John stares out at the night, lost in thought. He doesn’t understand God’s timing, but still has to wonder about it. How is it that Josh is able to find and basically fall in love with his one true love so quickly, yet he’s been without Liz all this time?
He’s absolutely glad both Liz and David are in his life, of course. But what’s the point of all the pain from the last three decades? Was it to make sure he matured enough as a man to be able to be a man in the service of God? Or is there another reason? One he can’t see yet? Or is it a little bit of everything?
When they arrive at the hotel, John is so tired from the day’s events, he tells everyone good night, goes directly to his room, locks the door and falls face first onto the bed, already asleep.
JOSH IS IN A FIELD, laying down on a blanket, looking at a dusky-hued sky, watching the clouds move by. He feels a familiar weight on his right shoulder move and Fawn’s face comes up into his field of vision.
She smiles and mutters, “I love you,” before kissing him lightly on the lips and laying her head back down on his chest.
He knows this is a dream, but he aches for it to be real. Suddenly, his right leg jerks up painfully. He looks down at Fawn’s head. She seems to be unaware of what’s going on.
Now, it feels like someone is stabbing him in the foot. With an outcry of pain, he jerks his leg and wakes himself up. His body is wracked with uncontrollable shivers.
He tries to wrap himself more tightly with the blanket, but only succeeds in getting himself more tangled up than ever. He tries to open his eyes, but they either refuse to open, or the darkness is so thick he can’t see even a possibility of a glimmer of light.
He hears someone’s soft footfalls behind him, then whomever it is, climbs onto the bed with him and wraps him in arms and legs over the covers, until his shivering subsides.
Just before sleep takes him, he hears the voice of an angel whispering reassurances in his ear. He slips back into the dream with Fawn’s whisper in his ear, “Go back to sleep, my love.”
MORE THAN ANYTHING else, it’s the annoyingly shrill whistle that wakes him several hours later. As he cracks his eyes open, the kitchen is abuzz with activity. His bleary vision can only make out the most vague of hazy shapes.
Finally, he hears someone say, “Take that kettle off the fire before it boils away!”
A moment and some clattering later, the shrill whistle subsides.
He groans and tries to rub his face, but his arm is caught up in those stupid blankets, again.
An amused voice sounds just a little ways away, as Fawn says in Cheyenne, “Well! Look who’s decided to join us in the land of the living. Hang on a second and let me help you.”
As she kneels beside the bed, Josh gets a whiff of the heavenly smell of freshly baked bread mixed with the thick aroma of cooking bacon. She calmly extricates his arm from the entanglements and helps him sit up.
He groans and puts one hand along the side of his head. “What time is it?”
“About half past six. Be careful, you’ve been out for most of the night. That doctor friend of yours said you need to take it easy for awhile.”
He rolls his shoulders a bit and, not feeling any binding, tries to swing his feet off the bed.
Fawn sighs in irritation. “Hang on!” She sits on the edge of the bed and helps him untangle his legs from the disaster of the blanket.
It’s then, that he realizes he slept with all his clothing on. He breathes a silent sigh of relief and prayer of thanksgiving at the minor miracle.
Fawn returns his relieved expression with one of curiosity. “What?” she asks, as she helps him get his legs off the bed.
He chuckles and shakes his head. “Nothing, really. Just glad I fell asleep like I did.”
“You mean, you passed out like you did. I figured you wouldn’t want to sleep in your boots, so I removed them for you.”
He looks at her strangely for a moment. “Why are we talking in the Cheyenne?”
“So we can talk in privacy. No one else here can speak it.” She puts his arm around her shoulders and helps him stand. “There’s a few things I want to say to you. In private.”
Expecting to get some type of tongue-lashing, he nods. “First thing’s first. Where’s the outhouse?”
She looks at him in surprise for a moment, then laughs. He removes his arm from her shoulders and takes a tentative couple of steps. Growing more confident in himself, he turns to look at the beautiful woman standing by the bed and grins.
