“So you win case after case and we celebrate each one with your friends and family. I’m so sorry to put you through such an ordeal,” Lisa said. “I mean what a fuckin’ nightmare.”
“I don’t mean that I don’t like parties. It’s just that you don’t need to go to so much trouble. Between helping me with my cases, the beauty parlor, and Augie’s repair shop…”
She put her arms around him. “This is your first big New York victory. I wanted to do something special.” She kissed him passionately. “And then when the house is empty…” She winked seductively. “Maybe we can do a little celebrating of our own.”
“And maybe we should skip party number one and proceed straight to party number two.” He leaned in for a kiss just as someone knocked on the door.
“Hey, Vinny, people are starting to show,” Joe shouted through the closed bedroom door. “You knocking off a piece in there, or what?”
Lisa yanked the door open, her hands at her sides, hollering, “He ain’t knocking off no piece. We’ll be right down.”
“Eh, sorry, Lisa. I mean it’s your house. You and Vinny want to go at it, you go right ahead.” He turned and trudged down the stairs, his paper plate heavy with food.
“I just told you, we weren’t doing nothing,” she reiterated with fire.
Over Joe’s shoulder, she could see Mimi breeze through the door holding a small gift bag. She shook the bag. “Get your ass down here, Vito. I got you a gift.”
Lisa turned back toward Vinny. “I’ll meet you downstairs, Vinny.” She scrambled down the stairs to greet her friend. They hugged, and Mimi handed her the gift bag. “What’s this for? It ain’t my birthday or nothin’.”
“It’s just a little thank you gift. You know, for being such a good friend to me.”
“Thanks but you didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to.”
“You make any decisions? About having the baby I mean?”
“Not yet, Lisa, but you really made me think. By the way, you look super hot in them boots.”
She looked down at them. “You really think so?”
“They make your long legs look even longer than they actually are. You look like one of those Victoria’s Secret runway models.”
“Ya think?”
“Shit, I’d fuck you.”
Lisa snickered. “Meems, that ain’t no compliment.”
“Why not?” she said sounding a bit insulted.
“Because, everyone knows you’d fuck anything.”
Mimi shrugged.
Lisa moved the tissue paper aside and peeked into the bag. It contained a white rubber ducky with a ball gag, wearing a spiked dog collar and a hot pink studded corset. “What the hell is this?”
Mimi whispered in her ear. “Isn’t it adorable? It’s an I Rub My Duckie massager,” she boasted. “I got one in every bathroom in the house. I love ’em. You know, for those long lonely nights when Vinny’s acting like a dope. You like it?”
Sure. Because nothing says friendship like the gift of a vibrator. Racking her brain for a compliment, “That’s a very thoughtful gift.”
Lisa’s brother Dino walked through the door wearing a jean jacket over a wife beater. “So Vinny won another big case,” he said as he hugged his sister. “Who would’ve thunk it?”
“Hey, lay off Vinny,” Lisa said. “He did really good.”
“Hi, Dino,” Mimi said, sidling up to him. “Long time no see.”
“Yeah, hi. How you been?” he asked as he stripped off his jacket revealing his brawny muscles and olive skin.
“I’m good now,” she said taking his arm. “Let’s get you a plate of food, you big muscley man.”
Lisa yanked him back. “I need to talk to Dino for a minute, Meems. He’ll catch up with you. Why don’t you go say hello to my folks.”
Mimi walked off, looking disappointed.
“Stay away from her,” Lisa warned. “She’s easier to get into than a safe with a Chinese padlock.”
“What else is new?”
“I’m just warning you, Dino. I know you’re not exactly one to put up a fight and that girl…”
“All right. All right. Don’t be such a nag, Lisa. I won’t touch your friend.”
“Good.”
He smirked. “I suppose a BJ is out of the question?”
Lisa slapped his arm. “Go get some food,” she said as she spotted Joe once again filling his plate. “Joe’s already going back for seconds and we’ve only got one tray of calamari. If he scarfs down any more of that squid he’ll sprout a fuckin’ set of tentacles.”
“What’s in the bag?” he asked.
“Mimi brought me a vibrator.”
“Wow, she really is a fun girl, isn’t she?”
“Yeah, you could say that. I’m gonna hide this upstairs before it causes me any more embarrassment.”
Vinny was still in the bedroom ready to leave when Lisa walked past him. “Why’d you come back upstairs?” he asked.
“Mimi brought me something. I’m gonna leave it up here.”
“Penicillin?” he asked with a laugh.
“You ain’t far off.” She dropped it on the bed just as the phone rang. “Hello…Oh, hi, Mom…Yeah. We’re having a little celebration party for your son, the big shot lawyer…Thank you…Yeah. He’s right here. Hold on.” She covered the receiver. “It’s your mother. She’s calling from Florida.”
“Yeah. I get that, Lisa. Thanks.”
She passed him the phone and left the room.
“Hi, Mom,” Vinny said. “What’s new in Florida? It just about time for the early bird special, ain’t it?” he asked with a laugh.
