by T. S. Joyce
“Apologies mean nothing from a liar,” he gritted out.
Her face crumpled as she hung her head. “I didn’t want any of this.”
“Yeah, you did. You can go now.”
Shocked, she jerked her gaze up to him. “You aren’t going to call Krome?”
There was something so deep in his eyes, it gutted her. Sadness, and worse than that. Disappointment. She’d disappointed him and nothing had ever felt worse.
“Go destroy someone else’s trust,” he murmured low. “Just leave us alone. And you can tell Manning I’ll see him real soon.” He backed up a couple steps. “Get your shit out of my trailer and leave.”
“Nuke, I’m sorry.”
“Not forgiven.” He clenched his fists and looked out at the woods, then cast his glance back to her. His eyes were rimmed with moisture. “You’re just like everyone else. I told you I needed to protect them and you were spying on me. Spying on them. Just…fucking go.” His voice cracked on the last word. He hesitated there another second and then disappeared, and the black smoke was back. It was even thicker than before, and took a while for her to be able to see anything. She broke down. That’s what ya did when you were in a hole so deep you couldn’t see any light. You broke down. Breakdowns happened right before the moment you pulled up your big-girl boots, looked skyward again, and tried something new. But when you were in the breakdown? When you were in the dark place? It was hard to see any light. These mountains, and this Crew, and this man felt colossal in some way she couldn’t understand yet. Their loss felt too big for one heart to bear. For the few minutes she’d been able to take her mind off Tory, she’d been happy. It was, perhaps, the only moment in her life she’d truly realized happiness.
She’d understood it, right? Feeling safe, and laughing with abandon, and feeling playful again, and getting butterflies, and being comfortable with another person. Happiness had existed for one blinding minute and now there was nothing but fog. Empty, hollow, echoing fog that didn’t just fill her outside world. It filled her insides too.
This was on her. It was her fault. No one could be blamed but her.
Nuke was right to hate her. She hated herself, too.
She cried herself out at the bottom of that hole she’d dug herself, her knees curled to her chest, face on her forearms. She cried until there was no more moisture in her eyes, and then something happened.
Her phone vibrated beside her.
That sound changed everything. When she looked at the screen, it was Manning again, and the text read, Bitch, answer me.
And something in her soul snapped. Inside of her, the horse dragged a hoof through the dirt and blew breath. Her skin itched to change, and thoughts of Tory swirled in her head.
Manning had taken so much from her.
Tory, Nuke, the Crew…
He’d taken too much. Now it was too much. The loss made the animal bigger, and the winged horse was the bravest part of her. The unfairness made the animal angrier and louder inside of Trina. It made her want to punish Manning instead of obeying him.
She didn’t feel like crying anymore. It was a sudden thing. She felt reckless. She wanted to put a stop to the bleeding in her life. Manning was the blade that had been keeping her open.
She wiped her damp cheeks with the back of her hand and sniffed, then reached for the phone and typed, I’m coming home. I’ll tell you everything.
It was a lie. She wouldn’t tell him anything. The animal was begging to get out. Not yet. Not quite yet. She was one, and Manning had been rebuilding his Murder after the war with this Crew. He had numbers, and she wouldn’t make it out of this alive. She couldn’t. But Tory would. She was going to make sure of it.
What use was her life if she just had to hurt people at the will of another? Nuke’s disappointed face flashed through her mind, and the horse reared inside of her. She didn’t want to be a pawn anymore. She didn’t want to do this anymore. Any of it.
She didn’t know how she would do it, but she was going to trade Tory’s life for hers. She could go easier if she knew her sister was okay.
No more breakdown. She was going to try something new now.
Good. See you soon, Manning responded.
Numbly, she got into her car, turned it around and made her way back to the trailer she knew Nuke wouldn’t be in. He’d already left her. Amos said hi and waved to her from his porch, but she ignored him. She was a rat. She was a spy. Trina pushed open the door, but something caught her attention. It was Tommy. He was leaning against a tree on the edge of the clearing, just watching her. His too-bright eyes were narrowed.
