“Do you know how to drive?” he asked her.
She looked over at him, a little embarrassed by her answer. “I have my permit. But it’s not very cool learning to drive in your dad’s patrol car.”
He laughed as he slowed the car to a stop. They were in the middle of the vacant road when he unbuckled his seat belt.
“What are you doing?” Her voice was filled with alarm.
“Teaching you to drive. Get out.”
She shook her head. “Oh, I don’t know.”
“Come on, it’ll be fun. You need it, and I need something to clear my head.”
She looked at him and saw the desperation in his face. Whatever he was feeling was wearing on him, and she couldn’t say no to him.
She was exhilarated and terrified as she did what he asked. What if she totally bombed? Would she look like an idiot, or even worse, like a kid?
“Okay,” he said when she got into position. “You ever drive a stick before?”
“Uh.” She looked down at the clutch by her foot. “No.”
He chuckled. “Okay, this will be fun.”
She glared at him but then quickly smiled in return. She couldn’t wait to tell Hannah and Olivia she had spent the afternoon learning to drive in Ethan Young’s Honda Civic.
“Right foot is for the gas and brake and the left foot is for the clutch. The key is to slowly slide your foot off the clutch at the exact speed you accelerate on the gas.”
“Sounds easy,” she said as she did what he told her. The car began to lurch forward before jerking to a stop.
“Totally easy,” he teased.
She shot him a glare and tried again.
“Slowly,” he encouraged. The car began to roll forward again before it slammed to a halt. She hit the steering wheel with her palm.
“I suck at this.”
“Everyone does at first,” he agreed. He rubbed her shoulder to calm her frustrations. It only made her more nervous. But after a few more tries, she got the car out of first gear and was cruising down Oak Hill Highway at an exhilarating speed. Ethan liked the way her face softened as she relaxed, even bouncing a little to the music as she drove. It was in that moment he forgot their age difference and let them just be.
“Do you have a date for Homecoming?”
She hit the brakes, accidentally causing them both to dive forward. He grinned at her embarrassment.
“No,” she said. “Not really. I’m planning on just going with Olivia and Hannah. My dad won’t really let me go with a guy until junior year. Really lame.”
He shrugged. He was bummed he couldn’t ask her to the dance, but also happy she wasn’t going with another guy. “Do you want to not go with me?”
She looked over at him and chuckled. “What is not going with you?”
He shrugged. “You know, like unintentionally going together. You go with your friends and I’ll go with mine and we can like meet up there and hang out and we’ll know that we’re there together but no one else will.”
She thought about this a moment, trying not to let her thrill of excitement show too much on her face. “Okay, I’d like to not go with you to the Homecoming dance.”
His smile widened. This had worked out even better than if he could officially take her. He wasn’t sure of the teasing he would endure from his friends if they knew he was taking a lower classman to the dance. “Okay, great. Also, there’s a party after at Bryan Lawson’s house that we always go to every year. Do you think you’d be able to come?”
She felt a thrill go down her back. She reminded herself to keep her eyes on the road. “Uh, yeah. I can just tell my dad I’m staying at Hannah’s that night.”
“Cool.”
He took back control of the car and led them back to school. He felt lighter after spending the hour with Lila. The edge was gone, like he’d smoked some good dope. But all of that was short lived when he saw his dad sitting in the stands after practice.
He grabbed the last of the balls from the field and tossed them into the netted basket. When he turned, his dad was standing all chummy with Coach Mitchell like he wasn’t a total fucker. They approached him, and he knew instantly what his dad’s tactic was: get him in public where he wouldn’t dare make a scene.
“Take a walk with me,” Nick said to his son.
The coach patted him on the shoulder. “Good work out there, Ethan. We’ll see you in the locker room.”
Ethan nodded in the coach’s direction. Nick watched the way his son refused to meet his eyes, and it crushed him. He never wanted to hurt his son. It was just all deeper than Ethan could ever understand.
