“Hey,” I reply without turning.
“What’s happening?”
“Working.”
“So.” He steps into the pantry, closing the space between us. “I was thinking, maybe we could catch a movie tonight.”
I try to step further away from him, but there’s not much room in here. I was dumb for isolating myself in a spot that doesn’t give me an escape. “I’m busy,” I say.
Charlie moves so he’s standing right beside me, his arms crossed in front of his chest. I glance at him quickly, then close my eyes and suck in a deep breath. Whenever he’s on the tools, his arms seem to get particularly muscled and bulk up even more. He has this manly, woody smell to him when he’s been working hard. Almost like, a combination of sweat, and wood shavings. It’s intoxicating, and dangerous to my heart.
“Are you busy, or are you just saying that?”
“I’m busy,” I say again, shutting him down. I give him another quick look before going back to pretending I’m working when all I’m doing is avoiding him.
He reaches out, and skims his fingertips slowly and softly up my arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps and desire in his wake. My heart skips a beat, and I suck in a deep breath. Closing my eyes again, I revel in his touch, his smell, his heat. “I think dinner and a movie would be nice. We haven’t done that before.”
No, dinner and a movie wouldn’t be nice. It would be devastating. It’s bad enough my body already craves his, wanting him to be close to me as often as humanly possible. But this, this is risky territory. It blurs our boundaries. I gather all my courage, and push past Charlie. “I’m sorry, I can’t tonight, I’m busy,” I say again as I leave the pantry.
I hear Charlie sigh, then a few seconds later he comes out of the pantry, gives me a curt nod, and walks into the office.
This is the best and only way. Keeping it casual.
“You’re home?” Aunt May asks when I walk into the house. She’s preparing something in the kitchen that smells amazing. “You hungry?”
“Yeah, I am. Want a wine?” I’ll keep her company even though all I want to do is collapse on the sofa.
“When have you ever known me to say no?”
I smile as I walk over to her wine rack and look at what’s here. “What’s for dinner?” I ask so I can pair the wine with it.
“There’s lamb, beets, carrots and potatoes roasting in the oven,” she calls from the kitchen.
I run my finger along the wines, and grab the Heitz 2015 cabernet sauvignon from the wine rack and walk into the kitchen. I take the corkscrew out of the drawer, open the bottle, and leave it on the counter to breathe.
Aunt May looks over to me, and scrunches her brows. “Set the table, Tabby.”
I like it when she calls me that, she’s the only one in the world I’d let call me Tabby. I set the table and head back into the kitchen where Aunt May has already poured herself a glass and is sipping it. “You’re supposed to let it breathe,” I say.
“I’m too old to let things breathe. Anyway, what’s wrong?” she asks.
“Nothing, why?”
“Is it the boy? Charlie? You know he’s a good one?” She looks out the window toward the stable, where Charlie’s been living since he arrived in Hope River.
“I suppose he is.” I look down at the counter, where I’m drawing the symbol eight with my fingertips. “But it’s not like that for me.”
“Why not? It can be if you want it. I think the boy likes you.” I shrug without lifting my gaze to look at Aunt May. “He’s a good kid, Tabby, like you are. You deserve some goodness in your life.”
I stop drawing the symbol, and stand straighter. “We’re just friends. That’s it.”
“Ah, yes. I saw at Elle’s café. Friends with benefits, right?” I shrug again. “Are you even friends? Or are you just fuck-buddies?”
“Aunt May!” I should be shocked, but I’m not really. She’s brutally honest.
“Well, which are you?”
“More the latter. He asked me to dinner and the movies tonight and I said no.”
“Why?”
I pour myself some wine, swirl it around and take a sip. “I’ve only had one person in my life who gave a shit about me, and that’s you. I keep getting let down time and time again. It’s just easier this way, to not feel anything and remain closed off.”
Aunt May places her glass down, walks over to me, and cups her hand over mine. “This isn’t any way to live. You can’t go through life refusing to have any connections with anyone.”
“I have connections,” I say defensively.
“Yeah, with who?”
