“Then you don’t trust yourself.”
“In certain ways, no.” He lifted his hand and touched her cheek. “Especially when it comes to you.” She saw questions in his eyes, and his hand dropped back to his side. “Tell me, Lilly,” he said suddenly. “Do you have any good memories growing up?”
“A change of subject?”
“We’ve been morbid too long. Oleta is in the snow, and we can’t do anything for her now. We can’t find her killer today.”
She nodded. Brooding on Oleta’s death for hours wouldn’t solve the crime. She didn’t know who’d killed Oleta, even if she had suspicions.
“I agree. When we get back, I will write a letter to Oleta’s family,” she said.
“My father will have to write an official letter, as her employer.”
She shook her head. “It does not matter. I want them to know how special she was to me.”
Afraid another lump would rise in her throat, Lilly stood and went to one of the two small windows at the front of the cabin. Snow blew and built at an alarming rate. They wouldn’t be leaving here for some time. “Will the horse be all right?”
His footsteps came up behind her. “The horse has water and food and the barn will keep it safe.”
She kept her gaze pinpointed on the snow, a fierce opponent she couldn’t win against today. “Why did you come looking for me?”
He shifted behind her. “Because I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you.”
Not a romantic answer, certainly. But a decent and gentleman-like one. He wanted to do the right thing. “Your father wouldn’t have come looking for me.”
“No.” Regret colored his voice. “And I’m ashamed to say it.”
“You’re not your father.” She turned to look at him. Something filled his eyes, making them darker and more intense than she’d ever seen them. “You are a good man, Morgan.”
A small smile curved his mouth. “And you are a generous woman.”
“Not as generous as I should be, perhaps. I should have gone looking for Oleta before now.”
He closed his eyes a moment, then opened them. “Do you think it would have mattered?”
“I might have found her sooner.”
“What if you had? You couldn’t have saved her.”
“How do you know?” She heard the defensiveness in her voice, but didn’t care. “I might have.”
“Lilly, she’s been dead for awhile. From my estimation, she might have been dead a very short time after she went missing.”
“How do you know?” She started to move passed him, but he clasped her upper arm gently.
One of his dark brows winged up. “I have medical training, remember?”
She rubbed her forehead. “How silly of me to forget.”
“You look tired. Why don’t you lie down and I’ll sit out here and watch the fire.”
“I’m not ready to sleep. I don’t think I could.”
He relented, and they settled on the chairs near the fireplace. “You never answered my question about your past. Do you have any happy memories of your time at the asylum?”
“I do. Becca was a horrible friend. If I’d had any sense at all, I wouldn’t have played with her. She was cruel and heartless.”
“Why did you become her friend?”
“Because she was the only little girl in the asylum at the time. I was innocent. I knew there was evil. I felt it in the air. I saw what people did. But I didn’t know that other children could be evil.”
He frowned, and creases formed between his brows. “You honestly believe that about a child?”
“You haven’t met Becca.”
“A ghost?”
“I know you don’t believe, but I’m telling you about a living child. Becca tormented me as much as she could. And do you know ...” She swallowed hard. “When I realized that I’d killed her, even though it was an accident, I didn’t feel regret. Not initially. I felt only relief. Isn’t that evil of me?”
“No.”
With any other person she would have suspected they hid their true feelings. Sincerity brightened his eyes.
“A few hours later it hit me what I’d done. Everyone looked at me as if I was a little murderess,” she said. “Except for Oleta. She was sad, obviously, that it had happened to a child ... to both Becca and me. I caught small bits of conversation among the adults. Some wanted me to be turned over to the sheriff. Your father was one of them.”
Anger contorted his face. “He must have seen you as a inconvenient problem.”
Lilly nodded. “I considered running away. I did.” Treacherous tears burned her eyes. “It was summer and I came to this cabin.”
“You were only seven.” He shifted forward in his chair, his hands clasped between his knees.