Chills rippled up her spine as something on the edge of her memory tickled at her brain.
Time and time again, Tommy’s face filled her mind as she shoved her clothes into her suitcase. She just wanted to get out of here.
It wasn’t until she looked at her phone to check the time that it clicked. She looked at Manning’s last messages just to make sure she hadn’t imagined it.
She didn’t know for sure, but her instincts were roaring.
Before she could change her mind, she made her way to the kitchen counter, flipped over an old receipt for the deck wood, and scribbled a note to Nuke.
Tarek,
I can’t leave without telling you something. I think there’s a wolf among your sheep here. I never said your name to Manning. I hid you. You have no reason to believe me now, but I have no reason to lie. I’m already gone, and I won’t be back. It’s gonna hurt leaving you and this place behind. I heard you. You’ll never forgive me and I don’t blame you.
I never said your name to Manning, so how did he know it? I never said we had trailers here either. How did he know? Today, he asked me about you, and Amos, and Divar. He didn’t mention Tommy. Why didn’t he want to know about him? He knows Tommy is here. Do what you want with that information, just…stay safe. If you exist, it makes the world a little better.
I wish I could tell you everything, but it won’t make a difference.
Just so you know? I really like you. None of that was pretend. I wanted to get you a token when I was in town. It wouldn’t mean much to you, but for me, a token is big. I’m stuck in a cage I can’t explain, and you were this beautiful thing right outside the bars. Thank you for making me happy for a while.
Trinadel
Her heart felt like it was on fire as she signed her name, so she forced herself one last look at his trailer, one last memory of this sanctuary, and then she grabbed the duffel bag and made her way outside.
She couldn’t look back anymore. An enormous job lay ahead of her, and she could only look forward.
She was going to fix this on her own, even if it cost her everything.
Chapter Fourteen
Lost in thought, Nuke rubbed the corner of the folded letter Trina had written him.
Amos and Divar had asked for his help with decks on their trailers, but Tommy seemed content to keep his house the way it was. He didn’t have any stairs. And he’d only unpacked one suitcase and a mattress from his truck, which seemed to be broken down currently because Tommy was working under the hood.
“Why are you staring at Tommy like you want to eat him?” Ren asked as she took the lawn chair beside him. Oh, Nuke had heard her coming, he had just been hoping she was here to see Amos or some shit.
Nuke leaned back in his chair and scratched his chin. “Did you look into the Crew before you guys offered them positions?”
Ren twitched her pink bangs out from in front of her face and narrowed her bright blue eyes. “Of course. Didn’t find anything on you though, Mystery Man.”
“Where did Tommy come from?” he asked low.
Ren’s clear blue eyes drifted to Tommy. “New Mexico. He was in a pack for a decade before he drifted to Wyoming to become a Rogue. His old pack said he had authority problems, couldn’t accept his rank in the pack. Fought all the time. Wanted power but didn’t have the wolf to hold power. Been living as a Rogue for five years now, but
that shit is hard on a wolf. They’re made for packs. Makes sense why he wanted the Crew. The pecking order is different here than in wolf packs. He has a better shot at rising in the ranks the longer he is here.” Her chair creaked as she settled deeper into it. “Why?”
Nuke shrugged up one shoulder. “Probably nothing.” Probably just Trina the Spy putting thoughts into his head to put wedges into their Crew. The letter bothered him. He’d wanted to come straight back here, drink a bottle of whiskey and forget the world and the damn ache in his soul for a while, but he’d found the letter instead. “What does a token mean?”
Her eyebrows arched high under her brightly colored bangs and she leaned forward, buzzing with excitement. “Did Trina give you a token?”
“No,” he barked. “Shhh.”
“Oh.” With a frown, Ren looked around. “I came to see if Trina wanted to go to lunch. Where is she?”
“What’s a token mean?” he repeated.
