by Jasmine Rose
Lena was so strong.
We stayed like that for what seemed like a lifetime. Her heavy breathing blew against my shirt, giving me goose bumps.
At one point, she let go. Lena sat on the grass and crossed her legs. She put her head in her hands.
I sat in front of her and ducked my head. I removed her hands from her face, startling her. She looked at me, her expression so drained it struck my heart. I hated seeing her like this.
I mouthed, "Talk to me."
"You know Liam, I hate myself so much." Her voice was raspy.
"I'm so vulnerable, so weak,” she went on. “Ever since my dad died, my heart hurts. I've never been able to be truly happy. In primary school, everyone pitied me. When high school started, I moved. Nobody knew about the accident, no one knew what happened. People would come talk to me, and say, ‘Oh Lena, you have a perfect life.’ I'd just smile. No one knows how many times I'd cry myself to sleep, and dream about my accident.” She stopped for a second.
“My dad died. I survived. Sometimes, no, I always wish I'd died with him. That would've been better. At least I wouldn't be feeling like this. I've been lying to myself. I've been lying to everyone, saying ‘I'm fine.’ Those words have been my best friends for as long as I can remember. I've already thought of ending it all, you know? But then I think of my mom and my dad. I know they wouldn't be proud of me. So I try to be happy, but no matter how hard I try, all I do is get more miserable.
“I'm so tired, Liam,” she said, releasing a breath she was holding. Her eyes were glued to the ground, as if she was ashamed of herself. “I'm so tired of everything."
Her eyes were spilling tears, they seemed unstoppable.
"You know, my dream is to be a bird. They fly in the sky and seem so free. They're almost never alone.” She finally looked up at me. “Would you like to be a bird with me, Liam?" she asked dryly.
I tried to restrain myself from reaching out and wiping her tears, but I failed. I wiped at the wet streaks on her cheeks. I grazed my fingers under her eyes, to keep more tears from falling. She sighed and closed her eyes.
I didn’t bother thinking about why, but I had the urge to kiss her forehead.
I stared at her. Even in her unhappiness she was so beautiful to me.
She opened her eyes again.
"Thank you, Liam. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me in a while."
It took me five seconds to process her words. She'd said them so —meaningfully.
I nodded and mouthed, "You really are beautiful, you know."
She blushed and smiled. Lena put her head down, and started playing with the grass. I smiled in return, happy I was the cause for a little bit of joy.
"So,” she said, “after this shitty day, how about going out for some ice cream?”
Mischievous Lena was back. Her eyes were glinting with excitement. I laughed. She looked like a little kid who was about to do something bad.
I wasn't about to skip school, though. I shook my head, making her smile turn upside down.
"Oh, please, please, please Li, it'll be the first time and the last time."
I mouthed, "No way in hell."
She begged. "Please, pretty please with a cherry on top."
I stayed still.
Lena put on her puppy dog face.
I huffed in surrender. She stood up and jumped around. I copied her but I didn't jump around.
"Yay, but what do we do?" she asked.
I knew exactly what we were going to do. I took her hand and we started running towards my car. It was a 2005 Mercedes; it'd been passed down to me from my dad.
Confusion was written all over her delicate features. She stopped running and stomped her feet childishly.
"Tell me where we're going first or I'm not moving."
I raised my eyebrow, amused by her behavior.
I put my arms up in surrender and approached her.
In a split second, she was over my shoulder and hitting my back with her fist. That had the same effect an ant would have made when walking on a bear.
"Fine, fine. Now put me down."
I ignored her and put her in the front seat. I buckled the belt for her and walked over to sit in my seat. I started the car.
She stayed silent during the whole ride. I could tell she was a bit annoyed by not knowing where we were going. When I stopped the engine and she saw where we were, her old, bubbly self returned and she started laughing.
"Lily's Ice Cream parlor? Really?"
I shrugged.
I opened the door, ushering her into the parlor with a bow. She giggled melodically.
"Oh, let's sit there, beside the window!"
I pulled her chair for her and she sat down.
"So, you're awesome, bro. Ice cream is a girl's best friend." She winked playfully.
I typed on my phone and showed her the note: "Are you implying that I'm a girl?"
She smirked. “Well, you look like one.”
I let out a laugh. “Seriously?”
“Nah, just kidding. You look like a boy.”
Within minutes, a waitress came. It was Jodi, my mom's best friend. She was smiling kindly at me.
