Turning on my blinker, I slow and make a right-hand turn into a shopping center. I drive around the perimeter of the parking lot and luckily find a spot right in front of the restaurant.
"Krill?" Kate says in surprised delight. "This is my favorite restaurant."
"I know," I tell her as I put the car in park and shut it off, turning to look at her.
Her head swivels my way and her eyes are skeptical. "How do you know it's my favorite restaurant?"
Slinging my arm over to grip the back of her headrest, I say, "Kate...you may not realize this, but you babble. And I mean a lot. You may also not realize this, but I do listen to what you say even though it may look like I'm tuned out. And in the course of that babbling, I've learned quite a bit about you."
Her eyes sparkle and she grins at me. "Oh, yeah? Like what?"
I nod toward the restaurant. "Krill is your favorite restaurant. You've only been here once and that was when your ex-boyfriend brought you here for your first date. You hate beets. Loathe them, and the sight of them makes you want to gag. You like milk chocolate but aren't partial to dark. However, if you add sea salt onto dark chocolate, you like it better than milk chocolate. You're not a fan of country music, but yet one of your favorite songs is by Tim McGraw and it's made you cry every time you've heard it. You love to fish, something you did often with your father, but you don't like eating it particularly. Christmas is your favorite holiday, but you think giving gifts to other adults is overrated. You prefer to bake cookies for people and also because it's more affordable. However, you are of the firm belief that Ben should be showered with gifts at Christmas, as well as his birthday, Easter, and I believe Groundhog Day, and of course now Ben will expect something on Groundhog Day. You laugh at corny jokes, tell even cornier ones, and take dorkdom to a new level. You chew on your fingernails when you're nervous, but chew on your lip when you're just being thoughtful, and when you chew on your lip it drives me fucking nuts because I want to be the one chewing on it. In fact, you're doing it right now..."
She blinks at me in surprise and her bottom lip pops free from her teeth and she whispers, "Oh."
"Yeah...'Oh,' " I say, mimicing her as my hand drops from the headrest to the back of her head. My fingers curl around her neck tight and I pull her toward me, insanely needful to have my lips on hers.
Kate comes to me willingly and I kiss her slowly but surely.
I pull back and graze my lips along her cheek. "Happy birthday, Kate. I'm sorry I didn't say it before."
She sighs in contentment and murmurs, "Thank you."
"Come on," I say as I let her go and grab the door handle. "Let's go get something to eat."
When we get into the restaurant, it's no surprise there's a bit of a wait, so we head to the bar. It's crowded as well, but we manage to find one available stool, which I pull out for Kate.
Taking my credit card out, I hand it to her. "Here...get me a Harp draft and whatever you want. I'm going to hit the restroom."
"Okeydokey," she says as she takes the card, and as she turns from me, I hear her say, "I wonder what the most expensive cocktail is," and I grin to myself as I make my way toward the bathroom.
This will be fun. A night out with Kate to celebrate her birthday. A night out with a beautiful woman who never fails in making me laugh.
I make short work of my business, but am stopped briefly outside the bathroom by a fan asking for an autograph. I don't mind, though...part of the business and all.
When I make it back into the bar, my hackles immediately go up when I see a guy standing next to Kate's stool, his hand resting on the back of it. She's laughing at something he just said, and he's looking at her like he wants to eat her up.
And why wouldn't he? She's spectacularly beautiful tonight. She wore a deep red skirt that is narrow, hugs her hips, and comes just to her knees. A black turtleneck and a wide black leather belt set off her black boots to perfection. She has pulled her hair to the side, where it hangs in one thick braid over her left shoulder. When Sutton complimented her on it as she came down the stairs, Kate said, "My homage to Katniss Everdeen," but I had no clue what that meant.
And when she walked down those stairs and I got my first look at her, I had to bite my tongue to keep from drooling. Alex, who was standing next to me, muttered, "Damn," and I couldn't have agreed more.
I mean...I really couldn't agree...not out loud. Not in front of Alex and Sutton. Not in front of Ben. Definitely not in front of Kate, whom I very much needed not to see this as any type of date or anything.
