by Mary Smith
“Do you think about having more kids?”
Her question came out of nowhere.
“Yes,” he answered truthfully.
“With me?”
Shade glanced down at her in shock and confusion. “Who else would I have them with?”
She shrugged. “Probably someone else.”
“There’s no one else. Nor will there be,” he firmly told her.
Slowly she moved her eyes up to his. “What if we divorced?”
A hot knife of pain just stabbed directly into his heart by her words. The ‘D’ word hung between them and sat heavily in the air throughout the room.
“Then I would leave, but I’d never be with anyone else. You’re my everything, Jen. You’re the other half of my soul. You’re my world. Just like I said last night.” He kept his eyes on hers, not even blinking. She had to hear his words again and feel them.
Instead of her saying anything to him, she dropped her head, snuggling closer to him. Even though he wasn’t going to move his arm resting at his side, he changed his mind. Wrapping it around her waist, he pulled her to his chest and kissed the top of her head.
Closing his eyes, he tried to figure out a way for this moment to never end. He’d hold her forever if she asked him. He’d leave if she asked him to. No matter how much it broke him. Whatever she needed—or wanted—to be happy again, he’d do it for her.
A shiver ran down Shade’s back, causing him to open his eyes. He focused trying to recall where he was and what was happening. It all came back to him. Spending the day with Jenessa and falling asleep in each other’s arms.
However, she was no longer on the sectional with him.
Slowly, he stretched out his tight muscles and stood up. Searching the first floor of the house, she wasn’t there. Making his way up the stairs, he stopped at the top of the steps. There, at the end of the hall, sat Jenessa. In front of their baby boy’s closed bedroom door. There were several tissues in her lap, and he heard the soft sniffles. He gently walked over to her and sat next to her. He let her talk first.
“I think about him every single day,” she began in a tiny voice. “I wonder what he would look like. Even though I know he would look like you.” She softly giggled.
“He had your nose and ears,” Shade said, thinking of his son.
“He did, didn’t he?” She glanced over at him.
“He’d probably have Mikayla’s attitude,” he joked, breaking the tension.
Jenessa rolled her eyes. “You’re probably right.” And they both laughed.
“Most of all he would be loved and happy,” Shade added.
She nodded.
They sat there in silence, both staring at the door. Both thinking about their son.
“Would I have been a good mom?” Jenessa asked after a couple of minutes.
“You would have and will be the best mother any child could ask for.” Shade took her hand in his.
“It’s my fault, Shade.” Tears fell fast from her eyes.
Immediately, he pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her. He wished he knew a way to take away the pain and give her joy back.
“Jen, it’s not your fault.” He tried to reassure her. Peppering her hair and forehead with kisses.
“I was his mom.” She cried into his chest.
“And I’m his dad. My job is to take care of both of you.” The noticeable crack in his voice came with tears burning his eyes.
Lifting her head, he felt the warm tear slowly slide down his cheek. She scrambled out of his grasp, only to straddle his hips. She hugged his neck.
“I’m scared, Shade,” she said through her sobs. “I’ve caused you pain. More pain than anyone should ever endure. All because of me.”
He held her tightly, and his tears flowed faster.
“I’m sorry. I just hurt so badly because our baby’s gone.” She buried her face in the crook of his neck.
“Jen, look at me.”
She pulled back.
“We’re always going to miss him. We will always have pain. But we have more love for each other. This will get us through all of it. We just have to remember we’re a team. Forever.”
Chapter Sixteen
Jenessa
Seeing Shade’s tears broke Jenessa’s heart more than she ever thought. Through the hurt she caused him, he still loved her. For the past three years, he never wavered from her. She couldn’t blame him for leaving. Hell, she could barely stand herself during those worst days.
“I love you, Jen. I’ve never stopped. I never will.” More tears came from them both.
“I love you, Shade. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to handle my pain. I just lashed out and pushed everyone away,” she confessed, sadly.
“I’m right here. You can never push me out of your life. You’re my everything.” He cupped her face.
“We have a broken marriage.”
He shook his head. “No. It has a crack. A fixable crack. One I want to fix. I want to come home to my wife.”
His emotions hit her hard. She felt his love and desire. Not just to come home or fix their broken marriage but for her. She felt his lust and love for her.
Leaning in, she gently pressed her lips against his. She felt safe with him. As if he could wash away all the problems in the world.
When they broke from the kiss, she laid her forehead against his. “I love you.”
“I love you, Jen.”
She knew exactly what to do next. Pushing herself off the hallway floor, she reached for his hand. Easily he took her invitation and stood up. She led them into the bedroom. Their bedroom.
Shutting the door behind him, she grew slightly nervous. Even though she had thought about sex these past years, it frightened her at the same time. Becoming pregnant again was not on her to-do list, but right now the thought didn’t even cross her mind at all. She just wanted to show him how much she loved him.
Gently, she pushed him to sit on the bed. She saw the dried tears on his face. Holding up one finger, silently telling him to wait. She went to the bathroom to get a warm washcloth. She wiped her face clean before grabbing a fresh one for Shade. Coming back out, she walked over to him and carefully cleaned his. This reminded her of the many times he bathed her the couple weeks following Clay’s death.
