by Emma Vikes
But I never thought that betrayal would be so much worse.
I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to feel about my situation. Was I meant to grieve her like the widow that the world saw me as or was I meant to be angry at her because she was cheating on me and treated our marriage like garbage? In the end, it only left me indifferent.
In the end, her death and betrayal made me lose myself and I was longer sure what perspective I was supposed to see my life at.
“Milo.Milo.Milo!”
I looked up from my phone. I was still at home eating breakfast that Mrs. Barrymore had prepared for both Violet and I. Violet was still in her room, getting ready for school. “Sorry, I was just checking emails. What were you saying?”
Mrs. Barrymore sighed. Her black hair had streaks of white and it was tied in a tight ponytail that left her face looking taut. Mrs. Barrymore’s family have worked for Rebecca’s since she was young. Evidently, when Rebecca and I got married, she worked for us. She had been taking care of Violet since she was born and they’ve both developed a tight bond over the years, especially after Rebecca’s death.
When Rebecca died, I thought Mrs. Barrymore would quit her job since technically, she worked for Rebecca and not me. But she didn’t want to leave Violet. In the past year, I’d tried my best to keep the affair hidden from her because I didn’t want her to think less of Rebecca but eventually, she found out, seeing the pictures herself. I wasn’t sure if that was what cemented her loyalty to me or if she was simply loyal to Violet.
“There’s a PTA meeting at Violet’s school...” she let the statement hang, waiting for my response.
Just as I was about to say no, Violet spoke. Neither of us heard her come downstairs. “You don’t have to go, Dad. I know you’re busy.”
She sat on her spot, grabbing the milk and downing her cereal with it. I watched her in silence but she refused to meet my gaze. Ever since Rebecca’s death, Violet had grown further and further away from me. When her mother was alive, I was busy with work too but Violet always tried to convince me to play with her or watch a movie with her and I would happily obliged. We tried. We tried to keep our bond.
When Rebecca died, both of us stopped trying.
“She also has a soccer game this afternoon,” Mrs. Barrymore offered, looking at me expectantly.
I closed my eyes. I had early dinner with Mr. Stevenson tonight. I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it to her game. “Uncle Everett’s going. He promised he would. It’s okay, Dad.”
Pursing my lips, I didn’t say anything and across from me, Mrs. Barrymore sighed, standing up from her seat and proceeded to fix Violet’s snack. I turned to my daughter, wanting to say something but not knowing what the right words were. This was a constant awkwardness that went on between Violet and me recently. Me, never knowing how to talk to my daughter. Her, completely ignoring my existence.
Sometimes it felt like she wished I would’ve been the one who died and not Rebecca.
Sometimes I wished that was true.
The drive to her school was filled with complete silence. Violet was staring at the window and when I slowed down the car and came to a stop, I looked at my daughter longingly. Sometimes I wished I knew what I was supposed to say to her. But then she would look at me and I would meet her blue eyes and be reminded of how much she looked like her mother.
I could barely look at my daughter without remembering the affair.
She opened the door and was about to dash out, her backpack strapped against her. “Vi!”
She stopped and turned to look at me, her blue eyes shining with question. “Yea?”
“I...” I licked my lips and flashed her a small smile. “I’ll try to make it to your game. I promise.”
Violet smiled at me sadly and shook her head. “Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, Dad.”
She slammed the door shut and I was left watching as she joined her friends. Violet was only seven years old. I thought this kind of exchange would happen during her teen years and not now. But then again, I had no one to blame but myself.
I was the shell of a father that I used to be.
Driving away from her school, all I could think about was how distant Violet was to me. When my Dad died, Mom made sure that we felt her presence around the house even when she loaded herself with work. For a while though, she was absent. Drowning herself with work but eventually, she came around and remember she had four sons to take care of. I only had one child to take care of and I was leaving her in the hands of her nanny.
I just...