She looks at him levelly and nods. “This way,” she says as she steps up to him and puts her arm around his midsection again.
He looks down at her in surprise. “I can . . .” but is cut off by her finger on his lips.
“Get used to me helping you from now on. I’m doing this because it’s what I want to do. Now shut up and walk.”
Josh’s not sure what’s going on here, but decides he doesn’t want to say anything in fear of messing it up again. He allows her to guide him out back to the outhouse, just on the outside of the back door of the kitchen.
Once he attends to the call of nature, he comes out of the outhouse, feeling like a new man and sighing in relief. He takes one look at Fawn’s expression of amusement and asks, “What?”
“Feeling any better?” she asks in English.
Josh chuckles. “Much.” He drops his voice to being barely audible and in Cheyenne, he asks, “So what were you wanting to talk about?”
She comes up next to him, puts her arm around him again and has him lean on to her for support. Her voice is amused as she says, “I think we have plenty of time. It definitely needs to wait until after church.”
Josh is shocked at the casual way she says it. “Oh? Am I going to church with you?”
She laughs lightly. “It was decided last night after you passed out, that everyone’s going to church with us this morning. I expect we’ll all be headed back here for lunch afterwards, though. We can talk then. There’s so much I want to and have to tell you.”
Josh looks down at her worried expression. “There’s much I have to tell you, as well.”
As they walk back into the kitchen, Sarah Two-Shoes looks sternly at him and demands, “Where have you been? The judge has been looking for you!”
Josh looks levelly at her. “Well, if you insist, I was tending to the call of nature.”
She blushes just a bit. “Oh. Well, like I said, the judge has been looking for you.”
Fawn helps him through the kitchen and Sarah says firmly, “He was very specific. Just the marshal. I’m sorry, Fawn, but you need to stay in here.”
She nods. “I understand, but I’m still going to help him upstairs to the judge’s office. I was told by the doctor not to allow him to do very much walking unaided.”
Josh feels a bit crestfallen that she’s just following David’s orders.
Sarah Two-Shoes sighs in aggravation. “Well, he said you need to meet him in the den, not his office.”
Fawn nods and guides Josh from the kitchen to the den. Once they enter, however, Josh sees the judge standing in front of the window, hands clasped behind his back, staring out onto the busy street.
Apparently, he hears the pair enter, and without turning, he says, “Thank you for coming to see me, Marshal. Fawn, you may leave now. We will be eating our breakfast in here. Would you mind seeing to it for me, please?”
She makes sure Josh can stand unaided, then says, “Yes, sir. I’ll see to it right now.” She reaches up and gives Josh a quick kiss, before turning and rushing out.
Josh stares after her a moment, smiling at the sight, before turning toward the judge. He’s worked with the older man long enough to know he will speak his mind, when he’s ready. Not before.
The two men stand there in silence for several minutes. Josh, growing uncomfortable, shifts his weight from one leg, to the other. Finally, after more than five minutes of silence, Judge Logan turns away from the window to give Josh a hard stare.
Knowing the judge as well as he does, combined with an expectation of this confrontation, Josh gives in to the desire to return the judge’s stare with a look of distracted unconcern.
Logan walks over to the coffee service and pours himself a cup, before finally saying, “I’m glad you know the value of silence, marshal.”
Josh just continues to look forward, knowing his look of unconcern is irritating to the older man.
Logan resumes his place in front of the window and begins staring out of it once again. Without turning around, he says, “You’re probably wondering why I’ve asked you here.”
Keeping his voice level, Josh says, “Actually, sir, after all these years, I’ve just decided to go with it.”
Logan turns to regard him seriously. He’s about to say something, when there’s a knock on the door and Fawn enters with a cart, laden down with food. He points toward the table and says, “Over there, if you don’t mind, thank you.”
She quickly and efficiently unloads the cart, then looks at Josh, smiles winsomely and winks at him, then leaves through the same door she entered.
