken over the running of Allyov’s whole operation for now, and he speaks to the man two or three times a day.
I would have thought I’d hate it. Hate the man I’ve fallen head over heels for, talking with the man who murdered my family, but I must be the shit at compartmentalizing because I somehow ignore it. When they talk, I take myself off and read or draw, or go cuddle Levi, who is adorable for a trained canine killing machine.
Sometimes I call Isla and we chat, and today is one of those days, but this time we’ve upgraded to Facetime so I can see her.
She’s looking at Levi laid next to me.
“I already love him so much, it scares me,” I tell her. I’m talking about Levi, but I might as easily be talking about Andrius, and I’ve decided to be brave. To open my heart to the scary man who enthralls me and tell him how I feel about him.
“I know!” She grins at me. “I’m like that with all of ours. They get under your skin. They’re not mere pets; they become family.”
“I worry, though … if something happened…”
I trail off, not knowing how to say to her what’s on my mind. If Andrius and I split up. If he gets bored of me, what happens to Levi then? Would I be able to keep him?
“Don’t worry about it, Violet,” she says to me. “Andrius already talked to Ethan about it, and if anything happens with you guys … you know.” She goes red and shakes her head. “I mean, God, I hope it doesn’t, but if the worst happens, then Andrius has asked Ethan if we’ll have Levi. Keep him until a time when, well, you can come for him.”
My face goes all hot and funny.
Andrius has talked to Ethan and Isla about them taking Levi in if we split up?
I’m about to quiz her on it farther when Justina stops into the room, her face thunderous.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“Andrius is an asshole,” she shouts.
Tell me something I don’t know. I sigh. “I have to go, Isla, but I’ll call you later.”
“What’s wrong?” I turn to Justina.
“He promised me I could go shopping with him, and then he fucked off, and he’s taken all his cards with him. So now I have to use my own.” She does an exaggerated pout. “Want to come? We have to take grumpy with us, but we can get a glass of wine first, and then go shopping for puppy accessories!”
I’m about to say no, but she gets me with the bit about puppy stuff. I can get some toys and presents for Levi too.
“Okay. Just for an hour or so, though.”
“Great.” She claps her hands together and then turns to Liam who is outside the door. “Come on, oh guardian angel mine. We’re going out.”
She drives us to a village a few miles away, where she says there’s an extortionately upmarket pet store.
We climb out of Liam’s car, and she links our arms, steering me to the left.
“A little drinky first, and then shopping!”
I don’t want to stay here long, I said an hour or so because I’m not really in the mood for Justina and her over the top mood swings today. I have my own shit to deal with. I just want to get to the pet store.
We enter the dim wine bar, and I glance around, noticing how empty it is.
Then I do a double take. A familiar head is facing away from me. Is that Andrius?
I’m about to go over to him, when I stop myself from moving. Hell, I stop breathing. A stunningly beautiful woman is sat opposite him, and she’s moving. Leaning forward, she brushes a kiss over his mouth and then gets up and heads our way.
Unable to process what I’m seeing, but knowing if I don’t get out of there I’m going to make a huge show of myself, I turn to Justina.
“I feel really sick. Can we go?”
Her face falls but with concern, not disappointment. “Of course, do you want to get some fresh air?”
“I want to go home, I mean, to the house,” I tell her.
“Come on.” Liam is suddenly all chivalrous attentiveness, and he takes my arm and leads me to the car.
I get in the front, as he insists I’ll feel less sick that way.
We peel out of the parking lot and as we do, Andrius and the bombshell walk out of the bar. I glance at Liam, but he’s focused on the road ahead. When I look at Justina in the rearview mirror, she’s messing about on her phone. Neither of them see him.
The woman is saying something to Andrius, and he’s shaking his head. She wipes a tear from her eyes—oh shit, she’s crying! She must be someone to him and him to her. Even if she isn’t now, and the kiss tells me she is, he’s lied to me by omission at the very least.
Again.
The same way he did about Levi, not telling me he’s already sorted things out in case we split up.
I want to cry the same way the woman is, but I can’t. Not with Justina and Liam here, they’ll want to know why.
I knew it.
I knew this would happen.
I ignored my inner voice, the one telling me over and over again that people let you down, and fucking mob hit men let you down most of all. I forgave him for terrorizing me, interrogating me. Pushing me. Now he’s gone and fucked me over again.
We turn a corner, and the last thing I see is Andrius and the gorgeous woman embrace.
When we get back to the house, I fake still feeling sick and run to my room, the one I got given at the start before Andrius moved me into his. I start to cry. I cry so bad it hurts. How did I get here?
Why did I trust him?
Fall for him?
Haven’t I had enough heartache in my life without going looking for it.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” I mutter to myself as I wipe my tears and my lovely snotty nose.
I’m not going to stay here and let him treat me like this. Screw him. If he already has one foot half out the door on this thing between us, then I’ll take the final step all the way.