I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to be a picture of a strong and resilient father guiding her through these trying times when I couldn’t even guide myself. I was too immersed in my thoughts and didn’t see the stoplight turn red and the lady crossing. I stopped my brakes the last minute but still hitting her on the leg. I watched as she fell in front of my car and my eyes widened in panic.
“Jesus Christ!” She screamed in annoyance just as I got out of my car. She fell down on a puddle, her white shirt wet and dirty. Either of her legs weren’t bent in an odd angle but they were slightly red. Other than that, she was completely unscathed so I didn’t really want to be reported to the police for hit and run.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t see you there...”
“Gee, you think I didn’t realize that?” she said with a huff, standing up. I tried to help her but she swatted my arm away in annoyance. “I’m fine. Just go. I’m already late for work.”
She was mumbling under her breath about her shirt and as much as I wanted to rush to my work because I didn’t want to be late, I also didn’t want to just simply let this go knowing that it was my fault. I was too wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn’t see her crossing. Had I not hit my brakes fast enough, I would’ve run her over. I got back in my car and then parked it at the side, grabbing the hoodie I stashed in the back seats of my car and rushing to catch up with the woman.
“Hey!” I called her attention and she stopped, looking back at me. Annoyance was clear in her eyes. “Here.”
She stared at the gray hoodie I was offering her and shook her head. “I told you, I’m fine.”
“Megan!” We both turned to the salon that we were standing outside of. An old lady was looking directly at the girl with irritation. “You’re already late and you’re standing there, chit-chatting? We don’t pay you to talk to guys, Megan.”
“I’ll be there in a second, Nora,” she replied with a big smile on her face and then she turned to me and there was that annoyance I was slowly growing familiar to. “Look, you hit me with your car because you weren’t paying attention. Maybe something’s bothering you but that’s yours to deal with. You hit me, yes, and I’m fine, as you can see. You don’t need to do anything to make me feel better. I’m over it.”
“But you’re still annoyed.”
She huffed. “I’ve had a bad morning. My alarm didn’t go off. My water got cut off. I have an eviction notice taped outside my apartment door and then on my way to work, a guy hits me with his car because he has his issues too. I’m annoyed by how my morning’s going. But I’m fine, okay? It’s not like the bad karma is gonna last the entire day.”
I stared at her in surprise and watched as her gaze slowly softened. She stared at the hoodie in my hands and grabbed it. “But if you’re offering this, then maybe my karma’s turning around. Hope yours does too.”
She turned around and went inside the salon, quickly talking to the woman who had called her just a moment ago and clearly trying to explain why she was late. I stood there, watching her. She went inside a room and came out with her platinum hair tied in a small ponytail. She slipped on my hoodie and then proceeded to tend to one lady in a chair, possibly her customer. I watched as she began to cut the woman’s hair, smiling and laughing as if none of the bad things that she just told me about, had happened to her.
If she wasn’t limping slightly, I wouldn’t even think I’d even hit her. I we
nt back to my car and as I drove to work, all I could think about was how she seemed to be positive. If it was me in her place, I would’ve let the bad morning dampen my entire day, just like how I’d let Rebecca’s death dampen my entire life. Positivity wasn’t that easy and if you were grieving the death of your wife and reeling from the shock of her affair, it was impossible to think that good things were still coming.
For the rest of the day, I buried myself with work. My brothers called me out on the fourth month after Rebecca’s death that I was purposely drowning myself with work. They weren’t entirely wrong about it. Work gave me a reason to focus on something else. It was like a safe place that I could hide into and it allowed me to completely forget the direction that my life was going and how bad everything was at the moment.
At four, I left the office for an early dinner with Mr. Stevenson, the Vice Chairman of the company. He had scheduled the dinner yesterday and told me that what we were about to discuss something that would be very important to my career. I got into my car and drove to the restaurant that he had reserved for the meeting and wasn’t surprised to see him already there. The man always said that the best way to success was never being late so he always came fifteen minutes early.