“A very well-schooled seven. Oleta had taught me how to find the cabin. I ran here as fast I could and hid.”
“You must have been terrified.”
She shivered and rubbed her arms. “What would the sheriff have done with me?”
“I don’t know. Had you sent to a home for children who’ve committed crimes?”
She laughed. “Maybe that’s why he didn’t. I already lived in the asylum. What else could they do to me?” She stood again, feeling restless. She paced as she rubbed her arms. “Oleta found me and brought me back. She promised me nothing would happen to me. And nothing did. Because Becca didn’t have parents and neither did I. I learned much later that Oleta paid a visit to the sheriff. She told him if he tried arresting a seven year old girl, she would hire the most expensive lawyer in Denver and the might of her family would be down upon Simple.”
She closed her eyes, allowing her loss to accumulate and pour over her. “I owed her so much. I think if she could have, she might have adopted me as her daughter. She was the mother I never had, Morgan.” Tears she’d tried so hard to hold back poured down her cheeks.
“Oh, God. Lilly.” His voice, husky and filled with sympathy, wrapped around her. He stood and went to her.
Heat comforted as his arms circled Lilly. She pressed her face into his shoulder and took the tenderness he offered. Grief shook her, and this time she didn’t restrain the powerful, hot emotions—hatred for the nameless one who had killed Oleta, fear of the unknown, and staggering loss. Last, but no less potent ... stunning need. His power gave her strength and solace, but it also drew her into a whirlwind craving. When her tears dried, she couldn’t make herself move. She couldn’t pretend that she didn’t enjoy his powerful male strength. He lifted her chin, and Lilly dared look into dark eyes that promised to take her to places she’d never experienced.
“Don’t be afraid of me,” he said softly. “I would never hurt you.”
“I don’t know what this is right now. What I’m feeling.”
“Then let me show you what I feel.”
Slow heat invaded her body as he leaned in and kissed her. Softly and sweetly he tested her lips with the barest of touches. It wasn’t as passionate or consuming as the kiss he’d given her in the carriage. It was as if he feared scaring her.
When he drew back a few seconds later, he cupped her face. His thumbs skimmed her cheeks. “God, you are so beautiful, Lilly.”
Heat rushed to her face and down her neck into the rest of her body. “Not as beautiful as Miss Peterson or Marjorie.”
“More beautiful.”
“You’re flattering me.”
“I never flatter a woman if I don’t mean it. I don’t lie.”
“But I’ve lied to you. I thought you said you couldn’t abide a liar.”
A small smile touched his mouth. “You lied to survive, Lilly. I know that now.”
His arms slipped around her waist and she stiffened slightly. “Then what is this between us?”
“I don’t know. But I want to find out.”
Emotions surged inside her as she looped her arms around his neck and fell into the heat. She didn’t know where this would lead, but she didn’t
want to think. All she needed was this warmth and sweetness.
He lifted her chin again, tilting her face so she had to gaze into his eyes. The intimacy and closeness made her heart race. “I’ve never felt like this before, Morgan.”
“Like what?”
“When I kissed Harry it didn’t feel as intense as this. More than once he kissed me in the back room. It felt nice. I’d read about these romantic feelings before. About physical urges. Then that last day, the day I was let go from the position, he started caressing my ... he caressed me in a way I wasn’t ready for. I pushed him away and his father found us.”
Morgan drew her closer into his body. “It wasn’t your fault.” His eyes blazed with heat and longing. “But if you want me to let you go now, just say so and I will. I’ll never do anything you don’t want.”
A quiver ran through her, but not one of fear. Every hard muscle in his big male frame pressed against her, and the mystery of why her connection with him was so strong hovered just out of reach. She wanted to understand and know it. Once they left this cabin, she might never have a chance to find out again.
She allowed her hands to travel over his broad shoulders, up his neck, and then into the thickness of his inky dark hair. Slowly, so slowly, she drew his head down. Their lips met.
