by T F Carthick
No Country for Wild Beasts
This world is a strange place. Strange, strange place. I just don’t understand. See – someone breaks into my home, steals all the things that I cherish, wrecks it, and has the brazenness to remain behind. Can you imagine that? After all this, she remains behind! What was she thinking? That we would come home and find all she had done cute and welcome her with open arms? Come on! You humans are the limit. Do you find it cute when rats enter your home and nibble through your stuff? Do you find it cute when pigeons settle down in your balcony and shed their feathers and lay their eggs? Do you find it cute when a goat enters your cabbage patch and chews up all your prize cabbages? Then why do you expect us to find it cute when one of your kind is the trespasser?
I know. I know. You are not getting what I am talking about, are you? My fault! I sometimes get carried away by my emotions. For you to understand, I need to start from where it all began. So, there was this girl called Goldilocks who entered our home in our absence. Still a bit abrupt, eh? Where do I start then? From the time I was born? Of course, I don’t carry memories of those times. I would be lying if I start describing the surprised expression on my father’s face and the tears that rolled down my mother’s face when they first beheld me. I can only imagine from what I have been told and extrapolate from what I see now. It would be even more difficult to describe the mid-wife who helped bring me out and other such details which even my parents never mention. God knows who she was and where she is now! From the time I remember I have always lived in this house or cave or whatever you call it, with mama bear and papa bear. We have had a hell of a time, hunting together, cooking together and eating together. No office, school or any of that other, such torturous stuff you humans are into! I am amazed at how complex you humans have made your lives. I would almost say that you have made masochism into an art form. I wouldn’t have survived a single day. But let me not get carried away by you humans and your crazy ways…coming back to my childhood, there were no other bears in the vicinity. So, there was no socializing except during big gatherings of all the bears of the jungle. Most normal days we were by ourselves. A nice, cozy world we had established with just us – mama bear, papa bear and me, baby bear.
And now into this world enters our protagonist Goldilocks. Yes! The protagonist. Because she is the only human in the story. And you humans usually write all the stories. So obviously a human has to be the protagonist, shouldn’t she? I mentioned Goldilocks twice. You just nodded your head. Did you even bother to ask what my name was? No! I am just a stupid bear, am I not? Why do I need a name? Names are only for humans. A bear is just a bear. If there are three – just call them papa bear, mama bear and baby bear. But humans need a name, even there is just one of them. Just woman-child won’t do for her. No. She has a unique personality. She is Goldilocks. And me – I am just baby bear.
So, one day, mama bear, papa bear and I went out to grab some honey combs. I guess you know honey is our favorite food. And while we were away, this girl Goldilocks seemed to have entered our home. I am sure she could not have been there before we left. There was no way a human could remain unnoticed. You always leave a trail of destruction wherever you pass. I don’t know how exactly she got into the forest. Probably she was indulging in some mischief and got lost. But somehow it seems like she stumbled upon our home and decided to break in. Isn’t that usually the way with you humans? If you stumble upon something, you obviously have to break in. Then you will take what you like. After that you will throw out the original inhabitants and erect fences to keep them out. Over the years I have become all too familiar with your ways. I did not see her entering as such. I am just reconstructing events from the circumstantial evidence. The girl was eventually found inside our home when we returned with our honey – so it follows that the girl must have strayed in during the period we were away, and that she was responsible for any disruption discovered in our domestic settings.
We had made some porridge that fateful day. Nice porridge. As a rule, papa liked it hot. Mama liked it cold. I liked it just right. We had left it on the table before we went out scouting for honey combs. And what does this girl do? She comes and tastes papa’s porridge and decides it is too hot for her. She tastes momma’s and decides it is too cold for her. Unfortunately, mine turns out just right for her and she gulps down the whole damn lot. Can you imagine! The whole damn lot! Not even leaving a few drops for me. It was such a shock for us to find momma and papa’s porridge disturbed but mine completely gone. It took a lot of effort for me to hold back my tears.
