by Mary Smith
“Why did you do it, Shade?” Hurt filled the question.
“For her happiness,” he told her truthfully.
“She’d be happy with you,” she offered.
“I saw the photos, Kay. She was glowing. Do you know what the difference is? Me. I’m not in the picture.” He picked up the cup to take a sip but put it down. Nothing seemed to appeal to him right now.
“Men are so dense.” Mikayla rolled her eyes.
“Why?” he inquired.
Glaring at him she said, “You know Nes as much as I do. Has she just picked up and hopped on a plane to go somewhere? Has she ever gone on a vacation without a PowerPoint, PDF, and an itinerary of every single minute planned out? Does that sound like the happy, go-get ‘em Jenessa you know?”
He admitted it didn’t sound like her at all. Anytime—well, every time—Jenessa planned a trip, she’d plan every part of it. She would even print out descriptions of landmarks she’d want to visit and read it to Shade as they traveled to the destination. He didn’t care as long as they were spending time together, and she was happy.
“I’m begging you, Shade. Begging. Please talk to her before anything else is filed. Just sit and talk.”
He noticed the wetness in her eyes from the now forming tears.
“You two are meant to be together. You know this better than anyone. She needs you and you need her.” Mikayla stood. “It’s time for you to man up or regret it for the rest of your life.”
With those words, she left him sitting alone at the table.
Practice started out smoothly, except Shade didn’t want to be there. Hockey was all he had left, and he’d rather be anywhere else. He stood with the rest of the team, listening to Hamilton’s strategy for the game tomorrow night. As they broke into squads, he noticed Cat was sitting in the stands with a few of the front office employees. She stared directly at him, and he knew he’d have to do something about it and soon. He had enough going on he didn’t need her trouble.
Thankfully, practice did distract him from the world outside. Nonetheless, when it finished it all came rushing back to him. Inside the locker room, Edgar invited him to lunch with a bunch of the other guys. Food sounded good, and he agreed to go.
As they all made their way to the best sub shop in town, Shade wondered if he would run into Jenessa. This was her favorite spot to eat. Walking in, he glanced around almost hoping to see if she was eating there. He didn’t so he shuffled up to the counter. He ordered and watched them create his sub and hand it to him. He sat at the end of the large corner booth where Jarvis, Edgar, Zerrick, and Jackson were already seated.
Their conversation rolled between upcoming games, certain players, and the holidays. Janan and Nova sent out an email lining out the events. Shade knew he would need to attend them all because of his position on the team. Trying to see the positive side of it all, at least he wouldn’t be alone for the majority of the holidays.
“You seem to be lost in thought,” Edgar leaned over and said while everyone at the table stared at him.
“Sort of,” he mumbled, not really wanting to get into it.
“What’s going on?” Edgar asked.
“He filed his divorce papers,” Jarvis announced.
All at once, everyone began to talk. Each one pretty much saying what he felt. An idiot.
“Thanks.” He shot the look of death at his friend.
“Why would you do it?” Edgar questioned in complete shock.
“No point in putting off the inevitable.” Shade took a small bite of his sub.
“How many concussions have you had?” Edgar continued his inquiry.
“A couple. Why?” He furrowed his brow at this line of questioning.
“I’m trying to figure out why you’re a moron.” His seriousness made the table chuckle. Although, Shade hadn’t found it funny. He knew Edgar well enough to know his comment was no laughing matter.
“What else was I supposed to do?” he countered.
“Have you talked to her?” He shot back, causing the table to grow quiet.
“No.”
“Then you are a moron.”
Glancing around the table the guys did their best to avoid his stares or give him a sad smile. Feeling like shit, Shade scooted himself out of the booth and left the sub shop.
Jumping in his truck, he didn’t know where to go or do. He thought about going to the condo but being cooped up in there sounded displeasing. His body felt too tired for a run, but his stomach rumbled. He hadn’t finished his food and was still hungry.
Driving to the grocery store, everything seemed to be weighing on him. Maybe he should have reached out to Jenessa. Just one more time. Would it have made a difference? He tried many, many times to get her to see and understand he had been trying to help her. He used all his strength to keep them together. He gave her space then tried to pull her back to him, and she shut him down. Time after time.
When the first year passed, he almost thought they would be on the mend. He was wrong. Jenessa began picking up more and more cases, keeping her in the office longer. He planned several getaways and vacations, but they were all canceled. She could never go for one reason or another.
As the second year came and went Shade craved her touch. He hinted around to them being intimate or even hugging, but a cold shoulder had been all he received. Sure, he masturbated in the shower, like some teenager, but his fantasies were always of her.
This past year was when he stopped communicating with her. Only short sentences and nods. He even began sleeping in the den. What point was it to sleep in their bed? Nothing happened there or even on the sectional.
Strolling into the store, he picked up a basket and aimlessly went through the aisles. He searched through the produce, grabbing some fruit and vegetables. He ended up in the junk food section as Jenessa called it. Even though they both loved this particular section, they tried to avoid it. Today he craved it all. Dropping a couple of bags of chips into the basket, he walked a bit further down to figure out which dip he wanted.
