by Mary Smith
“Yes.”
“See you in ten minutes.”
“Okay.” He ended the call and headed to the park.
When he pulled into the parking lot, he immediately saw her car and parked next to it. Before Jenessa became pregnant they ran together at least a few times a week. He strolled over to the bench they always met at.
She didn’t see him right away as she faced the other direction. He watched her for a few seconds. She tied her hair into a ‘bird’s nest’ as he called it. She had on a pink hoodie and tight black workout pants. Her gym shoes matched her hoodie. He knew she took pride in her appearance and he’d been the opposite. As long as his clothes were clean and didn’t have any holes, he was good.
“Hey.” He approached her.
When she turned, a small smile appeared. “I didn’t hear you come up.”
“I just got here.” He sat next to her.
“Rough day?” She turned to face him.
“A loss will do it,” he commented.
“It’s something else.” She knew him well enough.
“A lot of things,” he mumbled.
“We used to talk.”
Glancing over at her, she silently begged him to talk. Her face said it all.
“We did.” He nodded.
“We still can.”
He cleared his throat. “I never thought we would be here.”
“Me either.”
They sat silently for several seconds before Shade realized how silly he’d been. This was his Jenessa. The woman of his dreams. His soul mate. There had been a lot of hurt, but here they were, giving it a chance.
“When I imagined our life together being divorced never ever came up,” she started.
Shade mirrored her position on the bench. “Jen, you’ve hurt me in a way I can’t put into words.”
She hung her head.
“I’m not saying this to upset you. I’m trying to make you see my point of view.”
Lifting her head, he saw the tears filling her eyes.
“I did everything I could do to show you how much I love you, how much I wanted to take away your pain, and I couldn’t do enough.” Shade spoke of his feelings he’d kept hidden for so long.
“There’s no way for me to tell you how sorry I am, but you have to know the pain consumed me. I didn’t know how to handle any of it.”
“Neither did I. I lost my son too, Jen,” he snapped then immediately regretted it. “I’m sorry.”
“You have every right to be upset. For three years, I’ve treated you as if you’re no one, and I hope you can forgive me.” A single tear escaped her eye.
He almost wrapped her up in his arms but stopped himself. If he held her now, he’d never let her go.
“When you left and all those trade rumors were going around, I figured if you left, you’d be happy. In truth, it broke my heart more and more not having you with me,” she confessed.
“They weren’t rumors,” he corrected her.
“What?”
“I asked to be traded. The reason I did was because I thought you would be better without me.”
He watched her jaw drop.
“My contract is only good for this season,” he continued. “When Janan and Nova asked me to be captain turning them down seemed like the right thing to do. If I left Manchester, you could heal.”
“I’m not okay without you.”
Now, it was his turn for his jaw to drop. Her words pierced him.
“I have tried to pretend I’m some tough, don’t care about anything female, but it’s a lie. I rely on you more than I thought I did. You bring balance to me and all my craziness. I just can’t remember a time in my life where I needed anyone more.” She paused. “I hope I bring you some happiness as well.”
“Jenessa, you know you’re my life. You balance me out just as I do you. Maybe I should have told you all the pain I was in, instead of hiding it. I felt I needed to be strong for you.”
Jenessa placed her hand on top of his. The warm touch made his heart race.
“You’re strong, Shade. The strongest man I know.”
Laying his other hand over hers, he gently rubbed the pad of his thumb over her knuckles.
“I’m sorry I hid behind my work. I should have communicated with you as well.”
She sniffled. “At least you don’t have to worry about that anymore. I am just an unemployed lawyer.”
“What?” His question came with complete shock.
“What, what?” she countered his question.
“You quit your job?”
“You didn’t know?”
“Kay said you weren’t working. I figured you were taking all your vacation or sick time you had accrued. I had no clue you left.”
She nodded. “I did. I couldn’t do it anymore. Then I forced Mikayla to fly to Vegas with me. Where I had a breakdown and drank way too much.” She rolled her eyes.
“You had some fun though.” He tried to show her some positive of it all.
“I did with Mikayla. She can be quite demanding and resourceful.”
Shade chuckled because he knew she was exactly right.
“I needed to leave Manchester, even for a day, to realize wherever you are, is where I want to be.” She squeezed his hand.
He didn’t say anything right away not because he didn’t want to but because all his emotions were causing him to forget how to talk.
“And I hope you want the same thing.”
Their eyes locked together and remained for several seconds.
“What are you doing tonight?” he asked.
She shrugged. “Nothing. Why?”
“I’d like for you to come to the game and then maybe we can grab some dinner.” In truth, his plan was to take her home and lay in bed with her until she fell asleep in his arms. He couldn’t care less about the game. Only her.
“Okay. I would enjoy that. It’s been a long time since I’ve been to a game.” She gave him a small smile.
Suddenly, his phone began to ring. Pulling it out, he saw Cabel’s name on the screen.
“Hey, Cabel.”
“Hey, Shade. Where are you?”
“I’m at the park. What’s up?” He couldn’t figure out why Cabel was curious about his whereabouts.
“Edgar said you needed to talk to me, but I couldn’t find you.”