Next, she probably entered our reading room. Now don’t look at me incredulously like that. What did you think? That bears are all illiterate, uncouth savages that don’t read? How else do you think we get to know about so many things? We read. We observe. We reflect. And thus, we become wise. But we don’t go flaunting our wisdom like you humans do. So this reading room of ours had chairs especially designed for each one of us. Like most of the things in our home, we had made them ourselves. It had been lot of hard work – finding the right kind of wood, cutting it to the right size and shape, fitting the pieces together, polishing it to give a finish and then getting the right seating. Papa liked it hard – so his chair had just the wooden surface. Mama liked it soft and so had lined it with heather. I liked it neither too hard nor too soft. So, while I had lined it with heather, I didn’t stuff my chair with heather all over like mama’s chair. It was just right. We could see tell tales signs of the girl’s posterior on father’s chair; more so on mama’s chair. But the worst was yet to come – my chair! The chair lay before me – broken and damaged beyond repair. That wretched girl had planted her heavy posterior on my chair and completely crushed my nice little chair to pieces. I could not control my tears when I saw its state. Can you imagine how much toil I had put in to make this chair? And it had all gone down the drain. All my labor of love wrecked completely! Thanks to this woman-child who came bumbling into our home, upsetting everything.
After that, she probably entered our bedroom. She might have done other things as well. But there were no discernable signs of any other wanton destruction. So, we can safely assume she had headed straight to the bed room. Thank God for small mercies! We found that there, too, she had tried to sleep on papa’s bed and then on mama’s bed and finally settled herself on mine. At least the bed was sturdy and did not break under her weight. But I could not for the life of me understand why she had to try papa’s bed and momma’s bed to see they were clearly too big for her. Wouldn’t that have been self-evident just by looking at the beds? But no. She was human, after all. You have to try everything. You need to poke your nose everywhere. Isn’t that what being human is essentially all about? You call it intelligence, curiosity, spirit of enterprise and other fancy names. But the fact remains that you are nothing but nosy busybodies.
So, it came about that we actually found this girl sleeping upon my bed. She looked so innocent – sleeping soundly. Just the sort of thing to evoke the sympathies of you humans! Fair skin, golden hair, blue eyes etc. I hope you get the general drift. The sound of our footsteps and the low growls with which we spoke to each other probably disturbed the girl’s sleep. Her eyes opened as we stood around the bed staring at her curiously. The moment she laid her eyes upon us, she shrieked like she had seen a ghost. She jumped up from the bed, ran towards the window, threw herself out of it and was gone in a trice. All this happened in such a short span that we could not even react.
What kind of behavior is this now? Is this how one behaves with one’s hosts? She comes home - uninvited. Helps herself to everything in our home. Eats all my porridge, leaving me hungry for the night. Breaks my chair, leaving me to sit on the floor till I can make a new one. Sleeps soundly on my bed. And after all this, She does the victim-act. If anything, I am the aggrieved party here. But she shrieks and runs as if I was the one who has captured her, brought her forcibly to my home and kept her in captivity.
Isn’t this what you h
umans do all the time? You enter our spaces, grab everything we have from us, brutalize us and leave us in a pitiable state. And then you make up stories as if we are terrible monsters out to get you. And then again use that as an excuse to attack us. I wonder what horror stories the girl is going to narrate once she gets back home. I hope her people don’t come with guns and sticks and burning torches to seek vengeance upon us. Papa bear suggests we pack our bags and leave. You know, it is always better to be on the safer side.