“I’m sorry for what you saw last night,” Nick said when they were the only ones left on the field.
Ethan huffed, taking the helmet from his head, dropping it on the ground. “Right. You looked real sorry.”
Nick deserved that, he knew it. “It’s not what you think. It was a one-time thing, Ethan. I’m not leaving your mom.”
“Oh, that’s a relief,” he said sarcastically. Did his dad really think he was that stupid? “Dad, you’re fucking her best friend!”
Nick raised a finger to his son. “Watch it, Ethan. I know it’s wrong. I know you don’t understand it, but that doesn’t give you the right to speak so crassly about it.”
Ethan crossed his arms over his chest, feeling defiant over his father. “I can speak however I want about it.” He glared at his dad. “I can’t even look at you. You make me sick. That’s J.R.’s mom. She’s like family, Dad, it’s gross. How could you do this?”
Nick let out a sigh. “There’s many things you don’t know, Ethan. Anna and I have a history together…”
The anger boiled over in Ethan. He let out a loud grunt as he swiftly kicked his helmet like a football. “So you have done this before.”
Nick jumped back out of the way of the flying helmet. “Keep your voice down,” he snapped. “No, I told you it hadn’t happened before. And it won’t happen again. I need you to believe that.”
Ethan brushed by his dad, who grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back to him. “Please, son. If this gets out, it will ruin all of us.”
Ethan gave his dad a deathly stare. Of course Ethan wouldn’t tell. If he did, not only would it risk his parents’ marriage, but his friendship with J.R. But he didn’t want his dad to know he had that kind of power over him. “You should have thought about that.”
This time, when Ethan pushed past his dad, he wouldn’t be stopped. He left his dad standing on the field, drenched in his own sweat.
Fourth day gone
Nick stood dumbfounded, staring at the hat in the chief’s hands. His legs were heavy, bolted into the muddy ground as it sucked him in. Everything but the Falcons hat blurred around him. Objects moved in and out of focus, swaying like the leaves on the trees. Sounds faded in and out of comprehension. He couldn’t decipher between Jameson’s antagonizing shouts and his wife’s piercing sobs.
His body was telling him one thing, but his brain was saying another. There was no actual sign of danger. His son’s hat only meant that his son was in the vicinity. And maybe he still was.
He pinpointed his focus on Jameson, who seemed to be having the same thoughts as he was.
“I want people all over this damn forest,” the mayor commanded the chief. “Get your team up here and let’s scour the area. If the boys are hurt and haven’t been able to get back to the car, we will need stretchers and paramedics.” His demands were strong, but his voice broke enough for Anna to be alarmed. He pulled her to him, though she wasn’t sure if it was to comfort her or to keep himself from shaking.
“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he said. He hadn’t called her that in so long, she almost didn’t realize he was talking to her. “We’ll find them.”
Nick watched the way Jameson clung to Anna. It didn’t make him jealous as much as worried. If Jameson was showing weakness, it only meant one thing: he didn’t believe his own words to be true.
Nick
reached for Nora’s hand. She had forgotten to be worried about their marriage, to concern herself with Nick and Anna. All that mattered right then was her son. She gratefully took her husband’s hand for strength and looked up at him with teary eyes.
“James is right,” Nick said to her and then to Anna. “The boys are out there, and when we find them, they’ll have a good explanation as to what they were doing in the woods.” Nick could feel Nora take in a deep breath. “There’s no reason to get worked up yet. They’re smart boys, and if they got lost or hurt, they know how to survive.”
Anna nodded. Nick was right. They had been on heightened emotions since realizing their sons were missing, but this was a break. They knew their sons were here. Now, the only obstacle was to get to them.
“We can split into teams. There’s a path that runs down the eastside—”
The chief cleared his throat, causing Anna to stop and look his way. He didn’t look well. “Chief, are you alright?”
He stared at the hat in his hand before gently handing it over to Nora. She took it graciously and cradled it to her chest, as though it was her son instead. She felt a shiver go up her spine when the chief finally met her eyes. He looked vacant.
