by Keeland, Vi
The district attorney had said he’d pursue the case, but only after warning her of the likely outcome and how traumatic cases usually were for the victims. I wasn’t surprised since I knew firsthand that DAs didn’t like to go forward on a losing case. Resources were tight, and let’s face it, lawyers didn’t like to mar their records.
Autumn blew out a jagged breath and forced a smile. “Now I’d like to have another glass of wine. Would you like another one? Or actually, would you like your first one since I wound up drinking yours?”
I stood. “Definitely. But I’ll get them. I need to use the bathroom, anyway.”
After I filled two glasses to the brim, I went to splash some water on my face. It felt like I’d just run a marathon, though I’d barely moved from the couch in the last hour. I was physically drained, so I couldn’t even imagine how Autumn felt. As I stood there, it hit me for the first time why she’d decided to tell me everything tonight. I’d been so consumed with her story, I hadn’t taken a moment to realize what might’ve prompted her sharing it. Tonight in the yard had brought memories of being attacked to the surface.
I felt like banging my head against the wall for what a damn idiot I was. Why the hell did I ever bring her to a place like that to begin with, much less tell her to go stand out back for better cell phone reception? I shut my eyes.
What a dumb fuck I am.
I went back to the living room feeling physically sick. Sitting on the couch, my elbows on my knees and head dropped into my hands, I wanted to kick my own ass. “Listen, Autumn, I’m really sorry for what happened tonight.”
“Nothing happened, Donovan.”
“That’s not the point. I should’ve never left you outside alone—not even for a minute. I know the type of trouble that comes in.”
Autumn reached out and took my hand. “If I had called your name, you would’ve been back there in two seconds flat.”
“Yeah, of course, but—”
She squeezed my hand and waited until I looked at her. “I started seeing my old psychiatrist again. I hadn’t been to her in a few years. You know why I went?”
“Why?”
“Because I have trust issues. Big ones. I’ve spent the last few years dating guys I knew I wouldn’t get emotionally invested in because I don’t trust myself to see things coming. Honestly, I didn’t think I was capable of wanting more with a man.”
It wasn’t lost on me that she was talking in past tense—I didn’t think I was capable. Not, I don’t think I’m capable. But after the last few hours, I was afraid to get my hopes up. I needed shit spelled out.
“But now?” I asked.
She smiled. “I like you, Donovan. I always did. In fact, I liked you too much, and that weekend we spent together scared me. They say time heals old wounds. I’m not sure mine will ever fully heal, but I’m tired of letting them control my life. Last year when we met, I wasn’t ready. Full disclosure, I’m not sure I’m fully ready now. I still take sleeping pills just to relax enough to fall asleep at night, and I might not be as trusting as I should be. But I’d like to try, if you’re still interested.”
I smiled. “Is my interest even a question in your mind?”
She bit down on her bottom lip. “Well, I didn’t want to assume.”
“Let me make it crystal clear.” I took both her hands and inched closer on the couch until our knees were touching. “I have never been more interested in a woman in my life. Whether you wanted me or not, you’ve had me for the last year, Autumn.”
She smiled. “We need to take it slow.”
“I can do slow.”
Autumn chuckled. “I’m not sure I believe that. But I do believe you’ll try to do slow.”
“You don’t think I can do slow?”
An hour ago, listening to her story had made my heart feel broken. Now the smile on her face felt like the glue piecing it all back together.
“I’m not sure either of us is too good at slow when it comes to the other.”
“At least we’re not alone in the struggle.” I lifted her hand and brought her palm to my lips. “It won’t be easy, but I’ll try to be less charming.”
She giggled, and another crack in my heart sealed up. “I’m sure that will be tough for you.”
I looked into her eyes. “Thank you for sharing everything with me tonight.”
“Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“Come here.” I tugged her hand, guiding her from the spot next to me on the couch onto my lap. This time when I wrapped her in my arms, it felt different. She wasn’t letting me console her; she was letting me hold her because she wanted me to, and it felt fucking incredible. When I pulled back, our faces were close, and I wanted so damn badly to kiss her, but I refrained—and I was pretty proud of myself.
My hands smoothed down the hair on either side of her face. “I think I might need some ground rules for going slow. All I want to do is kiss you right now, and I’m afraid I’ll fuck up if I don’t have set boundaries.”
She smiled. “Okay. That’s probably a good idea.”
“So lay it on me. How do we do this?”
Autumn tapped her finger to her lips. “I guess we should limit how often we see each other. What about once a week?”
“Three times.”
She laughed. “Oh my God. You just jumped into lawyer mode to negotiate. I feel like I need my own attorney now so I don’t get trampled.”
I smiled. “Sorry. How about two days?”
“I think that’s good.”
“Okay. What else you got?”
“What about if we try not to get into a routine? I feel like that’s what happens when a relationship moves into serious territory. You settle into a day-to-day, familiar predictability. Maybe we could extend what happens at the beginning of dating, where you sort of experiment with where you go and what the other likes.”