The Beans of Avarice
I needed a boy. A proper simpleton at that. I didn’t want too smart a boy who would turn on me. Like the one Mustafa found. Poor old Mustafa had researched for so many years about Genies and discovered the location of a lamp that could summon one. But some street urchin comes in and steals away the lamp. An ignorant vagrant waif of a boy who did not know the alpha or omega of magic stole away the fruits of years of Mustafa’s research. And still, when the story is told, Mustafa is made the villain. This is the fate of all men of science and magic. No one recognizes us. No one values rigorous study, hard toil and intelligence. People are sentimental fools who just want to blindly support the underdog. No matter the underdog is just that – an ungrateful cur; a parasite who feeds on someone else’s efforts. But no! You see it as the struggle between the big bad magician and the poor little boy. No wonder magic has all but disappeared from your land. And soon science will as well. You will be left only with poor little boys who do nothing useful but grow up and marry princesses and live lives of indulgence.
Anyway, I needed a boy now. I was wary of them, but I had to take the risk. As long as I don’t find a cunning snake like that Aladdin I should be all right I guess. Or maybe I should seek out a girl. But girls are no better. I remember Mother Gothel. One of the most brilliant magicians of her time! She took care of this girl Rapunzel like her own darling child. The only thing she asked of her was to remain within the tower she had built for her. She had provided her all possible comforts in the tower – the kind of things Rapunzel would not have had in her wildest dreams if she had lived with her destitute parents. But no! The girl got greedy and wanted to become a princess. So, she lured a prince and eloped with him, again making a villain of poor Mother Gothel. It keeps happening all the time. I wish I could use a monkey or a dog. But this requires a human. What am I to do? I have to take the risk I guess. As they say, fortune favors the brave. And to be forewarned is to be forearmed. So maybe I can avoid the disasters that befell Mustafa and Gothel.
“Good day to you, Sir.”
My reverie was broken by a youthful voice. In front of me stood a youth holding a cow by rope. I could not say who looked more pathetic – the cow or the youth. The youth looked a perfect village idiot, complete with bunny teeth. The cow was all skin and bones - a living carcass.
I nodded my greeting to him.
“Where are you off to, my boy?”
“Mother asked me to take Clover to sell at the market. We are out of money and don’t have enough to get the roof repaired before the rainy season. So we were hoping that we could make some money by selling Clover.”
This boy looked perfect. I could not imagine him hoodwinking me. All those other boys and girls had been smart and handsome. This boy was a complete oaf. I could not imagine him stealing my work, becoming rich and marrying a princess. Say nothing of a princess, even a village lass would not give him a second look. But I would still take my precautions. I would not make myself entirely known to him.
“So how much do you want for the cow?”
“You want to buy, Sir? It would cost you five gold pieces.”
Five gold pieces! That was incredible. In greed, he was definitely a match for that other boy and girl. Five gold coins for this poor excuse of an animal that was going to seed! He would be lucky if a tanner or a butcher paid him a single gold piece.
“I don’t have money. But I have these magical beans that are much more valuable. Why don’t you trade the cow for these beans?”
“Well, mister, do you take me for a fool? What would I do with these beans? Will the thatcher accept these beans as payment? Or the grocer? Mother would flay me alive.”
“Didn’t you hear what I said? They are magic. Magic can make you rich beyond imagination.”
“Then why are you giving it to me? Use it yourself and become rich. From your riches give me five gold coins for my cow.”
What a pain this boy was turning out to be! I was not getting a good feeling about the whole thing at all. But I needed a boy. A grown up would be too heavy to climb the creeper. I could not think of any way other than the creeper to get to the land in the clouds.
“I’ll tell you what - just take these beans and sow them. If you don’t see any magic happening in ten days, come back to me. I will give you not five but ten gold coins.”
“What if you run away?”
I wanted to wring the boy’s neck.
“Do one thing. Keep the cow for the next ten days. I will come after ten days, by which time you would have seen the magic. If not, I will pay you ten gold coins and take the cow.”
“That sounds fair. But I still don’t understand why you are intent on making a gift of these magic beans to me.”
