by Nic Saint
Chapter 3
Watching Kit Katt and Koh and their adventures was all fine and dandy, but doing it under duress was not. For one thing, Milo clearly wasn’t familiar with the etiquette involved in watching a TV show as a family. He kept getting up and moving about, then returning and sitting in a different place each time. And what was more, he kept accidentally stepping on the remote and pausing the show or even switching the channel. And the worst thing? He wasn’t even doing it on purpose I didn’t think. It was almost as if he couldn’t help himself.
“Sorry, dude,” he muttered when he suddenly planted his butt on my tail, then, when I extracted myself, started drumming his paw against my back for some reason!
His behavior was frankly driving me up the wall. So when he’d stepped on my toes for the third time, I snapped, “Will you just sit still for a second?”
He merely grinned up at me, then said, “Chill, dude. It’s only a stupid show.”
I gasped in shock, and so did Harriet, who was a big fan of Kit Katt and her handsome sidekick Koh. “Only a stupid show!” I echoed. “This is Kit Katt we’re talking about, Milo!”
He shrugged, now lying on his back and balancing his paws in the air. “Whatever.”
“It’s only the best cat show ever!”
“Yeah, it’s not like there are a ton of great cat shows,” said Brutus. “Dog shows? Too many to count. But cat shows? Nah. Almost as if Hollywood doesn’t care about us cats.”
“Yes, you’ve got your Lassie, you’ve got your Boomer and you’ve got your Benji, but no cats. What’s that all about?” Dooley added, clearly also a Kit Katt & Koh aficionado.
“Simple,” said Milo, now sticking his butt into the air and wiggling his tail. “Cats can’t act. Dogs, on the other hand, can.”
There were collective gasps of shock now, all of us staring at Milo like he’d just committed sacrilege, which he had. “Take that back,” I said.
“Take what back?”
“That cats can’t act.”
“But it’s true! Dogs can be taught to perform all kinds of tricks, which makes them the perfect actors. Only cats aren’t so easy to instruct. Hence the lack of cat shows.”
I was shaking my head. This was crazy talk. “You’re wrong,” I said vehemently.
“Actually he kinda has a point there, Max,” said Brutus. “Cats are difficult actors, and we all know how Hollywood feels about difficult actors. They get sidelined.”
I couldn’t believe this. Cats are a superior species. Everybody knows that. Compared to cats dogs are nothing. We have the better reflexes, the bigger brainpower, the greater charm, the works! “What about Tom and Jerry?” I said. “That’s a lot more popular than Lassie ever was.”
Milo gave me a strange look. “Tom and Jerry is a cartoon, Max.”
“So?”
“So there are no actual cats involved,” he said slowly.
“Oh,” I said, never having given this minor little detail a great deal of thought. “Well, I like Tom and Jerry,” I said stubbornly. “Even though Tom is something of a loser.”
Well, he is. What cat worth its salt keeps getting bested by a silly little critter?
The doorbell rang and immediately Milo jumped from the couch, where he’d been counting his belly hairs, and streaked off in the direction of the door.
“Poor Milo,” said Harriet. “He probably thinks it’s his human, here to pick him up.”
“He doesn’t,” I scoffed. “He probably thinks it’s the pizza guy with fresh food.”
Harriet gave me a slightly critical look. “Why are you being so mean to Milo, Max? He means well. And it’s not his fault he’s here, having to miss his home and his human.”
“Oh, please,” I said. “He’s like the guest you don’t want. Like Owen Wilson in You, Me and Dupree. He looks like an angel but deep down he’s just a spoiled little brat.”
“Maxie, Maxie,” said Brutus now, shaking his head. “How would you feel if Odelia handed you over to some stranger, and you suddenly found yourself having to share another cat’s food, being at the mercy of a human you never met? Huh? Put yourself in his paws for a moment. Have a heart.” He patted my chest. “I know it’s in there somewhere.”
That was rich, coming from Brutus. It wasn’t that long ago that he’d been that cat, coming in here with his swagger and his bullying ways. Just like Milo.