Ren inhaled deeply and drew her knee up to her chest, swinging her other ankle rhythmically off the chair. “For a crow, it’s a gift of intention. I gave Bron one, and he gave me one, and now I’m his and he’s mine. Marriage is a human word. Tokens are like saying, you’re it. I’m in this. I’m all in. You are the one my animal chooses. I see you for what you are.”
“I see you for what you are,” he repeated softly, dragging his fingers down the folded edge of the old receipt with Trina’s letter on it.
Nothing felt right. Nothing felt okay.
“Where is she, Nuke?” Ren asked softly.
“Went back to Manning.”
Ren snorted. “Yeah right. Really, is she in the shower? Trina!” she called.
“She went back to Manning. She never really left him, I guess.” But then why had she mentioned a token to Nuke? Fuck, everything was so confusing.
“What did you do?” Ren demanded.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Cool, well I saw her with a black eye from Manning, and I saw the way she was looking at you yesterday. I’m betting you’re talking about a token because she picked you.”
“She’s a Pegasus—”
“She’s a winged horse. She’s half-crow, dude. Tokens are tokens. I saw the look of relief on her face that night I stole the token Manning had given to her. She had tears of relief in her eyes. What did you do?”
“She’s been spying for Manning.”
“What?” Ren shook her head. “Fuck off, no she wasn’t.”
“I saw her phone. I saw the messages from Manning. She’s been feeding him information about this place. About all of us.”
“Why?” Ren demanded.
“Why what?”
“Why did she do that?”
“I don’t fucking know.” Why did this feel like an interrogation? Why did it feel like he was the one doing something wrong? He hadn’t betrayed any of these people. Would’ve cut his own wings off before he betrayed Trina.
Ren cast a look at Tommy and leaned forward, right near Nuke’s face. “She hates Manning, so why was she feeding him information, Nuke? She’s not bad. Did you ask her?”
Nuke shook his head, baffled. “No. I was busy protecting your asses from her leaking information.”
Ren stood and shoved him hard in the arm, and muttered, “You’re a dumbass.” She pulled her phone out of her back pocket and connected a call. She was breathing faster, and stress came off her in waves. She cursed when no one answered and connected a call immediately again. “She isn’t answering.”
“Why do you want her to? She betrayed us.”
“You don’t understand Manning.” She jerked her chin at Tommy and raised her voice. “What the fuck are you smiling at?”
Tommy shrugged and made his way into his trailer, that dumb smirk still lingering on his lips.
Nuke didn’t like it.
“He’s weird,” Amos said. He’d appeared out of nowhere and leaned against the corner of his trailer, right next to Nuke’s. “Last night he was asking questions about all of the Crew, but mostly he wanted to know about you.”
“About me?” Nuke asked.
“Yeah. Personal shit. I didn’t answer any but he kept coming back to you, asking more and more.”
“I don’t like this,” Ren murmured. “I have some contacts I can try. Manning has to have something on Trina. Nuke…” She arched her eyebrows high and beseeched him with her eyes. “She could barely look away from you yesterday.” She put her hand to her chest. “I know how that feels. She wouldn’t hurt you unless she was forced.”
“You also believe in the good in everyone, Ren,” Amos murmured. “Sometimes people just ain’t good, no matter how much you want them to be.”
“Screw you guys then,” Ren said. “I’ll figure all this out on my own.”
“How long will it take?” Nuke asked softly.
“A few hours. Don’t worry. I got this.”
Trina was going back to Manning now. She had an hour head start on them. Protect her.
The dragon’s snarl inside of him scared him. Nuke stood in a rush and backed up a few paces. He’d imagined it…right?
“What’s wrong?” Amos asked.
The animal had talked. The monster had talked. He’d spoken his first words. Right? Protect her? What the fuck. What the fuck!
Nuke’s heart was hammering against his sternum. He’d imagined it. The monster didn’t talk. It didn’t have logic. It killed. It burned. That’s all it was built to do. Its sole purpose was destruction.
Protect her.
Fuck.
He should’ve asked her why. Ren was right. He’d been so hurt, so angry, that his mind had clouded. He’d just wanted her gone so he could ache alone.
He ran inside and grabbed his phone, called Trina.
