The point is that messages come in many forms, and you need to be tuned in to pick up the clues. The clues are always there, but sometimes you get locked in to how the message is supposed to look. You are busy looking for burning bushes, or for ducks to drop out of the sky, when in fact the message may be right in front of your face every day of your life and you are blind to it because you’re looking for a totally different form than what you see. You can’t get attached to things looking the way you think they should look, because in actuality they often don’t fit your mental pictures of how they should look.
Messages Will Knock You Down if They Have To
George was under considerable stress. He was moving to another apartment, which was disorienting. He was having difficulties with his wife, which was causing him some discomfort, and he was working too hard. He kept getting the message to lie down and take it easy. He blatantly ignored the messages and just pushed harder. The messages came in many forms: in the form of his aching muscles, his wife’s urging his fatigue level, and daily headaches. He simply would not slow down. He only pushed harder. One day he bent down to lift a box, and his back seized up. He went into spasm and couldn’t move. He was temporarily paralyzed. In a few hours an ambulance came and took him to the hospital where he was put under medication until the spasms subsided. As George lay in his hospital bed reviewing the immediate past, he realized how much he had been ignoring the clues. At this point, George no longer had a choice. Whether he wanted to or not, he finally was forced to lie down. He resolved for the future to listen to the messages before they knocked him down.
Messages Come Through Loud and Clear
While meeting with her partner, Alex, Sally asked that all calls be diverted to her secretary, who received at least twenty calls. Once and only once during the meeting, Sally got the “message” to pick up the phone herself. That call was precisely the one that shat she needed to take. It was from Max, her third partner in the business, whom she had been trying to track down for two days. She couldn’t explain the feeling she had to take this call.
“I just had a strong, clear urge to pick up the phone after one ring,” she said to Alex.
Messages Aren’t Always What They Appear
Joe kept having the urge to move to Washington. It was driving him crazy. He kept saying, “I don’t have a job in Washington, or a place to live, and really, what am I going to do? Move to Washington and hang out?”
He was upset by this nagging message. It was recurring and driving him crazy.
One day he was walking down the street and a piece of a torn novel was blown up against his legs. He bent down and picked it up, and the first line said, “Libbie was puzzled. Of course she’d like the opportunity to go to Washington, but why was Cole making such a big deal of it?”
Joe nearly freaked out. “Yikes,” he thought, “these messages are coming from all over.”
When we met, he was still shaken by this strange occurrence. I asked him what he wanted to do about the message, his recurring feelings, and now the page from the novel. He admitted that the signs were a little much for him. He felt that he needed to go to Washington to at least check it out to see what was pulling him there. He figured that when he got there he would receive another clue. Things might just become clear. Joe did go to Washington, and it was there that he met Pam. It was a fortuitous meeting, and they started planning their future together.
Creative Messages
Marion had never painted, and the only drawing class she ever attended turned out to be a disaster. She found that the only thing she could draw was a cocktail glass with champagne bubbles coming out of it. She never thought that she was artistic, and her art teachers confirmed her suspicions.
Fifteen years later, after the drawing class incident, in a distant city, she found herself in traffic school doodling on a notebook. She was becoming enmeshed in her little doodles. As the days went by she found that she was drawn to doodle more and more. She went with it and allowed herself to start drawing.
The next urge she had was to add color to the doodles. The doodling and coloring progressed and developed. Before too long, she found herself in a paint store buying iridescent paints in her favorite colors. The doodles, which had started on little squares of paper, had grown, and now the little squares had become into five-foot square canvases.
Marion had her first gallery opening, and sold six of her paintings. She still couldn’t draw, but her ability to use color and light were earning her a living as an artist.
Marion had a message to doodle, then to add color, and then to paint. The message never made sense to her, but then they never really do. It didn’t matter anyway; she was listening to her messages and loving her art.
The next chapter will help you design into your new life.
10
The Achievement of Serenity
There are nine steps to the achievement of serenity. Each step is important to the process. Ultimately the goal is to find inner peace, and to end the inner battle forever. Negaholism is the absence of serenity. It is the abusive inner dialogue that keeps you from the tranquil calm of self-love.
Serenity, however, is a double-edged sword. You don’t pursue serenity by giving up or being complacent, nor do you achieve it by driving compulsively. It is a balance between the polar opposites of the universe. It means not getting stuck on how you look, or how things are “supposed” to be. It doesn’t mean acting in an evolved, conscious, or holy manner. It involves being authentic, and fully you. It involves telling the truth, and being willing to stop, feel, listen, and learn. It involves connecting with your highest self.
The “Achievement of Serenity” list presents the various phases that a person can pass through in a lifetime if he is ultimately in search of inner peace or serenity. Any person may stop at any phase and spend the rest of his life there. Or, with reflection, introspection, and contemplation, deeper and more meaningful paths may be pursued.
By the time you reach self-actualization, you must completely relinquish your Negaholic tendencies. However, you will find Negaholics at every phase of the scale, right on up through stardom.
Read over the list and locate yourself. See what lessons you have learned and also take a look into the future to see if you want to go the entire distance.
SURVIVAL
The path starts with survival. Survival is the most basic phase of development, and is concerned with literally staying alive. Survival concerns have to do with food, water, and sex. If survival needs are not attended to, you die.