When his face was clean, she began to softly kiss his cheeks first and then his lips. A fire burst through her as their kiss intensified. Shade’s hands ran up and down her body. Opening their mouths wider, each moaned as their tongues battled.
Breaking away for air, she took a small step away from him and lifted her hoodie over her head. Shade removed his shirt next. Her eyes landed on his left pec. There, still in the blackest of inks, against his naturally tan skin was her and Clay’s name. She traced both with the pad of her finger.
“You’re beautiful.”
Shade’s voice broke into her trance.
“I need you.” The lust she felt for him clearly came across in her voice.
He rose to his feet. Standing in front of her, he didn’t move. She knew the game he played. He always waited for her to make the first move. His stomach clenched as her nails ran down his abs. He wasn’t cut like some of the other players. However, one could clearly see the outline of his abs.
With her eyes locked on his, she managed to undo his belt, unbutton his jeans, and pull the zipper down. Heat rose through her as her heart beat faster.
“You’re not going to last long, are you?” she questioned. His entire body was tense. The expression he held told her everything without him saying one word.
Slowly, he shook his head. She saw him swallow hard. His chest rose and settled with his soft erratic breathing. Shade had always been a sweet lover. His concerns for her always came first, never worrying about himself. However, there were times he let himself go. He manhandled her, roughly pounding into her, but never hurting her or crossing a line she hadn’t allowed him to cross. She enjoyed every experience with him.
&n
bsp; “Just let go.”
The phrase was one they both used when they spiced up their bedroom activities. Because there had been times she been not so gentle with him as well.
“Jen, I can’t…can’t tonight.” His husky tone sent shivers through her. “It’s been too long, and my hormones might get the best of me.” He struggled to hold himself together. His grip bit into her upper arms. Again, not hurting her.
“Please, Shade. It’s been so long since I felt you deep inside me.” Her fingers toyed with the band of his boxer briefs.
She knew she was egging him on. After all these years she could push the right buttons to set him off in the best way.
“You win.” He gruffly growled out the two words before picking her up and tossing her onto the bed.
She gasped, and Shade already covered her body with his. Spreading her legs and raising her hips, she felt him pressing his hard cock down on her.
“I need more,” she begged, tugging at his jeans.
He rose up and took her pants off, leaving her completely naked from the waist down. Only leaving her bra on. The wildness in his eyes turned her on even more. He pulled his jeans and boxer briefs down to his mid-thighs, freeing himself from the confines of his pants. As her hand grabbed him firmly, she began to stroke him.
“You have to stop, or I’m going to blow on your stomach,” he told her with a strained expression.
“That’s not where I want it done at.” She spread her legs again, removing her hand.
Shade growled. Actually growled. Now, he gripped himself and bent down to her. Lining himself up with her opening, she watched Shade hesitate for a second. She touched his cheek.
“Please, Shade.”
Those two words were all he needed to set everything in motion. She expected him to slam into her. Almost preparing for it. However, Shade pushed about halfway in—slowly. He’d given her body time to adjust. Jenessa moaned loudly as she felt him. She’d deprived her body of his touch for such a long time, she forgot how great it had been to feel him again.
“More, Shade. More.” Her brain barely remembered how to form words.
He complied. Pushing all the way in, they both gasped. Her body stretched, but she didn’t feel any pain. Only pleasure.
“Jen.”
She knew what that meant.
“Let go, Shade. Please.”
And he did.
He pounded into her hard enough to knock out all the air in her lungs. Arching her body to feel every inch of him, she panted. This was the only way she could get any air. Her body relaxed, but then immediately tensed. She felt the wave of an orgasm coming. Like a tidal wave. She hadn’t felt this in a long time. Calling his name over and over, pushed her over the edge. Her body shook with pleasure. Even through her ecstasy, she heard him call out her name, feeling his release deep inside her. Shade collapsed onto her, but for only a second.
“Sorry,” he managed to breathe out and moved onto his arms.
“Stay.” She pushed him back down onto her, not wanting to be without his closeness.
He kissed her lips ever so softly, saying how much he loved her over and over. With his weight on top of her and the warmth of his touch, Jenessa’s body fell into a peaceful sleep.
Jenessa felt someone playing with her hair. She’d been having the best sleep. Slowly opening her eyes, Shade stared down at her.
“Good morning,” he said.
With confusion, she glanced around. The sun illuminated the room. “What time is it?”
“Seven in the morning.”
She realized she was under the blankets, still in only her bra. “I’ve been asleep for almost ten hours?” She would never stay in bed this long unless she was sick.
“Yes. Don’t worry I’ve been asleep almost as long,” he admitted. “And I hate to leave you right now.”
“Why?” she questioned with a panicked tone.
“The plane leaves in a couple of hours. I have to go.”
Realization came rushing back. Shade had to play hockey. “How long do we have?”
Checking his watch, he said, “Forty-five minutes. Hour tops.”
