by Molly O'Hare
“That’s right, squirt.” Holly moved out of Ben’s arms to talk to Jimmy. “I don’t know what came over me. You never raise your hands to anyone, especially not a police officer. They are here to help us. We respect them.” Holly wanted to pat herself on the back. This was her first ‘mom’ moment. She looked past the fact she almost tried to punch out a police officer and decided she was doing a good job.
“I think you should go in timeout.”
Holly’s mouth almost hit the ground.
“I agree,” Officer Jones said which caused Holly to dart a glare in his direction.
“No more peanut butter glazed donuts for you,” Jimmy announced proud of his punishment decision.
“What?” she cried. “You can’t do that.”
“I think Jimmy just did.” Ben tried but failed to hold back his laugh.
“Why is it everyone is against me?” she cried as the image of her donuts melted away from her.
“You’re fun entertainment.” Ben pulled her into his arms as he continued to laugh at the situation.
“Jimmy,” Henry called from the porch, who’d been watching the whole show. “Come help me eat the rest of the donuts.” Henry smirked.
“Okay!” Jimmy ran back to Henry with his sights set on her treats.
“I’m gonna murder you,” Holly growled narrowing her eyes at Ben.
“Not while Officer Jones is here.” Ben looked at Jones. “Thanks.”
“Anytime, now go enjoy your family.” Jones whistled as he walked back to his police car.
“I really am going to kill you,” Holly mumbled.
“No, you won’t,” Ben replied. “I have two donuts hidden for you.”
As Holly looked into Ben’s eyes and saw his playfulness and love, her heart melted. Sure, she was still going to kill him for siccing Officer Jones on her in the first place, but anyone willing to hide her donuts deserved all the love. “I love you, Ben.”
“I know you do.” Ben whistled for Waffles and Ripley, who had been pacing in the back of the car during the whole ordeal to follow them into the house. “Let’s get your momma those well-deserved donuts. Just don’t tell Jimmy.”
“Why not?”
“I need to stay his favorite parent.”
“Sorry to inform you of this, but that title goes to Waffles.” Holly laughed along with Ben. “Now bring my car into the driveway.” She shoved her keys at him. “If you’re a good boy I’ll reward you later.”
Ben placed his hand on her stomach as he brought his lips to hers. “I’m counting on it.”
Chapter Twenty
Holly dragged herself into the library. It had definitely been an eventful few weeks, to say the least. Holly wanted to believe she was immune and everything would be perfect, and most of the time it was. She wouldn’t deny that. She loved her new life, but… she’d be a liar liar pants on fire if she didn’t say it wasn’t hard.
Plus, her sleep had been damn near non-existent since Jimmy moved in a few weeks ago. Add that to the fact, Peanut now considered her insides a punching bag and it was a recipe for no sleep and a grumpy mood.
Holly pulled herself to the desk before plopping down. Her hand went to her stomach as it did most of the time.
This morning had been particularly rough. And she was still feeling the aftermath.
Ben had woken early to make Jimmy waffles.
Yes, waffles…one of her favorite foods. Before becoming a host to the creature overtaking her body, the sweet smell of the deliciously fluffy goodness would’ve had her mouthwatering like it was Niagara Falls.
Not anymore.
On the contrary, the moment the delicious waffle smell hit her nose, it was like a violent punch to her stomach. Holly ended up running to the bathroom so fast it made her own head spin.
And that was exactly where she stayed.
The. Whole. Morning.
Jimmy and Ben ate their breakfast in peace while Holly tried having a heart-to-heart with Peanut. It did no good, though. Try as she might to get Peanut to understand waffles were her friends not enemy, anytime she opened the bathroom door and got a whiff she was back hunched over the toilet.
See, rough morning.
Waffles, my fluffy delicious waffles, why do you have to be so traitorous? Holly sighed as she started rubbing her belly.