“You know this is all bad for you.”
Shade froze. It took him a couple of seconds to turn and see Jenessa standing behind him.
“Hey,” he breathed out his greeting.
“Hi.” She gave him a small smile. “You should get the cheese dip for the corn chips.”
“Huh?”
Jenessa pointed at his basket and he had completely forgotten where he was or what he was doing.
“Right. Sure. Yes,” he blurted out the words he thought made sense.
An awkward silence fell between them. He only stared at her. Her long hair was down, resting on her back and shoulders. She wore a thin workout hoodie and leggings. He figured she went to yoga. This pleased him because it meant she was doing something she enjoyed.
“Um…congratulations on being named captain,” she finally said.
“Thanks. Not sure what everyone was thinking picking me.” He didn’t mean to say the last part. But he never kept his feelings from her.
“They were thinking you’re the best person for the job.”
Shade shrugged, overcome by emotions from her compliment. This had been the most they’ve spoken to each other without arguing in…he couldn’t remember how long.
“What are you making?” he asked glancing in her basket. He wanted to continue talking to her and not leave.
“Mikayla has eaten all the macaroni and cheese. So, I needed to restock.” She sighed.
Chuckling, he understood. Mikayla ate the stuff as fast as Kraft made it.
“I still suck at cooking,” she added. “So, there’s not much in here.”
“You’re still learning.” Shade hated to say she was a horrible cook. It just wasn’t a strong suit for her.
“I try.” He wanted to say a thousand things to her. All of which sat on the tip of his tongue.
“Well…um…see ya.” Jenessa was the first to walk away.
“See ya,” he repeated while watc
hing her back.
When she was only a few feet away, she looked back. Their eyes locked, both talking silently, begging for the other to say what laid on their hearts and chests. Shade wanted to kiss her, hold her, tell her how much he missed and loved her.
Instead, they both turned and walked away.
Unsure of what he was doing or where he was going, Shade ended up knocking on Edgar’s door. When he answered, he scanned Shade up and down.
“You look like shit,” Edgar said after completing his observation.
“I feel like it too,” Shade confessed.
“Come on in.” He stepped to the side, inviting him into his home.
“Am I interrupting anything?” Shade didn’t want to intrude on any of his family time.
“My wife is out conquering the world, and my children are…well, being teenagers who don’t need their father unless it involves money,” Edgar said then led the way to the kitchen. Shade took a seat as Edgar grabbed a couple of glasses of water.
“So, what’s going on?”
Taking a sip, the water cooled his throat. Shade began telling him what happened at the grocery store.
“And you walked away?” Edgar asked.
“I did.”
“You’re an idiot.” He sighed and shook his head.
“I know.” Shade couldn’t argue with him. He had an opportunity to speak with her and blew it. Regret filled every cell in his body. “How am I going to fix this?”
“You know how,” Edgar firmly told him. “Call her. Go to her. Fucking talk to her.”
“I already filed the papers. She’ll never forgive me.” Hanging his head, he was ready to kick his own ass for letting the attorney file them.
“Personally, I believe she will. However, you’ll never know until you talk to her.” He kept the same tone.
“I just want everything to go back to normal.” Shade’s begging tone hadn’t been for Edgar but for the universe to hear his plea.
“There’s nothing normal about marriage. Every day is different. Some days are challenging. Some days are smooth as silk. But the best part is being by the side of your best friend every single day.”
Lifting his head, Shade saw Edgar hadn’t just been talking about him and Jenessa, but about himself and Greer. He knew they had been together for almost twenty years. Their marriage was one all the players were jealous of. They had a perfect marriage.
“Don’t wait, Shade. Go.”
As much as his entire body wanted to run to her, he didn’t move. Yes, he loved her. Yes, they belonged together, but a small part was still hurt by all the pain she caused him the past three years. Knowing he should move past it, he couldn’t for some reason. Their love had grown to something different now. Something painful.
Chapter Twelve
Jenessa
During the last part of the yoga class, Jenessa didn’t feel any relaxation. In fact, she didn’t even want to be there. Since seeing Shade yesterday at the grocery store, she had only been thinking about everything she should have told him.
“Hey.”
Jenessa opened her eyes and saw Greer smiling down at her.
“Class is over.”
“Oh.” She sat up, realizing almost everyone had left. Only a few stragglers remained.
“Want to hit the juice bar?” Greer suggested with a hopeful smile.
Jenessa had the urge to say no and hide away in her home, but something told her to go. After gathering up her items, they strolled over and placed their order. When they got their drinks, Greer led the way to the table.
“You look miserable. Do you want to talk about it?” Greer’s motherly tone was soothing to her.
She hadn’t even told Mikayla about seeing Shade at the store. She still couldn’t process everything herself. However, she knew Greer would listen without judgment. Taking a deep breath, she told her all about Las Vegas and her plan on talking to Shade. She also told her about being served with the divorce papers. Leaving out her feelings in the tale, she then went on to tell her about seeing him at the store and their short, awkward conversation.
When she finished, Greer didn’t say anything. According to her expression of disbelief, she probably didn’t know what to say.
