Winnifred winced, as though his words had finally affected her, but she remained silent.
Seamus cleared his throat, and everyone fell silent, the only sounds in the room harsh breathing and quiet sobs. “Winnifred, I had hoped you’d discover your errors and remedy them. I was wrong.” He looked to his wife, who nodded. “Mary was correct in her declaration that you be barred from our home. We should have barred you from our businesses too. However, I believe that is not enough. You must leave Fort Benton. Leave while you still can. For that is the last bit of mercy any of us will show you now.”
“Leave?” Winnifred gasped. “I … I have nothing and no one anywhere else.” She looked to Finn with pleading and desperation. “Please.”
“Leave, Win,” Finn said. “There’s nothing and no one here for you. Not anymore. Accept the last drop of aid my family will give you and don’t look back.” He stepped away to align himself with the wall of O’Rourkes facing Winnifred, ignoring her sobs and her outstretched palms, begging him for succor. He stared at her dispassionately, as he watched her race from the café kitchen.
Declan held onto Lorena, when she would have slipped free of his embrace. “No, love, no,” he whispered. “You’re not alone, and you’ll never be alone. You’re my wife. You’re an O’Rourke.” He kissed her on the side of her neck. “You’re so much more but now’s not the time.”
Declan watched as his brother Finn’s heart broke while Lorena quietly wept against his chest at the loss of her youngest sister, as her family shattered apart. Declan knew he’d never be able to mend either loss.
* * *
That evening Lorena slipped from the bed she shared with Declan, moving to stare out the window overlooking the back of the town. For once, she wished their room overlooked the front, as she yearned for at least one more sighting of her youngest sister. With a sigh, she rested her head against the cool windowpane, as the curtain fluttered around her.
Holding one hand to her heart, Lorena knew she needed to mourn her sister. To let her go. For the adult Winnifred had never shown her familial love. She had only ever shown disdain and an utter disregard for Lorena’s needs. However, Lorena could not fight grieving the memory of the little sister she had known. Before age and the need to impress had altered her baby sister. Before the fear of poverty and her lost faith in love had warped Winnifred’s priorities.
Rather than the heartless woman who had attempted to brazen her way out of nearly killing Lorena after ruining Lorena’s precious bookstore, Lorena saw the little girl who played hide-and-seek with her in the back garden. Rather than the vindictive woman who ruthlessly spoke about Lorena’s past in an attempt to humiliate and to shame Lorena, Lorena saw a tiny imp with black curly hair, playing at a tea party.
“You look like a spirit,” Declan murmured.
She shrieked, spinning to face him, and entangled herself in the curtain. At his chuckle, she attempted a smile, but a deep sob burst forth.
“Oh, love,” Declan soothed, as he vaulted out of bed and eased her into his arms. “I should have left you to think. Forgive me.”
“No,” she whispered, as she pressed against his chest, her voice cracking with her panic. “No, I don’t want to be alone. Please, don’t leave me alone.”
He gripped her tight. “Ah, love,” he whispered into her ear, his hands rubbing over her back, and he felt her muscles ease as she relaxed fully against him. “You’re not alone. I’ll never leave you alone. I promise.”
Tears leaked out, and she rubbed her face against his chest. “I’ve always felt alone, even in a crowded room.” She sniffled. “Even in your family’s crowded kitchen, with everyone chattering away, I always felt apart. As though I would never belong. Never to be part of the chaos.”
Declan made soothing noises, easing her back so he could look into her eyes, his thumbs stroking gently over her soft cheeks. “’Tis a shame, Lo,” he said with a soft smile. “For I know how cherished you are by my family. My mum considers you her daughter. Maggie and Niamh are delighted to have another sister, as are the lads.”
Her lower lip quivered, until she bit it with her teeth. She gazed deeply into his somber, sincere blue eyes, ignoring the tears pooling and dropping from hers to course down her cheeks. “I … I didn’t know how to accept such love.”
“No,” her husband said in a soft chiding tone, “you believed yourself unworthy. Something I’ve felt too often myself.”
