The Ginger Man

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The Ginger Man Page 31

by J. P. Donleavy


  "Dot has told me a great deal about New York, Mr. Dangerfield, it sounds a most amazing place. Must be frightening living in such tall buildings."

  "O nothing. Mommie and Daddy's apartment is right on the very top of one and it's just wonderful. Looks right over the river and I just love throwing rose petals down."

  "Miss Cabot, or rather Dot, did you know that in New York one is not allowed to throw dead animals into public waters, or to seive, agitate or expose ashes, coal, dry sand, hair, feathers, or other substances likely to be blown about by the wind or to transport manure or like substance through the streets, unless covered so as to prevent spilling, or to throw garbage, butcher's offal, blood refuse or stinking animal into the street, or to permit any human being to use a water closet as a sleeping place. Guilty of a misdemeanor."

  "Gee, I didn't know that I never thought about that"

  "I say, are you trying to be funny, Mr. Dangerfield?"

  "I'm weary and fearful for future and must get a laugh."

  "I don't quite understand."

  "Knaves and thieves. I'm tired of drivel. Cads and benefactors and knaves. I'm tired. Let me get away."

  "What are you driving at sir ?"

  "I can't bear any more of it. I think I am going to faint Faint and fade. Driver stop."

  "Yes, driver, do stop"

  The taxi came to a halt. Dangerfield stumbling to the sidewalk. Dorothy said I mustn't leave. But the taxi pulled into the traffic again and went away. And leaning against the wall of a bank. Need a bank for support Eeeeee. Only a certain amount one can stand Banks. I must see banks. I'm for the banks and they for me and I've got to get to the financial district of London or go crazy. Sometimes too, I think I would like to be an assistant in a pox shop but not now. Tonight I've got to see the banks.

  Inside another dark taxi streaking down this Fleet Street and ahead the dome of St. Paul's. Everything dark, closed and empty down here. Along Cheapside to the Royal Exchange. This is the cheapside but I know there is wealth. Health alive. And all these high windows. Inside there are counters and books and ledgers collecting dust over the holidays. Driver, down that street. I see a light. Star of Bethlehem. Not a soul here save money. Let me out right here and I'll go up this alley for a pot of brandy.

  Along a tiled hall into an enormous room. All men and no women. Pale faces. I know these people must work in the banks and here they are laughing and carrying on with back slapping and jokes. And there's a man at the end of the bar with a walking stick who looks the spitting image of O'Keefe. All these people so polite and contented. Boy, what a night. Holy infant so tender. And a pint of mild. Must call the party. I'll fix Mary.

  Dangerfield walks along the street bound by walls big and black. On the corner, phone booths, red, bright and warm. A wind blows and whistles around the door.

  "Hello?"

  "May I please speak to Mr. MacDoon, the royal celt And tell him to come quickly for I weep for home, the clatter of fangs and the green, greedy mouths. Tell him that"

  "By all means, sir, do hold on."

  "I am holding. I've held on to everything until I've just a vestige of dignity left And that was a fig leaf. Hear me? Fig leaf. I'll hold on. Who knows what this is? Anyone know?"

  "What for the love of the little Lord Jesus are you saying, Danger? Are you drunk? What happened? These people said you went mad in the taxi, said you were fainting."

  "They were mean to me. Mean, Mac I'm disappointed in the rich. Lost faith"

  "Where are you?"

  "In the center of the financial world"

  "Now Danger, can I even credit you with knowing what night this is?"

  "Tomorrow is the saviour and my Christ I'll be glad to see him"

  "Now where are you?"

  "Haven't I just told you I'm in the middle of the financial world? Haven't I just told you that? I want you to come down here and see for yourself, Mac. Streets are empty and as they say, not a soul. And I want you to know how it feels to be here. You understand, Mac? And there's a street called Cheapside. Now Cheapside."

  "Now Danger, would you ever shut your hole for a second. Mary is here. And Danger, a lovelier girl never moved where whores fear to tread"

  "Mac stop telling me lies. You're a great one for the lies to a poor unfortunate like me who has drink taken and's confused and upset over recent richness. I won't believe because seeing is and I feel the hoax is in it to get me in the clutches of the party."