His kiss grew by slow steps, his lips caressing with the gentlest exploration she could have imagined. He drew back again, but his arms stayed around her waist. “There is more than that. Are you afraid?”
“No. Please ....”
His mouth found hers again, the intensity behind his kiss deeper. His tongue dipped into her mouth, and excitement swirled low in her belly. With boldness she fell into the whirlpool. She met his tongue with her own, and danced with him. Hot need grabbed her and wouldn’t let go. This was so much more—heavier—more pleasurable than what she could have imagined.
When he drew back, it was only to find her forehead, her cheeks, her chin with his kisses He cupped her face and worshipped. Hot touches warmed her insides with brilliant music that only physical touch could create. She moaned softly as the tempo built, a symphony she’d never experienced before this moment. His lips moved to her neck, pressing kisses to her flesh over and over.
“Lilly,” he whispered against her neck.
And with his next touch she surrendered.
Chapter 21
Morgan’s touch ignited impossible needs within her. In this isolated place with the wind howling around them, she knew contentment mixed with peace. Physical sensations darted along her body, teasing as his exploration teased. His kisses lingered here and then there, tasting. She groaned and arched against his strong frame. His breathing came faster, his caresses a little more insistent.
“Wait,” he said on a slight gasp.
As he drew back, his chest rose and fell, and his eyes were ablaze with hunger. He traced her features with his gaze, searching, perhaps, for an answering passion.
“Show me,” she said.
“Show you?”
“I’ve heard it called love making. Show me.”
He shook his head slowly, a frown forming on his brow and his mouth. “Lilly, you’re a virgin. I can’t. It wouldn’t be ....”
Lilly cupped Morgan’s face and drew him down again, giving him permission if his caution held him back. “You said I’m beautiful. You’ve kissed me. Why?”
“Because you are beautiful.” He licked his lips, his breath faster. “The thought of you being hurt tore me up when I came looking for you. It started a burn and hurt inside me I’ve never felt before. And I knew when I saw Marjorie again that I couldn’t be with her. I won’t marry her. I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because she isn’t you.” His voice went hoarse with emotion. “She isn’t you.”
His confession blew apart any hesitation she might have felt about holding him in her arms and discovering what might come next.
His mouth met hers. He undid the buttons, slowly, at her neckline. He peeled back the collar and tasted the hollow of her throat. She quivered with a mixture of delight and apprehension, her feelings chaotic.
With a gasp, she started. Pinwheels—sweet little tingles of delight—spiraled out from that single touch. He drew back and held his hands up. “I won’t hurt you. If you want me to stop—“
“No.”
Morgan watched her for a long moment, and for a bit she thought he’d halt, that he’d come to his senses and she’d come to hers. He reached for the shirtwaist and unbuttoned it until it gaped open and revealed her corset and chemise. She imagined she should feel embarrassed but her unease had disappeared. Nothing wrong or sinful or wicked could happen here. Only the glorious revelation in the differences between male and female. With delight, she plunged into the moment, wanting this one sacred thing that could be hers. Away from the asylum, and away from its poison and ghosts.
He removed his cravat and tossed it aside. In fascination, she observed his strong throat. She tingled to see so much skin, though she’d seen his naked chest before. As he divested himself of his waistcoat, only hunger and eagerness reduced her maidenly concern. She worked at his buttons and he allowed it. Power welled up inside Lilly as she glanced at his expression. With hot need blazing in his eyes, he said he wanted this. She worked faster until his shirt opened. He undid the cuffs and the links fell to the dirty wood floor.
“It’s cold,” she said softly.
He drew her hands to his chest. “I’m not.”
His hard chest radiated heat, and she gloried in the forbidden sensation of crisp chest hair over the rounded, hard pectoral muscle. He drew her fingers lightly down to his stomach where rigid, tough muscle rippled. Moisture pooled between her legs, and now that she’d encountered this desire again, she understood where it came from. Instinct took over. She leaned in and tasted the center of his chest. Warm. Slightly salty skin. She allowed herself one impulsive lick.
