He takes it off and I hang it in the closet, and he sits on the sofa.
“Would you like something to drink?”
“No, thanks. Come, sit.” He pats the sofa cushion.
I sink down onto the couch. “Why are you here?”
“I’m home.” He smiles, his eyes crinkling up, his skin tanned, his graying hair a bit shaggy. “I wanted to be home for Christmas.”
“Oh. Does Mom know?”
“No. I’m flying to Syracuse tomorrow.”
“Oh my gosh, she’s going to die.” I bite my lip. “You better hope she hasn’t changed the locks on you.”
He shakes his head, smiling. “I don’t think she has.”
“I don’t know. I’d be pissed at you.”
“I know you would.” He pauses. “Actually, you are, aren’t you?”
I bite my lip. “Yeah.”
“Lillian. I’ve been open with Mom about what’s going on. She understands.”
Maybe she does. I’ll let them figure that out, I guess. Maybe I don’t know everything that’s gone on between them. If it was me, I’d have not only changed the locks but sold the house and moved in with a hot boy toy. Ha.
“Do you want to stay here tonight? We don’t have much room, but there’s a couch.”
He shakes his head. “Thanks, but no, I flew in late last night and got a hotel room.”
“Okay. So are you home for good?”
“Yes and no. I’m home for now. I still want to travel more. But Mom and I are going to talk about that.”
“Okay.” Eeep.
“What about you? How’s your dog-walking business going?”
“It’s going great. Well, mostly.” I sigh, thinking of Otis. “I have quite a few customers and I’ve been making some money. I’ve been thinking about expanding, maybe offering doggie daycare.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “You’d need a place to do that.”
“Yeah, I would. Which would cost money. I even have someone who’s interested in going into business with me, she’s a dog groomer. But it’s something I can work toward.”
“That’s my girl.” He smiles and tilts his head. “Something else wrong? You don’t seem all that happy.”
“Well.” I look down at my hands and twist my fingers together. “I was seeing someone. And it didn’t work out. And I’m kind of…” My throat squeezes up. “Kind of b-bummed about it.”
“Oh no.” He reaches over and takes my hands. “I’m sorry, Lilly.”
“It’s okay. I’ll get over him. I was trying so hard to not get involved, to just look out for myself and get my life back on track, and…well, I tripped and fell into feelings.”
He makes a sympathetic noise. “Who is this guy? Should I go punch him?”
“Ha ha, no, don’t do that. He’s a hockey player. He knows how to fight.”
“A hockey player? Huh.”
“He’s a good guy, really. It’s not like he did something terrible to me, don’t worry. He just…” I stop. “He has a lot of stuff he needs to deal with, and I thought he was feeling the same about me, and he wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry. That hurts.”
I nod, swallowing past the hockey puck lodged in my throat. I point at the TV. “That’s the game. But he’s not playing tonight.”
“Whoa. The Bears.” Dad looks toward the TV. “Is he injured?”
“No. His coach is punishing him for standing up to him.”
Dad frowns.
“Oh shit, I probably shouldn’t talk about it.” But then it all spills out of me, all the things that his coach has said and done, not just to Easton, but to others. “And it’s making him miserable.”
“Wow.”
“But he thinks he can’t do anything about it because it could ruin his career and…well, there’s more.” I tell him about the bus accident and what happened to Easton.
“I remember that,” he says slowly. “It was such a tragedy. Those boys’ lives were changed forever, I’m sure. And that whole community.”
I nod slowly. “Yes.”
“I guess it’s understandable that he’d be hesitant about caring too much about someone, after losing that many people so fast.”
I’m silent. I let his words sink in.
“Maybe he just needs more time.” Dad slides an arm around my shoulders and pulls me in for a hug.
“Maybe.” And maybe I need to think about this more.
“Are you coming home for Christmas?” Dad asks.
“I was planning to.” I peer up at him. “If that’s okay. I didn’t expect you to be there.”
“Of course it’s okay.” He frowns. “Listen, Lill. I know you feel like I let you down by taking off. But you’re an adult. You’ve managed fine on your own. And you’re stronger because of what you’ve been through. You need to know that—that you can do anything. I love you and I’m proud of you.”
“Oh, Dad.” I sit up straight. I’ve been resentful because he hasn’t been here. But he’s right. I don’t need someone to bail me out. I just need someone to love me. And he does. “I love you too.”
Easton
We play in Philadelphia on Tuesday, the day before Christmas Eve. In the morning, before we leave, JBo, Jammer, and I meet with Brad Julian, the general manager of the team. I send an email to the players’ association as well.
I end up not playing again tonight. I’m still angry about it, but after what I learned from watching the last few games, I’ve decided to turn this into an opportunity, and I’m making notes about what I’m observing from far above the ice. I’ve also been skating and working out like a maniac because I don’t want this to set me back when I start playing again. Because I will be playing again.
I’m taking a page out of Lilly’s book and believing in the best.