"Oh hello, darling! How are you and how is your grandma? Tell her that I said hello! Do you want the usual? And who is this beautiful young lady?" She blubbered on.
Lena and I shared a look. She was just as amused as I was.
I took out a pen from my pocket and wrote on a napkin, "I'll tell grandma you said hello. How are you? Yes, I would like a strawberry chocolate covered ice cream. This is Lena, she is a good friend of mine."
Jodi's eyes scrolled through the paper.
"I'm just fine, sweetie. Your order will be ready in a minute. Lena, darling, what would you like?"
My friend was scrolling through the menu and I could see her mouth watering.
"Um, I would like a caramel-covered cone of ice cream, please."
Jodi nodded her head, scribbling on a small notepad she held. "Five minutes, darlings."
She scampered off, leaving Lena and me alone.
“Caramel makes me sick.” I showed her on my phone.
She let out a gasp. “You suck, then.”
♥♥♥♥♥
I stopped the car in front of her house. The weather was amazing, for the ending of October.
"Thank you, Liam,” she said. “You're the best friend a girl could have." Her expression was displaying an emotion.
Happiness.
I nodded, smiling.
Before I could process what was happening, she pecked my cheek and got out of the car.
"Bye! Text me!” Lena waved as I restarted the engine.
I flashed her a small smile before driving away. I had one question in mind.
Why was my cheek burning?
8
Something about December
“I wonder if the snow loves the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently? And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says ‘Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again.”
~Lewis Carroll~
(Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & through the Looking-Glass)
Lena Rose Winter
You know those days where you feel like bouncing off the walls, when you just have a good feeling? That was how I felt.
"Liam, meet me in the park asap.x"
I pressed on Send, excitement flowing through me. I'd been planning this moment for days and today was THE day. I checked the weather and my suspicions had been right. Ah, Sundays were the best.
I put on my jacket and my mittens.
I walked to the park and immediately saw Liam pacing back and forth worriedly.
"What's wrong, Li?" I asked, intrigued.
"Are you okay?"
I furrowed my eyebrows. Just because I wanted to see him didn't mean I was sad or something.
"I'm fine, Liam! I only wanted to see you, is that illegal now?"
He let out a b
reath and his shoulders relaxed.
"Race you to the field."
I felt a surge of adrenaline. The steady thump of my footsteps echoed in my ears and I felt a bead of sweat roll down my forehead, only to quickly evaporate. The only things stopping me from victory were my physical limits and my competition.
Before I knew it, I was the first one to reach the empty space.
"I won! Yeah! I won!" Happy dancing was one of my hobbies.
I looked at Liam, who had his arms crossed in annoyance, but he was slightly panting. I stuck my tongue out at him, a habit we both had, and advanced towards him. I cupped his face in my hands and said: "Poor little baby."
He shook my hands off and glared at me.
"Love you too."
He smiled at that, his eyes showing an emotion I couldn’t identify. I turned away from his unreadable face to look up at the sky, watching as the clouds began taking over the clear, blue view.
Any time now.
"What did you want to show me?" Impatience flowed through his words.
I rolled my eyes and ushered for him to wait. I spread down on the grass and closed my eyes.
Peaceful.
I stayed there for a while, enjoying the moment and patiently waiting for my event to happen.
Then, it touched my cheek. I grinned and opened my eyes. Liam was lying beside me, eyes closed. I put pressure on his stomach.
"Liam, Liam!” I shouted. “Come on, it's time." His eyes fluttered open. For a second, I got lost in his eyes. They looked beautiful.
I stood up and spread my arms.
The first snowfall of the year.
Large flakes fell from heaven, as if the angels were having a pillow fight and the goose down fell to our humble home. Though beautiful, the snow was cold and sharp as it bit at our fingers and the wind kissed our cheeks. The snowflakes fell one by one, each in a different place. By now, they were grazing the grass. I just hoped the weather would be cold enough to make them stay.
I took my camera and captured the beauty of nature. Liam stood there, smiling.
Genuine smiles were plastered on our faces. "It's snowing, Li! That's what I wanted to show you!"
I went closer to him and out of nowhere, he picked me up and spun me around. All I could see were his blue eyes dancing with joy. His face was flushed with delight. I felt my heart skip a beat. His lips were red because of the weather. He put me down.
He tilted his head back and laughed heartily. It was a deep sound. Mellow. Calming.
I remembered reading somewhere before that mute people who lost their vocal cords couldn’t laugh… I disregarded the thought and just let myself enjoy the moment.