He gasped. “Oh, God. Lilly.” He gently pushed her back. “Too much of that and this will be over soon. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’ve heard that relations between a man and woman hurt the woman the first time. Is that what you mean?”
His smile held tenderness. “Sometimes. Not always. But we can stop now. Or at any time. If you want me to stop, just tell me. You never have to feel unsafe with me. What we’re doing is ....” He shook his head. “God help me, but as much as I shouldn’t want this, I do.”
He swooped in to gather her close, and pressed hungry kisses to the low neckline of chemise and corset. He worked at the little buttons on the front of her chemise and drew it apart. He worked at the corset’s back laces. Hot feelings arose inside her with furious intensity as he drew the restrictive contraption over her head and placed it on her coat by the door. Now her shoulders were mostly bare, and he traced them slowly, warming her shoulders with his palms. Any cold she might have experienced drifted away, banished by her body’s needs. His kisses peppered her shoulders until she forgot her surroundings. All that existed was his touch designing patterns over her flesh.
Oh. Sweet heaven. She gasped, moaning softly as her breath caught. An equally soft moan left his throat as he eased the chemise open and barely caressed one nipple. Plucking her nipple gently between thumb and finger, he strummed her like an instrument. She closed her eyes as she tilted her head back. A hot spear of almost unbearable pleasure cascaded through her. She gasped again.
She clasped his head. “Morgan.”
He lifted his head. “All right?”
“Yes.”
He slipped an arm around her and brought her closer, but just near enough to capture the tip of one breast between his lips for a tiny kiss. She groaned again at the hot, pulling sensation as he teased and tormented with his tongue. She clutched at his hair in desperation, pushing her breast deeper into his possession. He lingered over one breast long enough to drive her mad with one lick and then another. He moved to the next where he played and fondled and sent hot spiral
s of need growing inside her belly.
“Please,” she said in breathy desperation.
“What do you need?” His breath rasped hot against her skin.
“More.”
He pressed his face into her skin and drew in her scent. She shivered as his primal action taught her all she needed to know. He wanted her under no uncertain terms. Hunger ignited as she fell into his embrace without worrying where this would lead. He drew her down a path of no return, but she wouldn’t regret it. His loving had caught her up in a whirlwind she couldn’t escape. She wanted and yearned for more touching and caressing. Apprehension diminished under Morgan’s tender assurances.
“We’ll stop if you want,” he said.
“No. No.” Breathless, she kissed his jaw line. “Show me.”
His smile assured her. Goosebumps prickled her skin and heat engulfed her. Despite the storm raging outside, Lilly had never felt more accepted and cherished. As she shivered, Morgan cupped and shaped her breasts. He caressed, sweeping with light attention over her skin. He swept his touch over her nipples. She groaned, unable to reject wild emotions and unstoppable excitement. This was sin, but it was beautiful. Tingles darted through Lilly’s nipples as she sucked in a breath.
Her heartbeat quickened as he lifted her into his arms. She looped her arms around his neck, excited by his show of strength. “What now?”
He laughed softly. “I’ll show you.”
With a nudge of his shoulder he pushed the door to the bedroom open and strode inside. The small bed didn’t look big enough to hold them both, but she wanted to know what lovemaking entailed, regardless of where it took place. She ached between the legs, and the dampness there was embarrassing. She wanted to understand all of this, wanted to know how to rid herself of the ache. Her body seemed to pulse and throb and she couldn’t imagine what they’d need to do to release the tension.
Morgan settled her on the bed, and she propped up on the pillows. She watched as he stripped her boots off with unhurried movements. He left her in chemise and pantaloons, and even that little clothing made her feel exposed and vulnerable. He removed his boots and they landed with a thud by the bed. He lay down beside her, still dressed in his trousers.
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