by A. M. Arthur
“I am so sorry the adults in your life didn’t see your value. And I am so sorry they risked your health. What about your brother?”
“It was complicated. Orry and I took different paths when we were kids. I was athletic, while he was musically inclined. When our parents hired Adrian as my coach and he floated Olympic glory in front of them, Orry’s passions became less important to them. Our lives became about my training and skating. Orry fell into the background.” Old grief bubbled up in George’s chest and he sobbed once against Ginger’s fur.
Levi carefully turned George until he was burrowed close to Levi’s chest, arms tight around each other.
“Adrian was a good technical coach,” George continued, finding strength in Levi’s embrace. “He was great at turns and jumps and choreography. He knew how to put on a show the judges would love. But emotionally and physically he...was abusive. Praise was few and far between. I was always too slow, too fat, too low on the ice. Couldn’t jump high enough. Couldn’t spin fast enough. He taught me how to make myself throw up.”
A protective sound rumbled through Levi’s chest, and his arms cinched tighter around George.
“I was anorexic and bulimic for years, and I was sixteen when it came crashing down. I was supposed to skate at the World Championship, which was my gateway to the Olympics team. But I couldn’t do it. I was sick, hungry, stressed out, and terrified of everyone in my life. I locked myself in my hotel room and refused to come out. I remember looking at the glass carafe of the coffee pot and thinking I can break that and make the pain stop.”
“Oh, George.”
He started shaking, and Levi held him tighter. Never letting go or giving up. “Then I heard Orry’s voice. I hadn’t seen him in months, because he’d run away from home. I missed my brother so much. He helped me check into the hospital and put my health first. Orry saved my life.”
“I’m grateful you had him. So grateful.”
“Me too. He survived his own battles and still managed to save me. I owe him so much. He deserves to have a life apart from me. To date and love and live, and I want him to have that. But I’m terrified of letting him go.”
“You don’t have to let him go for him to have a life.” Levi kissed his forehead. “You just...need to take a few steps back. Give him space, not let him go. I cannot begin to imagine what your life has been like, but I do remember how jealous I was when Xander and Robin first got together. I felt like my brother had been stolen away. But he hadn’t. He was simply taking a new step. And it scared me because I wasn’t taking it too.”
George needed to take the focus off himself for a bit. “Have you ever been in love like Xander was?”
“I thought so. But I was wrong.” Levi’s dark tone intimated he wasn’t going into details this afternoon.
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. And I’m sorry for what your coach put you through. I’m grateful to Orry for helping you, and to you for having the strength to be here today so I could know you.”
“Orry’s my hero.” George raised his upper body and looked down into Levi’s shining blue eyes. “But you are someone incredibly important and special to me. You’re the only person outside my immediate family that I’ve ever told about my eating disorder. I still have trouble sometimes, but I’m a work in progress.”
“I’m honored you shared your truth with me. One day at a time is often all any of us can do.”
“Yeah, it is.” George relaxed into Levi’s strong embrace, comforted by Levi’s candor and acceptance, and the warmth of his arms. Also the weight of whichever cat decided to stretch her body out over his ankles. He was too content to look.
George closed his eyes and soaked in the man holding him, and this little slice of heaven they’d found in a tiny house in the middle of nowhere.
Chapter Sixteen
The following day, Levi did his promised trick riding demonstration for the other guests, and he even got Robin to join him. They didn’t do their full show from the ghost town, but the tricks all earned them applause. Little Faith cheered the loudest and when they took their final bows, announced to her dads she wanted to be a trick rider, too.
Rey looked horrified.
George and Shawn followed Levi and Robin into the barn and helped untack the horses. “You guys make it all look easy,” George said.
“A lot of years of hard work will make anything look easy,” Robin replied. “We’re nowhere near as flexible or flashy as in our younger, touring years, but it’s still a hell of a lot of fun.”
“Agreed.” Levi hefted the saddle off Zodiac and carried it into the tack room. He returned with two brushes. “Plus, you have to build trust with the horse you’re riding. Not all horses can do what we’ve trained Zodiac and Apple Jax to do.”
“Yup. I tried working with Tude when Mack first floated the idea of the rodeo celebration, but she’s too stubborn.”
“I think she’s just loyal to Mack,” Shawn said as he began brushing Apple Jax’s flank. “Stubborn people stick together.”
Levi chuckled.
“So are you gonna miss the ranch when you go home?” Robin asked George.
“I will.” George stroked his own brush along Zodiac’s neck, a dreamy smile on his face. “It’s gorgeous and peaceful out here. And I feel like I’ve made a few new friends.” He glanced at Shawn, who winked.
Interesting.
“We’ll have to find reasons for you to come visit us again,” Levi said. “As a friend and not a paying customer.”
George quirked an eyebrow at him. “Technically, you’re the paying customer.”
“Good point.”
Once the horses were taken care of and back in their stalls, Robin and Shawn followed them up to the guesthouse for a game of Scrabble. Back in the day, Robin, Levi, Xander and their dad, Doug, would have epic Scrabble battles, all of them super competitive. Levi hadn’t played the game since Xander died, and he found comfort in playing again with both Robin and George.
