by A. M. Arthur
Levi turned that over for a moment and it made sense. “How would you feel about him dating someone?”
“I’d be over the moon.” George’s entire face lit up. “Orry really deserves a great girl in his life. Or guy, I’m not totally sure who he’s into. We’ve never talked about it.”
“His sexuality?”
“Yeah. Or mine. But I was always busy with skating and didn’t have time to really notice people, and then I isolated myself, and it stopped mattering.”
Levi blinked several times, surprised at how many personal things George was telling him today. And also kind of honored. “You don’t know your sexuality?”
George shrugged. “It never really mattered before now.”
“Why does it matter more now?”
Those pretty eyes briefly dropped to Levi’s lips again, and his heart kicked. “Because now I’m getting out into the world. Meeting people. Stuff that didn’t seem important before is suddenly important.”
“That makes sense.” Levi risked a brief squeeze to George’s knee. “You’re still young, George, you have time to figure yourself out.”
“When did you know?”
Levi put his plate on the carpet and scratched his chin, his other hand still stroking Ginger, pulling out long, rusty purrs. “Well, I consider myself bisexual. I’ve dated women but my only serious relationship was with a man. I guess I figured it out during puberty, when I was noticing both the hot cowboys in their tight jeans, and the hot cowgirls in their denim skirts. My first kiss was a girl, but my first under-the-clothes encounter was with a boy.” Off George’s wide-eyed surprise, he added, “But I was also a very social person from a young age, and my brother Xander had a knack for goading me into things. You’ve lived a very different life.”
George watched him with an indecipherable expression, when the guy was usually easy to read. As if stuck between surprise over everything Levi had confessed and...something else. Understanding, maybe?
“Have you ever been attracted to another person, George?” Levi asked.
“I’m not sure. I mean, back when I skated I noticed other boys in the locker room. I admired the girl skaters for their abilities but not the same way I admired some of the boys. Especially Andy Jaworski. He wasn’t as good as me in the long program but damn, he could do an amazing triple axel-double salchow combination.”
Levi turned that over, needing to proceed with caution, because George was giving him a lot of sensitive personal information, and he didn’t want to take advantage of that—of George having someone else to open up to besides his brother. “Did you ever want to kiss Andy?”
His cheeks and neck flushed red, and George looked at his lap, shaggy blond hair falling over his forehead. That was all the answer Levi needed. “Hey,” Levi said, giving that same knee a second brief squeeze. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about it, especially not around me. You haven’t had a chance to really explore who you are as an individual person, and I know revealing truths can be scary, but I am a safe place for you. I promise.”
After several long moments, George finally looked up, eyes so shiny Levi half expected the guy to burst into tears.
* * *
George hadn’t expected the surge of emotion that flooded him when Levi asked if he’d ever wanted to kiss Andy. Yes, George had wanted to kiss Andy more than once. Tall, lean, athletic, and cute, Andy had drawn George to him, even though they were competitors. He’d covertly observed Andy in the locker rooms more than once, curious about the other teen’s body. But he’d never acted on those impulses.
He’d been too scared of losing focus, losing his spot in competitions, losing his dream if he admitted he might be gay, even though it wasn’t exactly unheard of in figure skating. Hell, Johnny Weir was one of his personal heroes. He’d also been scared of what his parents might think. So, he’d locked those feelings up tight and buried them deep, not acknowledging them again until he started doing closed-captions for gay porn. The bodies, the mouths, the abs, the dicks...they’d briefly awoken long-suppressed feelings and thoughts. But acting on those thoughts had still been impossible, this time because of his anxiety, so he had once again ignored them. Pressed them back down and pretended they didn’t exist. Until now.
And sitting this close to Levi, a kind man with a gentle soul, who spoke to George’s heart, was a very bad idea.
Especially when his knee still felt warm from those two brief touches.
He held Levi’s gaze, his own eyes filling with tears he refused to shed. Levi watched him with so much patience and understanding, George wanted to fling himself into the older man’s arms for a hug. But he didn’t. “I wanted to kiss Andy,” he admitted. He kind of wanted to kiss Levi but that was a very bad idea.
Levi’s smile brightened. “Okay. Thank you for sharing your truth with me.”
“Orry doesn’t know.”
“Your brother doesn’t know you’re gay?”
George shook his head. “I mean, I’ve only started to really admit it to myself recently, and until now no one has ever directly applied the label to me. But yes.” He swallowed hard against a rush of acid in his throat. “I’m gay.”
“Thank you again for sharing your truth. I’m honored to be the first to know, and I promise I won’t out you to anyone. This is your truth to tell.”
“Thank you.” Not that George thought Levi would run out and blab it to the whole house, but the words relaxed some of his anxiety over this entire conversation. “Wow, I did not expect to come out over lunch.”
Levi laughed. “Life comes at you fast.”
“Very true.”
The serious conversation seemed to be over, so George changed the subject. “Tell me a story about the rodeo. Please?”
Levi did, painting an amusing scene of his brother Xander, as their clown/opening act, being randomly pooped on by a pigeon hiding in the rafters of the arena they were performing in, and incorporating the accident into his routine. They were both laughing by the end, and Ginger was asleep from their constant petting. Nearly two hours had passed from the time Levi arrived to when he stood to leave.