“You.”
“I’m your aunt, and I’ll always love you unconditionally. I always have. So, who else?” She holds one weathered finger up, and waits for me to add to the lonely number.
“Hope.”
“No, she’s your boss, and you don’t hang out with her at all. Come on, who else?”
“Um, Elle.”
“Again, no. You speak when you see each other and you helped her when she needed it. But you don’t make an effort to actually hang out with her.”
I step away, shaking my head. “They’ve got boyfriends, Aunt May. I’m not going to hang out with them and be the third wheel.” I open the oven door, and let the steam out before lifting the lamb and vegetables out. “I don’t need anyone. I have myself. Other than you, I’m the only other person I can rely on.”
“You need friendships, and love, and connections in your life, Tabby.”
“No, I don’t. I’m fine the way I am.”
“Then why the hell do you look so damn sad?”
I turn my head to stare at her. “I’m not sad, I’m tired, that’s all.” I take the roasting pan out, and head into the dining room, to set it down on the trivet. Aunt May follows, holding our wine glasses. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
I sit in my usual spot, and Aunt May sits in hers. I cut up the meat, and place some on our plates. “I think you need to talk to your parents, darling. This is never going to resolve itself if you don’t speak with them.”
My hands still, and I look up to Aunt May. “You and I both know neither of them have ever had any time for me. What do you think they’re going to say? Mom especially.” I shake my head. “I’m sorry Aunt May, I know she’s your sister, but she’s horrible. And truthfully, I don’t think I can go back there and talk to them.”
Aunt May keeps eating while listening to my small rant. When I’m done, I pop a piece of potato in my mouth, but I’ve lost my appetite. “It’s for that very reason you have to talk with your parents. Because sooner or later, I’ll be gone, and you’ll have no one. We all deserve love, Tabby. All of us.”
“You’re fine, and you don’t have anyone.”
Aunt May chuckles. “I have this entire town, darling. This entire town.”
I eat a little bit more, not wanting to offend Aunt May after she’s gone to all the effort of preparing this meal. “I don’t know what to say. I’m not cut out to be loved. And I’ve been let down time and time again, so I don’t think I can ever trust anyone other than you.”
Aunt May smiles, places her fork down on the plate and steeples her fingers under her chin. “I’m saying this with love, dear girl, but you have to pull your head out of your ass, and start to heal. Because I’m afraid by the time you decide you’re ready, the entire world will have passed you by.”
Picking my wine glass up, I take another sip, thinking about Aunt May’s words. I know she means well, but my future isn’t filled with love, friendship, or joy. It’s filled with me keeping my head down, and avoiding anything that resembles any of that.
“I’m going to take a shower, and get to bed. I’m really tired.” I take my plate to the sink, scrape out the remnants, rinse it and place it in the dishwasher. As I walk through, I give Aunt May a kiss.
“Love you, Tabby.”
“Love you too.”
I head into my bedroom, and collapse on the bed
, the shower now long forgotten. But the memory of Charlie’s hypnotic scent keeps ticking over and over in my mind. Nope, there’s no such thing as happily ever after. Well, not for me, anyway.
Charlie
“So, these plans are final?” I ask as I sit at River and Hope’s dinner table. My sister Hope is the shrewdest, and most talented house flipper I’ve ever known. Not that I know a lot of house flippers. Actually, that’s a lie. In this business, you get to know who’s who. And Hope has a reputation for being cocky and abrupt, yet a genius when it comes to flipping houses. She’s well respected, and a force when it comes to knowing how the market will turn, when and what the market wants.
“Ah, you know,” she says with a flip of the hand.
“I’d offer my opinion,” River calls from the kitchen.
“No, thanks.” Hope replies.
“I’ve learned what to do, River. And that is ask and wait to be told, then ask again, because she changes her mind all the time. Then, when she tells you they’re the final plans, don’t ask right away. Wait a few days, then ask.”
“Shut up.” Hope throws a scrunched-up paper at my head.
“Is that what I’m doing wrong? I’m not asking enough?”
