He gently tapped on the window, and her head sprung up in surprise and then in shame. She never wanted anyone to see her cry, especially Nick Young.
She unlocked the doors, and Nick slid into the seat beside her. She kept her head turned from him, hurriedly swiping at her damp cheeks.
“Do you often sit in strange parking lots and cry? Or did I just catch you on the right day?”
She swatted at him, a laugh escaping her lips. He smiled at the sound of it. She knew if it had been Jameson who had caught her indulging in her tears, he would have scolded her weakness. What a refreshing change to have someone try to make her laugh instead.
“What are you doing here?” Nick asked, referring to them sitting in a parking lot two towns over from home. “I thought the Hudsons didn’t leave Timber Falls.”
She broke out into a wide grin. When she looked at him, he could see the shimmer of residual tears in her eyes. It made the blue of her irises sparkle. “Confession,” she said sheepishly. “I prefer The Grind Coffee House’s London Fog tea above any in Timber Falls.” That and she wanted to feel she could be herself in peace if only for just a moment instead of being watched by the whole town.
Nick’s mouth dropped in feigned dismay. It only made her laugh harder. “Stop,” she teased.
“So, you’re telling me that you drive thirty minutes for a cup of tea?”
“The cup of tea,” she smarted back. She met his eye and held his stare. Was she flirting with him? She wasn’t sure she remembered how.
“Well,” he sat back, dumbfounded. “I think I am going to have to try this London drink.”
“A London Fog, and it won’t taste as good now that I’ve hyped it up.” She didn’t mean to sniffle when she spoke, but a sob caught in her throat and escaped her. She pressed her lips together in a tight line.
Nick was looking at her; she could feel it even though her head was turned away from him.
“Come have a cup with me, please,” he asked softly. “I don’t have to be back at the office for a while and would love the company.”
She knew in her heart he was saying it for her benefit over his, but she couldn’t say no. She simply nodded and got out of the car. As they walked toward the coffee shop, she realized she didn’t know why he was out of town either.
He opened the cafe door for her as he answered, “I had to meet with the head of operations down at G.E. Mills. Finished up quicker than I expected. I was heading back when I saw Jameson’s car.”
“Oh, right,” she said foolishly. Of course he had pulled over looking for his best friend. Would Nick call Jameson later that evening to tell him he saw his wife crying on his steering wheel? “Jameson took my SUV this morning, saying something about needing the cargo space.”
They ordered their drinks along with a pumpkin scone he bought them to share, and nestled into a quiet corner in the back. It was nice to be somewhere people didn’t know her name. Or interrupt her private conversation to talk town politics.
She tried to remember the last time she had been alone with Nick. Beyond football games, chance encounters on the streets, or when, for only a moment, Nora and Jameson were in the other room, she couldn’t recall a time it had been just them. Maybe since high school. The way he compressed his face in concentration made her wonder if he was thinking the same thing.
He took a sip off his scalding tea latte. “Man, you weren’t kidding. This is good.” He tore off a piece of the scone and popped it in his mouth. His eyes rolled back as he moaned. “Okay,” he said through bites. “Now I’m sold. You better have some before I eat it all.”
She normally wouldn’t dare eat a pastry—she usually just liked to eye them from behind the glass wall—but today she didn’t feel like saying no to Nick Young. She took a bite and agreed, it was the best pumpkin scone she’d ever had.
For a moment, sitting here with Nick, a smile now pressed on her lips, she almost forgot what had made her cry earlier. Until Nick asked her.
“I don’t mean to pry,” he said when the scone was gone between them and their drinks had cooled. “But I do pride myself on being a good listener.”
There had been many times, when they were younger, that Nick would find her crying in the hall or behind the bleachers after a fight she’d had with Jameson. It was frivolous really, kid stuff like him not paying enough attention to her or her accusing him of flirting with one of the other cheerleaders. Jameson had always had a way of turning it back on her, excluding himself of any blame. She was needy, she was jealous, and it was not his problem. Then Nick would swoop in and let her cry on his shoulder, until the day that Nora had caught notice, and then it abruptly stopped. She wasn’t sure if it was she who had quit leaning on Nick or Nick who had stopped trying to save Anna. But that was back when they were kids. Dealing with adolescent issues.
Nick did something then that surprised them both. He reached across the table and rested his protective hand over her slender fingers. “Talk to me, Anna.”
She stared down at his hand on hers but didn’t move. She tried to remember the last time Jameson had touched her like this. It was so simple and yet electrified her down to her bones. Did he touch Nora this way often? She had always kept her jealousy at bay when it came to her best friend, never letting on just how much she envied the life she lived. She always felt torn between feeling happiness at her friend’s seemingly perfect life and complete and utter malice toward it. It shamed her to think such thoughts, and she often prayed that Nora was blissfully ignorant.
Here, her best friend’s husband sat across from her, his hand tenderly on hers, his eyes pleading with her to bare her soul, and she felt nothing but comfort and contentment.
She was a horrible friend. She didn’t even want to think what kind of wife it made her.
She took in a deep breath. “Sometimes, I suppose, I find that I am trying so hard to be everything to everyone that I end up being nothing at all.”
