The Van Reyes name carries prestige and honor. My father is so well-respected, that people trip over their own feet just to talk to him. It’s something I’ve grown up with, and it makes life really lonely. I collapse on my bed, and let out a deep sigh.
So many old feelings are emerging, and I hate each and every one of them. I can’t recall one happy memory here, except Dorothy teaching me to cook. But not one that included my mother or father! How sad.
I take my phone out of my pocket, and call Aunt May. “Did you get to your parents okay?” Aunt May asks before I say anything.
“Yeah, I did. It’s already been an interesting day, Aunt May.”
“Why?”
“I saw Yasmin at the airport. Actually, she saw me. We spoke for about half an hour, and she said she was sorry for what happened between us.”
“So she should be. Her actions were appalling.”
“Wanna hear the funny part? She got pregnant by Jeremy, his wife found out, and fired her.”
“That’s terrible. He should take responsibility for his actions, and so should Yasmin.”
I chuckle. “You can’t reason with a narcissistic person, Aunt May. And after what Yasmin told me today, he’s definitely narcissistic. Anyway, I’ll fill you in on her when I return. But, long story short, I accepted her apology.”
“Oh, did you?” Aunt May asks slowly. “You accepted her apology, but you didn’t forgive her, right?”
Damn, she knows me too well. “It’ll take me a while longer for me to forgive her. It’s a slow process. But anyway, I saw Mom and Dad. Dad was really happy to see me.”
“And that sister of mine?” Aunt May asks with venom tinging her voice.
“Well, she’s another story. First thing she did was attack my looks and tell me I needed a face-lift or botox.”
“You’re perfect the way you are, Tabby. Don’t listen to her. Once you speak with them, get on a plane and come home.”
“I already miss you,” I say. My heart feels empty being here in this massive house. I truly miss Aunt May. And if I’m honest, I’m missing Charlie just as much.
“I’m only a phone call away. But I have to go, Charlie’s here.”
“Charlie?” I ask as I sit up in bed, and fix my hair as if he could see me from there.
“Yes, Charlie. He’s here helping me with something. Then, we’re having dinner together.”
I lick my lips, and find I’m smiling. “Oh, okay. Um, say hello to him for me.”
“Shall do. Call me if you need anything. But I’ll see you in two days, I’ll be waiting at the airport. Or I might ask Jake to pick you up. I don’t know, I’ll see how I feel.”
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Of course, I’m okay. But you do know I’m nearing seventy, and driving to the airport is tiring. So, I’ll likely send someone.”
I smirk. “Sure thing, Aunt May. Whatever you want is fine with me.”
“I’ll speak with you later. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
She hangs up, and I find myself jealous that she’s there with Charlie, and I’m here away from him. A part of me knows Charlie is just too good for me. He stands for things I’ve never allowed myself to dream of having. Because I never thought it was possible to have someone like Charlie.
I’ve always been good at pretending emotionlessness, and protecting myself from anything that has the potential to hurt. Which is why, when I met him, I suggested being friends with benefits. Actually, “friends” is a loose term for what I thought I’d ever be able to commit to. But, now, I’m finding myself overtaken by feelings I haven’t felt before.
I never meant for Charlie and I to be anything more than fuck buddies.
But I think I want more. I’m just unsure about how to give myself to someone without being terrified of him hurting me. Confronting my parents is going to help… I hope.
“So, darling, tell me how that woman is,” Mom asks with a snide as she pushes her full dinner plate away and sips on cocktail number one billion for today.
I look at her uneaten food, and my heart hurts for the chef. I hate when people don’t even try my food before they push it away. “You know what, Mom, one damn mouthful is not going to hurt,” I say as I shake my head.
“Watch how you speak to me!” Mom snaps.
The anger inside is brewing, and soon, I’m going to explode with so many horrible words. “Why? You’ve never been careful about how you’ve spoken to me,” I say.
“Tabitha,” Dad scolds.