Shade sighed. He knew he would have to face this. “Yeah, I do. I planned on making an appointment.”
“You can come up in about thirty minutes. I’ll be clear then,” he said with the sound of papers shuffling around him.
“All right. I’ll be there in thirty minutes.” He ended the call, looking over at Jenessa. “I need to run.”
“I know. The job of a captain, huh?”
“Something like that.” He should have told her why he needed to talk to Cabel but decided not to ruin their time together.
“You really are a great captain,” she told him.
He slightly scoffed. “I’m not sure.”
“Give yourself some credit, Shade.” She touched his shoulder. “You’re an outstanding leader.”
“Thanks, Jen.” Her words meant a lot to him. Just the mere fact she cared meant even more. “Will you come tonight?”
“I already said I would.”
“And dinner?” He had to hear her confirmation again.
“Yes, dinner too.”
With those words, he stood, and she followed. Together they walked to their vehicles. Like the other night, he desperately ached to kiss her. Instead, he hugged her and kissed her temple.
“I’ll see you tonight.” He released her and headed toward his truck.
Stepping off the elevator, Shade made his way toward Cabel’s office. The secretary wasn’t at her desk, but the door was slightly ajar. Shade pushed it open enough to poke his head inside.
“Cabel?”
“Over here, Shade.”
Strolling inside, he found Cabel on the couch cradling his baby girl. His wi
fe, Caryn, sat on the other side of him.
“Sorry, I can come back.” He began to walk backward.
“You’re okay, Shade. We’re getting ready to leave,” Caryn told him. “Emilia needed to visit her father before her nap.”
Shade looked at the infant. She had Caryn’s red hair, but Cabel’s face shape and husky build. Baby rolls as Jenessa would call them.
Caryn stood, picking up two bags and tossing them over her shoulders. She reached for the baby, but Cabel moved away.
“Shade, I’m going to make sure they get to the car. I’ll be back in a few.”
He nodded at Cabel as the little family walked out of the office. The jealousy washed over him. He tried to stop it, but it happened when he saw his teammates with their families. He wished he had a family more than anything. Taking a deep breath, he knew he shouldn’t be jealous of someone else’s happiness. It was bad karma and he definitely didn’t need any more bad luck.
A few moments later, Cabel returned to the office and apologized.
“It’s no big deal,” Shade said.
“Let’s sit and talk.” He motioned over to the table.
Shade took the seat across from him.
“Edgar gave me a heads up on what’s happening between you and Cat. He said there’s more and I’d like to hear it from you.” Cabel got straight to the point.
He followed the same suit. Starting from the beginning of their first encounter up until today. He made sure not to leave out any details.
“I already talked to Janan and Nova because I had a feeling about what happened. They spoke to her a little while ago and released her from her position,” Cabel explained.
Shade’s shoulders sagged with relief. “I have enough going on in my life. I don’t need any trouble.”
“Cat didn’t have the best track record, but they tried to give her a second chance,” Cabel said.
He nodded.
“Either way, she’s no longer with us.”
“Okay. Thank you,” Shade said.
“Now, I have another question.” He paused and Shade waited to see where the conversation would be going. “How are you and Jenessa?”
“We’re talking.” He couldn’t figure out what else to say. Everything was still in the air.
“Good to hear. If you need anything, let me know.” Cabel stood and held out his hand.
Shade did the same and shook his hand. He felt better when he left the office. When he reached his truck, he pulled out his phone.
Jenessa: Thank you for meeting me today. I’m glad we talked. Can’t wait to see you tonight.
He didn’t know how long he stared at the screen with a real smile.
Chapter Fourteen
Jenessa
Jenessa couldn’t figure out why her nerves were getting the best of her while walking into the family entrance. Not many PHL teams had such an entrance, but the Bears were all about family bonding. They even had a family/friends section.
After giving her name to the security guard, she strolled in, seeing her sister first. She stood with Elexis, her roommate and best friend, who happened to be dating Dag Limon, and Greer was next to her. When Mikayla saw her, she squealed, racing to hug Jenessa tightly.
“Does this mean what I think it means?” She held onto her shoulders.
“We’re talking,” Jenessa admitted.
Her words caused Mikayla to start jumping up and down and clapping excitedly.
“Who are you?” Elexis jokingly questioned Mikayla.
Instantly she stopped and glared at her. “Don’t ruin this moment. I’ve been waiting a long time for my brother and sister to get back together.”
“That doesn’t sound right,” Greer teased.
“You know what I mean.” Mikayla rolled her eyes.
“We’re just talking,” Jenessa reiterated. “Nothing more.”
“Yet,” Greer, Mikayla, and Elexis all said simultaneously.
She didn’t reply. She hoped they were right, but she was trying to protect herself a bit. Even though today they seemed to be moving in the right direction.
“Greer!
A tiny voice yelled behind Jenessa. All the women’s eyes widened in shock. Jenessa knew exactly what was happening around her.
Greer composed herself and bent down to greet the toddler. “Hi, Klara.”
Jenessa stared down at the beautiful three-year-old. The child who had been born a few hours before her son looked up at her. Her heart broke.
