by J. L. Beck
“At least let me drive you,” he offers, holding out his hand to me, but I can smell the booze from here.
“You smell like a distillery, and you shouldn’t be driving anywhere, let alone with me.”
He drops his hand and lowers his head in defeat. “Okay.”
“Okay,” I echo his words. My heart feels as if it’s being ripped from my chest. I take a step away from him.
“I want to be in your life and the baby’s life. Don’t… don’t end this forever. Don’t let this be goodbye,” he pleads, but in my already fragile state, there is no determining our future.
“I don’t know… I really don’t know if I can.”
“Ma’am, I’m about to leave without you,” the bus driver calls from inside the bus.
“Goodbye, Warren,” I whisper as I once again find myself walking away from the man I love. The only difference, this time, I’m the one choosing to leave.
A few days have passed since I left Warren standing at the bus stop. Being home with my parents is nice, but every day is a struggle. They took the news much better than I thought they would. They are not happy about it by any means, but they don’t hate me, which I was most afraid of. Mainly they are just worried about me.
All I want to do is sleep, cry, or both. My mother does what she can to console me, but I know it’s futile. The only person I need and want is the one person I refuse to see right now. I just can’t get over what he said to me, the words hurt me too deeply. Not to mention that for the last three years, he thought I cheated on him.
Why didn’t he just talk to me? All he had to do was ask, and I would’ve told him the truth.
I absentmindedly cradle my stomach, like I’ve been doing ever since I found out. I haven’t been to the doctor yet, but I did take three pregnancy tests, and every one came back positive. Curling up a little more on the couch, I think about what it will feel like when my belly grows, what it will feel like when the baby kicks for the first time…
“Hey, sweetie,” my mom’s voice drags me out of my daydream. My head snaps up just in time to catch her walking into the living room. I sit up, pulling the blanket a little tighter around me. I can’t seem to stay warm these days.
“What’s up, Mom?” I ask when I see a stack of papers in her hand.
“I just printed out some information you might want to look at,” she shrugs, before taking a seat next to me.
“What is it?” I take the papers and start to look over them, quickly realizing that these are applications for grants for colleges.
“This one is for a grant specifically for single moms.” She points at the top paper. “The next one is an application for financial aid at the local community college. I know it’s not Blackthorn, but you can still go to school, honey. Your dad and I will help you in any way we can. Being a parent doesn’t mean your world has to stop.”
My heart clenches in my chest. Damn you, Mother. Looking up from the papers, I say, “I know it doesn’t stop, but I should be working and saving for when the baby is born. College is still an option, but not until the baby is older.”
“Harper,” my mother starts, and I already know what she’s going to say, so I politely cut her off.
“Mom, I’m not going to take any money from you and Dad. I’ll figure out a way to make things work, but it won’t be by taking from you.”
Even though I know she wants to say something, she doesn’t. She just presses her lips into a firm line and puts the papers on the side table next to the couch.
The awkward silence that follows is interrupted by the doorbell ringing.
“I’ll get it,” my dad calls before my mom even makes a move. A few seconds later, he pops back into the room, but he’s not alone. Valerie is hot on his heels, a desperate look in her eyes. Dear god, what happened? I feel the question burning at the tip of my tongue. Valerie never comes to visit my parents, which means she knew I would be here, which means…
“Hi,” she squeaks, and my mother jumps up to greet her, a wide smile on her face. Wrapping her arms around her, she pulls my cousin into a tight hug. “Hey, Aunt Marie. Sorry, I haven’t come to visit in so long,” Valerie admits shamefully.
“It’s okay, I know you’re busy with work and stuff. Come in, sit down. Do you want some coffee? Something to eat?” My mom bombards her with questions while my dad disappears into the other room quietly.
“Just some coffee would be great,” Valerie smiles. My mom nods and scurries away and into the kitchen. As soon as both of my parents are out of earshot, I pin her with a glare and bombard her with my own questions.
“What’s wrong? Why are you here? Did something happen?”
“Harper, I feel like this is all my fault. If it weren’t for me using your insurance, this whole mess never would’ve happened.”
I frown, “Val… it’s not your fault. He should’ve talked to me.”
Valerie nods as if she understands, “I know, but still if it weren’t for my stupid decisions, you and Warren would still be together.” She sounds sad, beyond sad. Kinda, like me.
“I don’t know if Warren and I can fix what we had.”
“You two belong together.” Her eyes dart to the floor, “The truth is, I’ve always been kind of jealous of you. What you and Warren have is special. Don’t throw this away. He wants to take care of you and the baby.”
I want to be mad, but I’m weak. Weak for Warren, weak for the possibility of a future together. All I’ve ever wanted was him, but can I forgive him for what he said, what he did?
“Can you at least talk to him? Just give him a chance to apologize?” Valerie sounds desperate, and if she’s desperate, that means this is bad.
“I think you should,” my mom pops her head in from the kitchen. “I always liked Warren when you guys were together, he was sweet to you, and he made you happy.”
Oh, if only she knew how things have changed.
“I don’t know…” It feels like I’m being tugged in two directions. One that’s telling me not to give in, and one that’s saying you’re already his. My eyes fall to my flat belly. We’re having a baby together, another human, that will need both of us.
