by Emma Vikes
Verna arrived ten minutes after I called her, wondering why I called her on a weekend for something that wasn’t work related. She handed me a huge box that held the contents of what I asked her to buy. “So it’s really a free day today?”
She had gotten used with spending Saturday mornings in the office and I could tell with the excitement dancing in her eyes that she was looking forward to a longer time to relax before work resumed on Monday. I nodded my head. “Yes, Verna. We’ll resume on Monday. Besides, there’s not too much to work on.”
“There was never too much to work on but you always insisted...” Her words trailed off and her eyes widened and then she flashed me a smile, “but anyway, I hope you enjoy your weekend, Mr. Hudson!”
Lugging the huge box to the backyard, I began to set up the goal that I knew Violet always wanted. I made a promise to her that I’d buy her one on her seventh birthday but didn’t because I was too consumed with Rebecca’s betrayal and death. I began unboxing everything and setting them on the ground and started to connect them together and tie the net on each stand, making sure that it was rooted on the ground well enough. When I finished setting it up, I was suddenly excited for Violet to wake up.
When I entered the house, I saw her in the middle of the living room. She was still in her pajamas, her brown hair a complete disarray. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and then stood still when she saw me. I watched as she took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. “Hi, Dad. Where’s Megan?”
“She went to the grocery store, said there were some things she needed to buy. Come on, let’s go have breakfast.”
The hesitation was clear in Violet’s eyes but she followed me to the kitchen and I watched as her eyes widened when she saw the breakfast laid out. I went a bit overboard with the breakfast burritos they listed on the whiteboard. “Megan made all these? Or is Uncle Julian here? Where is he, Dad?”
I could hear the excitement in her voice and I really didn’t want to ruin it but I didn’t want her to believe that Julian was here when he was probably halfway across the world. The last time we talked, he told me he was heading to China. “No, sweet. Your Uncle Julian’s probably still in China for his tour but don’t worry, if he’s back in the US, I’m sure he’ll visit.”
She had already eaten almost half of the burrito and was eyeing the strawberries that were floating on sweetened milk. “So who made all of these?”
I cleared my throat. “I did, Vi. And make sure you finish all of that and I have something to show you in the backyard.”
There was a moment of silence between the two of us as Violet stared at the food and then at me. At that moment, my heart stopped beating and a part of me thought that she would push the food away and then march back upstairs. But there was a small smile on her face as she stared at it. “Knew it. Uncle Julian doesn’t know I liked strawberries and milk.”
My heart softened at her words and I started eating my breakfast alongside her in comfortable silence. I wanted to apologize to her about last night. “Vi...about what happened...”
Violet shook her head and then ate the last bite of her burrito. She looked at me with her big blue eyes. Rebecca used to tell me that she looked so much like me but I never really saw it. Vi always looked like a mini-version of her mother which was why it was so hard for me to look at her sometimes. “It’s okay, Dad. Mom used to say that my inability to apologize came from you.”
I cracked a smile, knowing she meant it as a joke because her Mom did use to say that a lot when she was still around. I reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Then we better work on saying sorry together, alright?”
We finished our breakfast and I picked up both our plates and bowls and loaded them in the dishwasher. I made sure Violet stayed by my side as I was cleaning up in the kitchen because I didn’t want her to see the surprise without me. She was already running out of patience waiting for me and it hadn’t even been ten minutes.
“Finally!” Violet said when I started the dishwasher and she grabbed my mind- and I was surprised how her hand was no longer too small and tiny in mine- and dragged me to the backyard. She gasped when she saw the setup backyard soccer field I had made a few minutes ago and then turned to me, squealing. “You really did it!”
She jumped in my arms. “Anything for my princess.”
I kissed the side of her head and hugged her tighter when I settled her down on the ground. I put both my hands on the side of her head and looked at her bright blue eyes. There was a lump in my throat because this was the first moment since Rebecca died that I really looked at our daughter. We lived under the same roof but it was as if I’d never truly seen how she had grown up. She was a few centimeters taller than when Rebecca died and her brown hair looked much darker than the last time I remembered.
“Did you push Bran last night?”
Something flashed in her eyes but then she took a deep breath and slowly nodded her head. “I did. But it was because he kept saying bad things about Mom. That she died because she didn’t want to be with me.”
My heart broke for her because I could see her eyes shining with unshed tears. Rebecca was her hero and losing her tore her apart in a different way that it broke me. “Your Mom would move heaven and earth to be with you, Violet, and you know that. That’s the only truth that should matter and what everybody else says doesn’t, alright?”
“Then why did she have to go?”
It was in her question that Megan’s words echoed in my head again. Just because you can’t be a husband anymore doesn’t mean that you get to stop being a father too. It doesn’t work that way. And since Rebecca died, I’d been neglecting my role as her father more and more. I kissed her forehead. “Because sometimes bad things happen to the people we love and we lose them but life doesn’t stop when we lose them and the world is still filled with people who love you and will love you and we have to choose to live for those people.”