He cocked a brow. He could feel her pain seeping out of her, yet he couldn’t relate to what she was saying. To him, Anna had always been the rock and the glue of them all.
She brushed crumbs off the lap of her shift dress. “I think I got so wrapped up in trying to be the person everyone needed me to be that I lost who I really am. And now, it feels like it may be too late.”
“Why would you think that?”
“The way that Jameson looks at me.” Her voice dropped off.
He knew exactly the way Jameson looked at her, and it made him sick to his core. Absentmindedly, he rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. He didn’t realize he was doing it until he caught her staring down at the movement. He should have stopped, but he didn’t.
“I never wanted to be a politician’s wife,” she said for the first time out loud. “I don’t mind the service to the community, I actually enjoy it. But what I didn’t realize at eighteen was that to be with Jameson meant giving up any of my own dreams. At the time, I thought motherhood would fulfill that.”
Nick thought back to all those private conversations under the bleachers. “You used to talk about being a lawyer.”
She smiled sadly. “I would have been a good lawyer, back when I had a voice.” She looked up to him now. “When did I get so weak?”
His heart plummeted. “You are one of the strongest women I know, Anna.”
She shook her head. “No, Nick. You just see what’s on the outside. What I show to the world. You aren’t there when Jameson chastises me and I don’t speak up. Or when he yells at J.R. for not being good enough and I don’t speak up.” She gave a shaky sigh. “When did I lose my voice? When did I become so afraid? Jameson can be cold and standoffish, and just when I think I’ve had enough, he flips on me and is warm and engaging. It makes me feel like I can’t trust him, or even worse, my own mind.”
“Whiplash.”
She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes again. “Imagine what it does to the kids, Nick. I see it in J.R. the way that he will do absolutely
anything for his father’s approval, but he is stronger than I am. He is learning to have a voice, but it only makes Jameson angrier. I’m afraid for him, and I’m afraid I can’t protect him.” Her eyes widened as though she had said too much.
“Protect him from what?” Nick asked, not hiding his alarm.
She shook her head. What was she thinking spilling her fears to her husband’s best friend? Was she so foolish to think he wouldn’t tell him?
“Nothing, Nick.” She pulled her hand away from his grip and pressed her fingertips to the corners of her eyes. “I’m so sorry to do this to you. It’s not fair. Jameson is your friend, your best friend. And I never want to put you in an awkward position to make you feel as though you have to keep secrets from him.”
If only Anna knew the number of secrets he kept from Jameson.
“I have never had an alliance with Jameson over you, Anna,” he said calmly. Yes, there were things he knew about Jameson that he had never told Anna, but that was to keep from hurting her rather than to protect Jameson.
She nodded, gratefully. They sat staring at each other a moment longer than either realized they should.
“I should go,” she finally said, breaking their silence.
He stood to walk her out. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to stay in this bubble of just the two of them a little longer. The thought should make him feel guilty but it didn’t. He’d admitted to himself long ago that choosing Nora was choosing second best.
He tried to fight that feeling for many years. He would push any thoughts of Anna out of his mind and put so much focus on Nora, willing himself to love her as much as she loved him. To the outside world, they seemed like the perfect pair. And Nora was perfect. She was beautiful, kind, humble, and a good partner to him. He wished desperately that that was enough. When he let Jameson win Anna, he knew he was walking away from the one person he loved above all else.
It had never been Anna who was the weak one. It had always been him.
He could have prevented her unhappiness. Hell, if he had known how miserable she was with Jameson, he would have whisked her away long ago.
Their cars sat as silent as the air between them in the vacant lot. She turned to him when she got to the door and thanked him for the tea.
“I hope that wasn’t too much,” she said apologetically. “I admit I’m a little embarrassed about what I said back there.”
The way he stared down at her made her throat dry up and fingers tingle. He was so close to her that if she breathed in heavily, her breasts would brush against his chest. She yearned for the way that would feel.
“Anna, you never have to feel self-conscious when you talk to me.”
Her eyes dropped from his. She felt too much when she looked at him.
He gently placed her chin in his hand and forced her eyes on him. “I see you, Anna. You may feel weak when you don’t speak up, but you are a fighter trying to survive the best way you know how. Your strength is your willingness to not give up. You see what others need, and you set aside your own needs to give everything you have to them. That is not weakness, Anna. And your children? They see that. That voice J.R. is exhibiting is not a reflection of Jameson’s anger but the essence of your strength pouring out of him.”
He had more he wanted to say. The words he had always wanted to share with her poured from him so easily now with no restrictions or inhibitions. But before he could speak again, he felt her body lean into him as she reached up on her tiptoes and pressed her desperate lips against his.
Fourth day gone
Nora hadn’t left the house since Monday morning. She feared being away from her phone in case Ethan was to call. She refused to let her mind think of the other reasons why the phone would ring.