After the game, I fly from Philadelphia home to Regina for Christmas. Well, first to Toronto, then Regina. I stay in a hotel there, and I get in some family time with my aunt and uncle and cousins, and of course my mom. It’s a short trip—I have to be back in New York for a game December 27—but I get in a few visits with her. She’s doing pretty well and is happy to see me. I pick her up to take her to Aunt Kathy and Uncle Ron’s place for Christmas dinner, and I go back to the care home on Boxing Day for a visit with just the two of us.
The fact that she’s doing so well gives me the courage to bring up things neither of us really want to talk about. But I have to.
“Can I ask you something, Mom?” We’re sitting in the visitor lounge. She seems too healthy to be here, physically still fine, although I think she looks older than fifty-seven with her hair gone mostly gray, but she can’t look after herself.
“Okay.”
“After Dad and Bryce died…”
Her face goes blank.
But I go on. “I know it was hard for you.”
She lifts and lowers her chin in a nod.
“It was hard for me too.” I swallow.
She stares across the room at the big Christmas tree all decorated. “Yes.”
“I needed you.”
Her gaze swivels back to me. For an eternity, she says nothing. Then her eyes glisten. “I’m sorry, Easton.”
I grab her hand and squeeze it, my own eyes stinging. I didn’t want to make her cry. “It’s okay, Mom. I know you were struggling.”
“I was.” Her fingers move in mine. Her mouth tightens. “I’m sorry.”
“I just…I felt like I didn’t matter.”
She stares at me. Her chin trembles and she lowers her head. “Oh, Easton.”
“I don’t want to make you feel bad,” I say urgently. Shit. This was a bad idea. I knew I would screw it up. “I just want…” I stop. What do I want?
She lifts her head, eyes wet and red. “I l
ove you, Easton.”
That. That was what I wanted. Needed. My eyes are wet too as I squeeze her hands. “I love you too, Mom.”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.” She pulls her hand free of mine to swipe away tears with her knuckles. “I’m so sorry.”
And it hits me…“Maybe I should have been there for you.”
“Oh no. No. You were a child.”
“I was eighteen.”
A smile flickers on her lips. “A child. You went through an incredible trauma, being on the bus, seeing your teammates die. And your brother.” She lifts a hand to her throat, tips her head back, and closes her eyes. “And your father. Other people injured. You were so lucky. And yet…”
“Not lucky.”
“You shouldn’t dwell on that. You survived. You have what you always wanted—you’re playing in the NHL.”
That was what I always wanted. But now…maybe there’s more.
“That was all I wanted after that.” I suck in air, inflating my chest, then exhaling. “I should have been more focused on you and on being grateful. Instead…I’ve been bitter.”
“Oh, Easton. My boy.” A tear slides down her cheek. “You are so blessed. Don’t be bitter.”
I nod, my throat constricted.
“I love you and I’m so proud of you. You went through hell and you’ve done so well.”
“I’m not sure I have.” I pause. “I met a girl.”
Her lips curve up. “Oh. I’ve waited so long to hear those words.”
“She’s really special. And I screwed up. I was afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
I clear my throat. “I was afraid of losing her. Like I lost everyone else.” I swallow thickly. “I was afraid to want something I can never have.”
Love.
That’s all I’ve wanted.
“You can have it.” She meets my eyes. “You do have it. Yes, it hurts to lose people we love. It hurts so much.” Her voice fractures. “But Easton, my best boy…it’s worth the risk. Even I believe it’s worth the risk.”
I lean over to rest my forehead against her hair. And we sit like that for a long time.
Lilly
I’m home after spending Christmas with Mom and Dad. It was strangely normal. Dad had lots of interesting stories from his travels, but he didn’t talk incessantly about it, thank God. And it sounds like he and Mom are planning a trip in the new year—together. To Australia. Wow.
I could tell they’re concerned about me, so I tried to keep a happy face on, but that was tiring. So I’m glad to be back in my little apartment where I can just mope. I won’t mope forever. Just for a while. I need to be ready for the trial, which I’m sure is going to demand a lot of my energy.
Carlin gets back from visiting her family that evening. I go down to say hi and hear about her visit. William is with her and they’re both wearing huge smiles, and it takes only seconds for me to notice the diamond flashing on her left hand.
I let out a little scream and grab her hand. She starts laughing and then we both start crying and hugging. “I’m so happy for you. For both of you.” I lean back to smile at William. I like him, and he’s perfect for Carlin. “This is so wonderful!”
“We brought a bottle of champagne!” Carlin gestures at William and he produces it. “Let’s open it!”
I hurry into the kitchen and return with three champagne flutes. William pops the cork and Carlin sloppily pours the bubbly wine into the glasses.
“To both of you.” I lift my glass, beaming. “Wishing you a lifetime of love and happiness.”
We clink our glasses together.
“Thank you,” Carlin says with a sniffle. “You’re the best, Lill. You’ll be my maid of honor, right?”
I press a hand to my chest. “Oh my God! Of course! I’m honored! When will the wedding be?”
Carlin glances at William. “We’d like to do it this fall.”
“Perfect!” Then I pick up on the hesitation in her answer. “Oh.” I divide a look between them. “You want to move in together sooner, don’t you?” I tilt my head, smiling. “I’ve thought that for a while.”
She bites her lip. “Yes, but…I don’t want to leave you.”