“I don’t like him,” I said decidedly. “And there’s nothing you can say that will make me change my mind.” The others were all staring past me, and my heart sank. “He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” They all nodded, and I slowly turned. I was right. Milo was behind me, giving me a sheepish look.
“Some big dude is at the door. I think he’s a cop?”
“Chase Kingsley,” said Brutus knowingly. “He’s my human.”
“Way to go, buddy,” said Milo. “He looks nice.”
“Yeah, I don’t see him all that much,” said Brutus. “I practically live at Odelia’s mom’s these days. They shipped me around for a while but I’ve decided to settle here.”
“I’ll bet you can relate, huh, Milo?” I said, trying to lighten the mood. “Being shipped around from human to human. Ha ha.”
But Milo wasn’t laughing. Instead, he was picking at the couch cover with his nails, his eyelids flickering nervously. “Uh-huh,” he said finally. “That’s right, Max. You got my number, buddy.” And then he promptly turned on his paw and padded off.
“Max!” Harriet said, and directed a reproachful look at me. “You’re so mean!”
“Yeah, you’re behaving like a first-rate bully, Maxie,” said Brutus.
Coming from a former bully of bullies that was the last thing I needed to hear!
Still, I felt a bit bad about the whole situation. No idea why, though, as I knew I was right and Milo was wrong. I mean, he was the intruder and I was the intruded, right?
Chapter 4
The episode of Kit Katt ended and Brutus and Harriet drifted off into the backyard, probably to stare at Grandma while she dug more holes. Cats love to watch humans dig holes. No idea why. Probably so they can pick up a few ideas on skill and technique.
“Hey, buddy,” I said to Dooley. “You’re awfully quiet. Something wrong?”
He shrugged. “Have you ever felt superfluous, Max?”
I was surprised Dooley would even know a big word like that. “What do you mean?”
“I mean that Harriet has Brutus and Brutus has Harriet. You have Odelia and Odelia has you. Even Milo has his human—even though she’s not here right now. But who do I have?”
“You have Grandma,” I said. “And she has you.”
He stared off in the direction of the garden, where Brutus was now giving Grandma a few tips on how to dig a hole by using her hands instead of that silly-looking shovel. “Grandma doesn’t care a hoot about me, Max. In fact I don’t think she ever did.”
“I’m sure that’s not true. Grandma loves you—she loves all of us.”
“No, she doesn’t. You know what she said to me the other day? That I shouldn’t sleep on her feet. She said she’s too old to have cats sleep on her feet. She also pushed me away when I tried to dig my nose into her armpit this morning. Said I was being silly and she was too old for that nonsense.” He shook his head. “I’m telling you, she’s getting ready to take me to the pound, Max. I can feel it in my bones.”
“Now don’t you talk like that, Dooley,” I told him. “That’s crazy talk. Maybe Grandma is acting a little weird lately but that’s just because she’s in a fight with Tex and Marge.”
“She’s in a fight with Tex and Marge and she’s decided she doesn’t want me anymore,” he said sadly.
Grandma had worked for her son-in-law Tex for years and years at Tex’s doctor’s office. But since Tex and Odelia’s mom Marge had protested Grandma’s attempt to move away and go and live with the rich family of her ex-boyfriend Burt Goldsmith, Gran had moved out of their house and into Odelia’s, and now things wer
e very tense all around.
“I’m sure everything will go back to normal soon enough,” I said. “Besides, Odelia is pretty much your human, too, right? She loves you just as much as she loves me.”
“In my experience humans can only love one pet, Max,” said Dooley somberly. “And since she already has you, there’s no room in her heart for anyone else.” He sighed deeply. “No, looks like I’m humanless.” Then he cast a forlorn look at me. “At least I still have you, Max. You’re my best friend, and you’ll never leave me, right?”
“Of course I’ll never leave you,” I said, rubbing my friend’s noggin with my furry knuckles. “Best friends forever, right?”
“Right,” he said, a glimmer of hope lighting up his features. “So you won’t mind if I permanently move in with you?”