Logan sees the exchange and sighs. “Please.” He motions to the chair, indicating Josh should sit and eat. He sits down himself, bows his head in prayer, then starts eating his breakfast.
After a quick and silent prayer of blessing over the food, Josh sets to.
Finally, after several minutes of eating, Judge Logan clears his throat meaningfully. “So, I didn’t ask you here as a lawman. But as a man. That young woman you’ve been making eyes at, has seen more than her fair share of pain.”
Josh nods. “I know a part of it. I was there during the investigation of Arbuckle. At least as the results were verified.”
Logan takes a deep breath, before continuing. “My own son is only a few years older than her, but in the last few months, I’ve grown to love her just as if she were my own daughter.”
Josh nods in understanding. He’s saying he only wants what’s best for her. “Are you saying you want her to be with your son?”
At the interruption, Logan gives him a flat look. “No. Jason has not expressed an interest in marriage. He’s married to the cavalry.” He leans back into the chair. “No, what I’m saying is, I will have an accounting of what your plans are for Fawn.”
Josh stares off into the distance for a moment, before responding absently, “My only plan is to do my best not to ever hurt her. I would have her for wife, if she’ll accept me. If not, then I’ll do my best to make her as comfortable as I can, for the rest of her life. It’s truly up to her.”
Logan searches the marshal’s face for any signs of duplicity. Apparently, not finding any, he seems to breathe a little more easily. “So, since you seem to have honorable motives, what was the reason for your reaction the other night?”
Josh looks at the older man for a few moments, before taking a slow, deep breath. “I trust you can show discretion about what I’m about to say?” Logan nods. “Alright. Since my voice started to change, I’ve been having these . . . dreams.” Without going into too much detail as to the nature of many of the dreams, he describes seeing Fawn in them and mistaking her for Heart-of-Falcon. He explains having courted Heart-of-Falcon when he was younger, as well as many of the problems he’s been having since he found out she and Red-Feather got married.
He goes on to explain how he responded with what he’d dreamed and her turning her back on him like she did, just completely and utterly crushed him.
Finally, once done, he hears a scuffling sound at the door, turns and sees the beautiful young Cheyenne standing there quietly crying, apparently having heard most of what he’d said. He just stares at her, for a moment, before rising and stepping over to her. “I didn’t mean for you to hear all that, yet. I was waiting for a much more appropriate time.”
She looks up and stares into his eyes. “Tell me,” she whispers in Cheyenne, “tell me you’re lying. Please. Tell me you don’t love me, that you want nothing more than my body. Please, I beg of you.”
He shakes his head. “I’m not going to lie to you. I never want to say something so untrue. Ever.”
She takes a slow, deep breath. “Do you know how I came to work here?” Josh nods. “Yet you still want me? Even though, I am another man’s castoffs?” Again, Josh nods. “Why?”
The main door to the den swings open and John walks in. “Sorry we’re a little early, your honor,” John says with some aplomb. “The team was eager to go fast.” He looks at Josh and Fawn, then grins. “So, I guess this is a bad time. Judge, if you wouldn’t mind, we would like some help getting situated out here?”
Logan looks at the pair, sighs, nods and rises from his chair. As he leaves the den, Josh hears Logan say to John, “That’s not a very subtle way to tell me you wanted us to give them some time alone to . . .” the rest fades into silence as the two men move out of hearing range.
Josh looks back at Fawn and smiles. “Good ‘ole John. Guess I owe him another favor for this one.”
Fawn gives him a hard look. “Answer the question. Why?”
Josh stares into the maelstrom of emotion behind the golden portals of her eyes, getting lost in their beauty for a moment.
She grabs his chin and insists, “Why, Josh?”
He sighs. “Alright. If you’re going to insist?” She nods. He takes a deep breath. “You are quite literally the woman of my dreams. I can only think God has given me the gift of seeing you in my dreams, years before you were even born, giving me hope that someone was out there for me.” He sees the gorgeous eyes cloud with the pain of memory. “Have you been dreaming of me?” Slowly, she nods. “Do you want to be with me? Even though, I’m a broken-down old man?”
