I looked back at the screen. There was nothing there. The camera panned across the room. Where was it hiding? Was it still there, waiting for my return?
“Shit!”
The doorbell tinkled. I yanked the chair away and walked back into the store, smoothing my pants. I put on my best fake smile.
“Welcome!”
A customer was standing by the register. He did not look pleased.
“I’ve been waiting for five minutes! If this is the type of service I can expect here, well, I can see why the store is empty.”
“I’m sorry, sir. I’m terribly sorry. Wait, five minutes?” The doorbell tinkled not even five seconds ago. I looked around the store. No shadow. No anything. Just three boxes and an angry customer with a basket of items on the counter. “You’ve been waiting for five minutes?”
“Like I said, if this is your usual level of service, I’m not surprised this place is in such a state of disrepair. Where’s the manager? I’d like to talk to the manager.”
“I’m terribly sorry, sir, he’s not in at the moment, but if you’d like to leave a message for him…”
What was going on? First, a missing box that was apparently never there to begin with, and now this customer in front of me claimed to be waiting at the register for five minutes when… five minutes ago I was stacking bread just two metres away. There was no doorbell tinkle. There was no customer in the room when I went to check the monitor. There was a doorbell tinkle about 20 seconds ago, but…
There it was again. This time in the other corner, standing by the magazines in front of the toilet. I fell back into the cigarettes, knocking a few boxes on the ground. The customer turned around to see what I was looking at.
“… Are you okay?”
“Y-you don’t see that?!”
“See what?”
It was official. I was going insane.
“N-nothing…” I grabbed the scanner, unable to take my eyes off the corner, and started scanning the man’s items. I aimed the scanner randomly, hoping to hit barcodes, but at the same time, I didn’t care. The man could take his basket and run off into the wilderness. That would be fine. I wanted to as well. Whatever got me away from that thing standing in the corner of the store. Watching me. Waiting for its moment to strike.
“Um, I think you need to look at the… You know what? Don’t worry. I don’t need these right now. I’ll just get them from a different store.”
I couldn’t look away. The doorbell tinkled as the customer left. A car engine started and then the store was silent again.
The shadow started moving closer. Now that I was alone with it, truly alone, it was making its move.
I grabbed a rice ball the man left on the counter and threw it. “Stay away from me! What do you want?” I threw a bottle of soda. It hit the ground and exploded. Nothing worked. It was a ghost. It was incorporeal. I wasn’t sure if that was the right word for it, but that was what came to mind. It was there, but it wasn’t. Like a ghost, I could see it, but like a ghost, nothing seemed to actually affect it.
I ran for the back room and locked the door again. Call the boss? Call the police? Get the hell out of there? Would a locked door even keep a ghost out anyway? I ran for the exit and threw it open. I stopped dead in my tracks.
“What the hell are you doing?”
It was the boss.
I swallowed nervously and smiled. I turned around and looked in the back room. There was nothing there.
“Are you out of your mind?”
Yeah. I probably was.
16
“Shit!”
I was halfway home before I realised that I had a computer class scheduled for after work. I spent months saving for that course and had paid in advance, so I technically could miss the class and there would be no problem… no problem other than the money I had wasted.
“God fucking shit dammit.”
I wanted to go home. I barely made it through the day without losing my job. I tried to show the boss what I was talking about on the monitors, but when he rewound, there was nothing there. No black shadow. Nothing. Just me, throwing products across the store and acting like I was high on illegal substances. After confirming I wasn’t and accepting my profuse apologies, the boss allowed me to keep my job if I could get all the boxes unpacked before I left. It meant I left an hour later than usual, again, but I still had a job.
But now I also had a class. Was this my punishment for trying to improve my life? Things were so much easier when I wasn’t trying to involve myself in extra-curricular activities. Or getting involved in the life of a woman who brought supernatural menaces into my home.
I never gave Aya a time that I’d be back. After all, I usually finished at the whim of the boss, and it was never on time. But still… I sighed. It was an hour-long class. It wasn’t the end of the world. It would help me gain skills to get a better job and out of that hellhole. That was the one thing I wanted more than anything.
I turned left at the corner and started running.
Class was already underway when I got there. I apologised profusely for the umpteenth time that day, threw my bag down and grabbed a free computer. Instructions were scrawled across the whiteboard. The teacher moved around the room, helping people with questions and problems they couldn’t fix. I squinted and tried to read the board. I forgot my glasses at home. I’d forget my hair if it wasn’t attached to my head.
I opened the program of the day and worked my way through the steps piece by piece. Create this. Type in this. Search for this. Move that. My head was spinning. The words were Japanese, but they held no meaning to me. It was an extension of what we studied in the last class, I knew that much, but it was like looking at a wall of foreign letters staring back at me. I couldn’t focus on it.
“Are you okay, Megu?” The teacher was standing behind me. I jumped.
“What? Oh, yes. No. Actually. I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? What are you having trouble with?”
“Everything.”
The teacher laughed. “I don’t know if I have time to help with everything, but if there’s something in particular on the board that you don’t understand, I’ll do what I can to help.”