“Oh, oh!” Mildred appeared out of nowhere and ran right toward Holly with her eyes focused on her stomach. “Is Peanut kicking?” Once she was in front of Holly, she pushed Holly’s hands off her stomach before replacing them with her own.
“No.” Holly rolled her eyes. “You do realize this is creepy, right?”
Mildred started moving her hands around Holly’s belly searching. “It’s only creepy if you make it creepy.”
Holly cocked her brow as she pushed Mildred’s hands away. “You’re making it creepy.”
“You’re grumpy again.”
“And you’re annoying.”
“You do know, each time you say that all I hear is, ‘Mildred, you’re the most amazing person in the world never change, right?” Mildred’s eyes brightened as she looked at Holly. “Never stop telling me.”
Ignoring her, Holly groaned as she sat further into her chair closing her eyes. Universe, I know you think this is funny, but with the morning I’ve had strangling this old bat and receiving nothing but bad karma is looking more and more worth it.
“Are you gonna tell me?”
Holly opened her eyes to see Mildred now perched on the side of the desk giving her a once over. “Tell you what?”
“The amount of times we have this conversation is unsettling.” Mildred shook her head. “It’s a back and forth we don’t need to have. I ask you what’s wrong, you get all huffy and pretend it’s nothing, then I threaten you and you give in. It’s very tiring.”
“You’re telling me.”
Mildred ignored Holly as she pulled out her pen and pad. “Spill.”
“Just so you have shit to tell your knitting buddies? I don’t think so.”
Mildred tapped her pen on her chin. “I do need more gossip. It is after all my week to bring the juicy stuff.” She wiggled her brows at Holly. “But I’ve already got all I need from an incident I was lucky enough to witness with that hottie fireman and his lady friend in a compromising position over in the romance section, on Tuesday.” She scratched her chin. “I think he said his name was Hank, but I could be wrong. Anyway, see you’re safe. This is you and me. What’s got your twat in a knot?”
The things that came out of Mildred’s mouth didn’t surprise Holly anymore. That was a new one, though. Holly shook her head with a deep sigh. “I don’t know. I think I might be overwhelmed.”
“As you should be.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“Missy, what have I told you about that tone with me? And might I add that whole respect your elder’s thing?”
Holly sent her a toothy grin. “Not to do it.”
“Exactly!” Mildred winked her way before adding, “Respecting me is only a hassle.”
Holly burst into a laughter. “Don’t I know it.”
Mildred put her pen and pad back into her apron before pointing at Holly’s belly. “You’re huge, your—”
“Wow,” Holly interrupted.
“Don’t sass me. You know I’m talking about the fact you look like you’re about to pop.”
Holly glared at her. “It’s not my fault this little one in here only wants donuts. It’s been seven and a half months of this.” Holly crossed her arms over her chest in a huff. “It’s just donuts though, Peanut won’t let me eat waffles.”
“Your dog?”
“No,” Holly cried. “The food. The delicious, fluffy goodness.”
“Waffles are overrated.”
Holly held her hand over her heart. “Blasphemy.”
“And might I remind you, on top of being seven and a half months pregnant you just started parenting a seven-year-old boy. Of course, you’re overwhelmed.”
“I don’t know how people do it,” Holly replied. “Jimmy is great, he really is. He’s sweet, he helps us all the time, but then he gets these moments where he shuts down and I don’t know what to do.”
“That’s understandable.”
“But I want to fix it.” Holly thought back to the night before when Jimmy came in from the backyard upset. She ran around the house trying everything she could to cheer him up, but nothing worked.
Not even Lord Waffles.
“You can’t,” Mildred stated as a matter-of-fact. “Jimmy has a lot going on in his mind. The best thing you and Benny boy can do is give him a safe place where he can feel his emotions.”
Holly let out a deep breath. “I know you’re right.”
“But, you don’t. Jimmy lost both his parents in a horrific way. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed from that, he’s still going to have to come to terms with it.”
“It hurts my heart when he shuts down.”