  "Now Danger, the general feeling here is that you're mad. And I think the nervous tension caused by quids has you afoul. But the American girl thought you were fascinating. Never met anyone like you before and she's worried lest you're molested in the streets. But Mr. Hunderington claims you were rude. Mr. Hunderington is Lord Squeak, heir to several pig sties in Kent. He says you were insulting, however. Percy turned on him and said he'd push his face in the caviar if he heard another word against you. I think we are keeping the British in their place tonight. This party is in your honor."

  "Are things, then, coming to a head, Mac?"

  "To a head, Danger. The size of a mountain."

  "Sound the tune of reconciliation to Mary. So's I can give her the chastising of her life."

  "I'll have the horsewhip ready. Now kneel down in that booth while I give ye me special yule blessing. Get down in that booth. I know you're standing, you dirty ould cheat Get down. For Jesus, what are you doing, ripping the phone out? Repeat after me, the Lord is my shepherd as I am one of his sheared sheep"

  "The Lord is my shepherd as I am one of his sheared sheep"

  "Now get over here fast and I'll pave the way right into Mary's womb for ye. And you might consider this American girl. She says you're exciting"

  "Mac, I've decided that I'm a titillator for sure. I'll be there. I insist upon the carpet."

  He waited by the road, wet, shiny and black. A taxi roaring by. Wave it down. To the Red Lion Square. Fast.

  Dangerfield steps out in front of a Georgian house. Not a sign of lights or sin or anything. Up the stone steps. And pound this knocker. Good piece of brass.

  The large green door swings open and a great din. Take my hat and cane. Lovely staircase, wide and winding. Announcing me. Sebastian Balfe Dangerfield.

  MacDoon hurrying over and the sound of Percy Clocklan's laughter. Gay chandeliers. I tell you I see old masters on the walls and tables squealing with repast.

  "This way Danger, she's waiting in the library. You're looking well. She's expecting the rags and not the riches. And I'll have a bottle of champagne sent in to cool off your hot hearts. If things don't go well I'll serve up the Yank to you, she's panting and can't wait to tell you how wonderful you are."

  "Mac, thanks from the bottom of. The banks have put a fervor in me."

  The rugs were deep. A room vast and dreary. Mary's black hair over the top of the chair. Turning the pages of a magazine.

  "How are you, Mary?"

  "I thought your friend Mac was codding me that you would come"

  "In the flesh, I hear that you've been posing ? "

  "What of it?"

  "I don't like it"

  "Well it's none of your business. I suppose you've forgotten what you said to me that night You called me a whore. Told me to fuck myself and go to hell."

  "Look here, Mary. I'm a little weak. I'm not up to it That kind of talk will make me have a relapse. You look lovely tonight"

  "O it's soft talk."

  "It's the truth."

  "And are all the other things you called me the truth too? Am I to forget those?"

  "For the moment This is the eve."

  "I guess you're holy now."

  "Not holy, but I've taken the eve into consideration."

  "Why didn't you arrange to see me or something?"

  "Needed a little time to think things over. I feel much better now. Don't I look better?"

  "You may have fine clothes but you've got bags under your eyes. And there was a fuss here over what you said to tha
t American girl in the taxi. I'm inclined to think you were rude. Exactly as you were with me."

  "Cut it out I'm not going to stand for this kind of talk. For the infant Jesus will you stop it"

  "No."

  "Well god damn it, another word out of you and I'll bat you in the bloody face and fix this damn film contract as well."

  "You're the one who ought to shut up and get a wallop in the face. I don't want to have anything to do with the films but I thought if I could get some money I could help us. I'd do anything to help and you talk to me like this. Well bugger you, you damn bastard. I can tell you off too."

  Sebastian's arm whistled through the air. The flat of his palm cracked against the side of her face and Mary sat stunned. He slapped her again.

  "I'm going to kick the living shit out of you. Do you hear me?"

  Her arms raised to ward off the blows. Mary and chair fell backwards. Dangerfield tripping over a table on top of her.

  "You won't do anything to me. You can hit and hit me and I don't care. I don't care what you do but you're a bastard and will always be a bastard, always and always."

  There was a silence catching breaths and a discreet knock on the door. The door opening tentatively.

  "Pardon me sir, but shall I leave the champagne here?"

