by Mary Smith
“What are these?” She stared at them.
“Divorce papers,” he said.
Her eyes flicked up at him. “Why do you have them?”
“The worse thing I ever did was leave you that night. I should have stayed and told you exactly how I felt. But I thought it would be best for you, even though it broke me.”
He saw the tears in her eyes.
“I told the attorney to draw these up because—again—I thought it would be best for you. My goal is to make you happy. However, I don’t want to divorce you. This is our marriage and I want to be with you. No matter what the future holds. We’ll be together.”
Jenessa studied his face. “Shade, I’ve loved you more than anyone in my life. Minus Mikayla because she is in her own category. I knew right away we were meant to be together. So much has happened in our ten years together, we really should write a book.”
Shade chuckled, agreeing with her.
“A divorce isn’t what either of us need or want.”
Hearing those words was like seeing a rainbow after the worst rainstorm. He watched as she picked up one of the envelopes and ripped it in half. Then she did the same with the other one.
“Let’s go home.” She slid out of the booth and held out her hand to him.
As he took it, he knew they would have a happily ever after.
Chapter Eighteen
Jenessa
After leaving The Latte Bean, they rushed home to get out of their clothes and into bed. Jenessa couldn’t remember the last time they’d spent all day in bed.
When Shade fell asleep, she watched him. His handsome face, strong jaw, and eyelashes, she’d pay money for, made her heart flutter. His words still spun in her head. His romantic side always shined more than hers. She never would have thought of trying to re-create their first meeting.
Slipping out of the bed without disturbing him, she put on her robe to head to the kitchen. As she stepped out of the bedroom, she should have turned to the left, but her body went right. Noticing Clay’s door was open, she slowly made her way to it. The last time she actually stepped foot in the nursery had been the day before she gave birth to her baby boy.
Leaning against the doorframe, she studied every inch of the room. She remembered how she bitched at Shade to make sure everything was absolutely perfect, and he made it happen.
“Jen?”
She looked over and saw Shade in his boxer briefs standing near her.
“Why are you crying?” He padded over to her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing the crook of her neck.
“I’m thinking.” She sniffled and went back to the doorway. “We need to do something about all of this, don’t we?”
“No.” Shade stood behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders. “We can keep this here however long you want.”
Moving to face him, she said what worried her the most. “We’ve been having a lot of sex.”
“I know. Do you want to stop?” he said with deep concern.
“Not particularly,” she said, honestly.
“I’ll get some condoms,” he assured her without hesitation.
“I’m scared. I’m worried. I’m full of anxiety even thinking about getting pregnant,” she confessed.
“Jen, I’m all those emotions as well.”
She placed her head on his chest. His strong beating heart brought comfort to her. “You don’t have to wear condoms.”
Saying the words out loud didn’t mean the emotions and fears just disappeared. But somewhere, deep down, she did want another baby with Shade. She wanted to be a mom.
Moving away from his warmth, she took a step into the room. Slowly making her way to the crib, she saw the small urn in it. The memories of her labor and his birth made the tears fall faster. The pain of knowing he died could never be put into words.
“I’ve been thinking,” she started, wiping her tears.
Shade was right next to her and rubbed his hand up and down her back.
“At the park, you can buy those benches and put a plaque on them. What if we got one by the play place and spread his ashes around?” She hated thinking of his ashes locked up in the tiny urn.
“That’s a beautiful idea.” He kissed her forehead.
“Let’s donate everything.” She looked over at the closet full of clothes, blankets, and everything in between.
“Whatever you want, Jen.” He kept his lips resting on her skin.
“We’re fixing our broken marriage,” she breathed, feeling some relief off her shoulders.
“One crack at a time.”
When his lips touched hers, she felt the world melt away.
Because I know my readers want to know…
Epilogue
Four months later
Jenessa
“I shouldn’t be nervous.” Jenessa still laid in bed as Shade moved about the room getting ready for practice.
“Janan and Nova believe in you. I believe in you. Hell, even Mikayla believes in you.” He stopped moving and came over to her. “You can do this.” He kissed her lips. “Call me if you need me.”
She watched him leave and waited for the front door to close. Quickly, she texted Mikayla.
Jenessa: He’s gone. Hurry.
This afternoon, the Bears’ legal team would be sitting down and going over the contracts for the players. Now, on top of being a part of the Bears’ legal team, she had been given the task of being the attorney to work on Janan and Nova’s charity. However, there was something bigger on her mind.
“I’m here,” Mikayla yelled as she came in.
“Up here,” she hollered.
“Why are you still in bed?” she asked when she came into the bedroom.
“Because I have to pee so badly. If I stand, I’ll need to go right then,” she explained as her bladder begged for relief.
“I’ve got ‘em.” Mikayla jerked a bag out of her large purse and dumped several boxes onto the bed.
“How many pregnancy tests did you buy?” Jenessa gasped.
“Ten.”
“Why?”
“We want to be sure. Oh.” She yanked out a red solo cup from her purse. “Use this.”
“What is happening here?” She stared at the cup now in her hand.