I wasn’t sure where that came from but it was a truth that I should’ve been following. “And will I lose you?”
The raw innocence of a child who already had one parent and was afraid of losing another one was so clear in her voice and I hated myself for being emotionally absent for her even if it was just for a little while. “I’ll make sure that you don’t, Vi. I live for you because Daddy loves you.”
She hugged me tight and I closed my eyes, trying my best not to cry when I felt her tighten the hug. When we pulled away, someone cleared a throat behind us and we whipped around to see who it was. Megan stood by the sliding door that led to the backyard, her platinum blonde hair shorter and straightened. She tilted her head to the side, an endearing smile painting her pink lips.
“Did I ruin a moment?”
“Megan!” Violet cheered, running towards her. Megan crouched down so Violet could envelope her in a hug. “Your hair looks really pretty!”
Megan touched her hair, smiling and then winking at Violet. “Thank you. I’ve managed to convince the salon across the soccer field to let me cut my own hair.”
Violet grinned and they bumped fists and I watched the two of them interact, as if they were both in on a little secret and as if they were suddenly trapped in their own little bubble. Violet touched Megan’s hair again and I couldn’t help but admire it myself. If she was telling the truth that she did it herself, then she was really good at what she used to do.
And if I was being honest, she looked better with the shorter hair than she did with her longer one. It made her look even prettier.
“Daddy!” My heart warmed when Violet called me that again and I looked at her, waiting for her to continue, “we’re making pizza for lunch! We can make it now and then we can play after so we’ll be hungry again!”
Megan laughed and stood up and I nodded, following both of them inside. Violet rushed in first and I tapped Megan’s shoulder before we could both step inside. I had an overwhelming urge to thank her for always trying to talk sense with me but just like my inability to apologize, I w
asn’t good at thanking people either.
But I was good at giving compliments.
“You look good.” Megan reached for her hair and unconsciously touched it. The right corner of my lips twitched into a small smile. “You look prettier.”
And the world is still filled with people who love you and will love you and we have to choose to live for those people.
Maybe.
But for a betrayed heart, the concept of falling in love wasn’t real anymore.
Chapter 9
Megan
You look prettier.
Because you’re making me want to kiss you and I’m trying really hard not to.
Damn it, Milo. I wasn’t sure what he was trying to do or convey.
Last night, the three of us fell asleep on the couch watching old Disney movies on Netflix. We spent the entire day at home - well, Milo spent the entire day at home- and told us that tomorrow will be the same or we could go to the park or something. He was really trying this time, not the kind of trying he did the first time around and watching him with Violet, the way he made her laugh in a way that only a father could.
But then there were moments when it was just the two of us. When Violet took a shower before we started making the pizza and I was cutting the onions and he took the knife from me.
“You’re going to cut yourself if you keep doing that.”
I looked up at Milo and his gray eyes looked at me with keen intent. He moved slowly, almost languidly, to where I stood. He snaked his arms and took the knife from my right hand and I was right in front of him, our bodies too close to each other. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck, and my back firmly pressed against his chest. I could feel him moving behind me as he gingerly began cutting the onion, his hands swift and precise, and the onion was cut finely compared to the earlier clumsy cuts I’d made.
Milo wasn’t moving despite the fact that he had finished cutting the onion and then he moved to grab the tomato and I thought he’d slice them for me but he pressed the handle of the knife in my waiting hand again. “Make sure you cut them smoothly. Your knuckles have to be close so your fingers aren’t the ones that are grazed by the knife since that’s dangerous.”
His breath was on my neck with each word he said and his voice was a quiet and soothing murmur and I had this sudden urge to turn around and wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, tongue delving into his mouth and the desire to taste everything about him.
Woah, hold up, Megan. He’s your boss!
And then Milo moved away from me and looked at me expectantly, like a teacher patiently waiting for his student to perform. All I could do was stare at his gray eyes searching for something- anything- that told me he liked being near me in that way, or the way his eyes had looked when he told me he was trying to control himself not to kiss me.
But there was nothing and I watched as he moved to the refrigerator and then poured himself a glass of water, downing it in one go and all I could do was stare, wishing I was the glass so his lips could be pressed on me...
Holy shit.
Milo tilted his head to the side and it was then that I realized I was still staring at him. I focused my attention on the tomato I was cutting again and accidentally cut my finger. Beside me, Milo exhaled loudly and then grabbed my hand quickly in his, dragging me to the sink and letting the running water cool the pain that was shooting up from my finger. “You didn’t listen to what I just said.”
I bit my bottom lip and visibly, his gray eyes darken. “I’m sorry. It’s a force of habit. Cutting that way, I mean.”
“Be careful next time. Some cuts don’t heal easy.”
And after that whole ordeal, Milo stayed far away from me as he could, as if the last thing he wanted was me right beside him; it was hard since we were in the same house and it was just the three of us. Violet and he played soccer most of the day after eating lunch and resting for a little bit. Then they helped me make dinner again and I ended up telling Violet not to shower until we finished making dinner because I didn’t want the incident with Milo to repeat during lunch again.