They carried their drinks and plates into the kitchen as a pair, and the odd domesticity of it made George yearn in a new, intense way. Yearn for a real life with a partner who didn’t judge him, who loved him, and who’d protect his heart. Things he’d told himself for years that he didn’t need, because alone was safer.
But was it really?
George walked Levi to the door, and they stood there a moment. Levi stuck out his hand, and George shook it. More warmth against his palm that woke him up inside. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” George said.
“Same bat-time, same bat-lunch.”
“Same what?”
Levi chuckled. “I keep forgetting how young you are. You have an old soul.”
“That’s a compliment, right?”
“Yes, it is. It means you feel things deeply and have great empathy for others. Even though you hide from it, you are very attuned to the world at large. I’m glad you’re starting to live in it again.”
“Me too. Thank you for helping me do that.”
“My pleasure.” Levi tipped an imaginary hat at him then left.
Like yesterday, George watched him descend the stairs until he was out of sight. Since Ginger was still asleep in her crate when he returned to their room, George put his headphones on and settled in to work for a while. But instead of pressing play on his current assignment, George stared at the still image. One big, bearish guy was in the process of fingering a younger twink. Because of this job, George probably knew more about gay sex mechanics and positions than Levi—unless Levi was a porn connoisseur, of course—and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. Would Levi think him writing closed-captions for porn was weird? Maybe. But Levi was the least judgmental person George had ever met.
; Not really saying much, since he didn’t know very many people, but still.
His entire workday was focused around sex, but George had never had sex. Hell, he’d never even been kissed. He wanted to be kissed, though. He wanted a lot of things, he just wasn’t sure how to reach for them.
Tomorrow, he’d ask Levi for ideas on getting out there, meeting people, possibly even dating. Yeah, Levi would have good advice.
If George actually drummed up the courage to ask.
Chapter Six
George did not, in fact, drum up the courage to ask Levi for help for the next four days. Ginger was less yowly, which he assumed meant she was in less pain and her hip was mending. Levi continued to bring them lunch, same subs every day from the same place. They talked about all kinds of things but not George’s sexuality or anything too serious. He enjoyed these casual conversations, more than he enjoyed chilling downstairs with Dez, Morgan, Slater, and Derrick.
Levi understood George in a way no one ever had. Not even Orry. And he adored their friendship and the casual touches they shared.
He also hadn’t confronted Orry about his Thanksgiving night lie, because he was afraid Orry had some terrible secret that could hurt them both. Or worse, that Orry might lie to him again. It also made him wonder how truthful Orry had been in the past about his various part-time jobs and where he was really spending his time. Ignorance was better than a devastating truth, so George kept quiet.
On Wednesday, the sixth day of George watching over Ginger, Levi arrived early in the morning because Ginger had a vet appointment to assess her hip. George was sad to see Ginger leave, but Levi promised they were coming back with lunch no matter what the vet said about her confinement. He tried to work on a video while they were gone but his mind kept wandering. Would Ginger go home today? Would their amazing lunches end?
Would he ever see Levi again after today?
Levi texted that they’d both be back by twelve thirty, and George resisted asking how the appointment went. He managed to get a little bit of work done, but he didn’t find the male-on-male action as captivating as before. Probably because he was too busy worrying about his own personal life—now that he actually had a personal life. And a friend he really wanted to keep in contact with.
The buzzer went off at twelve twenty and George nearly flew to the door to hit the unlock button on the downstairs door. He unlocked and opened his apartment door, heart pounding, stupidly eager to see both man and cat again. Levi appeared with the carrier in one hand and his cloth bag in the other. Ginger meowed a few times but it sounded more like annoyed meows than pained ones. George had gotten pretty attuned to her this past week.
“Miss Ginger,” Levi said as he walked inside, “is free of her bandage, thank goodness, and she doesn’t need constant supervision anymore. She does, however, still need to spend a few more days confined to the crate, which we can do at home.”
George’s heart dropped and he worked hard to keep his disappointment off his face. “Oh. Cool. I bet she misses her siblings.”
“I know they miss her.” He put the carrier on the floor near the kitchen table. “They practically sleep on my head every night now. Ready for lunch?”
“Yeah sure.” Hoping to keep things light and not reveal how disappointed George really was, he joked, “Are we picnicking on the kitchen floor today instead of in my bedroom?”
Levi flashed him a blinding smile, his joy at taking his fur baby home clear. “She seems okay for now. Maybe we could eat at the table for a change?”
“Okay.”
Since they were using the table and could just eat off the waxed paper wrappers, George forewent plates and fetched them their preferred drinks and the bag of pretzels. Levi took their subs out of his bag, and then he produced two plastic-wrapped brownies. “To celebrate, if you like chocolate,” Levi said. “If not, maybe Orry wants it?”
“I like chocolate.” George didn’t indulge often but part of him agreed to eat whatever Levi put in front of him simply to please the man. They sat opposite each other and unrolled their lunches. “So Ginger is on the mend?”