And George’s vocabulary skills impressed the crap out of Levi. He won the game with a remarkable 370 points. Their group had plenty of time for a second round before dinner, and Levi just managed to edge George out of the win by using “quixotic.”
“I’ve always wanted a chance to play that word,” Levi said.
After dinner, George demanded a rematch, and they played just the two of them, with several of the other guests watching. Levi didn’t want to thrash George but he was still a competitive player, and they kept fairly close scores throughout the game as the board filled with tiles. He was confident in his final move—until he saw the way George’s eyes lit up. Then he saw his mistake.
Too late. The N Levi had put down gave George what he needed to spell “snug” and earn himself a triple word score.
“Nice one,” Shawn said. “Why am I sensing more Scrabble tournaments in your future?”
“Because I need to defend my honor,” Levi replied. “Right now it’s two to one in favor of George.”
George’s smug grin made Levi’s blood warm in a pleasant way. He loved seeing George this confident. He’d blossomed leaps and bounds in the week they’d been on the ranch, and Levi was sad it would all end tomorrow. Well, their vacation would end. This thing they were exploring was only getting started.
And the idea of exploring this thing beyond the magic of the ranch lands scared him on some level. He wanted to be honest with George about his worst mistakes, but he didn’t ever want George to look at him with fear or disgust. But if this thing between them was ever going to be more than casual sex, Levi needed to be honest. He told George he’d never lie to him.
“Guess you’re out of practice, bro,” Robin said as he poked Levi in the ribs. “You used to kick my and Xander’s ass without blinking.”
“I still kicked your ass today.”
“George kick
ed yours worse. Good job, by the way, Master Thompson.”
George chuckled. “I haven’t played in years. We used to play with my grandparents before Orry and I moved out. It was fun getting back into it.”
“I bet there’s an app you can download on your phone,” Shawn said. “You can either play the computer or against other people.”
“I’ll have to look into it. I never thought to do that before now.”
Later that evening, Levi waited until they were alone in their room before asking, “Do you think you never thought to play Scrabble again because you missed your grandparents, and it reminds you of them?”
George paused by the big window and gazed out, his body angled slightly away from Levi. “I don’t think I did that consciously but it makes sense. This vacation has given me the courage to go out more. To go see them, instead of just talking to them over the phone or a tablet. So playing Scrabble tonight didn’t bother me. I had fun.” He twisted his head to smile at Levi. “I’m a little sad this is our last night here. It’s been the best vacation of my life.”
“I’m honored I could give you such a tremendous gift. You are such a special soul, George, and I’ve loved watching you come alive this week. I’m also sad the vacation is almost over, but I hope we’ll continue to see each other when you go home. I know the distance is a bit inconvenient but I...” Levi straightened his spine and took the plunge. “I would like to date you, if that’s something you want.”
“Really?” George somehow seemed to smile with his entire body. “I’ve never dated anyone before. I have no idea how.”
“Then we’ll do what’s fun and comfortable for us. Dating doesn’t have to be complicated, and with technology it doesn’t always have to be in person. As long as we enjoy ourselves and keep getting to know each other.”
“And having sex?”
Levi laughed and finally closed the small distance between them. Took George in his arms and inhaled the faintest scents of soap and sweat. “Yes, and having sex. Just like dating, we’ll have whatever sex makes us both happy with no expectations.”
George’s pale cheeks pinked up. “Um, can I ask you something personal?”
“Of course.” He had an idea what the question might be but he let George find his own words.
“How do you, uh, prefer to have sex?”
“I like having sex all kinds of ways, depending on my partner at the time. Who they are and what they’re comfortable with.”
George flashed him an exasperated look. “When you have sex with men, Levi. Do you top or bottom, and what do you expect from me?”
Levi loved this assertive side of George. “I don’t expect anything from you except honesty and mutual respect, in and out of bed. And if you’re looking for an easy label, then I would consider myself versatile. I like to top and bottom for men. I also love what we do, and I would be perfectly happy if you never wanted to try penetration in either position. I know that penetration is the end goal of most porn, and that you’ve watched a lot with your job, but it’s not the end goal of all relationships. Some couples are perfectly happy never going there.”
He ran his fingers through George’s hair, enjoying the way George leaned into his petting. “What are you interested in trying, George?”
“I’m not totally sure.” George bit his lower lip in the most adorable way.
“What are things you’ve fantasized about?”
“Topping.” His cheeks flamed brighter but George never looked away. “I’m curious how it feels. But I’m scared because sometimes it looks like bottoming hurts, and I’d never want to hurt another person. Not even by accident.”
He kept stroking George’s scalp. “The good news is I’ve had enough anal sex to know how to do it carefully. And if we did do that, you topping me, I would absolutely speak up if something hurt. I’ve...” Levi struggled to find the right words without lying to George. “I’ve been hurt a few times in the past, and I never want you to have the same regrets I do.”