“Ah, Milo Hudson! Glad that you’re finally here. I’m already famished. I hope you don’t mind but I already ordered mine.” Mr. Stevenson handed me the menu with a smile on his face. The man was my mentor when I first started working in their company and had always been since. I ordered my food and glanced at my watch, knowing full well that I wouldn’t be able to make it to Violet’s soccer game.
Don’t make promises you don’t intend to keep, Dad.
Maybe if I told him, Mr. Stevenson wouldn’t mind wrapping this up early. “Mr. Stevenson...”
“Paul.” He looked at me sternly and I chuckled, nodding my head.
“Paul, listen, I’m not sure what this meeting is about but Vi has this game and we haven’t been...I’d really like to watch and cheer on my daughter.”
He looked at me and kept staring just as our food arrived. He motioned for me to take a bite and I did, waiting for him a little more until he finally cleared his throat, sipped his wine and then wiped his face with the napkin. “The last time you said that to me, it was almost a year ago. Before...”
Before Rebecca died and I was trying to make sure that I had any semblance of a relationship with my daughter. “I know, Paul. It’s been a while since then. And I think it’s about time for me to try again.”
He nodded his head in understanding. “Then I guess I won’t keep you long. The board and I have agreed, we want to offer you the position of Director.”
I almost choked on the filet mignon I was eating. I wiped my mouth and stared at him. “Excuse me?”
He grinned. “Your hard work and overtimes haven’t gone unnoticed, Milo. But there’s a slight catch to this promotion. You’re going to be the director but you’ll be the director of our branch in Chicago.”
“Chi...Chicago?” I repeated his words, staring at him even more shocked that I was just a moment ago. “You want me to move?”
Paul shrugged. “Yes, Milo. We want you to move from Irving and to Chicago. Aside from the fact that you’ve worked hard and earned the promotion, I think you’re the most suitable candidate...”
“Because nothing’s holding me back and my daughter’s too young to have a say in the matter?”
He shook his head, sipped his wine again and looked at me with age-old brown eyes. “It’s not that, Milo. It’s that maybe it’s about time you have a fresher start in a place that doesn’t remind you of what you’ve lost.”
I stared at the glistening red wine in my glass, taking his words into consideration. “Irving’s all I’ve ever known, Paul.”
“And sometimes all you’ve ever known will keep on breaking your heart. Start over, Milo. It’s never too late.” He gave my hand a gentle tap and then focused on his food. It was silent for a couple of minutes before he paused, looked at me and said, “If not for yourself, then for the sake of Violet. Maybe a change of environment would be good for the both of you.”
Chapter 2
Megan
“Who was that guy talking to you earlier?” Nora asked me, her eyes focused on the magazine she was holding and I knew she was trying to be subtle. But Nora was always one to gossip so I knew this was simply her prying for some information.
Rolling my eyes, I finished cleaning the sink that we used to wash the client’s hair. “He hit me with his car earlier when I was crossing the street.”
Nora whistled lowly. “Which of you was the stupid one?”
“Him. He didn’t see the red light but fortunately saw me soon enough not to run me over and kill me. It’s just a bruise and a limp. Far away from life-threatening ailment,” I replied with a shrug.
Nora looked up for her magazine. She looked like a 1970’s hairdresser with her tacky get-up, big hair and the small glasses that framed her eyes. I knew that this was the gig that her salon was going for; the 1970’s vibe. It was a good thing we didn’t offer any of those styles anymore nor did we had to dress up like her. But then again, I couldn’t complain. When you didn’t have that much money in your bank account, you’re going to say yes to anything.
“Listen, Nora, I know that it’s too soon but can I get an advance on my paycheck?” I was biting my bottom lip when I asked her, waiting for her reply.
Nora lowered her magazine on the counter and then tilted her head to the side to look at me quizzically. “Two weeks ago, you asked the same thing and I only gave you a week’s pay because you asked the same thing a week before that.”
I fiddled with my fingers, a habit of mine whenever I was nervous. “I know. It’s just that money’s really tight right now...”
