“But why was he so angry with her?” I asked Nicolette. It was a rhetorical question but she answered me anyway.
“Maybe she hurt him?”
I snorted without meaning to and she gave me a strange look. “I doubt any woman could hurt Jackson Radcliffe,” I said by way of explanation.
Nicolette looked at me for another moment before speaking. “Why do you say that?”
“Because he is the least affected man I’ve ever met. Nothing rattles him, not in the way you mean anyway. I’ve seen him get angry but I doubt he’s felt anything remotely like love for a woman. He appears to care for his family, and he definitely feels lust for me, but love? That’s probably why he called it off. Maybe he didn’t really love her?” I said with a shrug of my own.
The moment the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. They sounded too personal, too bitter, as if I wanted to be the one he loved. But they were out there now and there was nothing I could do about it.
Nicolette looked at me with confusion. “Liza,” she said softly and I shook my head.
“Never mind, forget I said that,” I replied, looking away from her.
Nicolette could see right through me anyway and I regretted saying it again.
“What do you want to come of this?” she asked me.
I wanted to ignore her, to pretend I didn’t hear and change the subject. But it was out there, all because I couldn’t hold my tongue.
“I have no idea,” I said, and it was the truth.
“Well, remember what I said. I may not agree with what you just said, I think everyone is capable of being in love, but not everyone knows how to react to love. He may hurt you because he doesn’t want to feel what he’s feeling, because it’s too soon or because he’s not used to it. Or because…” Nicolette paused and looked away from me. Something else was on her mind.
“Nic, what happened?” I asked her.
She shook her head. I understood her inability to tell me. Wasn’t I just doing the same thing? Unlike her, I decided to let it go.
Glancing at my phone, I realized it was almost after midnight and we were still sitting here on my bed with the laptop.
“Maybe we should just go to sleep,” I said.
Nicolette nodded but didn’t answer me. She turned her laptop off and stowed it in the bag on the floor as she stood up. With her back to me, she sighed before turning around.
“I know I’ve been pushing you to open up about Jackson and I owe you the same with what’s happening with me, but I’m not ready to talk about it,” she said, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
I hopped off the bed and gave her a hug as her arms hung by her side limply.
“It’s all right. Just know I’m here for you.” I wanted to let her know I would listen whenever she was ready.
Nicolette nodded and turned to leave the room. “Goodnight, Liza,” she said as she closed my bedroom door behind her.
“Night,” I responded with a weak wave.
After she walked out, I slipped into bed, finally pulling my phone out of my tiny purse and plugging it into the charger. A message from Jackson was on the screen and I was surprised to see it there.
Jackson: Liza, a lot happened tonight, some of which we didn’t even get a chance to talk about. I think we should try to play this arrangement out in a way that protects both of us. We can talk later. I’ll call you tomorrow.
All business. I didn’t have to hear his tone to know we were back to that again. With a sigh, I put the phone down and pulled the blanket up to my chin. I was more confused now than I had been two hours ago. The way I felt about Jackson was a jumble of complicated emotions in my head and sleep evaded me for quite a long time. When I finally fell asleep, it was fitful and plagued with strange dreams, and I wished for the morning to come quickly.
When the sun finally started to stream through the break in my curtains, I was already awake, tossing and turning, for the last hour. I knew it was early but since the sun was up, I decided to get up anyway and go for a run. My head was fuzzy and my mind was racing, which was likely the reason I couldn’t sleep, and I was hoping a run would clear it. I had no plans for this Sunday, except to sit around and recuperate from a strange weekend. A run would make me so tired I could maybe take a restful nap later.
Practically jumping out of bed, with a renewed energy I didn’t know I had, I tugged on some running leggings and a sweat-wicking top and sports bra before pulling my sleep mussed curls into a high, messy bun. I grabbed my running shoes and socks and tiptoed into the living room so as not to wake Nicolette. Her door was still closed when I crept by and I breathed easy knowing she was still asleep and I wouldn’t have to talk about last night for at least another two hours.
Popping my headphones in my ears, I cranked my music up and exited the building, looking around at the minimal foot traffic on the sidewalk due to the extra chill in the air this morning as I decided on my route. I wanted to do a long run, but I had done one the day before and didn’t want to injure myself so I made the choice to do four miles instead. Taking a deep breath, I set off, whizzing past pedestrians as I made my way towards Broadway and away from the park. Because of the distance, I wasn’t running in the park today—instead, I was going in the opposite direction—and I tucked an earbud back in as I crossed the street at a fast clip so as not to piss off the taxis.
My mind kept wandering to Jackson but I tried to bring it back on track by making myself think about my class and the upcoming week, my students, and what Nicolette and I could do the next weekend. I told myself it didn’t matter if Jackson called me today like he said he would, and I almost believed it.