Lorena stared at him with undisguised agony in her gaze. “My own sister tried to kill me.” At his quiet nod, a sob burst forth. “Winnifred tried to kill me.” Her voice stuttered over the last two words, as she relaxed into his embrace.
“I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry I was the one to discover the truth,” he whispered into her ear, as he held her while she sobbed.
“I’m not,” she said against his neck. “I’m so thankful it was you. That the truth didn’t remain hidden. That we discovered the truth and that I was forced to finally face the extent of her betrayal.” She arched back to meet his gaze, frowning when she saw the depth of concern in his gaze. “That it was you who told me.”
“Why?”
“Was it hard for you to tell me?” At the jerk of his head indicating it was, she smiled and cupped his face. “Did it hurt you to know the pain it would cause me?”
“You know it did, Lo,” he whispered, his eyes shining with sincerity.
“And yet you didn’t falter. You still told me. With concern and caring of utmost importance.” She smiled at him. “I’ve been so afraid of trusting you, for fear of having that trust prove me a fool.” She shook her head and sniffled, her eyes glowing with pride as she gazed at him. “I realize I have no reason to doubt you. You are honorable and trustworthy and beloved.”
“Oh, Lo,” Declan breathed as he pulled her close, his arms squeezing her tight. “I feared you’d blame me. Resent me for discovering the truth, for being the message bearer.”
“Never,” she said, kissing the side of his throat.
He whispered into her ear, “I know what it is to be betrayed by a beloved sibling. And to learn to forgive.”
She jerked back in confusion. “What do you mean?”
He smiled, tracing her jaw with his thumb. “No one ever tried to kill me. ’Twasn’t anything that dramatic. But Kevin stole my bride. Met her on her trip up the Missouri. And let me court her, while he loved her the whole time and dreamed of her. And she dreamed of him. Never of me. Can you imagine what a fool I felt?” He shook his head, closing his eyes. “And to know Ardan was aware and never thought to tell me either.”
“What did you do?” she whispered, kissing the underside of his jaw.
“We yelled. Had a fight in the Sunrise.” He shrugged as she gaped at him openmouthed. “Men need to fight sometimes, love. And, no matter what Kev says, I won that fight.” At her loyal nod of agreement, he grinned at her. “And then we had Aileen choose. She chose me, but only because her aunt was blackmailing her. Thankfully Mum spoke up at our weddin’, stopping the ceremony.”
“Oh my,” Lorena whispered.
“Aye, more reason to be mortified, watching my bride race away from me, with the whole town watchin’.” He shrugged, as though it had never bothered him.
“I’m sorry you were prevented from marrying her,” Lorena whispered.
He gave of huff of incredulity and then chuckled. “I’m not. Kev and Aileen are gloriously content. And I wasn’t meant to be with her. She would never have cared for me as she loves Kevin. And Kevin would have been miserable.” He stared away for a moment. “He would have left. Split the family. And everyone would have been unhappy. Not just the three of us.”
“How long did it take you to forgive him?” she whispered.
“A part of me forgave immediately. They were happy in a way I thought I’d never understand.” He stilled as he shared a long look with her. “But a deeper part, the part of me that yearned for marriage and love and companionship, was bitter. And determine
d that I was as good as any of my brothers. That I would be found as worthy.”
She cupped his face. “You are, Declan. How can you doubt?” She kissed him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“Oh, how I cherish you, lass,” he breathed into her ear.
Kissing his jaw, she whispered, “Take me to bed, husband. Show me how much you cherish me.”
He swooped down, kissing her passionately. “With the greatest pleasure, my love.”
* * *
A weak breeze blew, unable to clear the air of the mild stench of a town bursting with more people than it was ever meant to hold. The smell of woodsmoke, horse dung, refuse, and pungent men mingled together to create a noxious perfume. Hot summer days only added to the fetid smell, although soon the steamboats would all be at Cow Island, and there would be fewer men in town. Declan was looking forward to that day, although he knew it signaled the beginning of the slow season for the family businesses.
A week had passed since the fight with Winnifred in Deirdre’s kitchen. Lorena had continued to stoically work with her sister-in-law, although each day she was a little more withdrawn. A little more softly spoken. Declan yearned for the fiery woman who had confronted Winnifred. He yearned for her to never know the agony of a sibling’s betrayal.