I know I should have said yes wholeheartedly, so I don’t know where that slight hesitation came from. Maybe from the fact that I was on edge with this whole Milo business. Or maybe because Dooley kinda took me by surprise. Fact is, I flinched. And Dooley saw that. And his expression hardened, and without another word he stalked off.
“Dooley!” I yelled. “Come back here! Of course you can move in with me, buddy!”
But he was already gone.
I felt eyes burning into my back so I turned. Milo was staring at me. Then he smiled. “Looks like you need a new friend, Max. Why don’t you let me be that friend from now on?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said, pensive now.
He strode up to me and placed a paw on my shoulder. “You look sad, Max. And no wonder. Your best friend just walked out on you. But not to worry. I’ll be your new bro.”
I gulped. A strange sensation was gnawing at me. A sense of foreboding. Then I stomped down on the sentiment. Harriet and Brutus were right. Milo was my guest. I needed to be nicer to him. Hospitable. Kind and understanding. So I relented.
“Of course,” I told him. “From now on my milk is your milk and my Cat Snax are your Cat Snax, Milo. And you’re welcome to stay under my roof for as long as you like.”
His lips slowly curled up into a smile. “I knew you’d warm to me, Max. I just knew it. You’re an old fogey, and old fogeys sometimes need time to adjust. But from now on we’re besties. Besties for life.” And he held up his paw, so I placed mine against it. And when he went low, I went low, too. But when we paw-bumped, I had a sinking feeling something was terribly wrong with this picture.
And I didn’t even know the half of it yet.
Chapter 5
True to his word, Chase showed up right on the dot. Odelia grabbed her purse, took one final glance at her grandmother puttering away in the backyard and stepped out.
Chase pressed a quick kiss to her lips, then took a firmer hold of her, dipped her down and laid a real smoocher on her.
When he returned her to perpendicularity, she was swooning a little. Great way to start the day!
“And hello to you, too,” she said, following him to his pickup, parked at the curb.
“You’ve got your grandmother to thank for that,” he said with a grin.
“She give you pointers on technique?”
“As if. No, ever since she decided to stay with you I’ve been forced to become this pining, lonesome, sad figure, watching from afar.”
“Somehow I’m having a hard time imagining you as a pining, lonesome figure.”
“Well, it’s true,” he said, getting behind the wheel as she slid in right next to him. “I’m sitting there all by my lonesome, in your uncle’s big, old house, thinking of you.”
“If it’s any consolation I’m thinking of you, too.” Especially since her grandmother was a poor substitute for having Chase’s warm body next to her in bed at night.
“Maybe we have to educate your grandmother in the ways of the world.”
“Gran is beyond education. Nothing I say or do has any effect on that woman.”
Grandma liked Chase, no doubt about it, but recently she’d developed this old-fashioned idea that the male of the species should propose to the female of the species before they actually moved in together and slept in the same bed. No idea where this idea came from, exactly. Then again, Gran did watch a lot of those daytime soap operas and maybe some former mob boss’s identical twin and reformed serial killer turned art therapist’s illegal adoptive brother who was also a Navy SEAL had at some point conceived a son with an OB/GYN and Gran felt that if only they’d gotten married they could have saved themselves a lot of trouble.
Yes, Odelia enjoyed her occasional dose of the soap opera machine herself, too.
“She’s redoing the garden now,” she said, slumping down in her seat and putting her pink-and-yellow polka-dot Chuck Taylors up on the dash. “Says she’s going to turn it into the kind of garden Louis Quatorze would have been proud of, water-spewing cherubs and all.”
Chase laughed. “She’s doing that just to spite your dad, isn’t she?”
“Oh, yes, she is.”
Grandma had always been in charge of Tex and Marge’s garden, until she decided to skedaddle and move next door. But in spite of the fact that she’d hoped Tex would be pining for her and begging her to come back, instead Odelia’s father had flourished and had never been happier. Getting his meddling mother-in-law out of the house had been a lifelong dream ever since the old lady had moved in when her husband Jack had taken his philandering ways to the seventh heaven or maybe in his case the seventh circle of hell.