She barely slept at night, tossing and turning and eventually getting out of bed rather than allowing images to seep into her mind that she silenced during the day. She could feel Nick’s restlessness as well and wished desperately for him to reach for her and pull her close to him, but he didn’t. She relied too heavily on Connor for her need for affection, and at age nine he was still willing to give it. She could see how terrified he was that his older brother was gone, to the point that every night when she got out of bed, she found him lying on the floor with a blanket and pillow just to be close to her. She needed him near, just as much as he needed to be. She couldn’t bear the idea of losing two children.
Anna and Jameson had sent their youngest kids to stay with her parents. She understood the logic behind it, keeping them protected from all the craziness, especially when the Hudson home was also used as the volunteer search station. But Nora couldn’t part with Connor, even if it meant he heard things he shouldn’t. She clung to him every moment she could.
So when Connor asked to go back to school that morning, Nora was torn between allowing her youngest some normalcy and not wanting him to be more than an arm’s distance away from her. It was Nick who encouraged her to let go of the reins a little.
“It will be good for him, Nora,” Nick said as he slid a pair of jeans on. She was still in her robe, the one she’d been wearing since Sunday. She sat on the edge of the bed, watching her husband dress.
“I’ll take him in,” Nick continued as he slipped an old Falcons tee shirt over his head. “You do your best to get some rest.”
“Will you be back?” She tried not to show the alarm in her voice, but the idea of being alone right now when she was so vulnerable terrified her.
“After I drop Connor off I’m heading to the Hudson house. I want to jump in on the search team, see which areas haven’t been covered.” He ran his hand through his hair, ruffling the strands that had fallen out of place when he slept. Nick had always been a night showerer. Something Nora didn’t understand. She needed the water to wake her up, he needed it to unwind after a long day. The one good thing was there was no fighting over space in their master bathroom.
She pulled her robe closed like it was her security blanket. She should have been out there too, like the other parents. But the idea of being away from the phone made her numb with anxiety.
“Also, I need to head to the office for a bit this afternoon,” he added as he slipped on his sneakers.
Her eyes widened. “You’re working?”
“No,” he answered as he tied the string to his shoes. “But I have a few things that need tending to. I left things with the guys a mess, and I need to get a few things organized for them in case I’m out for a while.”
Nora caught her breath. The only reason Nick would be out of work longer would be because their son was still missing, or dead. Nick hung his head, realizing the words that had just escaped his mouth. It took everything in him to stay with the task at hand and not let the emotion of what he was feeling take control. He swore under his breath before looking up to his wife who was curled into a ball. He could hear her weeping, though she hid her face from him. He got up from the bed and placed a hand on the back of her shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Nora. That wasn’t what I meant.”
She didn’t move or react to his touch. Eventually, he stepped away, and hours later, when the phone did ring, she was still curled up in her robe where Nick had left her.
In the silence of the house, the sound of the phone made her jump. She looked around her bed, frantically searching for the cordless phone she had left near her. On the third ring, she answered, willing her son’s voice to be on the other line.
“Hello, hello?” she answered eagerly. She had always told the boys that if they got into some kind of trouble and had no money for a payphone to just call collect. She would never be upset with them for reaching out to her if they needed, even if it meant adding money to their phone bill. She waited to hear the operator’s voice.
“Nora?”
But it wasn’t the operator asking her to accept a collect call. And it wasn’t the voice of her son, either. To her relief, it also wasn’t that of Chief Tourney. She sighed and responded to the mayor.
“Yes, Jameson. It’s me.”
“Nora, they found the car.”
Her ears began to ring. She couldn’t hear what he was saying. He was speaking so fast her brain couldn’t keep up. They found the car. J.R.’s car. Did that mean they had found the boys with the car?
“Are they okay?” Her voice came out in a gasping sound as she choked back a sob.
“No, Nora, you don’t understand.” He sighed impatiently. And then all too soon she did understand. They found the car but not the boys.
“Where?” She cried out, the tears escaping her eyes. How could there be a car and no sign of the boys? Had there been an accident and they had left to go find help and gotten lost?
“Oracle Point,” he answered. “I’m heading there now. Tell Nick to meet me up there.”
Oracle Point. What…? Why would they be there?
“Nora, do you hear me?” he asked. “I have to go now. Tell Nick to find me up there.”
Nick. “But he was at your house. Or was.” She realized she had no idea what time it was.
“He left here a long time ago, Nora,” he said, his patience dwindling. “I have to go. Oh, and if you hear from Anna, please tell her to call my car phone.”
She was nodding even though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Okay, alright, I will.”
She hung up the phone and immediately dialed Nick’s office. Several rings later, she hung up and tried again. When she didn’t get an answer, she threw the phone down and jumped out of bed. Her fingers were shaking as she tossed off her robe and grabbed the first pair of jeans she could find off the floor.
She was in her car and backing out of the driveway not two minutes after her conversation ended with Jameson. She had to find Nick. She needed to get to J.R.’s car, but couldn’t do that without the help of Nick.
What could have possibly led the boys to Oracle Point this time of year? They never talked about hanging out there, except in the summertime of course. It wasn’t as though Ethan or any of the boys were avid hikers. This had to be a Caleb idea. She never trusted that boy. There was just something wrong about him. She could see it in his cold, blank eyes.
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