I watched the crowds begin to thicken as Manhattan came awake on this crisp Sunday morning. People made their way to church around the city, or brunch with loved ones, as I pounded the sidewalk, trying to forget about a man I was pretending to be in a relationship with. Looking at my watch, I realized it was time to turn around and head home, and I circled back in the other direction. By the time I reached my building, I was drenched in sweat despite the cold air. But even so, when I saw who was standing at the door to the building, chatting with James the doorman as I ran up, a chill wracked my body.
“What are you doing here?” I said without a greeting to either man as I yanked my headphones out with irritation.
Jackson turned to me with a smile on his face and my stomach flipped. I frowned at my reaction but didn’t let him see he was the cause of my ire.
“I told you I would talk to you today,” he said with a shrug.
James looked between us, and as if sensing the tension, excused himself, pulling the door open so we could walk into the lobby.
As soon as the door closed behind me, I turned on Jackson. “You said you would call me. In what universe does that mean you show up at my apartment unannounced, again,” I barked at him because I was tired and frustrated. Just when I finally stopped thinking about him, he showed up.
Jackson chuckled and I tried not to react to him in any way, even though I wanted to stomp away like a petulant child. “Do you run every day?”he asked, not answering my question.
I sighed. Why was he so exasperating? “Can you answer my question?” I snapped at him and immediately regretted it.
“Not happy to see me I gather?” he asked.
I took a few steps away from him towards the elevator and stabbed the up arrow. I had no time for his games.
“Jackson, please, what do you want?” I said with a sigh, sounding more defeated than I had intended. All of the fight suddenly left my body and I was exhausted with it all.
His face changed then, all hints of amusement gone as he stalked towards me. Tension was rolling from his body, starting at his clenched jaw and moving down. I was suddenly very aware of him in the small enclosure near the elevators. My body began to prickle with longing as he stopped so close to me, I could feel the heat radiating off of him.
“You know what I want,” he said, his voice deep and hu
sky with desire.
I put my hands up to keep distance between us because Nicolette was right. I needed to be more careful and protect my heart, and jumping into bed with him the moment he got too physically close to me would make this harder in the end.
“No, not right now,” I said to him with force.
Something changed in his eyes as my words registered and he backed off, standing up straighter and clearing his throat. “Right,” he said, his voice professional once more.
My heart sank with the realization he was going to listen to me this time, and I felt silly because I should have been relieved instead of disappointed. But I also knew if he pushed me, I would give in despite my words because I always did. Maybe I wanted him to, so I didn’t have the excuse to say no. I was losing my mind.
The elevator doors slid open just as my mind was veering off track again, and I stepped in. I wasn’t sure if he would follow, especially after what just happened, but he did, standing on the opposite wall of where I stood. I pressed the button for my floor and we stood in silence as we rode the elevator up.
When the doors opened, I stepped out and he followed me, keeping a distance that made my heart ache a little. Maybe he realized the same thing I had? It was for the best anyway.
“Do you want to come in?” I asked him, trying to be a gracious hostess. The memory of the last time he came over like this, and what would have happened had Nicolette not walked in, struck me. I wanted anything but for him to accept my invitation.
“Do you want me to come in?” The question caught me off guard, especially because I didn’t know how to answer him.
“I, uh, I don’t know,” I answered honestly, unable to say anything else.
Jackson looked at me for a beat before answering. “Why?”
I wanted to lie and say I had plans, that I was already late and had to shower, but I wasn’t a very good liar and he would see right through me. “It’s just not a good idea. If we are trying to keep everything business, I mean.”
He nodded and took a step back. “I was going to ask if you wanted to join me for brunch but now, I’m not so sure.” He was being honest now and I could see a little sliver of hurt at my rejection creep into his stony demeanor.
“Why?” It was my turn to ask.
“Because you seem to want to be rid of me,” he answered quickly.
“No, I meant, why were you going to ask me to brunch?” But his previous answer said a lot about how he felt, and I realized I probably didn’t imagine the hurt I saw in his eyes.
“Oh, right,” he said and cleared his throat again, straightening the sleeves of his dress shirt. Mr. Business was back again. “Photo opportunities and all that,” he said with a wave of his hand, as if it were obvious.
I thought for a moment about all of the reasons I shouldn’t go with him and why I should tell him to leave, but none of them mattered because I agreed to let this play out for the next month. Besides, it wasn’t like he could seduce me in a crowded restaurant. Not really.
“All right, come in while I shower and get ready,” I said as I unlocked the door and motioned for him to follow me inside.
I didn’t wait for his reaction but saw a glimmer of relief on his face. Maybe I was wrong in what I said to Nicolette last night? Maybe Jackson Radcliffe was capable of more than just lust?
Shaking the thoughts from my head, I led him into the living room. It was wishful thinking because if he felt something other than lust for me then I wouldn’t have to be so guarded around him. Not that I wanted to be in a real relationship with him, because those rarely lasted anyway, at least not in my experience. Right?
“I’ll only be a few minutes,” I finally said, pulling myself out of my thoughts as he stood in the middle of the living room and looked at me.