“That’s called love, dear.” Mildred softened as she looked at Holly. “Have you talked to Ben about this?”
“No.” Holly closed her eyes. “I don’t want him to know I’m freaking out.”
“That’s silly. Talk to him.”
“I can’t. I don’t want him to think I can’t handle this.”
Mildred shook her head as she tsked at her. “I never pegged you for an idiot.”
“Hey, I’m not an idiot. I take offense to that.”
“Don’t you think Ben is having the same feelings you are?”
“Ben’s not pregnant.”
Mildred rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine, he probably isn’t having the exact same feelings as you, but they’re probably pretty close. Remember the key to a good marriage is communication and right now you both have to work on that. You’ve taken a child into your home all the while preparing to bring another one in.”
Damn, score one for Mildred.
Holly sat back as Mildred’s words sunk in. “When did you get so wise?”
“Today I have my Psychologist Mildred hat on.” She shrugged.
Holly laughed with a shake of her head. “Have you been reading the self-help books and case studies again?”
Mildred winked. “You can’t leave me to my own devices.”
“I know.”
“Next week I’m thinking of picking up woodworking books.”
“Why?”
“Your baby shower is in a few weeks. I need to have something for you.”
“Why don’t you knit me something in your knitting group?”
“That would be boring. Nah, I think I’m gonna whittle you something.” Mildred hopped off the desk and started heading toward the craft section of the library.
“Don’t hurt yourself!”
Mildred turned back giving her the eye. “For that missy, I’m going to whittle you a cock.”
Holly’s eyes widened. “What?”
“A Cockatoo. What did you think I meant?” She winked.
“With you? I never know.”
Mildred laughed as she turned back in search of whittling books.
Holly closed her eyes as she felt the start of a headache. Mildred was making her a tiny dick out of wood.
She knew it.
“What’s wrong?” Ben froze the moment he stepped into the bedroom that evening and looked at Holly. She sat on the edge of their bed with her hand over her stomach with tears in her eyes. “Babe?” He rushed to her side dropping to his knees in front of her.
Holly worried her bottom lip refusing to look at him.
Fuck. He scolded himself. The moment Holly excused herself for the night he knew he should have gone after her. The past few weeks had been a lot. Ben had never taken the time to sit down and talk with Holly. And, now he was kicking himself.
The moment she arrived home from work he saw she was at her breaking point. “Holly please talk to me.”
When she finally looked at him, it was like a sucker punch to the gut. She had a fear in her eyes, that broke him. “Baby…”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
He cupped her face in his hands. “Why are you sorry? Talk to me.”
Holly averted her eyes away from him, but he held onto her chin forcing her to look his way. “Grace?”
A tear fell down Holly’s cheek. “I feel like I’m doing everything wrong, Ben. Jimmy’s fine and then he’s not. Then I get more heartburn and I think I’ve done something to hurt the baby. I haven’t written a word in months. I should be able to handle everything that comes my way. As Dad likes to say, we’re Flanagan’s. Flanagan’s can handle anything. I mean technically I’m a Richman now, but it’s all the same. You’re really strong, so I should be really strong, too. And I’m scared to death that telling you this you’ll be disappointed in me. You’ll think I’m not cut out for all of this even though we thought we were. I love that we have Jimmy here. I love that we have this little one.” She placed her hand on her stomach. “But right now, I feel like I’m drowning and no matter how hard I try I can’t keep my head above water.”
Ben pulled her into his arms holding her tightly. His heart fucking broke at her words. How in the hell hadn’t he seen this before? He was pissed at himself. With focusing on Jimmy getting settled, he neglected to see Holly struggling.
He felt like shit. But more importantly, he now knew he wasn’t alone. He pulled back looking Holly in the eyes, trying to convey everything he felt. “Holly, baby, I would never be disappointed in you.”
“I’m failing.”