I place my fork down, and look over to Dad. “You, at least, have always tried to treat me with kindness, but Mom never has. Do you know how much anxiety and unease I’m feeling just being here?”
“What?” Dad asks. He looks at the servers, and shoos them away, out of hearing distance. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve never been made to feel like I’m of any importance to either of you. Mom’s worse though,” I say as I place my hands in my lap, nervously wringing them together.
“You’ve always been such a drama queen,” Mom says then rolls her eyes.
“Are you kidding me? All you’ve ever done is talk on that damn phone to your fake friends who’d dump your ass if you weren’t a Van Reyes, and sip on your stupid cocktails.”
“Tabitha, while you’re here, you’ll respect both your mother and me.”
“Are you kidding me, Dad? Really? Do you honestly believe you did a good job raising me? Because neither of you have. The only difference is that Mom blatantly told one of her friends, when she knew I was listening, that she never wanted me, and only had me because you wanted an heir, and I’m what you got.”
“What?” Dad looks over to Mom. The confused and hurt look on his face tells me how oblivious he is to her cruelty.
Mom flicks her hand, and rolls her eyes again. “She misunderstood what I said.” She picks up her cocktail glass, and I notice her hand is shaking.
“You didn’t tell Dad?” I ask her. “You didn’t tell Dad that you never wanted a child? What the hell, Mom? Am I just your meal ticket for the rest of your life? Do you even love Dad? Because I know you don’t love me. You’ve never told me you loved me, you never wanted me around…” My emotions seep out of my eyes, and my body trembles.
“You were spending all that time with the cook. What was her name, Doreen or something?” Mom says as she picks up her glass, only to find it empty.
“Dorothy. She was the only one in the world who ever spent any time with me in this house, or made me feel like I mattered. And she just disappeared, no letter or anything. I cried myself to sleep for so long.”
“Dorothy?” Dad says.
“Yes, Dad. Remember the cook.”
“I remember. The first thing she taught you was that pasta dish. You were so proud of yourself, and I was so proud of you too.” Wait, he remembers? “Of course, she left you a letter. Leah, you said you’d give it to Tabitha. What happened to the letter?”
I turn to face Mom, and she’s looking the other way, avoiding me. My mouth falls open, and my heart tightens. “Mom?” I squeak, unable to say anything more.
“Leah? What happened with the letter?”
“She was spending too much time with that woman, a common cook. Tabitha has social standing, and she shouldn’t have been mixing with the help,” Mom says but still doesn’t answer our questions about this damn letter.
“Are you fucking kidding me? Who should I have been mixing with, Mom? You? The very person who sat in that room and said, and I quote, “I didn’t even want a child, but I had to give her father an heir. God, she’s annoying.” You’re a horrible human, and I’m ashamed I came out of you.”
“You ruined my body and turned me into an alcoholic. If anyone should be ashamed, it should be me. I can’t believe you had so much potential to make something of yourself, and you chose to be a cook. Ugh.” Mom rolls her eyes again. “A stupid, common cook.”
“Leah!” Dad yells.
“All I ever wanted was to be loved by you both. Hell, I would have settled for either of you. And all I ever got, was pushed to the side. Dad, your work was always far too important to you to spend a moment with me. And Mom, I think Dad’s money is way too important to you to even care about me. No wonder I’m so fucked up.” I burst into tears. “Other than Aunt May, no one has ever loved me. All either of you have done is reject me time and time again. I’m sorry I’m not enough for either of you.” I run out of their fancy dining room, up to my room to take my bag and leave.
Thank God I only have a carry-on bag, because I think, at this stage, I’d happily leave it here and go. Never to return to this house.
There’s a knock on the door, and I really hope it’s not Mom. The door slowly swings open, and Dad’s standing at the entry. He instantly notices I’m ready to go. “Please, stay,” he says.
“Why, Dad? What more can be said?”