“Pee in the cup. Put all the tests in there and boom, we have a definite answer.” Mikayla laid out her idea as if she’d been planning it all her life and was finally able to unveil it to the world.
“I asked you to help me to keep me from losing my mind. This,” she waved her hand over everything, “isn’t helping me.”
“Okay.” Mikayla held up her hands. “I’m here for you. Whatever you want.”
“Thank you.” She finally stood up and her bladder protested in moving at all. For a second, she stared at the cup and all the boxes. Sighing, she said, “Fuck it,” and gathered up everything and went to the bathroom.
After she finished and came out, Mikayla set the timer on her phone. They sat on the side of the bed in silence for several seconds.
“Don’t go there,” Mikayla spoke first. “Don’t let your head spin out of control.”
“I can’t help it.” She sobbed.
Mikayla held her tightly, and it brought comfort to her. Unable to stop the tears, she let them fall.
“Jen, I’m back.” Shade’s voice boomed through the house. “I forgot my wallet.”
She heard him coming toward the bedroom. When he stepped in, he immediately stopped.
“What’s going on?” He rushed over to her. “Are you okay?”
Then the ding of the timer answered his question.
“Stay with her,” Mikayla told him as she got up from her spot.
“Jen, talk to me,” he begged.
She stared at him for several seconds. “I love you.”
“I love you too. But you were fine ten minutes ago. Tell me what’s going on. Talk to me.”
“I might be pregnant,” she said the words through her tears.
Shade’s face paled.
“And I’m scared,” she continued.
“Me too, but it’s going to be okay. We’re in it together.” He kissed her lips, but she clearly saw how he felt. He was scared as well.
Mikayla walked back into the bedroom, and they both looked at her with anticipation.
“You’re pregnant.”
This would be the time where they would be rejoicing like they did with Clay. However, this time, Jenessa broke down in tears.
Shade
Shade called Cabel and took a healthy scratch day. Jenessa told him she had to go to work. But one call to Janan, and it allowed her to come in later. She still had to be there before the afternoon meetings. Then Shade called Jenessa’s OB/GYN. Thankfully, and by a miracle, the doctor could see them almost immediately.
“Mikayla, are you coming?”
Shade heard the plea in his wife’s voice. He knew she needed them both to stay calm.
“You’re stuck with me.” Mikayla smiled trying to be strong for her. But Shade saw her wavering.
The three of them piled into Jenessa’s car while Shade drove them all to the doctor’s office. The ride was silent, and Jenessa never released her hand from his. Time seemed to move fast for Shade. Once they arrived at the office, they were called back within minutes.
Dr. Franklin walked in. She was a thin black woman who looked to be forty, but Shade remembered her saying she was in her fifties.
“Hi, everyone,” she greeted them and went over to Jenessa. “It’s going to be okay,” she told her in a soothing tone.
“I don’t know.” She shook her head and squeezed Shade’s hand tighter.
He didn’t care if she broke every bone in his hand if it made her feel better.
“Let’s run some tests and do an ultrasound. I’m going to list you as high risk. Even though your last pregnancy had no issues except during labor. We’re going to pull out every precaution this time,” she assured them.
“I want to discuss a scheduled c-section,” Jenessa blurted out.
“I was going to suggest the same,” Dr. Franklin said.
“What’s that?” Shade asked.
“We’ll pick a date to do a c-section instead of Jenessa going through traditional labor and delivery,” she explained.
Shade liked the plan a lot.
“We’ll discuss it more the closer the due date approaches. First, let’s get some blood work and an ultrasound.” With another smile to them she headed out of the exam room.
A nurse came in and took Jenessa to get the blood test done. When she left, Shade collapsed in a chair. Mikayla came over to him and held his hand.
“You can be strong for her again. This is going to be a good thing,” she told him.
“I know. I’m worried about her.”
“As am I. For you both. But you’re going to get through this. As is she.”
Shade nodded. Somehow Mikayla always knew what to say at the right time.
A few minutes later, a nurse came in to get Shade and Mikayla and led them to the ultrasound room where Jenessa was waiting on the table for them. He went to her and grasped her hand.
As they prepped her for the ultrasound, he leaned down and kissed her softly.
“I love you.”
“I love you,” Jenessa said.
“Okay, here we go,” the tech nurse said.
Shade stared at the screen. It only took a few seconds before the grainy image appeared. All three gasped as the profile of a tiny baby appeared.
“Is the baby okay?” Jenessa choked out the words.
“Everything looks great,” she told them in a bubbly tone. “You look to be about ten weeks.”
“Really?” Jenessa questioned. “I thought I might be six weeks at best.”
“Not according to these measurements,” she told them. “I’ll be sure to print out plenty of pictures. Dr. Franklin will be in shortly.”
Once Jenessa was situated back in her clothing and sitting upright, Dr. Franklin came back in and went over a few things. She wrote her a prescription for some prenatal vitamins. And said she’d see her in four weeks.
When they arrived back at the house, Shade studied Jenessa’s face.
“Mikayla, give us a minute,” he said. After she got out of the car, he said what was on his mind. “Please don’t shut me out.”