Now, by turning Odelia’s garden into the cream of the horticultural crop, Gran probably hoped to inspire a raging jealousy in Tex, as the latter was oddly proud of his own backyard and this had been the one thing he and Grandma had in common: a green thumb.
“Maybe I should ask Dad to take the first step and reconcile,” said Odelia now.
“Fat chance. You’d have better luck asking your mother.”
“Mom says to let things cool off. That Gran will come to her senses soon enough.” She shook her head. “I’m not so sure. Gran seems to like this new arrangement, and so does Dad.”
“Looks like your dad and grandma have reached a stalemate.”
Chase was navigating his pickup through morning traffic and had reached the town limit. “So why did you want me to bring a clothespin, exactly?” Odelia asked.
“You’ll see. It’s not pretty.”
“Don’t tell me he got blown up. I just had breakfast.”
“He wasn’t blown up. In fact, as far as we can see, he drowned. Or I should probably say he suffocated.”
“He drowned in his pool?”
“He drowned in a pool,” said Chase mysteriously.
“A pool… of his own blood?”
“Duck poop.”
“Duck poop?”
“Duck poop.”
“Huh. And you’re telling me this wasn’t an accident?”
Chase looked grim. “Absolutely not. Dick Dickerson was murdered.”
It only took them about fifteen minutes to reach their destination. Dick Dickerson lived in one of those huge McMansions right outside of Hampton Cove, built almost on the coast, with access to a private strip of beach, a heliport, a heated pool on the patio, jacuzzi, too many rooms and bathrooms to count, and a fleet of servants at his every beck and call.
When Chase had directed his pickup down the asphalt driveway and parked in front of the house, Odelia wondered why it was that all the celebrities who came to Hampton Cove had a habit of getting murdered at one point or another. Within the past few months she’d visited the homes of singers, reality stars, actors… This small Hamptons town of theirs was quickly becoming the murder capital of the state if this worrying trend kept up.
She admired the ivy-covered brick exterior of the tabloid magnate’s house, and the stone steps leading up to heavy oak doors.
“Security?” she asked as she followed Chase inside.
There was a hubbub of police activity, and Odelia nodded greetings to several Hampton Cove PD officers s
he personally knew. Having a police chief for an uncle awarded her a lot of advantages as a reporter for the Hampton Cove Gazette: often she was the first one on the scene, and the first one to glean interesting bits of information. And sometimes, like now, she was even invited to join in on the investigation. The only thing she didn’t have was one of those windbreakers with the word WRITER printed across the front and back.
“Oh, he had security,” said Chase, “only whoever did this was smart enough to know their way around the system.”
They walked through an ornate entrance hall, every bit of wall space covered in laminated covers of the National Star. Clearly Dick Dickerson had been proud of his work.
They took a right turn past a huge statue of Dickerson dressed like Napoleon, complete with prancing black stallion, and walked into what looked like the tabloid king’s private study. And that’s when she saw it: a trail of greenish sludge on the floor, leading to the biggest safe she’d ever seen. It looked like one of those ginormous bank safes.
And then she caught a whiff of the smell and she winced.
“It gets worse,” Chase said when he saw her expression.
And it did. As they approached the safe, she saw that the floor was covered with two inches of the same green-and-white sludge, and the stench was beyond horrible. Inadvertently she brought a hand up to her face to cover her mouth.
Lying face up in all of that muck, was Dick Dickerson.
Chapter 6
Odelia was glad she hadn’t brought her cats. They didn’t need to see—or smell—this. Two people from the Suffolk County coroner’s office were examining the body. They were wearing face masks. Not a bad idea. She probably should have brought that clothespin.
“Poor guy,” she said as they walked back out of the safe. “Not a pleasant way to go.”
“No, it sure wasn’t,” said Chase.
“What was he doing in that safe?”
“We think he must have been lured there—did you notice he was dressed in his pajamas?”