Today Declan stood beside Lorena on the levee’s edge, watching as passengers boarded a steamboat headed back to Saint Louis. Crew hauled on crates of pelts, while miners cast furtive glances at those near them, as they carried their precious metals back with them.
“Do you think they all struck it rich?” Finn asked, as he sidled up beside Declan and Lorena. He nodded his hello at Lorena. “So many of them act as though they hit the mother lode, when they most likely just discovered enough to pay their fare home.”
Declan shrugged, keeping his arm around Lorena’s waist. “Well, however much they found, ’tis important enough to make them cautious.” His gaze focused on one man with sandy-blond hair and a hooked nose. “He seems the cagiest.”
Finn tilted his head to the side as he studied him. “Aye.” With a shake of his head, he focused on his brother and sister-in-law. “Has she arrived yet?” When they shook their heads, he sighed. “Don’t know why I even bothered to come today. We’re busy enough at the store.”
“You know why you came,” Lorena whispered. “You mourn her leaving but need to reassure yourself that she actually departs.” She stared deeply into his tear-brightened blue eyes, reaching out to grip his arm.
“How typical,” Winnifred hissed, as she sauntered up to them. “You’re not satisfied with one man, so now you’re trying for two.”
Lorena stiffened at the snide words, her hand dropping from Finn’s arm, as she leaned into her husband’s embrace. “Winnie,” Lorena said, her voice breaking. She cleared her throat, speaking in a stronger tone. “I wish you’d allow us to take leave of each other under better terms. Without a forced bitterness between us.”
“There’s nothing forced about it,” her youngest sister said with a flounce of her curly black hair. She jutted out one hip, smiling when she saw men lingering near the ship focus on her womanly curves. “We’ve never been close.”
Scenes from their youth flashed through Lorena’s mind, and she shook her head. “You know that’s not true, but you’re the one who has to live with your own life’s disappointments.” She stood tall as she faced her sister. “I wish you well. I hope you find whatever it is you seek.”
For a long moment, the sisters shared an unguarded gaze, Lorena’s filled with resigned disappointment, while Winnifred was unable to hide the terror and uncertainty in hers. Finally Lorena took a deep breath and whispered, “Godspeed, Winnie.”
Winnifred looked from Lorena to Finn, before spinning on her heel and racing toward the steamboat. Finn took a step after her, before catching himself and forcing himself to freeze.
“Finn,” Declan murmured.
“No,” Finn rasped. “You can go if you want. I’ll wait and make sure she leaves.”
Lorena squeezed her brother-in-law’s arm one more time, before departing without a backward glance.
* * *
Later that evening, the café had closed, and Dierdre and Ardan had retired upstairs. Lorena promised to clean up the kitchen and await Declan’s return. She looked up from washing dishes to see her sister Phoebe, hovering in the rear doorway. Dropping the dish into sudsy water, she scrubbed her wet hands on her apron, nearly tripping in her haste to reach her ashen sister. “Phoebe!” she gasped, as her hands clasped her sister’s shoulders. “Are you all right?” She pushed her to a stool and hovered over her. “The baby?”
Phoebe reached out a quivering hand, her head shaking. When Lorena paled, Phoebe gasped, “No!” She held on to Lorena’s hand. “No, I’m fine. The baby is fine. I think.” Her brows furrowed. “I’m not sure how I’m supposed to know.” She looked to her sister hopefully.
Lorena ran a soothing hand over her sister’s head. “Have you felt a fluttering in your belly yet? Like little butterfly wings trying to break free?” At Phoebe’s gasp and nod, Lorena smiled. “That’s when you know your baby is well. Soon you’ll feel more movement, and then you’ll wish the little creature would calm and give you time to rest.” She gazed with fondness at her sister.
“I’m sorry, Lo,” Phoebe whispered, her eyes filled with sorrow. “I wish I’d known. I wish I could have helped you. And I’m sorry …” She paused and shook her head. “I’m not sorry I’m having this baby, for I already love it so much, but I’m worried you’ll leave me again. Disappear into your books.”