“Or you’re asking at the wrong times,” I say and chuckle.
“Hey! I’m in the room, you losers.”
River looks over at me and laughs. He walks to Hope, bends and gives her a kiss on the cheek. “I love you,” he says softly.
“Ugh, great! I didn’t come here so you two can make me sick with your stupid PDA’s!” Hope smirks. “I think we should consider, getting an office for all of this.” I wave my hand over all the house designs splayed out on the table.
“Meh. We’ll see,” Hope says as she picks one of the house plans up and studies it. Her eyes narrow at the plan she’s made, and she worries her lip between her teeth.
I leave Hope to study the plan, as I stand and make my way out to the deck overlooking the ocean. Leaning my elbows against it, I look at the restless water as it rapidly rushes up the shore line, and retreats. I take a deep breath as I keep watching the water. I drag a seat over, sit, lift my legs and place them on the railing while I think about everything.
About Tabitha.
The way her long blonde hair falls to between her shoulders, and when her hooded, vibrant green eyes stare at me like I’m the only man she’s ever seen. Jesus, her plump, perfectly pink lips. When her cute tongue darts out and licks her bottom lip. Holy shit, she makes my cock stir just by thinking about her.
“What’s going on?” Hope asks, interrupting my moment of lust.
“Nothing, why?”
“Yeah, right.” She lifts her brows in question.
“Just thinking.”
“About Tabitha?” She pulls one of the other chairs a few feet along the deck, and sits beside me. “What’s happening with you two?”
“Nothing.”
“Can you not lie to me? Because A,” she holds up one finger. “My bull-shit radar is in the red zone. And B,” she holds up a second finger. “We don’t lie to each other.” I turn my head to look at the water again, and shrug in response to her question. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I don’t know what’s happening.”
“I told you, back when I was here before you were. Don’t fuck around with anyone here, especially not Tabitha. You have to end it now, before you hurt that poor girl. You and I know you don’t do relationships, you never have.”
A part of me wants to scream how would you know, but she’s right, I haven’t been in a serious relationship since… well a long time. “Wanna hear something funny?”
“What?”
“Tabitha only wants sex. She doesn’t want a relationship. I’ve been trying to get her to go to dinner with me, movies, even a fucking picnic.”
“You hate picnics,” Hope says with a screwed-up mouth.
“Yeah, I know. But she doesn’t want anything at all. She’s cold toward me.”
“Ah, well.” She takes in a sharp breath. “I didn’t see that one coming.”
“You thought I was screwing around, right?”
“Eeek.” Hope avoids my eyes when I turn to confront her on that. I look back to the water. “Charlie, I don’t know what to say to you.”
“Yeah, I know.” I run my hand through my hair, and sigh. “Problem is, I like her.”
“Oh man,” Hope says in a smaller voice. “Like, like-like? Or just like?” I remain quiet while still looking out to the ocean. “Oh shit,” she mumbles. “Maybe I can talk to her.”
“Don’t be a dick, Hope. You can’t talk to her. What are we, in school? What will you do? Give her a note that says: Will you go out with my brother Charlie? Check yes or no?”
“Hey, that could work!” Hope smiles, but I know she’s only doing that to make me feel better. “So, you like her and she doesn’t like you?”
“She does. Well, I think she does. We have a lot of fun when we’re together, but the moment it’s all over, she leaves. I mean, the minute it’s over, Hope. She told me right from the start that all she wanted was sex, and that was it. Hell, that’s all I wanted then, too. Two consensual adults having a lot of fun. But now I want more, and she doesn’t. And I’m not sure I can stay at May’s anymore. I find myself being a bit creepy when I’m there, and you know I’m not that type of person.”
“Creepy like what? Like you go smell her underwear, creepy?” Hope pulls away from me.
I chuckle. “No, like I hear her car, and I look to see if she’s coming to the stable, or going into May’s. That kinda creepy, not the panty-sniffing creepy.”