I get my phone. I can’t use the iPad because Andrius will check it the moment he gets back and finds me gone. I take out the old-fashioned phone he gave me when I first arrived here. I dial Isla’s number and wait, my breath held.
If she says no and won’t help me then I’ll leave anyway. Suddenly, I panic. Hanging up the phone, I bite at my thumbnail. If she says no and tells Ethan, who tells Andrius, he’ll come back and stop me from leaving. The more I think about things, the more I’m sure he wants me here, likes having me at his beck and call, but simply doesn’t want to, or isn’t emotionally equipped to, have a proper relationship with me.
I want more, and I won’t settle for being his little pet, waiting at home for him while he runs about like a dog with two tails seeing other women.
I’ve overlooked a lot when it comes to Andrius. Maybe too much, but I can’t overlook the way he’s treating us as meaning so little to him. I love him, but he doesn’t love me back, and the only self-respecting thing to do is leave. Saying goodbye to Levi is going to be the hardest to do, but I’ll get him when I can. Once I’m on my feet. For now, I have to get out of here.
I’m going to go to Isla’s. I won’t call but simply tu
rn up. Ethan is due here any moment for a twelve-hour shift. It means I have time to get to her and beg her, in person, not to call him and then to help me find a place to stay.
I know where Andrius keeps a stash of cash, so all I have to do now is get it and get off his property without being caught.
I get changed and stuff the things I’ll need for a night or two into my canvas bag. I don’t take much. A toothbrush, some clean underwear, and my Kindle. Then I get changed into sensible clothes. I’ll need good footwear as I’ll be going for a jog through the fields here. I put on some jeans, running shoes, a t-shirt and wrap a sweater around my waist in case it gets cold later.
Opening my bedroom door, I look around. The hallway is clear, and I quietly head to Andrius’ room. Once there, I rummage around in his sock drawer until I find what I want. The wad of cash he has rolled up in there. I saw it one night when he was looking for something.
I take the cash and shove it into my bag. Patting my jeans pocket to check for my phone, I once more head to the hallway. I creep down the stairs and breathe a massive sigh of relief when I see no sign of Liam in the hallway. Voices floating from the kitchen tell me he’s in there with Justina.
I overhear him say he ought to go check on me, and then he gives a low chuckle and says something to Levi.
I ache to go hug and kiss my boy. He’s already claimed my heart, but I can’t. I have to take this chance. I’ll be back for him, though. I’ll tell Andrius after everything he put me through the one thing he owes me is my dog!
Now I know the code to the door, I make quick work of it, hoping like hell the faint beep it gives when the code is accepted isn’t audible in the kitchen. No one comes, so I open the door and step outside. The light will be fading soon, and I need to be quick. I don’t want to be roaming around the fields out here in the dark, lost.
A car approaches down the long driveway, and I realize it must be Ethan, or worse, Andrius. I duck around the side of the house and take off toward the fence for the field where I did the target practice. I never did get to receive my gun, more is the pity because if it is Andrius approaching, I could have shot off his balls.
When I reach the fence, I hop over into the field and keep low head toward the direction where I hope the road is.
After about thirty minutes of a light jog, where I thank God I’m fairly fit, I reach a country lane. I walk along it, in the direction of the next village along. Soon a car approaches. I duck into the hedgerow and when I see it’s unfamiliar, I step out and put my thumb out, hoping whoever it is will stop. Do people still hitchhike anymore? Is it even a thing these days?
The car does stop, and I glance inside to see a man who looks to be in his seventies. His age reassures me he hopefully won’t be a dangerous murderer, and so I jog around to the passenger side and open the door.
“Thank you so much. Can you give me a lift to the village?” I ask.
I know the name of the farm where Isla and Ethan live. It’s not technically a farm anymore, not a working farm at any rate, but hopefully if I tell a cab driver the name he can get me there.
We drive into the village and the older man keeps up a steady stream of banter. He’s asking my views on some political situation or other, and I want to scream at him to shut up, that I don’t give a crap, and my life is falling apart; instead, I say something non-committal and nod and smile in what I hope are the right places.
Once we get into the village, I ask him to let me out by the small main square.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks. “I have a granddaughter about your age, and I’d hate for you to be in trouble. You can come back with me. The wife is home; she’ll make you something to eat.”
“No, I’m fine, thanks. But thank you so much for the lift. I appreciate it.”
He nods and drives away, but I see him check back at me a couple of times in his rearview mirror.
I head into the pub and grab a pint of lager. I need to steady my nerves a little, but I don’t want to be drunk. Then I call a taxi.
I don’t even get halfway down my pint before my phone rings. I look at it, heart beating hard, but it’s only the taxi firm number, and it rings off. They’ve called to tell me my cab is outside.
I take another big sip of lager, wipe my lips, and place the glass on the marked wooden table and head outside.
Once in the taxi, I give him the name of Isla and Ethan’s farm, and he says he knows where it is. Thank God. I sit back and pray Isla will hear me out.