“When isn’t it, Megan?” Nora said with a sigh, rubbing her fingers against her forehead. “What is it this time? A brother was thrown into jail and you need to bail him out?”
Looking down, I stared at my worn-out black Converse. That was my reason two weeks ago because I needed to bail out Marco for vandalizing private property. The bail wasn’t too big but I didn’t have that money either so I had to make an advance on my pay. Nora understood but warned me that I had to stop taking care of my siblings’ dirty laundry.
“I got an eviction notice already. They’re giving me two weeks until it becomes official. I was thinking maybe I could talk to the landlady and then pay for a month’s worth and then figure out how I was going to pay for the rest by taking part-time jobs.”
“And having the money from your part-time jobs taken by your brothers all over again,” Nora reprimanded, shaking her head. “Your love for your siblings is admirable, Megan, but sometimes you need to know that you’re being taken advantage of.”
“They’re adjusting with this whole adulting thing...”
Nora shook her head. “Positivity is a good trait but false positivity is stupid too. I’ll give you your check after closing.”
All I could do was thank her. If I tried to defend myself and my siblings, there was the possibility that Nora wouldn’t give me the check. For the rest of the morning, I focused on cutting women’s hair, dyeing, straightening and even curling until my feet were screaming at me to take a break. I didn’t even have lunch during the break, telling them that I could cover the others who wanted to eat because I didn’t bring any cash to buy myself lunch and besides, the guy with the deli van would be filled with customers at lunch. I could come there until after.
By the time that everyone was back from lunch, it was my turn to head out. Nora never minded my weird lunch break hour. She always said that it was always better to have someone remain while someone else ate or took a break. I walked to the deli truck and it was nearly deserted, happy customers leaving and thanking Pablo.
“Hey Pablo!” I greeted with a smile.
The middle-aged Mexican grinned when he saw me and tossed me a sandwich that I easily caught. Pablo always gave m
e a sandwich for free. I helped him out once when his car broke down on his way to his usual spot and he couldn’t call any towing company for help. He happened to have a spare but he had bad knees so he couldn’t bend down to change it. I did it for him. My Dad was a mechanic and taught me all the ropes about cars. Pablo never stopped thanking me since.
Pablo scrunched up his nose when I gave him a hug, waving me off. “You smell like hair dyes and products. Bad smell. I don’t like it.”
His accent was thick and it was adorable for a big guy with a buzz cut wearing a stained white apron and beard. He looked like your typical deli guy. And he was a complete teddy bear too. Well, a teddy bear with a tattooed arm sleeve. “That’s because you only like the smell of food.”
Pablo shrugged and then handed me a drink. He had his own sandwich and drink in his hands and we took a seat on one of his chairs. At around six, Pablo would pack up and head home. Sometimes, I would stay around and help him out even when the salon closed at five. It was nice talking to Pablo. It made me feel like I had a fun uncle.
I finished my food and then downed my drink, throwing it in the trash and helping Pablo clean up some tables until I finished up all my time for lunch. “I’ll come by later to help you pack up.”
“And I’ll have your dinner ready.”
“You know you don’t have to, Pablo.”
He quickly shook his head. “You’re too skinny. I make sure that your sandwiches have a lot of meat in them, especially pork but you’re still skinny.”
He sounded like a reprimanding father and I giggled, wrapping my arms around him and giving him a hug. “Thanks, Pablo.”
He waved me off as I made my way to the salon. “Megan!”
I grinned when I saw Violet. She was in her soccer uniform and she looked really cute in it. I knew her because her nanny, Mrs. Barrymore, was my client. Recently, Mrs. Barrymore couldn’t have a day off of work since Violet’s mother died so she would bring Violet along with her whenever she needed a trim. I’d never seen Violet outside of the salon and I’d never even seen her parents but I felt bad for the little girl. I know what it felt like to lose one parent and she did at such a young age and her father seemed to be too busy with work to even take care of her.