As I walk toward the bar, my fingers curl in tight to my palms and I itch to clock the fucker who is encroaching on Kate. When I reach them, I lean in and stick my arm right between them, intent on grabbing my glass of beer sitting next to a glass of red wine that Kate has ordered for herself.
"Excuse me," I say by way of announcing my arrival.
"Zack," Kate says enthusiastically as she smiles up at me. "This is Gregory. He's a fireman and EMT, and actually works some of the games at the arena."
I cut a glance over at the fucker and his hand sticks out toward me. "Man...can't believe I'm meeting Zack Grantham."
Switching my beer from my right to my left hand, I give him a handshake and a half-assed attempt at a nice smile. "Nice to meet you."
Then the guy, most chivalrously, turns to hold his hand out to Kate. She takes his, and he ends up covering her hand with both of his. "Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, Kate. Hope you have a great birthday and enjoy the wine."
"Thank you," she says sweetly, her cheeks turning a bit pink.
As the dude is leaving, someone taps me on the shoulder and I turn to find the hostess behind me. "Your table is ready, Mr. Grantham."
Kate hops off her stool and hands me my credit card. "Gregory bought both of our drinks."
"Figures," I mutter as I pocket the card and watch as Kate grabs her wineglass. I shoot a glance over to Gregory as he sits across the bar watching Kate hungrily. Then his eyes connect with mine and he tilts his head up in an acknowledging nod. I hold my beer up and nod back at him, giving him silent thanks for it.
Fucker.
Kate and I follow the hostess back and she seats us in a small round booth that's clearly designed for two people to share a romantic dinner while they sit side by side. Kate slides in and I follow right behind, the fit so tight, my knee bumps along the side of hers. She doesn't acknowledge the touch, but fuck if I don't feel it rocket straight through my body.
We peruse the menu briefly, discuss our choices, and only after the waiter takes our order do I try to relax a bit.
Except I can't help it when I say, "So...didn't take Gregory long to hit on you while I was gone. He must have been lurking."
Kate snorts as she takes her glasses off and puts them back in her purse. She doesn't wear her glasses all the time, I notice now...only when she needs them to read. "I doubt it. He just seems like a nice guy."
I'm the one who snorts. "Seriously...you can't be that naive?"
Cocking an eyebrow at me, Kate makes a grand sweeping gesture with her hand. "By all means...educate me."
I pick up my beer and take a sip, looking at her over the edge of the glass. She's fucking stunning, and I also think she might be enjoying whatever this is.
Jealous?
Surely not.
"Okay...a guy that buys a girl a drink at the bar is hitting on her," I tell her simply.
"He bought you a drink too," she points out.
"But he was eyeing you like you were a piece of juicy candy," I retort.
"Whatever," she says dismissively. "Guys don't look at me like that."
"You're wrong about that," I tell her firmly.
I sure as fuck look at you like that.
All the damn time.
"Boring," she says with an exaggerated yawn. "Let's talk about something more exciting."
I snicker and give her a nod of acquiescence. "Like what?"
"Like what's the game p
lan for tomorrow?" she asks as her finger plays around the edge of her wineglass.
"Well, movers will be there at eight...they said it would take about three hours to load the entire house. Another couple hours to unload, so we can start unpacking a few things in the afternoon."
Kate nods in agreement. "I've packed up a set of sheets and blankets for each of our beds and a few changes of clothing, plus some toiletries to get us by. We can order some pizza. It will be like camping out...in a new house."
I laugh at her. "Fun times."
"Are you excited?" she asks me with sincere interest.
The question gives me pause, because I'm not sure how I feel about it. I've been so busy with playing hockey, buying a new house, and packing that I haven't had time to process. But Kate's making me do it now.
And for the first time since Gina died, I reveal a bit of the Zack Grantham that was left behind.
"I'm a bit sad," I tell her truthfully, and her eyes go warm and understanding. "There's a lot of memories there I built with Gina and Ben. I don't doubt what I'm doing. I feel it's the right thing to do, but I do regret that for me, leaving that house behind is what's right for me. But I'm excited too...excited to watch Ben grow up in a great house that will just be ours. I think Gina would understand that."