A sly smirk appeared on her face as she rose up and kissed Shade. Feeling down his body, she figured he was naked. It was the way he always slept. When her hand found what it was searching for, she realized he was almost hard, and she began to stroke him.
“That gives me plenty of time.” She flirted before maneuvering to straddle his hips.
“I love you on top,” Shade moaned as she glided down his shaft.
Like last night he stretched her but didn’t hurt her. Slowly she began moving up and down finding the perfect rhythm. Placing her hands on his chest, she used her grip to keep her balance. Shade grabbed her ass, guiding her pace.
“Shade.” She tossed her head back, completely taking every inch of him.
Rocking her hips faster, she stared deep into his eyes. His brown eyes turned her on even more. His eyes were full of…love. Only for her. Always for her. Together they found the release they both missed giving each other. She fell onto his chest and immediately he wrapped his arms around her.
“I love you, Shade.”
“I love you, Jen.”
As the high of their quickie wore off, her legs tightened. Easing off Shade, he wouldn’t let her go far. She curled up on his side. They laid still holding each other, not saying anything. Only enjoying each other’s touch.
“I don’t want to ruin our moment, but there’s a question weighing on me.”
Jenessa propped herself up to see Shade’s face. “What is it?”
He didn’t look at her right away. It took several seconds for him to face her.
“Do you want me to move back in?”
Jenessa had to blink a couple of times to make sure she heard him correctly. Sitting up further she tried to process his question. In her mind, they worked all of this out last night. Apparently, they hadn’t.
“I think the bigger question is, do you want to come home?” she countered wanting to hear what he had to say.
Shade rose and rested his back against the headboard. “I’ve told you several times, I want you. This includes coming back here to live. However, I don’t want to push you either.”
She appreciated him for putting her first. Then again, he always did.
“Shade, I can’t promise you it’s going to be a perfect ride. I still hurt every day. I don’t have a job. I’m an emotional mess. But you belong here. We belong together.”
Shade leaned over and kissed her. “All I ask is you talk to me, lean on me, and I’ll do everything in my powers to take your pain away.”
Meeting his lips with hers, their love flowed between them. She missed him, which caused her even more heartbreak. They needed to rebuild themselves and their relationship.
“But I do have to go,” he told her, sadly.
“You could quit, and we can just stay home forever. You know, live off the land.”
Shade laughed. “You mean Grub Hub?”
Trying to act offended, only caused her to begin laughing harder. A real laugh. One thing she hadn’t done in so long. In between their laughter, they continued to kiss.
Eventually, they left the bed. She slid into a robe as he dressed in the same clothes as yesterday. They were just about to walk to the kitchen when they heard the ding of the microwave.
Together, they said, “Mikayla.”
Sure enough when they reached the kitchen, Mikayla sat at the breakfast bar, watching a knitting video on her iPad.
Jenessa tapped her shoulder. “You don’t live here,” she told her when she pulled out one of her ear pods.
“And?” she questioned as if there would be an extensive explanation to come.
Rolling her eyes, she gave up and went over to the Keurig to make her coffee.
“If you must know. Elexis and Dag wanted a morning alone,” she explained.
“Why didn’t you go to Jarvis’s?” Shade asked the same q
uestion she thought.
“He and Joy haven’t been spending quality sibling time together lately.” She shrugged. “She needed some brotherly time.”
“What’s in the microwave?” Jenessa opened the door.
“Oh.” Mikayla rushed over to it. “My mac and cheese.”
“It’s seven-thirty in the morning,” she told her.
“So? I’m hungry.” Mikayla shrugged again and took the bowl. “Don’t be jealous because I can cook better than you.”
“It’s a microwaved mac and cheese. I can handle that.” Jenessa barked at her. She saw the look of ‘no way’ from Mikayla as she flashed it to Shade, who only smirked. “You both are assholes.”
This made all three laugh and Jenessa turned to fix her coffee. Shade and Mikayla talked about whatever knitting video she was watching.
“Well, ladies, as much as I hate to say it, I have to leave.” Shade pushed off the breakfast bar.
She knew he would be coming home tomorrow. And really coming home to her.
“I’ll walk you out,” Jenessa said.
As they began to walk toward the door, Mikayla loudly cleared her throat.
“I’d like to clarify I was the glue that put you two back together. Which means I should get a hug, or a new car, or maybe a diamond bracelet, or a gift card. Something showing some gratitude.” She faked a pout.
Instantly, Shade went over to her and gave her a hug and a loud kiss on her forehead. “Do you feel better now?”
“Meh,” she said before smiling.
“Love you too, sis,” Shade said as he made his way back over to Jenessa.
She always loved their relationship.
When they reached his truck, he gave her a kiss. “I don’t have much to move back into the house. I’ll get it all gathered when I get back into town tomorrow.” He grinned.
“Okay. I’ll be here.” She kissed him again and watched him climb into his truck.
After he drove away, she went back into the house. Mikayla remained seated in her same spot.
“I’m guessing you’ve been having a whole lotta sex.” She winked, taking a bite of her food.
“Actually, just twice,” she corrected. “And he’s moving back in.”