“There’s something I need to show all of you.” Rex reached into his back pocket. “I didn’t want to do this here. We’re still in an ongoing investigation, and it would be better if the four of you would head home until we have more answers.”
“An investigation,” Anna murmured, feeling woozy. What was the torn paper he had folded in his hand?
“Yes,” the chief responded. “We have reason to believe this wasn’t an accident.” He hesitated a moment before handing Nick the paper. “Nick, I need you to confirm that this is Ethan’s handwriting.”
Nick looked confused as Rex handed him the folded square of paper. There was something holding him back from opening the note. Something he knew would change this all if he saw what was inside. His hesitation scared Nora, who ripped the paper out of his hand. She unfolded it as fast as she could and then gasped. Her fingers trembled as she covered her mouth. A small “No,” escaped her lips.
“Nora, what is it?” Anna asked, her own voice trembling.
Nora just stood there, shaking her head. Nick took the note back from her and read his son’s words. He had to read it twice before he understood.
“Is that Ethan’s handwriting?” Rex asked again. He knew the answer by the way that Nora wept and Nick’s fingers shook.
“Nick?” Jameson stepped forward, letting go of his wife as he took the paper from his friend’s hand. His eyes glazed over as he read. “A suicide note?”
Anna gasped. “No, no,” she kept saying. “That can’t be.”
Nora let out a wail, but Nick was back in his fog, unable to move or to hear around him.
I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.
Ethan
His boy, his baby boy. Nick felt the world spin around him.
Oh, Ethan, he thought, tell me this isn’t true. Why would he do such a thing? What could have made his son feel so desperately hopeless that he felt he needed to end his own life?
Nick dropped to his knees, the dampness of the ground soaking into his jeans. This was all his fault. He had pushed his son away. Ethan hated him, and that hatred had seeped into his gentle spirit and made him feel useless and alone. Any despair he must have been feeling, he couldn’t talk to his own dad about because he despised him. All of this was because Nick was in love with a woman other than his wife.
Anna held Nora as she sobbed. She couldn’t look at Nick. She knew the guilt he was feeling, because she felt it, too. He had broken down and told her earlier that day that Ethan knew about them, and of his fear that their fight had driven a wedge between them. It terrified Anna to think that Ethan may have told J.R. and that the two of them had devised a plan to leave Timber Falls as her and Nick’s punishment. When she looked back on the last couple weeks and the changes in J.R.’s behavior, it now made so much sense. He had known all along about her affair. And she couldn’t even protect him from it. She was too selfishly wrapped up in her own confusing emotions to think what her actions were doing to her children.
“Chief,” Jameson said, carefully aware of his friend’s distress. “Are there more notes?”
Anna perked up. She desperately wanted a note from her son just as badly as she didn’t. If there was no note, then maybe J.R. hadn’t committed suicide.
She was a horrible person to admit it, and she hated herself for thinking she wished it was only Ethan and that her son was alive in the woods, waiting to be rescued.
The chief shook his head. “No, not that we’ve seen. The sheriff found this on the dashboard of J.R.’s car. So far, it’s the only sign that leads us to believe that the boys took their own lives. We have no reason to suspect foul play was involved. But until we recover the bodies, we won’t know for sure.”
Nora felt her stomach churn and was afraid she would throw up right there. Recover the bodies. How was this happening? None of this made any sense. Ethan would never end his life. She felt a rage building inside her that she couldn’t ignore. Her son would never be a culprit in a plan like this.
Caleb.
She knew in her gut that he was behind this. He always was. When the boys were in trouble, when Ethan broke a rule or told a lie, it was all for Caleb. He was the bad seed who grew in her son. He was the one who planted the danger and the deceptiveness in her boy. She should have never let her son become friends with that evil monster.
As if Anna could read Nora’s thoughts, she spoke softly. “Kate should be here. Someone needs to call her.”