“Well, William can’t marry both of us,” I quip, although my stomach tightens. I smile brightly. “Don’t worry about me! I’ll be fine.”
Carlin looks at her fiancé again. “We’re thinking that I’ll move in with him right away, but I’ll keep paying the rent here until you can find another roommate.”
“No! Oh, no. You don’t have to do that. I’m getting back on my feet. It’s okay.” Truthfully, I can’t afford the full rent. I’m barely making enough to pay my half as well as tiny payments on my debt. But I’ll figure something out.
“Well. We’ll discuss that.” Carlin smiles too, and I know we’re in for an argument at some point. But not now. Now, we celebrate.
We talk about Christmas and gifts and wedding plans while we finish off the bottle of champagne. We don’t talk about Easton, even though I still think about him all the time. There’s a Bears game tonight and this is distracting me and keeping me from watching it, hoping for a glimpse of Easton.
When William leaves and Carlin heads to her room to unpack, I flick on the TV. The game’s almost over. The Bears are winning three–one. That’s good. And then the play-by-play announcer mentions Millar. My eyes fly open wide and I lean forward. He’s playing!
Not only playing, he’s flying up the ice on a breakaway. A Carolina player is chasing him but has no hope of catching him and Easton goes in on the goal tender alone, playing with the puck, then shooting it over the goalie’s shoulder. “He scores!” the announcer shouts as the hometown crowd in the Apex Center erupts. “What a return to action for Easton Millar, a hat trick!”
Sure enough, hats are raining down onto the ice. I cover my mouth with my hands, watching, my heart so full of joy I could burst.
“Wow. Wow, wow, wow!” Good for him.
“What’s going on?” Carlin pokes her head out of her bedroom.
I tell her what just happened. She saunters over to perch on the arm of the couch and watch the replays. Then she turns concerned eyes on me. “You okay?”
I nod. Of course, my heart is still bruised and aching despite my happiness for him. “Yeah. Sort of. I’m just happy he’s playing.”
She nods, sets her hand on my shoulder, and squeezes, then returns to her unpacking.
I watch the end of the game, the team celebrating at the end, holding their sticks in the air to salute the fans before they skate off the ice. I see Easton among them, smiling, getting lots of helmet pats and backslaps from his teammates.
Tears blur my vision, but I dash them away. I was lucky to spend time with him, even though he let me down in the end. He has issues he needs to deal with, but deep down he’s a good man. We had so much fun together. He supported me in my crazy hopes and dreams. And I love him.
Chapter 22
Lilly
A couple of days later I get a call about another job. Yay! The dog’s name is Percy. He lives in Easton’s building, ugh, but that’s okay, I actually have another client who lives there and I’m sure I’ll never see Easton.
Even though I want to.
I head over there to meet Percy and his owner. I know Easton’s in Toronto for a game tonight, so I’m not worried about running into him today. Dennis, the dog’s owner, brings Percy down to the lobby. I sit on one of the chairs to wait for him. Javier’s not working today, or I’d go chat with him, although maybe that would be awkward.
The elevator doors slide open and a man steps off. He’s dragging a clearly reluctant and nervous black dog by the leash.
“Otis!” My jaw nearly smacks the coffee table in front
of me. I jump up, my heart thumping. I look from Otis to the strange man, then back to Otis. Then I barrel toward them. “What’s going on?” I glare at the man. “Who are you?”
“I’m Dennis.” He frowns. “Lilly?”
“That’s me. Why do you have this dog?”
His frown intensifies. “This is my dog.”
Otis is going crazy over me, jumping and crying. I pick him up. I think he’s grown. He nuzzles his nose into the side of my neck, whining. “No! He’s not your dog. This is Otis. He belongs…ohhhhh. Oh no.” I gape at him. “You’re Otis’s owner?”
“His name is Percy.” He stares at me and Otis, who is now slobbering kisses all over my face.
“Where the hell have you been?” I demand.
Dennis takes a step back, narrowing his eyes. “What are you talking about?”
“And don’t you know he’s afraid of elevators?” The sight of Otis being scared and towed out of the elevator breaks my already broken heart.
“He’s fine.”
I take a big breath. The world has spun off its axis here. He’s not the only one confused. I need to get a grip. “He was scared. You need to look after him better.”
Dennis rolls his eyes. “He’s a dog.”
My stomach heaves and I get a sour taste in my mouth. But I need to calm down.
“Otis, I’ve missed you so much,” I croon, rubbing him. Then I set him back on the floor and face the man. “Look, I’m sorry. I know this dog. I know the person who looked after him while you were…”
“In Hong Kong.” He shakes his head. “My girlfriend…er, ex-girlfriend…who was supposed to look after him apparently abandoned him. I just got back and found out.”
Once again, my mouth goes slack. I blink rapidly, processing this. Oh no. Oh no, no, no. I snap my jaw closed and press my fingers to my mouth. This is why Easton messaged me that I wouldn’t be looking after Otis anymore? He had to give Otis back to this man?
This man who isn’t fit to pick up Otis’s dog poop.
A million thoughts ricochet through my brain. I don’t know what to say. Or what to do.
Must Love Dogs...and Hockey Page 21