Anger flared in George’s expressive blue eyes. “I’m sorry someone hurt you. Were they punished?”
“Not by the law, but I like to think that karma or the universe has caught up to them.” He wanted to tell George more, to share this part of his past, so he led him over to Levi’s bunk. They sat, holding hands, George watching him intently. “The same day I found my cats on the side of the road, I took them to a vet in a small town. His name was Dr. Grant Clark, and we flirted a bit. He told me about a campground nearby. I decided to stay close while the kittens were young. Eventually, we started dating and sleeping together. I fell in love with him.”
When Levi didn’t continue, George quietly asked, “How did Grant hurt you? Did he...attack you?”
“Emotionally, yes.” Old hurts flooded back, and Levi fought to find his center. To get through this conversation without losing his temper in front of George. “He betrayed my trust. He asked to film us having sex one night, said he thought it would be super hot to watch us together later. I thought he was just being extra kinky, and I trusted him so I said yes. I’m not sure what changed after that but our relationship began to go south. He became distant, rude, and he’d pick on me for my beliefs. My jogging and meditating. I finally had enough, broke up with him, and hit the road again.”
“He didn’t like you leaving.”
Levi sighed heavily and pressed his shoulder to George’s. “That’s putting it mildly. He went the revenge porn route and posted our sex tape online.”
“Fuck.” More fury darkened George’s expression. “Shit, I am so sorry.”
“I felt extremely betrayed but mostly I was embarrassed for my father and the rodeo, because they were named in the description. I sent takedown notices but I couldn’t prosecute Grant because I’d agreed to make the tape. A few months later, I heard from Robin again for the first time in years, and I knew that leaving had been the best decision I could have made. Hearing from my brother, that he was happy and safe, put me back on my path. And eventually that path led me here.”
“I’m glad you’re here.” George brushed soft lips over his. “I’m sorry for what you went through.”
It wasn’t the worst thing Levi had gone through in his thirty-four years, but that wasn’t a story for tonight. “Thank you. Grant was the first person I truly thought I’d fallen in love with, but looking back, I think I fell in love with the idea of him. Being with someone. Having that one great love like Robin and Xander had. Except human beings are capable of infinite kinds of love, because now Robin has Shawn, and they are insanely happy together. They give me hope.”
“Hope you’ll fall in love for real?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve never been in love before.”
“I know.” And I don’t know if I’m meant to love you but I’m willing to take the chance. The words couldn’t make it past Levi’s lips. They were too much for this early moment. “It’s scary and exciting, and totally worth it with the right person. I believe that.”
“You believing helps me believe it. I know I’m only twenty-three, but I feel so old sometimes, and I want a life. I want Orry to have a life. I want us both to have a real life, even if it takes us away from each other for a while.”
“The great thing about the time we’re living in? Even if you’re ten thousand miles from someone you love, you can still see them face-to-face with your phone or tablet. I can tell how much you love your brother, but maybe it’s time to put your own happiness first.”
George didn’t speak, only held his gaze for a long time, before kissing Levi. Levi willingly went to his back, giving George all the control. They kissed for ages with George slotted between his spread legs. George didn’t initiate more, though, and Levi didn’t press. They kissed until exhausted, and after going through separate bedtime routines, curled up together in Levi’s bed. Sharing one space for the first time, with G
eorge snuggled up against Levi’s back. The big spoon.
Levi fell asleep dreaming of the day George slid home inside his body. He knew to his bones that the experience would be spectacular.
* * *
George experienced the unique sensation of coming awake pressed up close to an adult male body, and he smiled at the back of Levi’s head. They were still in the same positions as when they fell asleep, and while George’s left arm was a little numb, he was glad. He liked being snuggled up to Levi’s broader body. George felt safe and protected in his arms, and he was grateful to hold Levi for a little while. To offer comfort after Levi had shared something personal and painful with him.
George wasn’t generally a vengeful person but if he ever stumbled across this Grant Clark character, he was likely to give the asshole a swift kick to the nuts for betraying Levi like that. And while the majority of the subtitle work George did was for name studios, it made him sick to think he could have ever accidentally seen Grant’s video.
As comfortable as George was, his bladder gave a kick. Levi grunted in protest when George tugged his arm free, pins and needles already racing through it. Worth it, though. When he returned, Levi was sitting up and smiling at him. “Sleep well?” Levi asked.
“Very well. You?”
“Best sleep in ages.”
George slid back into bed and Levi’s arms. “That’s a high compliment.”
“And yet true.”
They rested together a while longer, until the sun had risen and the rooster call sounded. Levi went to shower first, because those bathrooms were simply not designed for sharing, and then George took his turn. He left his things on a towel to dry for packing later—an old habit he’d started when he was traveling for competitions.
Nope, not thinking about that today. He was going to enjoy his final couple of hours at the ranch. His phone had a good-morning text from Orry, which he returned. Orry had gotten a touch less clingy as the week progressed, probably because George had begun texting less frequently. He was safe here and didn’t need the constant reassurances of his brother anymore.