Tears trickled down Lorena’s cheeks. “Never.” She swiped at her face and forced a smile. “I’ll always wish our children could have grown up together. Become great friends. But I’ll relish being an aunt.” She bit her lip. “And hopefully, someday soon, you’ll be an aunt for one of my children.”
Phoebe gaped at her. “You’re willing to try again?” She flushed. “I know it’s unseemly to talk of such things.”
Lorena squeezed her arm. “Not unseemly. A little embarrassing perhaps. But I’ve found myself dreaming of holding a child that has Declan’s black hair and my green eyes. And the sorrow doesn’t overwhelm me. I’ve found hope again, Phoebe.” Her eyes filled. “And it’s almost more terrifying than love.” Her jaw quivered at her admission, as she met her sister’s compassionate stare.
Phoebe opened her arms, pulling her close. “It is. But, when the promise of that hope is fulfilled, it’s glorious, Lo. Have faith.”
“I’m trying to,” Lorena said. She sighed, enjoying the closeness with her sister.
“We lost one of us today,” Phoebe whispered, her voice tear thickened.
Lorena nodded her head against her sister’s shoulder. “I know. I went to the steamboat to say goodbye. And to ensure she left.” She eased away, battling shame at her sense of relief that her youngest, most meddlesome sister was on her way downriver. “I couldn’t …” She broke off. “I knew I wouldn’t build the life I wanted here if she were to remain. Somehow she’d sully what I’m building with Declan. Something vile she would say would take root and would bloom between us, causing a distance we’d find hard to overcome due to her deceit.”
“Duty says I should have gone. I should have seen her off.” Phoebe sat here with a distant look in her eye. Finally she focused on her eldest sister. “But I couldn’t. Not after how she’s treated us. She attempted to ruin my marriage. She tried to kill you.” Her eyes blazed with anger. “I fear I’ll never forgive her, and I worried at what I would have said. I know she wanted sympathy as she left. All I felt was joy. And I knew I’d gloat.”
Lorena nodded. “No matter what you believe, Phoebe, I know you would have felt sorrow. She was terrified. And devastated Finn wouldn’t save her at the last minute.” Lorena shook her head ruefully. “I think she believed he’d speak up, ask her to stay.”
“Marry him?” Phoebe said, with an incredulous snort and roll of her eyes. “Finn wo
uldn’t go against his parents, and he’s been as disappointed as any O’Rourke at how she’s acted.”
“Perhaps more so,” Lorena murmured. “He wanted to believe her. Kept giving her time to redeem herself and second chances she never deserved. And, in the end, he couldn’t tolerate her deception any longer.” She sighed before whispering a deeply held fear. “I still worry Declan will come to believe in the vile things she said about me.”
Phoebe tilted her head to one side, as she studied her eldest sister. “Eamon believed me. Believed in me, not Winnifred. You must trust Declan will do the same for you.”
Lorena’s eyes filled. “You didn’t have the same … secrets as I did. As what I did—” She closed her eyes in agony. “How can he trust in my steadfastness? In my loyalty to him and Gavin and to any other children we may have?”
Phoebe’s jaw set, as she stared at her sister with concern. “Because he loves you.” At the flare of panic mixed with hope in her sister’s eyes, Phoebe smiled with compassion and understanding.
“Love didn’t keep Josiah from leaving. Love didn’t keep Josiah from dying. Love didn’t save my child from being given away.” She paced the small space in the kitchen near the sink and back to her sister. “Love is never enough.”
Phoebe nodded, rising from her stool to stand in front of her sister, so Lorena had to cease walking back and forth. “Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps love isn’t strong enough to prevent horrible things from happening. But, without it, life is barren. Can you imagine living these past years without the memory of Josiah’s love for you? Or the love you have for your babe? Can you imagine living now without the love of the O’Rourke family? Or without seeing Declan’s adoration for you in his gaze? Your life would be empty, Lo, without all the love shown to you every day.”
Pioneer Bliss: The O’Rourke Family Montana Saga, Book Five Page 18