I shrugged. “That sounds good to me. I like to try new things, and trying them with you is even better.”
“And we probably shouldn’t make long-term plans. I think keeping things to the immediate future—say, the next few weeks—keeps things lighter.”
“Alright. Anything else?”
She bit down on her lip. “Just one more, I think. But I have a feeling you might not like it.”
“Lay it on me.”
“Well, sex… I didn’t have it for a few years after…you know…and then I only had it without an emotional connection. So, it’s honestly been a long time since I combined the two, and just contemplating that really scares me.”
My face fell, though it had nothing to do with not having sex.
Autumn noticed. “I didn’t… No, that came out wrong. I didn’t mean to say I didn’t have an emotional connection with you the weekend we spent together, if that’s what you’re thinking. Just the opposite, actually. I felt things for you, and that’s why I didn’t want to have actual sex that weekend. I thought that would keep things on some sort of a friendlier level. But even without the sex, what I felt made me run as fast as I could. Which is exactly what I’m trying to avoid happening now by going slow.”
I dragged a hand through my hair, blew out a deep breath, and nodded. “Yeah, of course. Whatever it takes.”
“Thank you. I know I’m asking a lot.”
I ran my fingers down her cheek. “It’s fair. I’m getting a lot in return. You.”
She nuzzled her cheek against my hand. “I think that’s it for my rules. What about you? Anything you want to add?”
“You didn’t mention exclusivity. I don’t think I can take knowing you’re going out with other men at this point.”
She shook her head. “I won’t. Even when I was avoiding relationships that might lead to anything, I didn’t go out with more than one person at a time. It’s just not my thing.”
“Good. Then we’re on the same page.”
“So that’s it?” she asked.
The lawyer in me couldn’t help but think of things in terms of a c
ontract, and one thing I always liked to negotiate for my clients was an out clause. “I’m going to stick to these rules as best I can,” I said. “Because they’re important to you. But the ball’s in your court, Red. If you get to a point where you’re ready to spend more time together, or want to make plans for the future, you just need to let me know.”
She smiled. “Does the same go for if I want to have sex? I just have to let you know?”
A wicked grin spread across my face. “No, sweetheart. For that, you have to do more than let me know. After all this time, I’m going to make you beg.”
CHAPTER 25
* * *
Autumn
“Where is he taking you?” Skye laid on her stomach on my bed with her feet swinging in the air like a teenager.
“He won’t tell me. That’s the problem.” I tossed another outfit next to her and walked back into my closet.
“Did you ask him what to wear?”
“He said wear something sexy.” I have no idea what that means. “Like, do I wear heels or not?”
Skye grinned. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”
I popped my head out of the closet. “Like what?”
“A nervous wreck. You really like this guy, huh?”
I sighed. “I do.”
“Do you mind if I stay until he gets here? I’m curious to meet him.”
I shook my head. “Of course not. But he should be here in about twenty minutes, so help me find something so I’m not naked when he arrives.”
Skye got up and joined me in the tiny closet. “Being naked when he arrives might solve your outfit problem. I’m sure he’d love that.”
“We’re going to try to take it slow.”
“Boring.” Skye fingered through the hangers in my closet and pulled out a royal blue dress tucked all the way in the back. “You should wear this.”
I held it up against me. “You think? It’s kind of sexy.”
“I thought he said to wear something sexy.”
“He did. But I don’t want to send the wrong message.”
“What do you want the outfit to say?”
“I don’t know. That things are casual and I put in effort, but I didn’t freak out trying on fifty outfits just for the date.”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about this dress saying all that.”
“No?”
“Not at all. Because your face is going to say just the opposite anyway.”
“Ugh…that’s not helpful.”
She shrugged. “Maybe not. But it’s the truth. So you might as well look smoking hot since you’re never going to be able to hide the truth.”
I spent fifteen more minutes trying on a half-dozen outfits, but in the end, I wound up wearing the blue dress. When the door buzzed, I opened the app I had on my phone to view who was downstairs and started to feel queasy. “Maybe I should cancel. I don’t feel well.”
Skye plucked my cell from my hand. “Oooh…he’s gorgeous.” She pressed the button to talk as she hit the unlock button that opened the lock downstairs. “Come on up, hot stuff.”
My mature response when she looked to me was to stick my tongue out.
“Attractive,” she smirked. “Maybe he’ll suck on it later, if you’re lucky.”
“I need to pee before I go. Can I trust you to let him in if he’s up here before I get done?”
“Of course.” She grinned. “What could possibly happen?”
As I fixed my lipstick in the bathroom, I heard Skye speaking from the other room. “So have you ever owned a van?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Harmed any animals?”
“Can’t say I have.”
Oh Lord. I capped the lipstick and yanked the bathroom door open. Just as I approached the living room, Skye said, “Can I see your teeth, please?”
“Skye!” I yelled.
She turned with an innocent face. “What?”
“What are you doing?”