It’s his baby too, and you might as well make things easier for yourself.
My mom nods her head as if she actually knows what I’m thinking about. I know it would be easier on my parents if I let Warren help out.
“All you have to do is listen to him talk. You don’t even have to respond if you don’t want to. Just hear him out…” It all weighs heavily on my shoulders like cement blocks. “Do it for the baby,” Valerie adds a second later.
“Fine,” I whisper in defeat, praying like hell that this isn’t going to be a mistake that blows up in my face. I’ve already made too many mistakes when it comes to Warren. I can’t keep doing this to myself, and now my baby.
“Awesome,” Valerie cheers and pushes to her feet. “Let’s go then.”
“Go? Like… when? As in now?”
“Yes, let’s go!” Valerie pulls me to my feet. The blanket falls away, and the cool air that kisses my skin makes me shiver.
“Okay, hold on. I need my shoes and a jacket.” I guess now is as good of a time as ever, no point in delaying the inevitable.
My dad appears out of nowhere, holding my jacket out to me, while my mom brings me my shoes. Are they trying to get rid of me? I slip into my shoes and pull on my jacket, zipping it all the way to the top.
“Did you drive here?”
“Yes, I borrowed someone’s car, come on,” Val urges, pulling me toward the door. In a rush, I tell my parents goodbye. They both tell me that they love me, and I open my mouth to reply, but she basically drags me through the door before I can say anything.
“We’ve got time, Val,” I gasp.
As soon as I’m out the door, I realize why she hurried me outside. Right there, only a few feet away, Warren stands. Leaning against the inside of the fence, he straightens when he sees me. It’s hard to breathe, to look at him, but at the
same time, it feels like the planets have aligned.
“Harper…” The way my name rolls off his tongue, it makes my knees shake.
I spent the last few days hating him, trying to forget him. Forget his stupidly handsome face, his smile, and the way he wraps his arms around me. I tried to forget the way he smells when I bury my face into his chest and the way his lips taste when they are pressed against my own. Every single one of those memories come rushing back all at once.
I know I shouldn’t forgive him so easily, maybe I shouldn’t forgive him at all. But right now, all I want to do is run into his arms and hold onto him until my limbs hurt. He’s the only one that can make the pain go away but is the very reason the ache exists.
“I don’t expect you to forgive me, listen to me, or even want me after this, but I have to tell you how sorry I am. I know I fucked up. I don’t want your pity, and you’re not to blame.” He blows out a breath, “But I can’t live without you. You’re everything to me. I know I’ve done a shit job showing it, but I thought…”
My brain tells me not to listen to a word he says and walk back inside. But everything else in me; my gut, my heart, every fiber of my being, tells me to forgive him. I can’t stop myself from walking toward him, or from wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his firm chest. Inhaling, I let his unique scent fill my lungs. A calmness washes over me then.
His arms come around me, caging me in, pulling me deeper, not in a physical sense but emotionally. I’m drowning in Warren and have been since I was a kid. It’s only ever been him, and though he’s done wrong, hurt me, and said horrible things, they were under a false pretense. He thought wrongly of me, and because of his pain, he lashed out. He wanted revenge, and I can’t fault him for that. I can’t fault him for protecting himself. As angry, and sad, and hurt as I am, I can’t let those emotions define me, define what I have with this man. Sighing into his chest, I know it will take me time to forgive him, but I will.
His touch promises without words to never let me go again. For the first time in days, I feel warm. The coldness that lived in my bones is gone, and only now do I realize that it was the emptiness and loneliness that kept me cold. He is my home, my warmth, my happiness.
“I missed you,” I mumble into his sweater.
“You have no idea how much I missed you. I was so scared that you wouldn’t forgive me. Please come home with me, back to Blackthorn. I’ll do whatever you want. Tell me what you need, and it’s yours. I’m yours. All of me. I’ve always been yours, Harper. Please, give me another chance, and I won’t let you regret it. I love you...”
“I love you too, Warren. And I’ll forgive you.” I barely get to finish my sentence before Warren’s hands find my waist, and he lifts me off the ground. With my feet dangling in the air, he holds me so tightly to his body, I can’t move. When I let out a grunt, he releases me, a horrified look on his face.
“Oh, god, shit. Did I squish you? Did I squish the baby?” I want to laugh but hold back. Warren, as a father, is going to be something else.
“I’m fine,” I smile. “And the baby is like the size of a bean, I don’t think there is any squishing to do yet.”
With a hopeful tone, he asks, “So you’ll come back with me?”
“Yes, I’ll come back with you,” I answer, not caring to make him sweat it out. Going forward, I don’t want to hold any anger toward him.
He wraps his arms around me again, but this time much gentler. Kissing the top of my head, he says, “Good, ’cause I don’t think I could live without you. You’re a part of me, Harper, and you always have been. When I lost you the first time, I thought I might die, and after I realized I had fucked up this second time, I didn’t expect another chance. But I swear to you and our unborn baby, that I’ll do the right thing. I’ll cherish and care for you both. Forever. For always.”