“Vincent, it’s only one o’clock in the afternoon.”
“So what? You ate already?”
“Don’t bust balls, son of mine. The weather is balmy down here. Eat your heart out in that frozen wasteland you call New York.”
“I was just kidding. How’s Pops?”
“He’s playing cards with some of the men at the clubhouse. He won two dollars last night.”
“Marone, Mom, two whole dollars? Maybe you can make a down payment on a yacht—maybe sail around the world two or three times.”
“All right, wise guy. Congratulations on winning your big New York case. Joe told us all about it.”
“He did?”
“Yeah. Sounds like our youngest son is turning into a big successful lawyer. Thank God for Judge Molloy. He made you see that you had it in you to make something of yourself.”
“Yeah, he’s a good friend. I really owe him a lot.”
“So your brother told us you want to sell the house. Is that right?”
“Yeah, Joe really needs the money. It wouldn’t hurt Lisa and me neither. How do yous guys feel about that? I mean being you lived there so long and all?”
“We gave the house to the two of you but we never thought you’d want to unload it so soon. We figured it would be there for us when we came up to visit.”
“So. Um…no?”
“I didn’t say that, Vinny. We’re coming up for Easter and we’ll talk about it then. But that’s not the real reason I called.”
“It’s not?”
“No, it’s not. How are things with you and Lisa?”
“Good. I mean okay I guess. Why?”
“Because Joe told us you had a gigantic fight.”
“That dope.”
“You treating your woman the way you’re supposed to?” she asked.
“I think so.”
“You’d better know so. All the business success in the world doesn’t mean anything unless you’ve got someone you love to share it with. You hear what I’m telling you?”
“Hey, Mom, we’ve been together more than ten years. I think we’re okay.”
“Oh yeah? So when are you getting married already? When is that lovely girl gonna give us grandchildren? You said you were going to marry her after you won your first case. Are you a liar, Vincent? You gonna break a promis
e to the woman you love?
“No, Mom, I ain’t breaking no promise to her.”
“Well you won two cases already. What the hell is going on? Is there trouble in paradise?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes she gets on me about not saying or doing the right things.”
“So why aren’t you doing the right things? You want to lose her?”
“No.”
“Well then why don’t you do something about it?”
“I will.”
“All right, I don’t want to beat a dead horse. We love you. Enjoy your party. You earned it.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
The main level of the house was abuzz with friends and family having a good time and reconnecting after not having seen one another over the long and brutal winter.
His Cousin Billy noticed him coming down the stairs and began to chant at the top of his voice. “Vinny. Vinny. Vinny.” Everyone soon joined in. The noise level grew and grew until Vinny put a smile on his face and assumed the role of being the life of the party—the role he was born to play.
***
“You have fun?” Lisa asked after everyone had gone.
Vinny was sprawled out on the bed, a little drunk with a silly grin plastered on his face. “Yeah, thank you, Lisa. That was really nice. Like I said, you didn’t have to go to all that trouble.”
“But you’re happy that I did, right?”
“Of course I am. That was a seriously great party. And well…”
“And well what?”
“Well you know.”
“No. I don’t know. There something you want to tell me?”
“Yeah.” He got choked up. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
She egged him on. “And?”
“And I intend to keep the promise I made to you. First thing tomorrow let’s sit down and plan the wedding. That make you happy?”
“Happy? I’m fuckin’ ecstatic.” She threw her arms around him and overpowered him with kisses. “Vincent LaGuardia Gambini, I think there may be hope for you yet.”
They continued to kiss until Vinny accidentally rolled over onto the gift bag. “What the hell is this?”
She answered offhandedly, “I told you before. It’s the present Mimi gave me.”
“What the hell kind of present is this?” he asked after removing it from the gift bag. “It looks like some kind of S&M rubber ducky. What do you do with something like this?”
“It’s a tub toy.”
He examined it more carefully. “Seriously?”
“No, Vinny. Not seriously. It’s a vibrator. It vibrates. What do you think it is?”
“Why’d she get you one of these?”
“How should I know what makes her tick? You know how Mimi is. What can I tell you?”
Vinny became pensive. “Is this because of me?”
“Vinny, it don’t mean nothin’. Mimi’s a dear friend but she’s got the IQ of a turnip.”
“Are you sure this ain’t about me?” he said giving her a sly glance.
“Yeah. I’m pos-i-tive.”
“Then why are you always complaining about me being such a dope and all?”
She was growing emotional. “Vinny, I call you a dope but I don’t think you’re a dope in any way, shape, or form. Don’t you understand?”
“Not exactly.”
“I call you a dope because you’re not romantic.” She shook her head and sat down on the bed next to him. “Look, this is your day. We’ve got issues to work through just like any other couple but we don’t have to do it right this minute. I mean Rome wasn’t built in one fuckin’ day, was it? Why don’t I slip into something sexy and you can show me just how much of a man you really are.”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know what?”