“Well, I’m not sure what that… function written by step three means.” It was a lie. No, not a lie, more of a truth that concealed the rest of the lie. I didn’t know what any of the steps meant. I nodded as the teacher explained and went through the process on the computer for me. When she was done, I smiled and thanked her. I had no idea what she had done, but the end result was sitting in front of me. Up to step three, anyway. There were another four steps to go.
Was Aya okay? She had my phone number, and while I didn’t have a home phone, public phones were still a thing. No call meant she was okay, right? I had to believe it. What else could I believe? I shook my head. Step four. I just need to…
I opened the web browser and started typing. “Black shadows.” I looked around to see the teacher wasn’t looking and clicked on a link. It was full of real-life ghost stories. People’s first-hand experiences with the supernatural.
“My mother died when I was ten. But every year at Obon she returns, and…” I clicked on another link. “I went to this abandoned hospital with my friends, right, and we heard the place was haunted, like, some guy killed himself there, right, and so we wanted to see if the rumours were true, right, and then…”
I rubbed my temples and clicked another link.
“I woke up and saw something standing in the corner of my room.” I perked up. Yes. Me too. That’s exactly my problem. What happened to you? “I turned the light on and it was gone.” That was it. That was the end of the story. “Are you for real?” I said out loud. I realised too late and covered my mouth. The other students were looking at me. “Sorry, just… made a mistake. That’s all.”
I clicked link after link. Tales of ghosts. Clearly fake tales of ghosts. White ghosts. Black ghosts. See-through ghosts. Ghosts that looke
d like people. Ghosts you could touch. Ghosts you couldn’t touch. Every type of ghost you could imagine. Lots of things that sounded similar to what I was experiencing, but nothing that really matched it closely.
“What do I do?” Thoughts ran through my head. Maybe I should just bite the bullet and visit a Shinto priest? Or perhaps a Buddhist monk? Which was the best to see in a situation like this? Did it matter? Maybe both. Better to be safe than sorry. But then it might look a little suspicious if there were priests coming and going from the apartment at all hours, especially with what happened the night before. My nosey neighbour would be all over that. ‘Who died?’ ‘What happened?’ ‘Have you got ghosts?’
“Are you finished yet?”
I panicked and pressed the close button. Only I pressed it several times and closed everything; the browser and the work I was supposed to be finishing. My face dropped.
“You seem a little out of sorts today, Megu. Are you okay?”
I smiled. I was perfecting that fake smile like a professional actress. Maybe I should have gone into that line of work instead.
“I’m just tired. It’s been a busy week, you know?”
“If you need more time, let me know, but you do realise that this work is required for your final assignment?”
My heart dropped. Of course it was. How could I forget? Final grades were coming up in a few weeks. The final grades that could potentially get me out of my shitty convenience store job and into something that paid an actual, real, living wage. The dream, right? To be able to guarantee hot water and something more than plain white rice for breakfast six days out of seven.
“I know, of course, yes. I’m okay, thank you.” I forced that smile like I’d never forced it before even as my stomach churned. I pushed the sickness back down and looked at the clock. 8 p.m. Class finished at 8:30 p.m. Everyone had a good half hour start on me, and on top of that, they actually knew what they were doing. I sighed, opened the program again, and tried to decipher the wall of text on the board.
‘I’m sorry, Aya. I’ll be back soon. I promise.’
17
I ran up the stairs, practising the apology I would give Aya in my head. Sorry I’m so late, work was a real bitch today. Sorry I’m so late, I forgot I had a computer class today. Sorry I’m so late, I’m also somewhat mathematically challenged and things took twice as long as they should have. Sorry I’m so late, but I think that black shadow is haunting me and…
I stopped in front of the door. My door. My door with the brand new handle that was so shiny and polished that it looked unnatural on the dirty, old wooden door it was sitting in. I put the key in. It was already unlocked. I stepped inside.
“Aya?”
The apartment was silent. I looked up at the clock. 9:30 p.m. Where was Aya? Why was the door unlocked?
My heart started racing. I threw my bag down and ran to the bathroom, calling Aya’s name. No, not again. This can’t be happening again!
“Aya!”
The door opened and I spun around. Aya was standing by the door with a plastic bag in hand. I ran over and squeezed her tight.
“Hi?”
I stepped back and scratched the back of my head. Smooth. Real smooth.
“Sorry, I just, I didn’t-” Aya cut me off with a kiss. She closed the door and put the bag on the counter.
“I was just getting some dinner. You were a little late and I wasn’t sure if you would bring anything home. Plus I wanted to get some fresh air, so…”
I hugged her again. I didn’t want to let her go. If she could stay in my arms for eternity, it would be a happy eternity.
A stench hit my nostrils, one I knew all too well. It smelled like my father when he got home from a long day of work. The smell of cigarettes and beer.
“Where did you go?” I asked.
“Oh, just down the road.” Aya started unpacking the bag. She put the bento boxes in the microwave and put a few drinks and other small food items in the fridge. “I went for a walk around the park and then came back here. Why?”