Epilogue
Warren
The keys to our brand new three-bedroom house sit like a damn brick in my jeans pocket. Harper hasn’t the first clue what is going on. She thinks we’re going for ice cream at the sugar shack. Hopefully, she doesn’t go into labor because of this surprise. It took a shit-ton of work and a lot of time to get everything together, but I know without a doubt that it will be worth it.
“You look lost in thought, are you okay?” Harper questions from the passenger seat, a smile that warms every inch of my body on her pretty pink lips.
“Of course, I’m okay. I have you and our little girl. There’s nothing else in the world I could want.”
That makes Harper smile even more, and I can’t imagine what her face is going to look like when she sees the house.
I drive right past the sugar shack and down the ways a little more before turning right and into the subdivision.
“Where are we going? This doesn’t look like an ice cream place?” Harper pouts, and I chuckle as I drive a little further. Our perfect two-story house comes into view, and I continue driving until I reach the driveway. I pull in and park the car. I don’t say anything else to Harper but can feel her staring boulders into my face. Inside, I’m bubbling over with excitement. It’s been a long seven months together, and I’ve busted my ass to ensure that she can trust me.
As I get out of the car and walk around to the passenger side to help her out, she wrinkles her nose at me.
“Warren, you better start talking. Whose house is this?” Again, I say nothing and grab her hand and start walking up the driveway and toward the huge front wooden door.
Our first home.
Once we reach the doorstep, Harper tugs her hand out of mine and crosses her arms over her chest. “If you don’t start talking, I’m going to get mad.”
“You’re cute when you’re mad.”
“Warren,” she whines, using her angry voice, which only makes me want to irritate her more, so I can hear her whine again.
“Whose house do you think this is?”
“I don’t know.” She turns to stare at the front door, and I slip my hand into my pocket and pull out the keys. “What are you doing?” she questions. I bring the key to the front lock and open the door.
“Welcome home, baby,” I lean down and whisper into her ear.
A gasp escapes her lips before she grabs onto my hand and turns to face me, “You’re lying, this isn’t ours.”
The look on her face makes me smile. I cannot believe that I was able to keep this a secret, which makes that look one-hundred percent worth it.
“I’m not. It’s ours. This is where we will live, you, me, and our daughter and any future children we decide to have.”
Surprise paints her features, “Oh, my god, Warren. How did you do this? Can we afford this?” Of course, with her emotions heightened her beautiful eyes mist over.
“Yes, we can afford it, and don’t worry about how I did it. Just know that I did it for you and the baby. We’re going to be so happy and safe here.”
She nods, her throat bobbing, most likely clogged with emotion. Taking her hand in mine, I guide her into the house. I close the door behind us and listen with joy as her eyes scan over every inch of the place. The entire house is furnished with brand new furniture, appliances, and everything that we could need to start living here today.
“You did all of this?”
“Yes, now let me show you around the house. I want you to see everything.”
Especially the nursery. We do a full walkthrough of the house, and I save the baby room, and our bedroom for last, knowing it’ll be the two things that will push her over the edge. Stopping at the nursery, I press a kiss to her forehead and open the door.
Like a child that cannot be contained, she walks into the room and starts touching every little thing, mumbling under her breath about how beautiful it is, and how the colors match, and I got the baby crib she wanted.
It’s such an amazing moment and one that makes me smile so big my cheeks hurt. When she’s finally done touching every piece of furniture, she walks over to me, tears in he
r eyes.
“How did you do all of this?”
“Magic,” I wink and wrap my arms around her. Our baby girl takes that moment to kick, and we both laugh. There is nothing better in this life, nothing at all. “There is one more thing I want to show you.” Gently, I interlace our fingers and pull her out of the room and across the hall and into our bedroom. “And this is where said magic happens.”
Harper starts laughing, a hand resting on her swollen belly. God, she’s beautiful, so beautiful.
“What about all our other stuff at your place?”
“We can go through it. Keep what you want and get rid of the other stuff.”
“Okay,” she pulls away and walks over to the bed. She sits down on the edge, and I shove my hands into my pockets. Seeing everything come together, it’s more than I ever could’ve imagined it to be.
“Should we test the bed out?” She wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I lick my lips. Is she kidding? Does she even know me?
“Well, yeah. Either now or later. Though, as you know… I’m always hungry for you.” I’m not lying, I can never get enough of her, it doesn’t matter how many times a day we fuck, I can always go one more time. Luckily, Harper seems to be just as insatiable as me, especially since I knocked her up.
“How do you want me?’ she asks seductively, and I almost come in my pants right then.
“Naked and on all fours,” I order and watch as she takes off her clothes slowly. I make quick work of my own clothes, fisting my cock as soon as it springs free. She is so fucking beautiful with her stomach round and swollen, I don’t know what it is about her being pregnant, but somehow, she makes me even crazier than before.
She knows it too.
Harper climbs onto the bed, moving like a lioness on the prowl. My sweet, innocent, Harper is gone. Crawling across the mattress, she gets on all fours, arching her back and sticking out her ass, so I get to see her pussy on full display.
“You’re a dirty girl, aren’t you? You’re already soaked for me.”