Like a deep river, washing over a path of stones.
I joined him in his open delight.
We danced like mentally crazed freaks. It was like we were the only people in the world. It was all worth it because I was with him. It was at that moment that I realized that I would never handle losing him.
I wanted to stay here with him forever.
I suddenly remembered something. "Liam! I want to take pictures with you, I'm creating a scrapbook. I want you in it, because I care about you."
He nodded.
We took endless pictures together. From sticking our tongues out, to me watching him smile. Truthfully, I looked quite creepy.
"Last one!"
I gave him the camera, so he could capture the moment. I put my arms around his neck and planted a kiss on his cheek. It seemed like an appropriate thing to do.
We were friends, right? His skin became a little red, and he put his head down.
I was bewildered, was he blushing?
Can boys even blush?
"Aw," I cooed, "Lili is shy, just because his friend kissed his cheek."
That seemed to get him back. He chased after me, this time with full speed. Taken aback, I suddenly stopped moving.
But that didn't seem to stop him; he came at me and attacked me. Our weight was too much, we both lost balance. I ended up laying on him. I tried to wriggle out of this situation, but his grip on my waist only got stronger.
I giggled. He smiled.
His eyes were observing me. I looked into them and was swept away in the ocean of blue. I felt at home, looking into those eyes. It was remarkable how there were different shades of blue hidden in his eyes. I felt like I was in a different world.
His eyes flickered to something on my face, I wasn't sure what. All of a sudden, I was the one on the ground, and he was hovering over me, supporting his weight on his arms.
He started leaning in, his eyebrows furrowed and his expression looking more intense than ever. He was centimeters closer to my face. I felt his hot breath. I looked at his cherry red lips.
I closed my eyes, waiting for the moment they would be on mine.
"That's what makes you beautiful, oh, oh, that's what makes you beautiful."
My cell phone rang mercilessly. I stifled a groan. Liam quickly sat on the grass, scratching his neck.
I fumbled for my phone in my pockets. I felt my face get redder than hot pepper. My face was hot and my heart was beating uncontrollably fast.
I cleared my throat. "Hello?"
"Hello, darling." My mom's familiar voice rang on the phone. She sounded frantic.
"Uh, hey, Mom. What's up?"
"Well, I have a visitor over here, you need to come home."
Another voice came through the phone. “Margaret, why don’t you just tell her that her sister’s home?”
I paled.
9
Past Comes to Life
“Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death.”
Lena Rose Winter
"S-Sister?" I stuttered, my hands sweaty from their grip on my phone.
“Victoria!” The sound was blocked for a second. “Sorry, sweetie. There's a lot to talk about. Lena, come home, now," demanded my mother.
"Okay, mom." And with those words, I hung up.
I looked at Liam, who read my fear and shock. I shook my head tiredly and stood up.
"Sorry, Li, I've got to go,” I said. “Family emergency.”
He nodded understandingly.
I gave him a quick hug and ran to my house. The million questions popping into my mind gave me a headache.
I have a sister? How? Who was she? And if this isn't some kind of sick joke, why was she here now?
In front of my house, a flashy red car was parked. I took my time walking to the front door and hesitantly unlocked it. I could hear two people talking.
I entered the living room, only to see two women sitting face to face. One of them was my mom, the other one was a complete stranger to me. She had long, wavy, brown hair that cascaded to her waist. Her eyes were brown, chestnut-like. She had delicate features and high cheekbones. I had a feeling I’d seen her before.
When her gaze landed on mine, she immediately stood up and extended her hand to me. I hesitantly shook it.
"Who are you?" I asked, shifting my eyes between her and my mom, who looked like she was about to cry.
"I'm Victoria Winter, your sister." She talked with an English accent.
Her words hit me like a cold, hard slap in the face. I was astonished, surprised and shocked. This was one of those moments where I really wanted a camera to pop up and my mom to laugh and say; “You got pranked!”
I shook my head. “I’m an only child.”
Victoria’s eyes flickered with fatigue. "No, Lena,” she said. “I'm your half-sister." I noticed the suitcases beside her.
"H-How?"
"I'm your half-sister. I'm older than you by approximately a year."
That didn't clear anything up.
"How?" I repeated.
Finally, my mom decided to answer. Her voice was throaty as she explained, "Your dad had a daughter with his ex-wife in Britain, before he married me."
My mouth went slack, falling slightly open. I felt all color drain from my face as I stared wide-eyed at — my sister
.