No answer.
No answer.
And then the phone went straight to her voicemail like her phone had died or she’d turned it off. He tried again and again with the same result. Her phone was definitely off.
Shit!
Her threw his phone on the bed and swallowed down a roar of frustration.
He chewed on the side of his lip and stared out the front window. A few hours was too long. Nuke shot up and jogged out of his trailer and down his porch stairs.
“Where are you going?” Amos called after him.
“To find out some answers,” he snarled.
Tommy knew he was coming. The second Nuke opened Tommy’s front door, a gray wolf launched at his face. Nuke was slammed backward out of the door, and Tommy’s razor-sharp teeth sank into Nuke’s face. He tried to rip his head off, but that stupid wolf didn’t know dragon rules. Only fire could kill him.
Nuke landed on all fours and lifted his bleeding face to the woods, where he’d thought Tommy would be retreating.
Amos stood there with the scruff of the wolf’s neck held so tightly in his hand, the skin on his face and throat were stretched taut. The wolf struggled, but Amos shook him within an inch of his life and the wolf stilled.
Nuke hadn’t realized how strong Amos really was until this moment.
Blood poured onto the grass from the gashes on Nuke’s face. He stood and allowed the wolf to watch his skin cinch together and heal within seconds.
Nuke smiled.
“Bring him inside,” he told Amos. “We have some work to do.”
“Krome and Bron are on their way,” Ren called.
“Change back now,” Amos advised as he dragged the enormous wolf into his trailer. “Change back or I’ll let Nuke choose left or right. Which leg do you want sawed off first? Werewolves can heal well, but can you re-grow a fucking leg?” Amos asked.
Nuke dragged a single chair into the center of the room, then made his way to Tommy’s bag and rifled through it quickly. Nothing. He made his way to the mattress and pulled his pocket knife, sank it deep into the mattress and pulled the thick fabric apart. And then he moved to the side to show Amos the wads of cash. “Hundred-dollar bills. Bet this isn’t y
our savings from…what was his job before?” he called to Ren, who was hopping up into the trailer with them.
“Storage facility security. Night shift crew,” she answered.
Nuke stood and yanked his knife out of the mattress. “Left or right?” He roared to the wolf, who still hadn’t changed back. He rushed him and grabbed one of his scrabbling back legs, pulled it straight and set the blade against his skin. “You working for Manning?”
The wolf struggled for his life.
Nuke made a deep cut, and the wolf howled in pain that turned into a man’s scream as he changed back in a rush. Tommy fell to the floor and yelled, “He has her sister!”
“What?” Amos demanded. “Whose sister?”
“That’s what you want to know, right? You want to know what Manning did to her? He has her fucking sister. Fuck! Let me go. None of this is worth it. None of this is worth it.” He chanted that last part over and over as he curled in on himself and held his bleeding thigh together.
Nuke backed away and dropped the knife onto the counter, ran his hands through his hair and gripped it. Manning had her sister? Tory. She’d talked about Tory. Tory was her person. She was Trina’s anchor and Manning had her.
Fuck. He turned to Ren, but Ren already knew. He could tell by the look on her face. “How far ahead is she?”
“An hour.”
Bron and Krome were in the doorway now, looking at each of them in question.
Ren jammed her finger at Tommy. “Traitor. Been feeding information to Manning, and so has Trina.”
“Where is Trina?” Krome demanded.
Token. She’d mentioned a token. Tokens were important. “Going back to Manning. I…” Nuke shook his head, trying to rattle his thoughts into something coherent. “I found out she was feeding him information and I pushed her out. Manning has her sister.” A snarl ripped through him and he stilled. Nothing moved on him but his heaving chest. “Manning took her sister.”
“I just want to leave. I’m leaving!” Tommy yelled.
Bron hopped up into the trailer and crouched in front of Tommy. “The thing is…you signed your Crew paperwork. In blood. Remember? Packs and Crews are different, but in some ways, they’re the same.” Bron cocked his head. “You don’t turn traitor on your Crew.”