STRUGGLE
Struggle is the next phase beyond survival. Struggle is not so much embedded in the survival issues as it is concerned with trying to pull itself out of the quicksand of daily living. Every day is about struggling to make ends meet, and staying ahead of the treadmill which, at any moment, could drag you back into survival.
STABILITY
Stability reaches a plateau on which you can stand without constantly fighting off the elements and the bill collectors. When you are in stability you can take a breath, and pause and reflect for a brief moment on the road of life. Things have ironed out, and for the time being they are stable.
SELF-DETERMINISM
When you reach self-determinism, you have come to the conclusion that if you are going to make anything of your life it is up to you. You have now taken the bull by the horns, and you are up to the challenge of determining your own destiny.
SEEKING
When you have reached seeking, you are looking for alternative ways to do things. You are looking for some meaning, purpose, and relevance for your life. You are searching for answers that make sense.
STRIVING
When you are striving, you see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you want it. You keep pushing out and moving forward, eager to get there. You know you are not yet there and you really want to be; all of your efforts are driving you forward. “Just one more” is your mantra, and you won’t give up.
&nb
sp; STARDOM
Stardom is a breakthrough. You have reached a rung of the ladder that says materialistically you have arrived. Your accomplishments, your talents, your gifts receive public recognition. There are rewards: monetary, and recognition, so that you may experience “having arrived”. If you have no spiritual orientation, then “stardom” is the ultimate. If you have a spiritual life, you know this is merely a way station in the game of life.
SELF-ACTUALIZATION
The self-actualized person knows that wealth and fame, although seductive, do not create happiness. The self-actualized person is aligned in his words and actions. The self-actualized person “walks his talk,” and has the ability to manifest his wants at will. The self-actualized person is an expert at that which he has chosen to be his life’s work, the vehicle he uses to master the art of living.
SERENITY
Serenity is the state of calmness; peace; illumination; clarity; certainty. It is the place of natural knowingness. It is the “I can” self-transcended to the state of “I know.” It is a state that is centered, humble, and knowing. It means living in your “I can” self, knowing who you are, what you purpose is, and how to fulfill it.
Honoring yourself and treating yourself with respect, dignity, and kindness is what this book is about; knowing you deserve all that is good and then letting yourself have the pleasures, the treasures, and the leisure time that enable you to feel fulfilled. You have to want your life to become wonderful. Then you have to believe that it is possible to have life be wonderful. That means you must push through, let go, cause, accept, allow, feel, pray, listen to the messages-anything you need to do so that you can dissolve your Negaholism and bring about your heart’s desires.
Any Negaholic can achieve the state of serenity. You can embark on the road to recovery, and completely conquer your Negaholism. You need the desire, the willingness, the belief, and the commitment, and you can absolutely do it. Believe in yourself, trust that you can, take one day at a time, and ask your spirit guides for help. You too can have everything that you’ve dreamed.
Love yourself, trust your choices, and everything is possible!
APPENDICES
RESOURCES
This book presents many different techniques and tools, which you can use with yourself to manage your daily life. The one strong recommendation that I would give to someone who wants to take charge of his compulsive behavior and start the process of recovery is to reach out for help, support, and encouragement. It is difficult to break old patterns and change behaviors by yourself. There are some people who can do it, but the vast majority require the reinforcement and follow-up that only external support can provide. Outside help also helps keep us honest with ourselves.
There are many different types of support. Friends and family can be one positive source, provided that they have no personal agenda and have your best interests at heart.
Professional help can also be enormously beneficial. You can use a personal coach, counselor, therapist, social worker, minister, or a psychiatrist. It is up to you to determine which best suits your needs, depending on approach, financial parameters, and scheduling.
There are several agencies that concentrate on dependent, compulsive behaviors. They are specialists in their fields. If you have compulsive behavior, which is manifested, in any of these forms, the following list may be useful.
Alcoholics Anonymous
475 Riverside Drive, New York, N.Y. 10115
(212) 870-3400
Cocaine Anonymous
9100 Sepulveda Boulevard #216,Los Angeles, CA. 90045
(310) 559-5833
Narcotics Anonymous, World Service office
19737 Nordhoff Place, Chatsworth, CA. 91311
(818) 773-9999
American Cancer Society
19 West 56th Street, New York, N.Y. 10019
(800) 227-2345
National Anorexic Aid Society
6655 South Yale Avenue, Tulsa, OK. 74136
(918) 481-4044
Overeaters Anonymous
P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, N.M. 87124
(505) 891-2664
Gamblers Anonymous, National Service Office
P. O. Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA. 90017
(626) 960-3500
The Twelve Steps
Since I mentioned the Alcoholics Anonymous motto, “One day at a time,” I thought it would be helpful to include their twelve steps here. Over the years, these twelve steps have been enormously instrumental in the recovery process for many alcoholics. They are a useful reference when battling compulsive behavior patterns, specifically related to alcohol. I have many clients who find solace in working these steps. Use them if and when you feel the desire in your own recovery process.
THE TWELVE STEPS
of Alcoholics Anonymous
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
The Twelve Steps are reprinted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
PLEASE NOTE: Negaholics is not part of Alcoholics Anonymous or any Twelve Step Program. Negaholics is however, in active support of all the Twelve Step Programs.
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