Jenessa turned to him. “I’m not. I promise. Right now, I’m all over the place in my head trying not to think of what could or couldn’t happen during all of this.”
“Trust me. I’m feeling the same.” He sighed.
“We can get through this.”
He wasn’t sure if she asked a question or if it was an encouraging statement for them both. Either way, he kissed the back of her hand.
“We will. Together.”
Thirty weeks later
Jenessa
Everyone around the table laughed at Jarvis’s answer.
“I know I’m right,” he hollered above the roaring laughter.
Shade, Jenessa, Mikayla, Jarvis, Edgar, and Greer sat around the table. The game ‘I Should Know That’ was on the table. The teams were girls vs guys and the girls were winning by far.
“You three are cheating,” Jarvis mumbled, pouting and crossing his arms.
“No reason to be a sour butt.” Edgar slapped his shoulder.
Jenessa rubbed her swollen belly as she watched the interaction. Her pregnancy had been smooth. She had numerous breakdowns throughout, and Shade had been there for her every single time. However, starting last night she had some of the worst back pain and was very uncomfortable. She tried to ignore it, but it seemed to grow worse. Ignoring the pain had been somewhat easy since tomorrow was her scheduled c-section. This was the reason why everyone came over tonight to celebrate with them.
The doorbell rang and everyone began to clean up the cards. Their food had arrived.
“I’m starving,” Jenessa announced as Shade headed to grab the subs they had ordered.
“Didn’t you eat twenty minutes ago?” Mikayla called her out.
“Shut up.” Jenessa slowly rose to her feet. She had gained thirty pounds during the pregnancy, and her large belly kept throwing off her balance. Not to mention, her swollen ankles.
“Where are you going?” Greer questioned.
“To refill our drinks,” she informed her.
“I’ll help,” Greer and Mikayla said in unison, both jumping out of their seats.
Jenessa shook her head but didn’t argue. She knew they were doing it out of love. In the kitchen, she leaned against the counter. She took a deep breath in as a pain shot through her.
“What’s wrong, Nes?” Mikayla rushed to her side.
“The small of my back is still killing me,” she moaned. “Poor Shade rubbed it for over an hour last night and again this morning.”
“How long has it been like this?” Greer asked.
“I don’t know. Forever it seems like but probably more like twelve or fourteen hours. It’s nothing though.” She waved it off. “Hey, Greer, what’s going on with you and Edgar?” She noticed there was a bit of tension between them when they arrived.
“Nothing.” She clearly gave them a fake smile.
“Really?” she pushed.
“It’s been hard since our daughter left for college, and our son is a high school senior. We’re beginning to feel the empty nest,” she explained with a sad tone.
“It’ll just give you two more time together.” Jenessa tried to show the positive side.
“Right.” Again Greer smiled but clearly forced it. “You know, I really wish you and Shade knew what the sex of the baby is. I could have planned an outstanding gender reveal party.”
Jenessa knew she changed the topic on purpose, and she wouldn’t pressure her about it anymore. “We decided to be surprised this time.”
“And they’re not telling anyone the names they’ve chosen.” Mikayla glared at her.
“We want everyone to be s
urprised,” she reiterated.
“I’m the baby’s aunt. I should be a part of everything,” Mikayla exclaimed.
Jenessa laughed at her outburst, which reminded her of Jarvis.
Then it happened.
She felt a pop.
And her underwear and jeans were soaked.
“Nes? Nes? What is it?” Mikayla touched her arm.
“Oh my God, her water broke,” Greer exclaimed.
Panic flooded her and her knees almost gave way. “Shade. I need Shade,” she whispered her command, afraid to move.
“Shade!” Mikayla yelled.
“What?” He ran into the room.
“Her water broke. I’m going to call the doctor.” Mikayla took charge as he rushed to her side.
Jenessa’s entire body began to shake as Clay’s labor and delivery flashed through her mind.
Shade must have realized what she was thinking. “Jen, it’s going to be okay.”
She felt herself nodding, but no words were coming out.
“Okay, the nurse said to go to General Hospital asap. They’re going to alert the ER we’re coming,” Mikayla announced. “I have your bag, purse, phone, and keys. Let’s go.”
“We’ll clean up and lock up,” Jarvis told them as they began making their way to Jenessa’s car.
Mikayla hopped into the driver’s seat as Jenessa and Shade got into the back. Jenessa wouldn’t let go of his hand. As hard as she’d been trying to keep the panic attack at bay, it was starting to be a losing battle. Shade kept saying it’ll be okay over and over.
As if they were in a stock car race, Mikayla made it to the hospital in record time. Pulling up to the emergency room door, Mikayla jumped out and ran into the hospital. Just as Jenessa stepped out of the car, a nurse appeared with a wheelchair.
The pain seemed to grow around her body more and more. It made her squeeze Shade’s hand only tighter. He never complained once. She was wheeled to the labor/delivery wing and whisked into a room. With the help of Shade and the nurse, her clothes were removed, and she was put into a hospital gown.
Once the machines were all hooked up, the attack hit. She couldn’t stop the tears, the fear, and the unknown.