We pull up to the farm, and I pay the driver then approach the door with some hesitation. Will she turn me away? The taxi took me up to what looks like a back door leading into a kitchen, which I can see because the light is on in there, and Isla is moving about within.
I knock once and wait, my stomach all raw and sore as if someone has rubbed it with sandpaper. Just how much stress can a person take in a certain period of time?
Isla opens the door a few moments later and blinks at me twice.
“Hi,” I say and then burst into tears.
She immediately reacts, putting her arm around me and ushering me into her home while shushing me and telling me it will all be okay.
She sits me down and rummages around in a drawer before handing me a paper napkin to wipe my streaming eyes.
“Sorry, no tissues,” she says. “Are you okay? I mean, clearly you aren’t okay, but are you hurt?”
“No,” I manage to get out. “Not physically, but I’m hurt emotionally”
Then my sobs start again. A wet nose pushes at my hand, and I look down to see a Labrador nudging at me. This reminds me of Levi, and I cry even harder.
Isla is watching me, twisting her hands and nibbling on her lip. Then she crosses to the fridge, opens it, takes out a wine bottle and pours a big glass, handing it to me.
“Here, drink. Have some wine, get your breath back, and tell me what happened. Does Andrius know you’re here? Isn’t Ethan at the house tonight, on duty?”
I lift the glass with shaking fingers and take a few deep sips. It is cool, but on my empty, raw stomach it doesn’t take long before the alcohol in the wine gives me a nice burn.
“No one knows I am here. Please don’t call Ethan, not quite yet. I need someone to talk to.”
“I don’t know, honey,” she says. “Ethan will kill me. Andrius will be losing his mind if you’ve simply disappeared. The men will all be looking for you. It puts them in danger.”
“Ethan said I could come to you guys. That I had a place here,” I tell her.
“Yes, he did. And he will be happy to let you stay. I know it, but you have to let me tell him you’re here. They need to know. Andrius needs to know. He can’t get to you here. Not unless he wants to go through Ethan, and as scary as he is, my guy is scary too.”
She watches me for a moment. “Plus, at first Ethan was so concerned about you, he talked to the other guys, and they all said if you needed to come here, you could. And you’d be safe because they’d back Ethan to the hilt. Andrius will have to get through a small army to take you back from here. But you have to allow me to at least let Ethan know what is happening.”
I consider what she’s saying. If I stay here and it’s all above board, and Andrius knows, I can bring Levi with me. Furthermore, I know Ethan and the men will keep Andrius away, tell him he’s not welcome here if I ask them to. For some reason, probably because I remind him of his wife, Ethan is determined to look after me. Also, he doesn’t fully trust Andrius, and although they’ve grown closer in the last few days, I doubt he’d go back on his word to me.
As I’m considering it, Isla breaks into my thoughts.
“What has happened anyway?”
So I tell her. How I saw Andrius with another woman, a beautiful woman who he was with in a wine bar and who he never mentioned meeting.
I finish with, “You know a lot of it. He told you himself how he wanted you guys to have Levi if anything happened between us.”
She frowns. “What d
o you mean between you?”
I sigh, exasperated now. “You told me Andrius had asked if you’d have Levi if we ever split up. Not in quite so many words, but that was what the gist of it was.”
“Oh, no.” She brings a hand to her face and covers her mouth. “Oh, crap.”
“What?”
“That’s not what I said, and it’s most certainly not what I meant.”
“You might not have said it outright, but you said he’d asked you to have Levi if anything happened. You went all red, and I know it must have been hard for you to say, and I’m not blaming you, truly. I’d rather have known.”
She jumps out of her chair, goes to the wine bottle and pours herself a massive glass, taking a generous slug and swallowing.
“This is why I shouldn’t have friends. I’m so useless at this sort of thing. Andrius didn’t say that. I went red and got upset because I didn’t like thinking about the two of you in trouble, and I didn’t think it was a nice thing to say, but now I feel awful because this is all on me.”
“Isla,” I say carefully, “what did he say?”
She sits opposite me and has more wine before speaking. “He asked if we would have Levi in the case of anything happening, by which, he meant if you guys had to bug out. Leave in a hurry. He was thinking of the two of you leaving together, not about leaving you.”
Oh no. Shit. Shit. Shit.
“It still doesn’t explain the woman,” I say.
“No, but you ought to have told him, heard him out. I once made a very similar mistake with Ethan, and it got me into a whole lot of trouble. Thank God you’re here and safe.”
Her mobile phone rings out, buzzing on the work top as it plays some silly tune and vibrates too.
She goes over to it and looks back at me. “It’s Ethan. I’ve got to answer it.”
“Go ahead,” I tell her.
I’ve done it again! After swearing to myself no more reacting on a whim, I’ve done exactly that. I definitely need to speak to this therapist woman Isla knows.
She picks up and presses the speakerphone button.