“I’m okay. Really. Don’t worry. And that sounds good, it really does. Just… give me a little more time, okay?” Aya put the eggs and bacon on a plate and pushed it towards me. “But first you should eat. It might not be the fanciest breakfast ever, but I hope you enjoy it.”
“It beats the three-day old rice I’m used to eating.” I tried to smile, but I just felt stupid. To her, this breakfast was just trash food. To me, it was something I might eat once in a blue moon, when I was feeling special and fancy.
“Shit, what day is it?”
“Um, Thursday, I think?”
“Crap.” I finished chewing the bacon and ran to get dressed.
“What’s wrong?”
“I need to go in half an hour earlier today. Oh god, the boss is going to kill me.” I threw my work uniform on and grabbed my bag. Thursday also meant karate. Once again something would be keeping me from getting home early, and I rued my attempts at trying to create a social life.
“I’ll be home a little late again today. I have karate class.”
“Karate?” Aya raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t get any ideas. An eight-year-old could still kick my ass. But the lessons have been paid for, so I gotta go.”
“I wouldn’t dream of stopping you.”
“Look, you don’t need to be here when I get back or anything, you know. You can feel free to leave whenever you want. I know it’s been a rough few days and all, and you’ve got to sort things out at home, but-”
She cut me off with a kiss. “I’ll see you when you get home, okay? We can talk about that later.”
I smiled. “Yeah. Sure. Later.”
I fed Dusty on my way to work, sustained another eight hours of abuse from the boss, and then half an hour late, I ran to my karate lesson. I managed to get there only five minutes late, just in time to see two of the female students flirting with the teacher.
“Ah, Megu! You’re here, good. I’d like you to pair up with Asami today. She’s been absent for the last few months due to surgery, but she tells me she’s fighting fit again!”
I assumed Asami was the woman draped over his shoulder. She looked me over and then turned back to the teacher. “Are you sure? She looks a little… fragile.”
The teacher smiled. “We don’t want to break you on your first day back, after all.”
So that was it. I was the pity-pairing. Whatever. I got changed and joined the other students on the floor. We went through warm-ups, some new kata, some old kata, and then the teacher sent us off in pairs to practice.
“How long have you been studying?” Asami asked as she circled me.
“Not long. This is my third lesson, actually.” I didn’t like the look in her eyes.
“Your third lesson, huh? How cute. And what made you start?” She threw a punch towards my throat. I ducked backwards and nearly tripped.
“Oh, you know. No reason.” It was half true. I had no grand dreams of becoming an Olympist, but the sport itself seemed interesting, and I needed a social life. That was what I convinced myself at the time, but having spent a few weeks in the class, I realised that probably wasn’t going to happen.
“No reason. I see. So what made you pick this particular class?” She threw a kick at my calves and it connected with a loud thwack. My leg buckled in pain, but I recovered as fast as I could and tried to mask the pain on my face. We weren’t supposed to use full-force in practice…
“It’s the one closest to my house that I can attend after work, that’s all.”
“I see. So you don’t have any designs on Jun-sensei?”
I laughed, which was apparently not the reaction she was expecting. I quickly set a stony mask on my face instead. “I’m sorry. No. Of course not. Why would you think that?”
She raised an eyebrow. “That’s why any female joins this class. Jun-sensei is famous all over the prefecture.”
I honestly didn’t know that, nor did I care. She turned to look at him and I lunged. I threw a punch that landed on her shoulder; not where I was aiming, but a hit was a hit, and then I followed it with a sweep of her ankles. Asami hit the ground and let out an overly-loud cough of pain. Jun-sensei came running over.
“Oh my, Asami, are you okay?”
Asami moaned and grabbed her side, rolling on the mat. I’d seen worse acting on daytime TV.
“Oh, oh no, my side… I think she broke something… Oh no, and I just recovered from surgery.”
Jun-sensei looked up at me and I waited for him to tell me off. To leave the class and never come back. How could you be so reckless with a woman who has just recovered from surgery?
“Megu. Well done.” He smiled and I blinked a few times in response.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“That was some quick thinking. You looked for your opening, spotted your opponent distracted, and you took her down quickly and without excessive force. Well done. You might not be a natural, but I wouldn’t say you’re a lost cause yet either.”
I smiled despite myself. The look on Asami’s face made it all the better. She stood up, dusted off her karate uniform and walked away. So much for anything being broken.
“Don’t worry about her. Students like her are a dime a dozen. I can’t turn them away, of course. Not really a good way to run a business, turning away paying customers like that.”
I tilted my head. “I’m not sure I…”
“I overheard what she said.” Ah. The light bulb went off. “I was confident that you’d be able to show her a little something, although I wasn’t expecting you to down her so quickly. You’re a faster learner than I thought.”
Heat rose in my cheeks and I tried to hide my smile.
“While Asami’s licking her wounds, why don’t you pair up with Teru for a while?” A familiar face came running over. It was the guy who tried to befriend me last time. I smiled politely and nodded my head.
“Ah, hi.”