“Well, that’s a relief. But, if you have feelings for her, why don’t you lay it all out, and tell her? Maybe she thinks you don’t want anything else, or maybe she’s afraid you’ll play her. You have no idea about her past.”
“No, I don’t. I ask her things, but she’s so closed off. She’ll say, ‘we have to hurry up because I don’t have a lot of time’ and boom, she’ll be naked.” I pause, and smile. “Incidentally, I really like her naked. She’s got a cute little tattoo on her hip of a sunflower.”
“Well, it can’t be all your tattoos bothering her then.”
“She did tell me she likes my tattoos. She traces her fingertips along this one all the time.” I place my left hand over my right shoulder, where I have interlocking symbols going half-way down my arm.
“Maybe she’s scared. Maybe she’s been hurt in the past. Or maybe all she wants is a booty-call. But no matter. You’re gonna have to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Because if you want more, and she doesn’t, perhaps you’re going to have to walk away from her.”
“Come on, Hope. You don’t have to be so dramatic.”
“Can you keep sleeping with her if she says she doesn’t want anything more?”
“What a way to slap me with your thoughts.”
“Sorry, I’m just being honest. You gotta figure out what you want, and talk to her about it.”
“I already know what I want. I want her.”
“Well, tell her! Jesus, Charlie, there’s no use in moping around like a horny high school boy who can’t wait to get his dick wet again.”
I snap a dirty look at her. “You’re overly descriptive, you know that? I’m not like a horny high school boy.”
“Look, all I’m saying is this. No use in pussy footing around. Tell her how you feel. You might find she feels the same way. And if she doesn’t, you have to decide what you’re going to do about it. Because if there’s no chance of any future for the two of you together, don’t waste your time on someone who can’t give you what you want.”
I look inside, and see River sitting on the sofa, watching TV. “Isn’t it funny? A little while ago, I told you to pull your head out of your ass because you were being a dick, and now, you’re pretty much throwing those words back at me.”
Hope smirks. “I think we both knew that Hope River was our home from t
he moment we came here. Hell, I knew it from the moment I saw Old Roger’s house, I was subconsciously creating a B&B from the start. It took a lot for me to surrender to my own happiness with River. I just kept sabotaging myself over and over again.”
“I know. I watched you slowly implode, Hope. And it tore my heart out, but I couldn’t sit by and let you sacrifice your chance of happiness because you were being an ass. You mean too much to me.”
“Aww, you’re all sentimental and shit. How cute.” I roll my eyes and shake my head. “My point is this. Perhaps Tabitha is doing the same thing. Just consider it for a moment. Maybe, she’s self-sabotaging for a reason. Get to the bottom of the reason, and you can help her see how you’re an okay guy.”
“Okay?” I shriek.
“Yeah. I’d give you a decent reference,” she now jokes. “But not on paper. I mean, I wouldn’t want a paper trail of me saying something nice about ya.” She stands, and pushes the chair back against the side of the house. “I can only tell you from my own pig-headedness; it’s hard to get out of your own way when you’ve got a grip so tight that your knuckles are white and you can barely breathe. Just, be kind, Charlie. I know you will, but be kind, and be patient with her. I can tell you, even at the B&B, she’s got every single one of her walls up with me, too. We just have to team up, and wear her down.” Hope places her hand on my shoulder, then says, “Ew, you dirty bastard, I didn’t mean like that.”
“I didn’t think one filthy thought until you just opened your dirty mouth.”
She chuckles. “Yeah, right. Well, get inside because I need to tell you both what you’re doing over at the houses tomorrow.” She walks ahead of me, leaving me to keep looking at the water, and thinking about Tabitha.
Eventually, as the sun reaches the horizon of the ocean where you can’t see where one starts and the other ends, I push up out of the chair and head inside.
Regardless of how I feel about Tabitha, I still have work to do on the Faith Haven houses we’re flipping. If Tabitha doesn’t want anything to do with me, I can throw myself into work, and when these houses are done, I’ll buy one and move into it, so I won’t have to see her anymore.
Healing Hearts: A friends with benefits, small town romance (Hope River Book 3) Page 3