She takes a deep breath. “You’re not old or broken. Not to me.”
Josh winks at her. “Then answer me this, why do YOU want to be with ME?”
She shakes her head. “All I can think of is, if I don’t have you in my life from now on, it will be a dull, colorless, painful, plain.”
Josh nods. “I feel the same way. We DO have things we have to talk about. Many things.” He gently grabs her head in both of his hands and lovingly kisses her forehead. “I promise you, we WILL talk after church, okay?”
Tearing up again, she nods and wraps her arms around him, hugging him painfully tight.
He wraps his arms around her and, for the first time, whispers, “I love you.”
Chapter 56
Josh watches the crowd exiting the sanctuary of the church. The sermon was quite poignant this morning, talking about the redemption of the prostitute.
Fawn spent the entire service rapt, while unconsciously clutching Josh’s hand, hanging on every word of the sermon. He walked with her to the altar, during the altar call and prayed beside her, begging, pleading for guidance and wisdom in making the hard choices.
Speaking of choices. He has decisions to make. Tough ones. He knows what the right thing to do is, that is to turn tail and run as far and fast as he can.
He looks down into the adoring woman’s eyes and prays a silent prayer for strength in being able to leave her to the wiles of a younger man. A more capable man. One not able to twist himself out of shape, just by turning a wrong way.
She sees the look in his eyes and clutches at his arm. In Cheyenne, she whispers, “What is it that troubles you, my love?”
He can feel the tears welling up. “You deserve a younger man. One more nimble, not as broken as I am.”
She sighs and relaxes against him. “You’re cute. Especially when you spout nonsense. Are you about ready to go?”
It’s always difficult trying to sacrifice yourself honorably, when the person you’re doing it for tells you it makes you look like an idiot.
Completely disarmed, Josh takes a deep breath and chuckles in spite of himself. “I guess it doesn’t do any good to tell you that I’m no good, does it?”
Her eyes cloud over. “No. You’re more good than you may ever know.” She snuggles
in to him more deeply. “I’ve seen no good and I don’t want to hear you say that, ever again.”
Josh silently berates himself for being so insensitive. “What you experienced wasn’t a man, but a monster. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”
A meaningfully cleared throat behind him catches his attention.
Josh turns to see his brother standing behind one of the other pews. John is just standing there, with his thumbs hooked under his belt. “So, we’re headed back to the judge’s house. Unless you want to walk back, which you’re more than welcome to, you might want to get out there, before we leave you.”
Josh looks down at Fawn and sighs. He’s so sure she deserves more than he can ever give her. How can he convince her, without hurting her? He looks at John, then nods. Time to get up. He leans down and says, “I know you’re comfortable, but we DO have to go.”
She takes a deep breath and nods. After releasing his arm, she stands up and helps him to his feet. Once he’s steady, she worms her way under his arm and makes sure he’s able to walk out of the church.
They ride comfortably in the carriage being driven by John. The conversation between Rebekah and Fawn is lively, while the discussion between Josh, Joey, and David is more in the nature of medical concerns. David tells Josh he needs to be careful what he does, but he should be able to move around like normal now.
Once John stops in front of the judge’s house, he grabs a different carriage, one that’s much smaller. He says he’s going to go pick up Liz from the hotel.
When Josh saw that she hadn’t come along this morning, he wasn’t surprised, just sad. He suspects John is going to have his hands full in dealing with her.
While John rushes off, the rest of the group heads inside the judge’s house with an air of gaiety.
As Josh and Fawn are the last to enter, hand in hand, they are confronted by Sarah Two-Shoes.
She points at Fawn and says sharply, “You’re not going to be helping with lunch or supper today. Judge Logan agrees with me. You two need room and time to talk. You are to use his office. Go.”
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