“Hi! Megu, wasn’t it? Good to see you again!” He was happy. Too happy. Like water to my oil. I tried to force a smile. Present a polite and friendly front. I felt like a robot trying to express human emotions it had only read about in textbooks. “I saw what you did just there, that was really great work! You’re a natural!”
“I dunno about that, but thank you. I hope you’re not expecting more of that, because I’m sure it was just a one-off.”
“Oh don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you.” He smiled, and again I felt an aura coming off him. Not quite desperation, but he was trying too hard to be friendly. To make himself open.
“Thanks…”
I finished out the rest of the lesson sparring with Teru. He was surprisingly competent and a good teacher as well. Perhaps my initial judgement of him was wrong, I thought as I put my karate uniform away. The teacher praised me for my quick thinking. Teru’s skill in guiding me slowly through new moves gave me confidence I didn’t expect to feel quite this soon, and as I walked out the door I realised something. For the first time in a long time, I was actually… content? The thought that I was about to return home to Aya made my stomach flip-flop and I entertained thoughts of what my life could be like. Friends. A partner. A social life. A good job. A nice apartment. Maybe a pet.
“Hey, are you-”
I spun and threw my hand out in a chop, smashing into a man’s throat.
“Oh my god, oh no, I’m so sorry, I didn’t… I wasn’t…” It was Teru. He grabbed his throat and coughed.
“No, no, my bad, I shouldn’t have come up behind you like that, I’m sorry…”
I grimaced. A few lessons of karate and already I was smashing strangers in the throat. Or, almost strangers.
“I was-” he coughed “-just wondering if you were coming to the club barbecue next week?”
“Club barbecue?” That was the first I’d heard of it.
“Yeah. Jun-sensei sent out a message last week. Didn’t you get it?”
I shook my head.
“Huh. That’s strange. Well, it’s
next weekend. We’re all going to be there. Just down at Shinji Park. Some of the other students are bringing their family and friends. It’s not an exclusive thing, you know, very casual. Anyway, I was just wondering if you were going? And maybe if you, you know, wanted to go together?”
His eyes were wide like a puppy. I swallowed. Warning sirens were blasting in my ears. I laughed nervously.
“Yeah, um, I dunno yet, but, uh, I’ll get back to you, okay?”
I was running before he could respond. Nope. No, no, a big fat nope. I was not getting involved in that one. My momentary delusions were destroyed and I ran all the way back home.
19
Several days passed. Aya made no mention of going home, and I didn’t push her. When the time was right for her, she would go. That’s what I told myself, anyway. The longer she stayed with me, the more I realised how much I didn’t know about her. I asked her small questions before and after work each day. How was your day? What did you do? Do you want to watch a movie? What type of movies do you watch? Do you play sports? What sport did you play at school? But any question that involved something personal was met with a one-word response, or sometimes ignored entirely.
She was a mystery, and even so, I couldn’t turn her away. I was attracted to her. Perhaps it was the mystery itself I was attracted to. Did it matter? All I knew was that I would do whatever it took to help her get back on her feet.
“And one of those pieces of fried chicken you have there, please. Thank you dear.” An old woman, one of the store regulars, pointed to the Cheesy Chicken in the oven by the register. I bagged one and added it to her order.
“Thank you very much, ma’am. That comes to 679 yen.”
The woman went through her purse, putting the coins down on the counter one by one. The store was empty other than the two of us, so I didn’t mind. My eyes flicked to the corner, but there was nothing there. I hadn’t seen the shadow for days. Perhaps it had finally moved on. Or maybe I really did hallucinate all that stuff that happened. As time passed, it felt more and more like a bad dream.
“My eyes aren’t as good as they used to be, can you check that for me?” The old woman pushed the coins forward. I counted them out with her, one by one, and smiled.
“Well, would you look at that. 679 yen exactly.” It wasn’t, but she was only 10 yen off. I could add that myself. She was a sweet old lady, and just seeing her there brightened up my otherwise shitty job. The old woman smiled.
“Why thank you, my dear. And may I just say that today you look positively radiant. Did something good happen recently? A new boyfriend?”
I smiled and shook my head. “No, no boyfriend. But thank you, you’re too kind.”
“And how does a lovely lady such as yourself not have a boyfriend?”
I shrugged and felt the awkwardness creeping back into my smile. “Maybe I’m just not looking hard enough, hey?”
“Well, you’re a beautiful young woman. I’m sure it won’t take you long.”
I waved as she left the store and the doorbell tinkled. I let out a sigh. It wasn’t the first time someone asked me why I didn’t have a boyfriend. No doubt it wouldn’t be the last time either. But unlike the other times, this time I wasn’t going to let it ruin my mood.
Ten minutes later, a large man walked in. I recognised him in an instant. He was in a week earlier, hurling abuse at me. He picked up a can of coffee from the drinks down the back of the store, walked slowly through the noodle aisle, perusing but not picking anything up, and then dawdled over to the register.
Was he scoping the place out?
“Good afternoon, sir. How can I help you?”
He looked me up and down and put the can of coffee down on the counter with a bang.
“Cigarettes.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Cig-a-rettes.” He raised his voice and enunciated each syllable louder than was necessary. “Are ya deaf, dumb, or stupid?”