I couldn’t tell her that she stank of dirty old bars. So instead I smiled and shook my head. “No reason.”
“How was work?”
How was work? Well, I saw that shadow several times. Time seemed to displace for a while. And either my eyes or the monitor was lying about the number of boxes I was unpacking, and then the boss came back and we went through our daily “you’re nearly fired so you better pick things up soon” ritual. It was good times.
“It was okay. What did you do today? Was everything okay here?”
Aya poured herself a drink from the water jug in the fridge and leant against the cabinet.
“The police came around earlier.”
I froze.
“Did you answer them?”
She shook her head. “Of course not. Why would I do that?”
“Did they say anything?”
She shook her head again. I let out a sigh of relief. I couldn’t tell her about the man upstairs. Even if it was just for one more night, I wanted her to feel safe. Aya finished the water and rubbed her arms a few times. She looked around the room, as though looking for someone—or perhaps something—and then looked at me.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
She kept doing that. Answering questions with questions.
“You seem distracted.”
She walked over and planted a kiss on my cheek. “I’m just tired, that’s all. I was thinking about what I should do today, now that father is… gone.”
“What did you decide?”
The microwave pinged. Aya walked over and took the two bentos out and put them on plates. She ripped the foil off, grabbed some chopsticks and then handed me one. Everything was slow and methodical. Step by step. A person going through the proper motions like they were supposed to be done.
“Nothing yet, but I have to go back at some point, and probably sooner rather than later, you know? I’m not worried about the police. My… brother has no doubt dealt with them by now. But…” Her voice trailed off. “I’m just not sure I want to be alone there right now, you know?”
“You can stay here. If you want.” It felt weird to say, like it wasn’t my own voice. I was trying to be cool. You can stay if you want, whatever, it doesn’t matter to me. But inside, I didn’t want her to go. She brought up so many emotions in me, but right at that moment, looking at her as she methodically picked at her dinner, I thought that perhaps I was truly falling for her.
“Thank you,” she said. There was no ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ Just ‘thank you.’ It was better than nothing. My hands shook as I shovelled the rice from the instant meal in front of me to my mouth. She looked at me quizzically. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I laughed a little too loudly. “I am totally, perfectly fine.”
“Uh huh.”
“What?”
Aya put her plate down and moved around the counter. I straightened up as she approached.
“What are you-”
She manoeuvred me around the couch and then pushed me back onto it. She climbed onto my lap and looked into my eyes. It was like the devil was peering into all my deepest, darkest secrets, looking for one hidden underneath all the rest to drag to the surface.
“It’s okay, Megu.” The way she said my name caused flutters throughout my stomach. I couldn’t look at her. I focused on a dirty patch of carpet where two days earlier a broken pot plant had been.
“Sure.” I nodded. She directed my gaze back to her and smiled. I swallowed. Her eyes were blank, but her movements and the words she said were expert. Practised. Well-rehearsed. I knew it and yet I couldn’t stop myself. I let her kiss me and I fell into it. I let her remove my clothes and went along with her and she guided me to remove hers. She dragged me to the bed and my mind was conflicted while my body told me not to worry about it.
That blank look in her eyes. There was something else there.
18
I woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon frying in the pan.
“Good morning.” Aya smiled as I rubbed my eyes.
“How are you always up so early?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Once I wake up, I can’t get back to sleep again.”
That smile was on her face again, the well-rehearsed one.
“What time do you start work today?”
My heart dropped. Work. I wished somebody would burn that building down while I slept. Just once.
“Same time as yesterday.”
“Okay. Plenty of time for breakfast then.”
An awkward silence filled the kitchen.
“So, uh, what are your plans for today? Are you going to go home?” I remembered the smell of smoke and beer on her the night before. I pushed the images aside.
“I’m not sure yet. I don’t think I’m really feeling up to it today, you know?”
I poured myself a glass of water. “Aren’t you going crazy sitting in here all day?”
She tilted her head, as though addressing a child. “There are plenty of ways to entertain myself during the day. Don’t worry, I’m used to it.”
Come to think of it, while I was struggling to find the will to go to work, Aya never once mentioned what she did.
“Um, this might sound kinda weird asking now, but… Don’t you have a job to go to as well? Aren’t you going to get fired for not showing up?”
She laughed out loud. I felt stupid for asking.
“Don’t worry. Hard to be fired from a job you don’t have.”
It was my turn to tilt my head. “But, how do you live? How do you make money?”
She turned back to the eggs and flipped one. “I don’t need to work. Or at least, I didn’t need to. Daddy was entirely against the idea. ‘It’s not a woman’s role,’ or something like that. I’m not quite sure what will happen now though.”
I didn’t push the topic any further. I got the gist.
“Are you… going to be okay? Do you have money? Would you like me to go back to the house with you to get some things? I mean, I’m not suggesting you move in here or anything-” I laughed, hoping it hid the trembling in my voice “-but you’re totally fine to stay here a few more days and, you know, get your stuff together.” ‘Your stuff.’ As always, my way with words was impeccable.
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