“You’re not.” He kissed her lips. “Can I tell you a secret?” He kissed her again. “I feel the same way. One second I’m ecstatic we have Jimmy and this little one coming. The next, I feel like I’m running on empty and I’m terrified, Holly. I can’t shake the feeling I’m going to be a horrible dad.”
“What?” Holly asked in shock. “You’d never be a horrible dad. It’s not in your blood, Ben.”
“You know how my mother was. I worry every day I’ll end up like her. I can’t help having those thoughts.”
“Ben,” Holly cried, tears spilling from her eyes. “Don’t ever think that. You are nothing like her.”
“But I can’t help it, much like you can’t help how you feel. Every decision I make I second guess if I’m making the right choice. For Jimmy, for you, for Peanut. Every time I see Jimmy shut down I wonder if I could’ve done better. Or, if there is something else I could do.” He kissed her forehead. “We took on a lot. I’ve never been happier in my life. There is absolutely no disputing that, but going from just us and the pets, to having a seven-year-old and you being pregnant is an adjustment.”
“I wanted everything to be perfect.”
“It is,” Ben answered looking deep into her eyes. “Because we have each other.”
The room fell into silence for a few minutes until Holly spoke, “I didn’t know you were feeling the same way.”
Ben looked at Holly and saw the love pouring out of her eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t bring it up. We were bound to get a little overwhelmed.” He gave her a half-smile. “Next time we ever get this way we talk about it, okay?”
“I love you, Ben.”
“I love you, too.”
“Do you think Jimmy is happy here?” Holly worried her bottom lip.
“I’d like to think so.” Ben placed his hands on her belly. “And I’d like to think once this little one gets here they’ll be happy too.”
“I worry a lot.”
“I know you do.”
“I want to be a good mom. I want to be there for Jimmy. And, I want to be there for you.” Holly looked at him, tears forming in her eyes again.
“You’re always here for me. Jimmy loves you and I love you. So does Peanut.” Ben grabbed the hem of her shirt lifting it over her head. Ben kept his focus on her eyes as he unclasped her bra tossing it behind him.
“What are you doing?”
Ignoring her, Ben grabbed the waistband of her pa
nts pulling them so she was forced to lift her hips. Once she was fully undressed. He stood doing the same.
“Ben?” She cocked her head to the side.
“Shh.” Ben scooped her into his arms, bringing her to her side of the bed. He then gently tucked her into the sheets before getting into bed himself. Once he was positioned, he pulled her close to him wrapping his arms around her.
They needed this.
They needed the time in each other’s arms.
As silly as that might seem, he knew. He kissed her forehead. “Promise me, whenever you feel like you’re drowning, you’ll talk to me. I’ll be your life vest.” He kissed her wedding ring. “You’re mine. And I promise whenever I feel like I can’t handle this, I’ll do the same.”
“I promise.”
“This is you and me against the world, babe. Not us separately against the world.”
Holly nodded.
Ben pulled her closer to him feeling her skin against his as he held her in his arms. “I love you, Grace.”
“I love you too, Ben.”
After a few minutes, Holly fell soundly asleep in his arms. And for the first time in weeks Ben felt that no matter what happened or what would happen, as long as the both of them were on the same page, they could get through anything.
Chapter Twenty-One
After Ben and Holly’s heart-to-heart a few weeks ago, everything seemed to fall right into place. They both had made it a point to have a conversation every night before bed. Jimmy had settled in considerably well, and their love for him only grew more and more as the days went on. And thankfully, Jimmy loved Henry. Once every other week Henry and Jimmy had a sleepover that also included the dogs.
It gave Holly and Ben a guaranteed date night. Which in turn only made them stronger.
And Ben was downright grateful for that.
But right now, Ben wanted to be as far away from their house as humanly possible.
Who in the hell knew all the work that went into planning a baby shower? For freaking real.
As Holly, Emma, and Mildred added the finishing touches to the party, Ben had stolen Jimmy and got the hell out of there.