I hate these people who think too much. They unnecessarily keep prying into everything and make life difficult. I can’t tell him that devil vines have not grown on the surface of the earth for years. While I knew that they would grow fast and reach the clouds in no time, I was not aware what other devilry got them their name. I did not want to risk finding out the hard way myself. Now I could not tell him that, either. Nobody likes to be told that they are dispensable. A venerable magician like me would be a much greater loss to the world. A boy like him, no one would even notice.
“Fine then, my boy. Have a good day.” I made as if to leave.
“Sir, wait!”
This is what they call reverse psychology. While I was pursuing him, he was finding all kinds of excuses to avoid the deal. Now the tables were turned.
“It’s all right, my boy. I will find another cow in the market. A much better one.”
“But, sir….”
“What do you want now? I don’t have all day you know.”
“Don’t get angry, sir. I accept your deal. Give me the beans.”
“Hm…I don’t know. I thought your mother would be angry with you.”
“It’s all right, sir. I will manage her. Let me have the beans.”
So, I gave him the beans and he set off home with the cow and the beans. I followed after him at a distance. Soon I was at his home – a battered hovel adjoining a tiny field, part of which was occupied by three cows and a couple of hens.
I could hear a shrill woman’s voice.
“You stupid kid! I am sure you have been idling around. You never went to the market place.”
“No, mother. I told you -there was this man who gave me these magic beans. He said he will come in ten days and give me ten gold pieces if they don’t do their magic.”
“Magic indeed! I don’t want any of your lies.” The beans came flying out of the open window and landed in the field.
The job was done. Devil vine seeds did not need to be sown. They just needed contact with the ground and they would take root. Though what they would do when they grew no one knew. I hoped they wouldn’t harm the boy though. I needed him to climb the vines when they grew up to the sky. That had been the reason for this whole charade. The kingdom of the skies! I had been researching about this kingdom for years. It had been called as Laputa, Atlantis and El Dorado in various scrolls. Depending on which one you read, the inhabitants were supposed to be beings that were larger, uglier, smaller or more handsome than humans. They had been called trolls, giants, ogres, dwarves, elves, leprechauns etc. Also, the land had been placed under the earth, under the seas or in a parallel dimension by the various authors. It had been a very difficult job to segregate the wheat from the chaff. Always, historic facts have this nasty habit of mix
ing with fiction along the ages to create garbled accounts to confound researchers. But I had cut my way through all the rubble. Now I knew for sure that these ancient beings had lived in the skies. And most of them had perished in internecine wars. So now there would no longer be enough of them remaining to pose a threat to mankind. But they would still have some of their old magic and wealth. They were possibly easy pickings, just lying around in the clouds.
Over the next few days, the vine grew. I could not see any sign of danger around it. Soon it had reached all the way to the clouds. The boy still had to be prodded to climb it. So, I made my appearance before the boy.
“See boy. I told you. Look at this vine. Isn’t it magic?”
“But, what use is this to me, Sir? This is not making me rich.”
“Why, my boy? Don’t you see it? All you have to do is to climb up this vine and you will find all sorts of riches up there in the clouds.”
He looked suspicious. “But won’t I fall?”
“You won’t as long as you climb nimbly.”
“Why don’t you climb the vine yourself and get it?”
“I am too heavy and I can’t climb nimbly like you, my boy.”
The boy reluctantly agreed to climb. Soon he disappeared into the clouds. I waited for a long time. Still there was no sign of the boy. When he came down, his face was red and his eyes were glaring angrily.
“Your vile old fellow – did you send me off to my death? You never told me of the dangerous monsters who live up there.”
“What happened, boy? I truly have no knowledge of what you are talking about.”
So, all of the elder race had not died out. He must have encountered some of them.
“When I went up there, there was nothing there. Just clouds and clouds everywhere. I waded through the mist for some time and then came upon what looked like a castle. When I neared it, a large ugly giant came rushing out after me. I ran for my life and managed to climb down the creeper before he could catch me. Phew! It was such a near miss. So much for your tales of riches. Now give me my ten gold coins. I don’t want this dangerous magic.”