“Yep, she’s still fairly young for a cat, you took great care of her, and vet says she healed quickly and well. Thank you so much for that, George, you have no idea how much it means to me that I can take her home.” Levi’s eyes shined with emotion. “They’ve always been a trio, so it’s been hard only having a pair.”
“I can’t imagine.” George meant that. He’d get a tiny slice of the feeling once Ginger was gone but he’d only had her a week. Levi had had the three of them for two years. George would just have to pay more attention to Lucky when she came around. “I’m glad Ginger can go home. Your family will be together again.”
Levi looked up from his sub and a charge of emotion seemed to shoot across the table from him to George. “I bet she’ll miss you. But you and I are going to keep in touch. You are free to come visit at any time, and while the ghost town is shut down, maybe I’ll make some trips into the city. We can hang. Here or maybe other places. I’ve been here almost a year and I’ve never been to Golden Gate Park.”
George placed a hand over his heart and feigned shock. “I’m a severe introvert, and even I’ve done that.”
“See? You can show me stuff. And maybe one day I can give you a private tour of the ghost town.”
The ghost town thing sounded strangely like a come-on, so George tempered his surprise with laughter. “I guess we’ll see. But I do want to stay friends, Levi. Not just for Ginger, but we have really good conversations. I can let my guard down with you.” I want to kiss you every single time I see you now.
George kept that one to himself.
“I feel the same,” Levi said. “You’re important to me, George. Our friendship is important to me.”
They held eye contact a beat longer, something new and unspoken there, before they both started eating. George didn’t enjoy his sub as much as the previous ones, because this one was the last. The end of a new tradition. While they ate, he got the name of the deli from Levi and plugged it into his phone, grateful to see the place delivered. He wanted to hold on to something of theirs.
He nearly asked if Levi would want to occasionally have lunch together via video chat but that seemed excessively needy. After a meal full of casual, occasionally awkward conversation, they washed their brownies down with water and ginger ale, and then it was time. Levi carried the crate down to his pickup, while George spent a few minutes petting Ginger. Silently saying goodbye to the sweet kitty he’d come to love.
When Levi returned, George got the extra food, litter and pill pockets for him. “Want me to carry the stuff so you don’t jostle Ginger too much?” George asked.
“Sure.” Levi winked. “You need some sunshine on that pale skin.”
George laughed. He didn’t care about the sun; he wanted to prolong this as much as possible. He grabbed his keys and they trooped downstairs together. The living room was empty for a change. His heart skipped once and his stomach sloshed with acid when George walked outside to the small front porch. He silently followed Levi nearly half the block down to his pickup.
Levi opened the passenger-side door. George deposited the cloth bag on the middle of the bench front seat, a little sad he might never see those bags again. Then Levi surprised him by hefting the carrier up into both arms, putting Ginger closer to eye level for George. George poked his fingers through the grate. Ginger licked them, then started purring.
“Bye, pretty lady. You were a great roommate, but I’m glad you’re going home to your sisters.”
Glad for you and your daddy, but sad for me.
George straightened, so Levi put the carrier in the truck and shut the door. Ginger immediately began yowling, and the sound made George want to cry.
“Again, I cannot thank you enough for what you did for us,” Levi said. “It was very selfless. I w
ill repay your kindness.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to. I’m just not sure how yet. The universe will show me the way.”
George smiled. “You are such an odd person sometimes, Levi, but I think that’s why I like you. Us odd ducks need to flock together.”
“Agreed.” Levi’s eyes flickered briefly downward, as if he wanted to kiss George, and George would let him. By God, yes, he would let Levi be his first kiss. “May I give you a hug goodbye?”
The request warmed George all over. Some people would have just impulsively hugged him, no matter what George thought, but not Levi. Levi was too thoughtful for that, and it meant everything to George. “Yes.” He hadn’t been hugged by anyone except Orry in a long damned time. Too long.
Levi took a single step into his personal space, arms open. When he didn’t advance, George closed the distance between them and draped his arms loosely around Levi’s waist. The man’s taller frame and work-earned muscles felt great against George’s body. He smelled good, too, a faint fragrance of something reminiscent of pine. Levi rested his chin on George’s shoulder, and they held each other in a loose embrace. Sweet and wonderful and George never wanted to let go.
“You’re my hero,” Levi whispered, then pulled back.
George’s body mourned the loss of Levi against him, and he wasn’t sure what to do with that. He’d never craved another person’s hug as fiercely as he craved Levi’s. All his muddled brain could think to do was say, “Drive safe.”
“I will.” Levi hesitated a beat longer, then walked around the truck. Got into the driver’s seat and shut the door.
George shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, thoughts and emotions tumbling all over themselves. As Levi and Ginger drove away, they took a tiny piece of his heart back to Garrett with them.
* * *
Levi spent the hour-long drive home confused and annoyed by his conflicting emotions. He had enjoyed this entire week of daily visits with George, bringing him lunch and picnicking with Ginger. He was thrilled to finally bring Ginger home to Baby and Sporty. So why did he also feel as if he was betraying George somehow? It made no sense.