I blinked rapidly and took a deep breath. It would be very easy to reach across the counter, grab him by the front of his shirt and punch him in the Adam’s apple. That would teach him some manners. But it would also likely result in him picking me up and tossing me into the noodle aisle. A lengthy hospital stay wasn’t my idea of a good time, so I pushed the rage back down.
“I’m sorry, sir. You were a little unclear when you spoke. You see, I heard you say a word, but without the rest of the sentence around it, it’s a little difficult to tell if you want something, if you saw something, or if you’re asking me something.”
The man squinted and leaned forward. “Are you fucking with me?”
“Of course not, sir. And I have to say, sir, that I don’t appreciate that tone of voice you’re using.”
He grabbed the front of my uniform and pulled me closer. I turned at the stench of his breath on my face.
“Listen here, you whore.”
“Yes?” I turned and pointed at the camera in the corner, hoping that I appeared more calm than I felt inside. My stomach was a storm and my throat was ready to release the contents of it all over the floor. He followed my gaze and then let me go. He knocked the can of coffee off the counter and put his hands in his jacket.
“You know what? Whatever. This place ain’t worth it. Forget the cigarettes. Later.”
The doorbell tinkled and I put a hand on the counter to steady myself. Where had that come from? What on earth possessed me to challenge that man? Was karate giving me enough confidence to get myself murdered over cigarettes? I stood up, took a deep breath, then slapped my cheeks a few times. Idiot. A god damned fool. The boss stuck his head out the door.
“What happened there?” The security cameras didn’t have any sound. I shrugged my shoulders.
“I don’t know, sir. But I think he was scoping the store out to rob it. Once I pointed the camera out, he left. You might want to keep that footage, just in case.”
The boss looked around the store and then back to me. “Is that so? Well. Good job, I suppose. Now get back to work. These boxes aren’t going to unpack themselves.”
“Yes sir.”
I skipped up the stairs towards my apartment. The rest of the day went without incident and I was feeling positively joyful. I put the key in the door, turned, and threw the bag with dinner in it on the counter.
“I’m home!”
There was no response.
No, not again.
“Aya?”
Zen. Be zen. Breathe in. Breathe out. I gathered my thoughts. It wasn’t the first time I came home and Aya wasn’t there. In fact, I was expecting each and every day I got home to be the day where she was finally gone. Whether that was to check on the house, to find her brother, or just to leave in general, I knew it was coming, but it didn’t stop the panic from settling in.
She wasn’t there. That was okay. She was just out. That was all. I sat on the couch and grabbed the remote with a shaky hand. Some noise might help distract my busy mind.
“Okay. You knew this day might be coming. It’s okay. The door is still good. It’s not busted in. There’s no note, that’s a bit of a worry, sure. But maybe that means she’ll be back soon? Maybe she’s just out for a walk. Yeah. That’s it. A walk.”
I got up and took the two bento boxes out of the plastic bag. I put one in the microwave and waited for the ping. She was just out for a walk. Or she was at the shops. Or she was picking up some clothes from home. There was no note. She wouldn’t leave for good without at least writing a note first. Right?
Right?
20
Someone crawling into bed woke me up. I jumped in fright and landed on the floor, hitting it hard and jolting me wide awake.
“W-who’s there? What do you want?”
My eyes weren’t yet adjusted to the darkness. The clock on the bedside table flashed 2 a.m.
“Sshhh, it’s just me. It’s Aya.”
Aya, or at least someone with Aya’s voice and claiming to be her, was sitting on the bed. I squinted and wa
ited for my eyes to adjust.
“Aya?”
“Expecting the boogeyman?”
“Honestly, yes.”
I pushed myself off the wall and sat down on the bed. Aya grabbed my hand and put it to her cheek. “See, just me.”
“Where were you?”
She shook her head. “Nowhere special. It doesn’t matter. I’m here now. I’m back.”
Her cheek was wet. Was she… crying?
“Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
I didn’t know what to say. She was avoiding everything again.
“Was it that shadow? Was it here again?”
“What? No. Why, have you seen it?”
“No, but… It doesn’t matter.”
“I’m sorry. I just had a few things to take care of.”
“It’s not my place to tell you what to do. You’re not a prisoner here.”
I felt small. I was a child who didn’t want her favourite toy taken away, but it wasn’t her toy to begin with. But I was an adult. A fully grown adult with fully grown adult responsibilities and fully grown adult sensibilities.
“I never said I was a prisoner here,” Aya said, pulling back. “Is that what you think? That I think you’re keeping me here?”
“No, I never said-”
She kissed me before I could finish the sentence and pushed me back on the bed. She climbed on top of me and her hands were up underneath my shirt before I could stop her.
“Hey, hey.” I grabbed her wrists. “Aya.”
She stopped to look at me.
“Are you okay?”
She rolled over and turned the other way.
“Aya?”
Was this my first silent treatment? I wasn’t sure if I should feel accomplished or upset. But mostly I was confused. And then I noticed it. That smell. It was the same smell as the other night. The smell of beer and cigarettes.
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