“I’m sorry.” He walks in and envelops me in his arms. “I’ve had my head down, working, for so long, that I never stopped to think what my addiction has done to you. And I never, not once in a million years, thought your mother was being so hurtful to you. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“How could you not? You’re such a smart man, and I was begging for attention. Anything, any scrap of you noticing me used to make me so happy. Why do you think I wanted to learn to cook? Dorothy saw me, and helped me, and that first night when I made the pasta, you were so proud. It made me happy that you were proud. I just wanted some of your time. A day, an hour, I would’ve settled for a moment. But I never got it, Dad. No matter how much I wanted it, I never got it!”
“I’m sorry, darling, I’m so sorry.” Dad cries as he holds me. “I’m such a fool. I don’t want you to think you were never wanted. I’ve loved you from the moment your mother told me she was pregnant. But I got lost, I threw myself into work, and forgot to appreciate you. I’m sorry, sweetheart, I’m so sorry. Please, let me make it up to you.”
“I don’t know how.” I pull away from Dad, grab the hemline of my t-shirt, and wipe my eyes and nose.
“Let’s start with what I should’ve done to begin with. Let’s start with time. Something I never gave you.”
I smile, and slowly nod. “I’d like that,” I say. “What about Mom, though? I don’t think she wants this.”
Dad sits on the side of my bed, and shakes his head. He leans forward, and covers his face with his hands. “I don’t know, sweetheart. I don’t know what we two are going to do. Your mother’s and my relationship is non-existent at best, but I don’t want that with you.”
“Where’s Mom now? I should talk to her.”
Dad humorlessly chuckles. “She said she was going for drinks with her girlfriends.”
I look at Dad, not even amazed, so it shocks me when I break down into a sob. “I’m not even surprised,” I say. “I’ve never been a priority in her life. Not once. What makes me even consider that I would be now? She’s nothing like Aunt May, Dad. Nothing. Aunt May is caring, and kind, and she’s always there for me. Why couldn’t you have married her?” I say jokingly, but kinda not joking too.
“You need to know that I’m going to make this right between you and me, Tabitha. I’m going to fight so you know I will always have time for you. I’ve been a fool for far too long, and that stops now. I love you, and I’m so sorry.”
I hug Dad. “I’m not going to say it’s okay, because it isn’t. But it’s a start, and I’m grateful you’re prepared to make these changes for me.”
Dad kisses me on the cheek. “I love you so much,” he says.
Although the relationship between my mother and myself is irreparably fractured, I’m truly hoping Dad sticks to his word and tries. Neither he nor I can dramatically change overnight, but if Dad is willing to work toward building something with me, then I’m ready to try and overcome our past.
I’m desperate to heal my heart and move forward with my life. Maybe then, I’ll have a chance at something lasting with Charlie.
I walk through our small regional airport expecting either Aunt May or Jake here to pick me up. Dragging my carry-on bag behind me, I wait to see which of the two it’ll be.
This airport isn’t large, so it’s not like they’ll be lost in a sea of people.
My phone vibrates and I take a look down at it. Dad’s calling. Smiling, I answer the phone. “Dad?”
“Hi, darling. Just making sure you landed okay.”
“Yeah, I did. Thank you.”
“I also wanted to let you know that now I’m going to become a pain, and I’ll be calling you all the time. So much so, that you’ll tell me to stop calling you as much as I do.”
I smile like a goof. “Nah, I don’t think that’ll happen.”
“Okay, well, I’m trying to clear some work I have, and I’m planning on coming to see you next month. Does Hope River still hold those ridiculous festivals?”
I chuckle aloud. “Yep, we do.”
“Can you send me a message and let me know when the next one is on? Because I’d like to be there for it. Oh, and book me a room at that B&B you were telling me about.”
“I think Aunt May would prefer for you to stay with us, Dad.”
“Um…” I hear the strain in his voice. “This time, I’ll stay at the B&B, and then I can speak with May and we can go from there.”
I’m so happy Dad’s making the effort. “Dad, this means a lot to me,” I say.