“Come on, let’s grab our seats.” Mikayla pulled on her arm, but she didn’t move.
“Hi.” The child waved at Jenessa,
Without thinking she bent down to Klara.
“That’s my Shade.” She reached over and touched the C on her shirt.
“She loves Shade.” Nova came up and knelt with everyone.
“He’s mine,” Klara informed her. “He plays with me.”
Hearing this warmed her heart. She’d done everything possible to avoid this child because of the pain it brought her. However, it wasn’t this baby’s fault and hearing Shade’s interactions with her only made Jenessa happier.
“Shade plays with you?” she managed to ask.
“We skate.” Klara beamed. Her pale blue eyes shined.
“Since Teo left he’s taken her around the rink a couple of times,” Nova clarified.
Watching Klara’s face it began to blur as the tears came from nowhere. The child’s joyous expression changed to concern. She stepped closer to Jenessa, and her tiny hands touched her cheeks.
“Don’t cry. Shade will skate with you too. He like everyone,” Klara informed her.
This made Jenessa smile.
“Klara, let’s leave Jenessa alone.” Nova tried to coax the child away.
“She needs a hug, Mama,” Klara said.
Before anyone could stop her, Klara wrapped herself around Jenessa’s neck. Feeling the toddler’s hug caused the tears to flow faster. Her son would have been the exact same age. Would he have hugged like this? Of course. He’d have Shade’s kind and sweet personality. Shade would have taught their son hockey as well. He’d play with him and skate with him, even if he was tired.
“Did I make you sadder?” Klara’s tiny lips pouted as she pulled away.
“No. No.” Jenessa shook her head. “These are happy tears.” She forced a smile hoping the child understood.
“Mama cries during shows,” she told them. “She says that is happy tears.”
“Exactly,” Jenessa agreed.
“Hey, Meatball.” Janan came over to the group.
“Jan-Jan,” Klara yelled with enthusiasm and ran to Janan.
Janan scooped her up and spun her around. The child’s laughter filled the hall. “I’m taking her, Nova.” And with that she headed in the opposite direction.
As everyone stood, Nova quickly apologized. “Had I known you were going to be here, I would have made sure she wouldn’t have bothered you.”
Mikayla handed Jenessa a tissue from her purse. As she dabbed her face, she shook her head.
“No, Nova. You don’t have to hide her from me.”
“I know it’s hard. I don’t want you to go through any unnecessary pain since you have enough going on in your life.” Nova’s sad tone hit Jenessa hard.
All these years, she hadn’t been hurting herself or Shade, but everyone in their circle. They all had walked on eggshells around her. Feeling horrible, she hugged Nova.
“You have a beautiful little girl. You don’t need to worry about my feelings. Be proud of her.” She pulled back.
“We’re very happy and proud of her. However, she has Janan’s attitude.” Nova sighed and the group giggled. “I’m very happy you’re here.”
“Me too,” Jenessa confessed.
“Come on, ladies.” Greer cut in. “Let’s get some greasy food and watch our men chase a puck.”
Laughing, they all began heading toward their seats.
As they sat down with a massive amount
of junk food, the game was about to begin. Mikayla and Jenessa shared a large pretzel and nachos with massive cups of pop. She couldn’t remember feeling this relaxed. It had been years.
The Bears skated around for their warm-ups. Her eyes landed on him the second he touched the ice. She loved watching him in, what she called, hockey mode. Shade had never been the biggest player on the team, but his determination made up for it. His five-foot-eleven height and one seventy build was muscular, just not bodybuilder size. He made a couple of rounds around the section they were warming up at before stopping and beginning to stretch.
Jenessa’s favorite part of the warm-ups. It reminded her of their first time together.
She didn’t know much about hockey. All the years she lived in Buffalo; she couldn’t believe she’d never gone to a game. Not even a college game. Shade had invited her to a game. When she arrived at the college arena shock filled her seeing all the fans in the stands. She made Mikayla come as well. Not that she didn’t trust Shade, but more so she valued her sister’s opinion. Mikayla had a great judge of character and could read people better than anyone she knew.
“So, where’s Mr. Hot Ass?” Mikayla searched the ice of players trying to pick him out.
“Right there.” Jenessa pointed to the player with the number thirty.
“Nice,” she commented.
Then it happened. Shade stopped skating and dropped to the ice. As he began going through the motions, Jenessa’s mouth dried, and she gripped Mikayla’s arm.
“If you don’t fuck him, I will,” Mikayla warned.
“Shut up.” She slapped her shoulder.
“Girl, look at those moves.” She pointed to him on the ice.
“Trust me, I am.” Her eyes remained locked on him.
It didn’t take long for her to become an instant fan. From the drop of the puck until the final buzzer, she was hooked. She cheered, hollered, clapped until her hands hurt and had the best time she’d ever had. As did Mikayla. When the game ended and they won, Jenessa jumped to her feet celebrating with everyone in the stands.
“Where are we going to meet Mr. Hot Ass?” Mikayla asked as they shuffled out with the crowd.
“Please call him by his name,” Jenessa groaned.
“Shade? It sounds like a biker.”