“Maybe I ain’t in the mood no more.”
She knew that he was teasing her. “Please, a man who’s not in the mood…that ain’t even a real thing. Come on, it’ll been a perfect ending to a perfect day.” She nuzzled his neck and kissed his earlobe softly but he didn’t respond. “What already?”
“You should know.”
“Oh, I should know?” She gave him a distant look. “Giving me a taste of my own medicine, is that it?”
It was that old cat and mouse game starting all over again. “Yeah. That’s it.”
“Don’t be like that. Don’t go and muck up a really nice day.”
“I don’t know. My feelings are a little hurt.”
“Oh really?”
“Yeah. Really”
“Vinny, I just cooked for two straight day’s and invited everyone we know just to make you feel good about yourself.” She jumped off the bed and struck a provocative pose with her hands positioned on her hips. “Are you really gonna turn down this?”
“What if I am?”
“Still being cute, huh? You know it’s possible for a man to overplay his hand.”
“How so?”
“You never heard of blue balls?”
He seemed skeptical. “You wouldn’t.”
“Oh no?” she said with a smile. “Go ahead…test me.”
“What makes you think I ain’t got just as much leverage over you?”
She burst into laughter. “You lost your mind or something? How much did you have to drink anyway?”
“Hey. That’s insulting.”
“Is it? I tell you what,” she said teasing him with a naughty smile as she picked up the rubber ducky and rested it in her open palm. “What’s it gonna be, Romeo? Are we gonna do it, or am I off to take a bath?”
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
My heartfelt thanks to Dale Launer for creating the two most endearing and memorable comic characters in modern motion picture history, and for entrusting me with their futures.
It takes tons of work to generate a quality novel, and I would be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge all the help I receive from my wife, Isabella, the unsung hero of my work, who quietly reads late into the night to make sure that each and every one of my books is the absolute best it can be.
I didn’t know it at the time but when my wife gave birth to our children in 1984 and 1987, she was giving life to the two toughest literary critics to ever walk the face of the earth. To Dawn and Chris with all my love, for keeping me on the straight and narrow.
I was so very fortunate to find a publisher who was so much more than I could have ever hoped for. My sincere thanks to Eric Campbell and Lance Wright at Down & Out Books for their support and encouragement on this project, and to Rebecca T. Bush at RTC Publicity.
This book would not have been possible without my publishing attorney, Jessica Kaye, who deftly navigated the tumultuous waters of lawyers and legalese to deliver the many and varied contracts which were party to this deal.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Lawrence Kelter never expected to be a writer. In fact, he was voted the student least likely to step foot in a library. Well, times change, and he has now authored several novels including the internationally bestselling Stephanie Chalice and Chloe Mather Thriller Series. Early in his writing career, he received support from literary icon Nelson DeMille, who was gracious enough to put pencil to paper to assist in the editing of the first book, and felt strongly enough about the finished product to say, “Lawrence Kelter is an exciting new novelist, who reminds me of an early Robert Ludlum.”
He’s lived in the Metro New York area most of his life and relies primarily on familiar locales for story settings. He does his best to make each novel quickly paced and crammed full of twists, turns, and laughs.
LawrenceKelter.com
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OTHER BOOKS BY LAWRENCE KELTER
Stephanie Chalice Thrillers
First Kill
Second Chance
Third Victim
Don’t Close Your Eyes
Ransom Beach
The Brain Vault
Out Honored Dead
Baby Girl Doe
Compromised
Chloe Mather Thrillers
Secrets of the Kill
Rules of the Kill
Legends of the Kill
Other Novels
Counterblow
Kiss of the Devil’s Breath
Palindrome
Saving Cervantes
Season of Faith
Out of the Ashes
The Last Collar (with Frank Zafiro)
Back to Brooklyn
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OTHER TITLES FROM DOWN & OUT BOOKS
Visit DownAndOutBooks.com for a complete list
By J.L. Abramo
Catching Water in a Net
Clutching at Straws
Counting to Infinity
Gravesend
Chasing Charlie Chan
Circling the Runway
Brooklyn Justice
Coney Island Avenue
By Anonymous-9
Hard Bite
Bite Harder
By Jonathan Ashley
South of Cincinnati (*)
By Trey R. Barker
2,000 Miles to Open Road
Road Gig: A Novella
Exit Blood
Death is Not Forever
No Harder Prison
By Richard Barre
The Innocents
Bearing Secrets
Christmas Stories
The Ghosts of Morning
Blackheart Highway
Burning Moon
Echo Bay
Lost
By Eric Beetner (editor)
Unloaded
By G. J. Brown
Falling
By Rob Brunet
Stinking Rich
By Milton T. Burton
Texas Noir
By Dana Cameron, editor
Murder at the Beach: Bouchercon Anthology 2014
By Eric Campbell, editor
Down, Out and Dead
By Stacey Cochran
Eddie & Sunny (TP only)
Back to Brooklyn Page 28