by Lucia Ashta
Poor Nando. He was conflicted! He wanted to do the right thing, and he didn’t know what that was. He wanted me back, but not at any cost. Mostly, he just wanted me back though.
“All you need to decide,” Marcelo continued, “is whether we can spare the time to have her look for Albacus. It’s overwhelming, I know. Break it down to one decision at a time. Will you give Mordecai the two hours you’d said? Less than two hours now.”
My strong, amazing brother looked weak and frazzled. “I don’t know. I really don’t.” He rubbed both hands across his face in despair, something he rarely did.
Arianne stepped forward, Gustave at her side. “Might I suggest allowing her to make the final decision, darling? It is her life, after all, non?”
Every single person and creature there, including Nando, turned to search for me. Only Elwin found me.
He stared at me with that tranquil expression on his face, the one that suggested that nothing was as serious as it seemed, and waited for my decision.
I didn’t think I knew what I wanted to do... but then I realized I did.
I was already dead. If I could help, I wanted to. I’d never really done anything special before arriving at the academy.
Here I was part of a team. For better or worse, teammates took risks for each other.
As long as the risk was manageable, I’d do it.
And I’d hold onto the end of that proverbial rope as if my life depended on it. Because in this instance, it did. It most definitely did.
I wasn’t planning on dying more than once today.
Chapter 2
I’d committed to finding Albacus—or really, to give it my best shot, which was all I could do considering that what Mordecai was trying to instruct me on was magic so advanced and esoteric that none of the other staff members of the academy had experienced it.
There’s nothing like diving right in when your life is on the line. Literally, a thought that terrified me.
“Feel for the connection,” Mordecai was saying. “Still yourself completely. Block all of us out and just feel, really feel for the link between you and your body, and you’ll find it.”
I nodded, though no one but Elwin would notice.
“I’m going to tell you right now what to do once you find it, because we’re all going to be fully silent for you while you do this.”
Another pointless nod, an ingrained habit that didn’t take into account my current state of lifelessness.
“Once you find the lifeline, pull it free extremely gently. Do not, under any circumstances, tug on it, or it could break. Find it and urge it free. If it doesn’t seem inclined to detach, finagle it, wiggle it until it does. And then, do not let go of the line. Even though it might not make sense to you that letting go of the end will make any difference, trust me, it will. There’s something about letting go of the end that takes the physical act and translates it to the choice of your will... or something.”
Or something? He was talking about my life here. Or somethings weren’t in the least bit encouraging.
“Even though the line will then only be attached to your spirit, and nothing else, so long as you hold the end in your hands and don’t release it, you’ll be able to reengage it. If you release it, your spirit will float away, and even if you grab on to the end of the line again, it won’t make any difference. The act will have been done. You are appreciating the gravity of the situation, I hope?”
Is he kidding me right now? As if I had any choice beyond appreciating the gravity of my situation....
“Tell him to just get on with it,” I told Elwin. “I want to do it and be done with it. I understand the risks all too well.”
Once Mordecai spotted Elwin leaning toward Arianne, he stopped to wait.
“She says to get on with it already,” Arianne said.
Mordecai nodded somberly, the beads of his beard clinking a sad tinkle. “All right then.”
Again, nothing about the wizard’s actions was particularly encouraging. The risks were as high as they came, but then, so supposedly was the reward. My choices had the chance to spare all of humanity from the SMS’ misguided actions, which would enslave humans without magic to its whims.
I have to do this, I told myself, because there was still the chance to turn back, and every few seconds, I considered whether the smart thing would be to do precisely that.
“Once you’re holding the end of your lifeline,” Mordecai continued. “allow your consciousness to roam free of your body. Let—”
“Elwin, please ask him to explain that. I don’t know what it means to allow my ‘consciousness to roam free’.”
I missed whatever Mordecai continued on to say while I spoke with Elwin. But it couldn’t be helped. He was instructing me to do things I had no idea about!
The old wizard was watching Elwin for cues, and the moment the firedrake began to move, he stopped.
Everyone waited for my message. It was a tedious process, no doubt about it. But I wouldn’t complain. I was incredibly fortunate that Elwin and I had forged a connection in such a way that he could see and hear me.
Sure, I’d been unlucky to die. But I very easily could have been left here, all alone, a spirit invisible to everyone, with no possibility of re-entering my body. In this situation, knowledge was absolutely power. Without Elwin, I would have been powerless, and in a few hours, irreversibly dead.
Arianne spoke, and everyone listened. “She needs you to explain what you mean by ‘allowing her consciousness to roam free’.”
Mordecai didn’t waste a second I could be using to locate his brother. “What I mean by that is that you’ll need to let your mind wander away from this location. By referring to your consciousness I really only mean that you should let your focus, your attention, leave the space your body occupies and just... float away.”
“Just float away,” I mumbled with heavy sarcasm. Is this guy kidding me?
“All the while, holding on to the end of your lifeline.”
“Right.” I wasn’t likely to forget that part.