  "Do, please."

  The door closing quietly. Sound of pumping chests. Sebastian gripping her tightly by the wrists to hold the flailing nails down. Ribbons of sting. Mary glaring into his eyes. Her white wrists and fingers. She is a slimmer soft thing, where she was so fat, so strong. O slim and soft for sure.

  "Get up"

  "No."

  "I said get up"

  "No."

  "Get up or I swear to Christ I'll drive your face through the floor. When I tell you to get up, get up."

  "Your dirty bastard. I still say bugger you and I'll do what I want"

  Mary slung back on her straight arms. White legs and knees. Pathos of her pins. I can't go on when all I really want is your white bare legs scissored around my throat, crushing out fond gasps. And I'm standing on a deep rug with books for a setting. And assault with the weapon of the flat hand.

  "Up or I'll use the boot."

  "I love you and look how you've treated me."

  "Up or the boot."

  "Why are you like this ? "

  "Now sit down. You're going to get off this damn stage and out of these films."

  "Why shouldn't I try. I wanted to make some money because you said you wouldn't want me otherwise. You told me you'd push me out the window, tied my towel in knots and soaked my underwear in the basin and now I've got a chance to make something of myself and you don't lie it either"

  "I don't like the stage in any form. It's rot I don't like it You're coming back with me tonight"

  "That's for me to say"

  "Now, Mary, come back quietly with me. And tomorrow we'll go out together. Save this bottle of champagne for the morning. After the rasher and roll. Leave the stage and forget the films and we'll live in some quiet place."

  "It isn't that I like it either with everyone trying to go to bed with me, men and women alike. But how can I be sure you're not going to turn on me again. I won't come back with you tonight But I'll tell you where I live and you can come and see me in the morning. Have you ever thought of me living alone and queer men calling me up on the phone and following me through the streets? Did that occur to you?"

  "There's been a special place for you in my thoughts, Mary. Very special place. Took me awhile to get over the shock. And I feel a little better now. Ready to go out in the world again. But there's been the special place for you. Am I forgiven?"

  "I'll see. Take me away from this party, and take me home."

  "Transgression. Been guilty of the transgression. You look lovelier than I've ever seen you before. And there's something I must tell Clocklan before we go. Pack up this champagne."

  In the drawing room there were the punch bowls and tables laden with lobster. Pretty blonde worried about me. See her breasts right through that dress. MacDoon in a cluster of virgins, wand ready to bless, forgive or fertilize. And Clocklan with a nurse for sure again. Always with nurses. Always with blonde hair. His maid has black and I guess he thrives on variety. And over there are some elderly ones with diamonds on their chests in lieu of the other things. Sometimes have a yen to get one of them in the bed. Old age no object. Logs in the fire. I don't believe in Christmas. A fraud. I know it's a fraud. No one noticing me. Take care of that for sure.

  Sebastian sucking in his breath and roaring.

  "Christmas is a fraud."

  Noise echoing away and smiles crossing the faces of MacDoon and Clocklan for they knew that this was honesty night for sure. Mary waiting inside the door of the library for the worst

  "Christmas is a fraud. This room is filled with knaves and thieves. Jesus was a Celt and Judas was British."

  There were grumbles shall I stop him, will we have him thrown out? Clocklan spoke up, if any man here so much as touches the fair hair of Dangerfield I will remove his jaw.

  "Thank you, Percy. Now as you all know, Christmas is a fraud. Jesus was a mick and Judas a lime. I am king beast. A big muscular Yank. Hear that? I know you would all like to beat me up. O there are a lot of them would like to do that But tonight I was in the Lombard Street to get the feel of investment. Now I have it from good sources that some of you own pig sties and I must confess that the rearing of pigs to me is extremely distasteful except at the breakfast table when it is tasteful. But I know you people have bacon hidden in your attics and beef and hides in the cellar and the best of clarets and brandies. But I'm a man for bedlam. What about bedlam? Do you ever relish the broken dish or twisted chandelier? I'm taking my host's champagne home for the morning away from you horse lovers. Bye bye now. I know you have bacon in the attic and beef and hides in the cellar."