“I know, darling. And I’ve been a fool for too long. That all changes now.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“I have to go, but I’ll call you in a couple of days.” The smile on my face must be huge, because one of the stewards walks past and gives me the biggest grin.
I feel so good, and I’m even more thankful that Dad didn’t dismiss my feelings as nothing. But, Mom’s reaction, well she just did what she’d always done. She went out with her girlfriends with no regard for me. She breaks my heart for so many reasons. I gave Mom the opportunity to just be nicer toward me, and she still tried to justify her actions. The fact she threw the letter away that Dorothy had left for me, absolutely infuriates me.
“Hey.”
I look up to find Charlie standing in front of me. He reaches for my bag. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I look around, still waiting for Jake or Aunt May.
“May said she had a bit of a headache, so she asked if I could pick you up. And I was home, because…” He flicks his hand. “Anyway, you ready?”
“Yeah, but why were you home? You can’t have finished Oak Tree Parade yet.”
“No, nowhere near it. But I have a few other things to do. Suddenly I’m picking work up everywhere. So, I’m managing my time better, that’s all. I’ll head out to Oak Tree once I get you home.”
“Aunt May should’ve told me. I could have caught a cab.”
“Oh, right.” He nods his head, and lowers his gaze.
Shit, I’ve hurt him. “I’m sorry, Charlie. I didn’t mean anything by it, I just meant if you were busy, I could’ve found other ways to get back. Anyway, thank you, I appreciate it.”
Charlie turns his attention to me, his eyes narrowing and his jaw clenching. We walk out the sliding doors and over to his truck. “You seem different.”
“How?” I open the door, and hoist myself up as Charlie places my bag on the back seat.
“Calmer.”
“Yeah?” I snicker. “I made peace with my father, which was something I needed.”
“You and your dad had a falling out?” he asks as he starts his truck, and begins driving.
“It’s a long story, Charlie, and I wouldn’t want to bore you with the details,” I say.
Charlie’s grip on the steering wheel tightens, as he slowly nods. “I don’t like it when you do that, Tabitha.”
“Do what?”
“Shut me out. Your walls are so high, and I don’t even think you know you’re doing it.” I scrunch my forehead, turn and look out the window
. I find I’m worrying my bottom lip between my teeth. “I know all you wanted was a guy you could screw, and I thought all I wanted was a girl I could screw too. But I wanted more… no not wanted, I want more. And you’re convinced you can’t give it to me.”
“I…”
“Spare me any bullshit you’re about to spout. Look, don’t worry, okay? I asked a simple question, and you went into shutdown mode. Your shoulders tensed, and your breath hitched. That classifies as shutdown mode.”
Shit, did I? “I didn’t do it on purpose,” I say in a small, meek voice.
“I know you didn’t, but still, did. You shut people out all the time, Tabitha. You shut me out all the time,” he adds.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m a good guy, and I want you so badly. But I want all of you, not just part of you.”
There’s a long, awkward silence in the car. I know Charlie doesn’t want to make me feel like shit, and truthfully, I’ve brought it on myself by treating him terribly. He deserves the truth, at least as much as I can give him. “My Mom told me she never wanted me,” I finally say.
“What the fuck?” he barks.
“A few years ago, I overheard her talking to one of her friends. And she knew I could hear her.” I sigh and shake my head. “Do you know who I am?” I ask.
“Yeah, you’re Tabitha. The girl I want,” he replies slowly.
I laugh. “No, I mean do you know anything about me?”
“Only that you love sex as much as I do. But you’ve given me virtually nothing personal. Everything I know about you comes from May.”
I look out the window, and watch the cloud-covered sky. I sigh. “Um, well. So, my Mom is Aunt May’s much younger sister. And Mom married my Dad, who’s built up quite a lot of personal wealth. I mean, he’s from old money, but he made his own too. A few years ago, I found out Mom only had me because Dad wanted an heir. So, she told a friend of hers, while I was in the room, that she never even wanted me, but had to have me.”
Healing Hearts: A friends with benefits, small town romance (Hope River Book 3) Page 12