“Let’s take a step back,” she finally spoke. “Why did you run off to Vegas? I know you well enough to know it’s not in your wheelhouse to jump up and leave town.”
“Truthfully, I needed to get away from Manchester. I felt as if I was being strangled.” For the first time, she said what she’d been hiding deep within her.
“I understand that statement more than you think.” Greer flashed her a small smile.
“Being away I did manage to figure out a lot. Not every detail, but I knew we needed to sit down and talk.” She failed at hiding the emotion in her tone.
“Then you came home and were hit with the papers,” she confirmed.
“Yes.”
“And what happened then?”
Jenessa paused, unsure how deep she should be with Greer. Even though they’re friends, she was still married to Edgar, who was one of Shade’s best friends.
“I’m certain you were shocked,” Greer continued.
“Not as much as you think.” Jenessa decided to let it all go. “I deserved it. He should have left me a long time ago.”
“No, Jenessa.” Greer placed her hand over hers. “You both went through something no parent should ever have to go through. It’s every parent’s worst nightmare. But you two can get over this hurdle. You both need to sit down and talk. There will be tears, maybe some arguing. However, when all the smoke settles, your love will hold you together.”
Greer’s words spun around her. They touched every part of her heart and soul. In Las Vegas, she tried to run away from all her problems and emotions. Everything she’d been hiding and never believing it truly was there. The only conclusion she officially came to—she wanted Shade. She needed to apologize, tell him she made a massive mistake in the way she treated him and start over.
How do they start over?
“I’m a failure, Greer.” The words left her as the tears filled her eyes.
“Why do you say you’re a failure?”
“I let him down. I killed our son. I shut everyone out. I ruined our marriage.” Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks.
“Jenessa Wooten!” Greer gasped. “You didn’t kill your son. As a mother, I completely understand where you’re coming from. We’re meant to protect our babies at any and every cost. It’s our one job. It never ever goes away. However, your beautiful baby didn’t die because of you. You did everything right.”
Jenessa tried her best to swallow the lump forming in her throat. She couldn’t do it. Instead, covering her mouth, she tried to fight the emotions that were about to erupt. She wasn’t strong enough this time. Greer pulled her chair around to hers and wrapped her up in a hug.
They remained holding each other until Jenessa calmed down. Greer handed her several napkins to clean her face.
“I must look like an idiot,” she mumbled, wiping her cheeks and nose.
“No. You look like a wife and mother who’s hurting,” Greer corrected her.
“I’m a mess.” Jenessa managed to compose herself. Somewhat. Greer wouldn’t release her hold.
“Yes. A fixable mess.”
“Greer, he’ll never forgive me.” She sniffled, dabbing her eyes again. “I wouldn’t forgive me if I were in his shoes.”
“You have to stop thinking this way. Shade loves you. He wouldn’t have stayed as long as he had if he didn’t want anything to do with you.”
By her tone, it left no point in arguing with her.
“You know what to do,” Greer told her. “You need to go to him.”
“What if—”
“No.” She cut her off. “There’s no what if. You can’t fight your pain anymore. You need to heal. You and Shade both need to heal. Together.” Her motherly tone was long gone. Now the words were a clear command
.
Taking two deep breaths something happened. The emotions balanced themselves out. A wave of confidence came over her. A strength she hadn’t truly felt in the longest time. She had to fight for her and Shade. No matter what. They were meant to be together.
Period.
“I have to find Shade.” She finally glanced over at Greer.
“Practice is about to finish. Go to the arena.”
Before she could say anything else, Jenessa grabbed her yoga bag and rushed out the door.
She couldn’t remember how she arrived so fast at the arena. Walking up to the security guard, she worried her name wouldn’t be on the access list. However, she gave him her name, and he opened the door.
Jenessa tried to remember the last time she’d been in this part of the arena. Maybe Christmas last year. She’d attempted to come to a Bears’ family event, only to run out before it started and anyone could see her. Now, she strolled the lengthy hall. In her mind, she tried to figure out what she’d say to him. Would he walk away? It could be a real possibility.
As she got closer to the locker room, she could hear voices. Knowing she couldn’t go into the locker room, she slowed her pace and stopped about fifty yards from the double doors.
A few moments, later she began seeing the players coming out of the tunnel. Moving back, she slightly hid around the corner and peeked around it. There was no rhyme or reason why she suddenly acted like a spy.
Then she saw him.
Shade.
He stood with his back to her, obviously not noticing her lurking skills.
“Who are we staring at?”
Jenessa jumped a foot into the air and loudly gasped. “What the hell, Edgar?” She slapped his shoulder.
He chuckled. “Greer told me you were coming.”
“Well did she ask you to scare me to death?” She clutched her chest, hoping to stall her racing heart.
“Nah. That was a perk for me.” He grinned. “Why are you hiding like a stalker?”
“I’m not sure he wants to see me.” She figured Greer already told him everything about their conversation.
“He loves you and has been miserable since he left you. Trust me, he wants to talk to you and be with you.” Edgar, like Greer, had a tone to his voice which made you feel safe and loved, even when scolding you.