It was 7 AM on a Sunday, the latest I’d woken up since I got to Chicago and I was careful not to disturb Milo and Violet who fell asleep on the couch. I fell asleep on the sofa so I wasn’t in the mix with the two of them. I wanted to clean the living room and every other room in the house like I normally did but decided that I didn’t have the time to clean and cook breakfast for all of us.
While I was making pancakes for the three of us, my phone started ringing like crazy on the counter and I instantly answered the call without checking to see who was calling. “Hello?”
“Hi, Megan. Good morning, it’s Austin.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise as I flipped the pancake to cook the other side. Austin was Violet’s soccer coach. “Oh hey, Coach Austin! Good morning! What’s up?”
He cleared his throat on the other side. “Well, Vanessa and I were thinking about having the kids get together for a picnic lunch at the park as a team-building exercise. We know they’re young but we really treat our young league seriously and they all have crazy potential. We also have news about a game on Friday that we would want to discuss with the parents.”
“So I’m guessing Violet’s Dad has to come?” I stacked up two more pancakes on the three I already finished cooking and glanced at the living room. There was no divider that separated the living room and the kitchen and it was easy to see the Milo and Violet fast asleep in each other’s arms.
“Is Mr. Hudson busy?”
Milo was stirring awake as I watched him and then I bit my lower lip. “I don’t think so. What time should we be there and what should we be bringing?”
I watched as Milo slowly got up from the couch and made sure that Violet wasn’t on the edge of the couch so she couldn’t fall. He stretched and his shirt rode up as he did so and I caught sight of his toned stomach. He walked to the kitchen and saw me on the phone. His eyebrows rose in question. “Okay. Got it. We’ll see you there, coach!”
The call ended and I finished cooking the pancakes and Milo helped me set up the table. “Who was that?”
“Hmm?” I was aware that Milo and I were technically alone in the kitchen together considering that Violet was still asleep and I couldn’t help but think of the two of us in the same position yesterday. When I turned around, I was smack dab on his chest and I looked up with wide eyes as Milo peered at me with his gray eyes. His hand flew to my waist as he steadied me on my feet. The corner of his mouth twitched in an amused grin.
“I asked you who called, Megan.” My name rolled off his tongue in a drawl and he looked at me with gray eyes filled with the same dark intensity I saw yesterday and I desperately wanted to know what he was thinking. He leaned closer, our faces inches apart. “Was it Violet’s coach?”
I gulped and nodded my head slowly. “He wanted the kids to have this get together lunch at the park like a picnic. Parents are supposed to join. If you want, you can bring Vi there and bond with her like yesterday. I’ll just stay here.”
He let go of me at this point and there was an inch distance between the two of us. Milo tilted his head to the side. “Why would you stay?”
His gray eyes were looking at me with such intensity. I tried to divert my attention by starting the coffee. But Milo was still right beside me, right up close in my personal space. “Well, I thought it’d be best to give you and Violet some more bonding time to continue to bridge the gap between...”
Milo stepped closer just as the coffee maker dinged and I instantly grabbed the pot but the liquid swished with my action and hot coffee landed on Milo’s shirt. “Ow, shit!”
My eyes widened as Milo took a step back, gray eyes examining his stained shirt and without warning, he stripped the shirt off. I sucked in a breath when my brain came to a realization that Milo was standing in front of me, shirtless in the middle of the kitchen. “Mi...I’m...I’m sorry!”
His gray eyes flickered to min
e and I could see the quiet interest lurking behind them. My upper teeth sank on my bottom lip as my eyes involuntarily travelled from his chiseled face to the hard flat and toned stomach, down to the ‘V’ that was covered with dark happy trails. His eyebrows furrowed and the desire I had for the man in front of me blossomed as I watched him take a closer step.
“Daddy?” Violet’s voice in the living room floated over to where we were and snapped Milo and me back into reality. Milo let out a shaky breath and then bolted from the kitchen and to the living room and I heard Violet ask why he was shirtless and him explaining that I spilled coffee on him. I listened as he told her that they should both take showers before having breakfast and I remained rooted in the kitchen, trying to catch my breath after what just happened.
I began to place our breakfast on the table and showered quickly, a part of me wanted for them to already eat so I didn’t have to join Milo in the table after that awkward encounter. But it was after I showered when I realized I only got in the bathroom without bringing any clothes and I had to rush to my room with only my towel on.
The moment I opened the door, I ran straight into Milo who was probably heading to the kitchen. I heard him gasp and I could feel his gray eyes staring at me, the desire that was blazing earlier when we were in the kitchen reigniting again. “Megan...”
He was going to take another step when we both heard footsteps from upstairs and I rushed inside, closing the door behind me, my heart racing a mile per minute. I tried to calm my erratically beating heart as I changed. I still needed to inform them about the lunch picnic so that they could both get ready and I could prepare the picnic basket that we should be bringing.