“She’s already been here,” Rex admitted. “She was at the station when I got the call and followed me up against my orders. I sent her home moments before Jameson arrived.”
“Does she know about the note?” Anna asked. She watched as Nick lifted his head, running a hand down his face. She wanted to go to him, wrap her arms around him and help him up, but she couldn’t. She would never be able to touch Nick the same way again.
Rex shook his head. “No.”
Jameson’s head was spinning. No note meant that his son could still be safe. He wasn’t going to wait around for someone to tell him otherwise. He pulled off his blazer jacket and handed it to Anna. He didn’t give a shit if his dress shoes were ruined by the mud; he was going deep into the woods and wasn’t coming out without his son.
“James…” Anna started, but knew there was no stopping him.
“Mayor,” Rex started. “I think it would be best if you stayed back…”
Jameson spun on his heels and jabbed a finger in the chief’s face. “Don’t you tell me what’s best,” he snapped. “That’s my son out there, Rex. My son. Keep your limp dick out of this.”
“James!” Anna gasped.
He turned to look at his wife. “You think this guy is going to find our boy, Anna?” He returned his glare to the chief. “If you’d been doing your job instead of sitting on your hands, you would have been up here day one! Instead, my son has been sitting in the woods probably scared shitless cause you can’t get your shit together.” He laughed wildly. “And now, you want us to leave so you can do your job. Tell me, Chief. How would you have handled this if it was Lila in the woods instead?”
At the mention of his daughter, Rex lost all restraint he had with the mayor. He knew Jameson’s words came out of fear. He knew that since the day J.R. had gone missing, Jameson hadn’t wanted to believe his son was in any danger, or had left of his own accord. He didn’t want to take any blame for J.R.’s actions. Especially if it ended in suicide. Rex could handle that. But he wouldn’t stand for him to speak of Lila in that way.
Rex grabbed the mayor by the collar, and with unimaginable force, shoved him to the ground. He was soaked in mud. His white shirt stained shit brown. He looked dismantled and shocked by the chief’s reaction, but Rex was done playing nice guy.
“Don’t you ever talk abou
t Lila.” The chief towered over Jameson. The venom in his voice was thick. “Do you understand?”
The mayor’s eyes were wide with surprise and then quickly clouded in fury. Officer Maloney was at his side, helping the mayor off the ground while eyeing the chief suspiciously.
“Get your hands off me,” Jameson said, shoving the officer off him. He stood up and adjusted the button-down shirt that was stuck to his skin. He ran a hand through his hair, collecting his rage as he turned to the officer who had knocked him to the ground and growled, “That just cost you your job, Tourney.”
“Jameson, no!” Anna cried out. They needed the chief. Of course Jameson understood that. He was just scared, and acting on impulse.
“James,” Nick started. He stood from the ground, using Nora’s hand to steady himself. “Let’s not make any hasty decisions right now. Everyone is emotional and…”
But Jameson wasn’t hearing him. He kept his glare on Rex, who only returned the fire. “Get the fuck out of here, Tourney. I don’t want you anywhere near my son.”
Officer Maloney rested a hand on the chief’s shoulder. He had no idea what could have caused him to shove the mayor to the ground, but also knew he didn’t deserve to be fired over it. Through his hand he could feel the short, quick breaths Rex took. He had never seen his friend so worked up before, to the point of explosion. It was a side of the chief he had never expected to see. He feared Rex would attack the mayor again and decided that pulling him from the scene to calm down was probably the best choice.
“Come on, Chief,” he said, making sure the mayor heard him use Rex’s title. He wouldn’t let Jameson fire the chief without a fight. “Let’s go cool down.”
Rex resisted at first. He was not going to feel threatened by the mayor. And if he ever heard him speak of his daughter again, Rex would kill him. That he was sure of.
He felt Maloney tug on his shoulder and eventually caved in and followed him. Maloney was right. Rex needed to calm down. Let the mayor go searching for his son. One thing he’d gotten right: If it were Lila, he would never stop looking until he found her.
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