  Clocklan roaring with laughter and a tall man, the host beaming with pleasure. O perhaps you can't beat these British after all, because they not only have it both ways but all ways. And there's no beating that ever. And Percy I have just to whisper in your ear.

  "Come closer, Percy. Listen. One night I was walking behind a lovely young girl with long golden hair and my heart beating with desire. She turned around and I saw her face. She was an old toothless hag."

  "Jesus, Sebastian, here's another fiver"

  "Percy, I'll use it to buy meself a set of silk undergarments."

  And as Dangerfield was coolly leaving the party, the butler came running after him bearing brandy and bacon. A bottle and a side. How can you beat them? bottle and a side. How can you beat "Mary, isn't this good of him?"

  "You're a terrible man."

  "They've left me holding the bag. Thank you."

  "Not at all, sir. The master was charmed by your little speech."

  "Eee."

  "I have a taxi for you, sir. I liked that very much, about Judas being British. Ha, it's very good. Merry fraud, sir."

  "O. Aye."

  "You're a terrible man, Sebastian"

  "Merry fraud."

  Entering the taxi. And standing at the door, MacDoon next to Clocklan. MacDoon eating an eclair. Clocklan's hand engages with a haunch of nurse. His other with a cigar. And from the windows I see some of the elderly and the face of that blonde American girl. I think she must be crying. Are they all weeping in there? O taxi man, away, away, away like a devil shooting between the stars. And don't be making stops for traffic either.

  Mary you're beside me now. And I want to ride on the train to Dublin, along the cliffs and through the tunnels to Bray. When it's raining. You've got tiny ears. And I'll take you to live in a house out Tooting Bee way with Clocklan's quids near by for quick reference. I'll buy a little mower to take outside to the lawn and give it a fast trim every Friday. not much of a lawn because I don't want to overdo this exercise. Ten by ten. We'll have a small sitting room with plants one of which will be a rubber plant And during tea on gray after
noons I want you to read me stories of adventure.

  "Why aren't you like this more often, cuddly and cozy and things?"

  "I've just been thinking of a little house for us"

  "And babies?"

  "Oaye."

  "You'll give me a baby? I'd like to have one"

  "I'm not father proud but that's one of the things I know I can do, Mary. I'm your man"

  "And we'll make one tomorrow on Christmas Day?"

  "It's Christmas now, Mary"

  "No. I want you to come to me. I've got a grill. And four eggs too. And we can have the champagne and brandy after"

  "I'm a shit, Mary"

  "No you're not."

  "Touch of meanness in me."

  "I've got a present for you."

  "I've nothing for you."

  "You've got what I want"

  "Mary, really."

  "And we'll have a baby"

  "Aye."

  "And you won't tie my towel in knots again?"

  "No knots ever again."

  "You look lovely in your suit and your hat and cane. That American girl was after you too, wasn't she?"

  "Just wanted a brother in a foreign land. When you're Yank, Mary, only other Yanks are friends."

  "She didn't mean anything she said. She was just after your dong. But it's mine."

  "For sure, Mary."

  Crossing Earl's Court and down the West Cromwell Road. Up over the bridge and the wasteland of train tracks. Out there in the buildings I see dim lights on. Old brains slumbering. And on the roofs the chimney pots are awful twisted things. One of them with a fan squeaks in the Bovir Road. O for God's sake let me feel your pretty little breast, Mary. Let me feel it. Let me touch it. Saint Anthony guide. My hand. You're an awful man, Sebastian but you'll not get me hot. I know your tricks.

  "Tell me what my present is, Mary."

  "I bought you a pair of woolly slippers."

  "Lovely, what color?"

  "Brown so they won't show the dirt"

  "I'll wear them tomorrow."

  "And I've got new underwear and perfume called Jungle Desire and you'll think I'm an animal or something."

  "I'll bring me drums, Mary."

  A kiss goodbye. And back to the Bovir Road and up the stairs. Where I always feel I'm going to get a bust in the head from some prowler. Violence is forever on my mind. Get the key in this damned evasive hole. I'll run the hot water for a cheap sense of warmth and cheer the room a bit with some steam. A shilling in the meter for sure. Little comforts, little joys. Pull back the bedspread, expose the sheets. And tuck my pillow up and lay me quietly there, ready for the white sky.

 

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