“Trying to figure out if he’s dangerous. You need a van to put the puppies in so you can lure children, and I read that most serial killers don’t start out hurting people. They work their way up from small animals.”
I shook my head. “And his teeth?”
She smirked. “That was for my own purposes. I just like a man who doesn’t have a lot of fillings.”
Luckily, Donovan was a good sport. I walked over and put my arm around my best friend. “So I see you’ve already met my friend Skye.”
“I did. She’s protective. That’s a good quality in a friend.”
“It is. Though crazy…not so much.” I squeezed her shoulder. “Skye was just leaving.”
She grabbed her purse and kissed me on the cheek before turning to Donovan.
“I have two pieces of advice for you.”
“Okay…”
“One, if you can’t get her to talk, try Twisted Tea. She guzzles them and relaxes. Then you can’t get her to shut up.”
Donovan smiled. “Good to know.”
“And two, don’t hurt her.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a black leather men’s wallet, letting it dangle between two fingers. “Because I know where you live now.”
Donovan patted his pants. His brows drew together. “Is that my wallet?”
“Don’t feel bad.” Skye smiled. “I have an angelic face. It fools everyone.”
Donovan took his wallet back and scratched his head as she breezed out the door. Once it closed behind her, his eyebrows rose. “Well, that was…interesting. I take it that was her who let me in and called me hot stuff?”
I nodded. “I have an app that connects to the camera downstairs. Depending on which apartment you ring, the tenants can see video of who’s at the door. It’s one of the reasons I picked the building.”
“Nice. Though I think you have a better chance of getting robbed by your friend. Does she steal wallets often?”
I chuckled. “It’s one of Skye’s many talents. Luckily, she doesn’t use that one much these days.”
“She used to?”
I nodded. “Back in the day, yeah.”
“Was she one of your cases?”
“No. But Skye’s very open about her history, so she wouldn’t mind me telling you. She gives talks at schools and stuff now. We met at a therapist’s office and went to the same victim-support meeting for years.”
Donovan’s face fell. “So she was…”
I nodded. “Her uncle. It started when she was only nine.”
“Jesus Christ.”
“Pickpocketing became one of her hobbies, as did cutting and sleeping with grown men when she’d barely hit puberty. But she’s come a long way.” I shook my head. “Anyway, that’s depressing to talk about. Let’s not pick up where we left off the other night.”
He did his best to smile, but I could see I’d put a damper on the start of our evening. I tried to bring the mood back around by tilting my head. “Why don’t we start over? You knock, I’ll answer the door, and you can tell me how nice I look?”
The corner of Donovan’s mouth twitched. I’d been kidding, but he turned around, opened the door, and walked out, closing it behind him. A few seconds later, there was a knock.
I beamed from ear to ear as I opened it. “Hi. You’re a few minutes early.”
His eyes dropped to my feet and ever so slowly worked their way up my body. By the time our eyes met, I was tingling all over. “You look phenomenal.”
I’d told him to go outside, knock, and tell me how nice I looked; yet I still blushed at the comment. “Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself.”
Donovan let himself in and shut the door behind him. I felt giddy, a feeling I definitely wasn’t used to.
He wrapped one hand around my waist and the other slipped into my hair.
“Kiss me,” he growled. “I can’t wait any longer.”
I leaned forward, but didn’t get the chance to pursue the kiss, because Donovan immediately took over. He cr
ushed his lips over mine, swallowing an unexpected gasp. Just like that day in the bathroom, within seconds I had completely forgotten where I was. He smelled incredible, and even though his body was not pushed up against mine, I felt the heat emanating from it, and it set me on fire. I clung to him and my fingernails dug into his back as he tugged his mouth from mine to suck his way down to my neck, teeth scraping over my chin and hot breath sending a shockwave that I felt between my legs. Lord, can this man kiss.
By the time it broke, I was panting.
“Is that better?” he growled.
“Oh my God, better than what? I don’t even remember what we were talking about.”
Donovan smiled. “You told me to make a new entrance.” His eyes roamed over my face. “You really do look beautiful.”
I had to blink a few times to snap out of my haze. “Thank you.”
He stroked my cheek with his thumb. “I could stand right here and do this for hours, but we should probably get going. We have an appointment.”
“An appointment? You mean a reservation?”
He shoved his hands into his pockets. “Nope.”
“Where are we going that we need an appointment?”
“You’ll see.”
I didn’t usually love surprises, but tonight was an exception. It had been a long time since I’d let my heart lead, and it felt almost freeing. I smiled. “Let me just grab my bag.”
***
“Are we here?” I looked around the strip-mall parking lot. There was a barber, a closed-down taco place, a dry cleaner, ballet studio, and a Chinese restaurant.
Donovan unbuckled his seatbelt. “We are.”
I glanced at the row of stores again. “Are we going for Chinese food?”
“Nope.”
“Picking up your dry cleaning?”
He grinned. “Nope.”
“Haircut?”
“You’re running out of choices…”
I looked over the stores one more time to make sure I wasn’t missing anything. But the only thing left was the ballet studio.