“And then, once your awareness is... out there, just look for Albacus.”
All the pauses Mordecai was taking as he spoke made it clear he wasn’t entirely certain about what he was talking about, and there was a significant amount of guesswork going on. I supposed it couldn’t be helped, given that he’d never actually been dead himself. But still, nothing about the situation was serving to settle my jumpy nerves, the ones I wasn’t even sure I had anymore, but I experienced all the same.
“It won’t be as difficult as you might think right now. From what I understand, spirits are everywhere, just beyond our sight. Until they leave the earth plane, they roam. I imagine it will be quite easy to find a spirit.”
“Sure, quite easy.” I didn’t even bother to restrain my sarcasm. What he was saying, along with the situation, was getting more and more ridiculous by the word.
“Albacus won’t be right here, if not he would have returned, so you’ll have to actively look for him. The good news is that he’ll want to be found, so if he feels you, he’ll do his best to reach out to you.”
The other academy magicians, usually quite vocal in offering their opinions in nearly every situation, were silent. It looked as if no one beyond Mordecai would be able to help me, and from the looks of him, Nando had realized it too. His expression ranged from desperate to somber to desperate again.
Poor Nando. He’d need to recover from this ordeal as much as I would.
“I wish I could offer you more in the way of certainty,” Mordecai said. “Sadly, I don’t have it.”
I addressed Elwin. “Please ask him what I should do once I find Albacus. Will I be able to bring him back with me?”
Elwin bent over Arianne until she relayed, “What shall Isa do once she finds Albacus? Will she be able to bring him back?”
Mordecai shook his head; the beads that capped braids in his long hair clanked. “I doubt it. Albacus would have returned on h
is own if it had been that simple. That he hasn’t come back indicates that his return is somehow being prevented. He must be trapped. If my brother hasn’t been able to escape, then it’s unlikely that Isa will have the skills to release him.”
You can say that again. I was so out of my element it would have been funny if I hadn’t been, you know, dead.
“Isa, if you can locate where he is, that alone will be a great help. I’ll come for him, and I’ll get him out of whatever prison he’s in.” Mordecai’s voice was fierce.
Never before had I heard such determination from him. I had no doubt that what he said was true. If only I could discover Albacus’ whereabouts, Mordecai would set him free. Because he wouldn’t give up until he did.
“There isn’t much more I can tell you,” he said. “As much as I’ve studied the spirit world, there’s only so much I can learn while still alive.” He sighed, and tugged at his beard, looking suddenly nervous about it all. “Do you have any questions about what to do?”
I had just short of a million. He was asking me to do something mind boggling, something I was entirely unprepared for. But I didn’t think continuing to hash it out would be of any use. As long as I held onto the end of my rope, then I could at least try.
There was no guarantee I’d find Albacus, but so long as I preserved the way to return to my body, I’d give it my all. Assuming I could do any of the ridiculous things Mordecai instructed me to.
I told Elwin, “Tell him I don’t have any questions that’ll make any difference,” and this time it only took a few moments for Arianne to parrot what I’d said.
“All right then,” Mordecai said. “We’ll all be silent while you do this. You’ll need every bit of concentration. Remember, hold onto that lifeline no matter what. Best of luck to you... and, Isa?”
“Yes,” I replied uselessly.
“Thank you.” His voice was thick. His eyes watered.
I resolved to find his brother. It was bad enough that Albacus was dead; the brothers needed to be together.
I began to close my eyes then popped them right back open. “Elwin, please tell Nando I love him, and that no matter what happens, that I want him to know he’s the best brother I could have hoped for, and that he made my life better every day.” My voice broke, but with Elwin alone, I wasn’t embarrassed. The firedrake was wise and compassionate.
“Tell him…” I choked on my words. There was so much I should say if it was to be the last chance I got. But if I acted as though I wasn’t coming back, would I contribute to bringing about that result? I hadn’t forgotten Arianne’s teaching that thoughts and words were energy, and that magic was little more than energy. So I swallowed the many things I wanted to say to the brother I loved more than anything else in the world. “Just tell him I love him.”
I trailed off, holding back the feeling of tears, even though I wasn’t sure whether or not I could even cry in this spirit form.
Elwin nodded sagely, and bent his head to Arianne.
I prepared for Arianne to announce my words to the crowd gathered in the garden around my body, but she surprised me by moving to Nando’s side, and whispering the words to him alone.
My brother’s eyes flared and his head whipped wildly side to side, looking for me, although he must have known he wouldn’t find me. “No, Isa! No! Don’t you say that to me.”
Eyebrows raised in surprise around the group.
“Don’t you dare say that to me.” But Nando’s voice had lost its edge, and sounded close to crumbling. He’d been standing, and now he slumped to the ground to hold my hand, the one that was limp and lifeless.
“You know I love you too,” he said while staring at my face, the one that looked like I was slumbering. “So much. Please come back to me, please.”
He opened his mouth to say more, then closed it. Instead, he tilted his eyes upward, right to the place where I stood.