I couldn’t read his face anymore because he had shut down on me again. With a sigh, I turned to walk back to my room when a hand on my arm made me stop short. Jackson moved like a cat, quiet and deliberate, and how he had crossed the room so quickly and silently, I didn’t know. I turned around and the look he gave me when we were outside of the elevator was back. My stomach somersaulted as I looked into his deep brown eyes. Apparently, he was struggling with staying away from me just as much as I was with him. The thought didn’t make me feel any better though.
“Nicolette is here,” I mumbled, as the notion of her bursting from her room and interrupting us flashed in my mind.
“No, she isn’t,” he said, his voice hoarse with lust again.
This time, my belly clenched deep inside at the sound of his voice and my body heated. The sound of his voice, especially when he was turned on, was quite the aphrodisiac. So much so, it almost didn’t register he somehow knew Nicolette wasn’t home. Almost.
“Where is she?” I asked him with confusion, pulling back for a minute though he still had a grip on my arm.
Unlike before, I wasn’t self-conscious about being sweaty and gross as he was touching me, and I wasn’t sure what that meant, but I knew it wasn’t a good sign.
“I can’t tell you that,” he said, and I could tell he was getting frustrated I was changing the subject.
Panic gripped me, dousing my lust in cold water, because now I was worried about Nicolette. “Why? Is she all right? Should I call her dad?” I shook off his grip and raced into the kitchen to grab my phone from where I had set it on the island.
“You definitely don’t want to call her dad,” Jackson said with a half-smirk.
I was even more confused but wasn’t sure how to figure out what was going on. “Is she all right?” I repeated, because that was the only thing I needed to know at this point to ease my mind.
Jackson nodded with his smirk firmly in place. “I’d think so.”
I didn’t know what was so funny but now it was my turn to be irritated. Putting my hands on my hips, I glared at him.
“Dammit, Jackson, is my friend okay?” I snapped at him.
He had the nerve to laugh at me, practically doubling over. When he finally answered me, he actually had tears in his eyes. “Yes, Liza, she’s all right. But I don’t know if I should share with you how I know that or not.”
Nothing was making sense, at least not right away. But the longer I thought about it, the more I understood. Nicolette must be with Henry and since his cousin was at his house after his drunken display at the benefit last night, that was how Jackson knew. The moment I understood, he must have seen it in my eyes because his face grew serious again.
“I don’t want to talk about those two anymore. I want to talk about us,” Jackson said as he rounded the island to where I stood, the predatory look on his face again.
“If you want to go to brunch, I have to get in the shower,” I said, and motioned to my appearance.
“We don’t have to go to brunch.” He stopped directly in front of me and planted his large hands on my waist.
My heart leaped from my chest at his touch, taking my breath away for a moment. It was like I forgot how electric it was when he touched me until the next time it happened. Or maybe I didn’t forget but tried to push the feeling out of my mind.
“Jackson, I…” I started because I had to do my best to protest, for both of our sakes, before I was swept into the fog of lust I knew was on the verge of closing around me.
But he didn’t give me a chance this time before his mouth caught mine. He devoured me, in the way a man who was starving would devour a hamburger. I couldn’t breathe or think, and I gripped the front of his shirt, uncaring that my sweat-soaked clothes were pressed against his clean ones. The desire I felt for Jackson was like no other and it frightened me to the point I wanted to stop but knew I couldn’t. At the moment, I needed Jackson’s kiss as if it was air and when he did break away from me, I almost whimpered with the loss.
“Go get in the shower,” he growled, taking a step away from me and rubbing a hand over his face. He turned his back to me for a minute, hunching his shoulders.
I was out of sort
s for a minute from the kiss and only stared at him as if he weren’t speaking English. It didn’t click that he was giving me an out, that he was telling me I could walk away from him right now and save both of us. Did I want to? Or did I want to live in misery one more day so I could have sex with him again? I didn’t let myself think about it anymore because right now, I wanted nothing more than to take him with me into the shower.
“Come with me,” I said, not recognizing my own voice.
Jackson pivoted back around swiftly, raising his eyebrows with surprise before they darkened to almost black with desire. After the words were out of my mouth, I didn’t have a moment to take them back, not that I wanted to, because he swept me into his arms and carried me into my room and towards the bathroom. We didn’t speak, and I didn’t ask how he knew which room was mine. I was too caught up in the moment, pressed against his chest, my legs hanging over muscular arms and my body on fire everywhere with the proximity of him. My head was swimming with desire and I didn’t want to think about anything at all.
Once inside the bathroom, Jackson set me down on the tile floor, which was cold on my bare feet and threatened to break through the fog of heat enveloping my brain. To push back the voice in my head that was trying to break through my lust, I stepped over to the shower and flipped it on before pulling my sweat-soaked shirt over my head and tossing it to the floor, followed by my sports bra. I met Jackson’s eyes, which seemed to darken even more in the short time since we entered the bathroom as he looked me up and down.
One Night Page 13