His eyes were filled with such anguish that desperation filled me anew to get this over with and return to my body. I couldn’t see my brother this way: broken.
He was supposed to be strong and capable.
I had to hurry so I could keep him that way.
“I’m ready,” I told Elwin, took one last, long look at Nando, then a quick glance at Walt, and closed my eyes.
The moment Arianne relayed my readiness, a deep and foreboding silence descended upon the garden.
Not even the hellhounds, rarely silent, growled or snarled. The talkative Sir Lancelot and Madame Pimlish pursed beak and lips.
Birds, oblivious to my plight, chirped happily in the background.
But when I closed my eyes and prepared to settle into myself, their sounds faded into nothingness.
There was only an awareness of myself... and a mission. Nothing more, and nothing less.
Life and death were on the line.
Chapter 3
Once silence descended, there was no reason to delay, and I wouldn’t allow myself to find one anyway. The sooner I got this done, the sooner I could return to my body, and start working to put this nightmare behind me.
I closed my eyes to block out the images of the people I so desperately wanted to rejoin. I longed for the company of even those I hadn’t entirely liked while I’d been alive. Besides, the looks of anguish carved upon their faces were far from reassuring. They looked as if I were dead already, which I actually was, and the reminder only made everything worse.
I was already dead, dead, dead. I was clutching at a desperate hope that I could reverse my current state of existence.
Focus, Isa. You have to concentrate.
I knew what to do—sort of. All I had to do was go through the motions.
I settled into myself for a moment. Breathed in and out several times. Even though I no longer needed breath, it served to calm me, just as it did when I was alive.
All right. No big deal. I’ve got this.
I pushed my panic aside, shoved my doubts that I could accomplish this ridiculous mission, and sent out feelers. What would my lifeline feel like? Despite Mordecai’s descriptions, I wasn’t entirely sure.
I realized exactly what it was the moment I sensed it.
There was little else the line of energy could be. It pulsated with life. Vibrated and glowed behind my mind’s eye.
It was the gift of life and I wanted to touch it. I wanted to wrap it around me and sink into its comfort.
This one line, no thicker than an average rope, contained the potential of an entire lifetime. Its pulsation spoke of my chances to fully grow into the woman I was capable of becoming. Perhaps even to one day begin a family of my own. Without parents to broker my marriage, I might be allowed the luxury of marrying the man I loved—assuming he’d have me without dowry or position.
The lifeline fluttered with possibilities, and I wanted to claim every single one of them. I was only seventeen. I deserved a long life of opportunities.
Nervous but pretending I wasn’t, I reached forward to wrap both hands firmly around the rope. I didn’t know how I knew to do this particular part—perhaps it was instinct—but I didn’t reach for it with my translucent hands but rather with the imaginary hands of my mind.
Maybe it was because the lifeline was visible only in my imagination, but I was certain this was how it had to be. Despite the stakes, I didn’t waver, and clutched—hard—onto the rope with my mind.
I held onto that line with everything I had, and gave it an exploratory tug.
To my surprise, the lifeline snapped free immediately.
I wasn’t ready for it, thinking it would take far more effort than that to release it, and I scrambled to travel the hands of my mind down the rope until I reached its end.
Only once I had the tip of the lifeline in my grasp did the shock hit me. I’d done it.
Without releasing the end of the line, I wove it around an arm, weaving and wrapping until the entirety of it circled my arm. With a steel grip, I clasped the end of the rope in the same hand.
&
nbsp; Step one, complete. I was certain that if I were still in my physical body I’d be freaking out. I was experiencing the sensations of a thumping heart and fluttering breathing without the organs.
Next I had to... what was it that Mordecai had said? Allow my consciousness to roam free? Something like that. It was time to search for Albacus.
I couldn’t help the surge of excitement that I was moving through the paces quickly. Nando had given Mordecai two hours, but that included the time he’d used to instruct me. At this rate, I might even manage to return ahead of time.
I smiled my encouragement despite the fact that I’d never been more nervous in my entire life—uh, death.
“Greetings,” a small voice said.
I screamed so loudly that I popped my eyes open. When I did, I dropped the end of my rope, and scrambled back inward to find it, grateful that I’d had the foresight to wrap all of the line around my body. Only once I had the rope firmly in my grasp did I dare open my eyes again.
The girl looked as frightened as I did—and equally translucent.
I stared at her for a few beats while I willed my nonexistent heart to stop beating like a herd of wild horses through my nonexistent chest.
“Holy heck in a gilded handbasket,” I finally said. “Are you trying to kill me again?” My voice came out too much like a shriek, but I couldn’t help it.
“I, uh, didn’t mean to, ah, scare you or anything.” The girl, who looked to be about thirteen, and as dead as I was, was shrinking backward. “I’ll go away.”
She began fading from sight.
“No, wait,” I said. She looked so very sad, so despondent. I couldn’t let her go.
I closed my eyes for just long enough to confirm that I continued to hold onto my lifeline. It appeared that I was, yet because of the distraction, I wasn’t sure.