"I'm sure she would," she tells me as her hand reaches out under the table and squeezes my knee reassuringly. It's not a sexual move and lust doesn't course through me at her touch, as would normally happen.
Instead I feel comfort and peace.
For the first time since the accident...mark that down on an event calendar.
"I feel good about the decision," I affirm.
"No guilt?" she asks quietly. "Because you shouldn't feel guilty about selling that house. You're not leaving the memories behind. You take those with you. You're just leaving the structure that held those memories temporarily."
I give a short laugh that's devoid of any humor and filled with irony. "No. Not feeling guilty about that."
"Ah," she says as she leans back in the booth. "But you're feeling guilty about something."
I nod, fiddling with the paper napkin under my beer. "Not sure how I make it go away."
"Maybe your perspective on it's wrong," she says as she reaches out for her wineglass. When she has it in hand, she gives it a slight wave in the air. "Maybe you're not looking at the big picture."
My eyebrows rise and I ask, "What do you mean?"
"What I mean is that guilt is born of a circumstance. Something that happens...usually an event, right?"
"Right," I say in agreement.
"It's also about how you perceive that event," she points out. "I'm not a rocket scientist, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that what you're skirting so delicately around is that something about Gina's death is making you feel guilty. Maybe it's the accident itself, maybe it's because we're having sex. But maybe...just maybe...you're looking at it through filters made of grief and that could be coloring your subjectivity."
I shake my head at her in amazement. "I'm not even sure I just understood half of what you said, but it sounded damn good."
She laughs and then takes a sip of wine. Setting the glass down, she says, "Zack...lay it on me. Just tell me what's eating at you and I'll give you my honest opinion about it. You know I won't hold back."
No, she won't hold back.
But am I ready for her brand of honesty? Am I ready for her to call me out on the carpet and tell me I'm being an idiot or, even worse, that I should be suffering from guilt because I'm a horrible person?
Fuck it...I'm going for it.
"I killed Gina," I say softly, refusing to meet her eyes.
Kate inhales sharply, then leans toward me, speaking so low I can barely hear her, "You get that out of your fucking head right now, Zack Grantham."
I'm so surprised over the venom in her voice and the way she dropped a vicious and well-timed use of the word fucking that my head jerks up at her in surprise. Her eyes are blazing with fury.
"Gina took her seat belt off and I let her," I say as I look directly at Kate with serious intent. "I was pulling her across the seat to kiss me when someone came over into my lane of travel. I jerked hard on the wheel and lost control. She died and I didn't."
Some of the fury dies from Kate's eyes, but her next statement to me is still bubbling with anger. "So what?"
I blink at her and I'm pissed when I say, "So what? Gina's dead because of me and the guilt of it's fucking killing me."
Kate moves so fast, she's almost a blur. She slides closer to me in the booth until her legs are flush with mine and she turns her upper body to face me. Both of her hands clasp me on the face and she holds me tight, giving my head a slight shake. "You listen to me, Zack, and you better listen well. You did not kill Gina and I never want to hear you say that again. It was an accident. It was unavoidable. It was going to happen and you couldn't do a damn thing about it. Most important...and this is what you better remember, is that it was Gina's choice to take that seat belt off. It wasn't yours. So while I'm unbelievably sorry that you went through this and I'm saddened that you and Ben lost what I've come to understand was a wonderful and amazing woman, there's not one thing about Gina's death that is lying on your doorstep."
My eyes flick repeatedly back and forth between Kate's. The pale blue has turned dark and stormy and I've never seen such fierce determination on her face. It makes me want to believe everything that she's saying. She believes it...I can see that.
A coughing sound from my left catches my attention and I see the waiter there with our food. Kate's hands drop from my face and she scoots away from me. The plates are laid before us, and with assurances to the waiter that everything looks great, he leaves us alone again.
"Kate," I say to get her attention as she picks up her silverware. She turns to look at me, her eyes still swimming with turbulence. "Thank you."
She smiles at me gently and nods. "You're welcome, Zack."
Chapter 24
Kate
"Kate...wake up," Ben says to me, and I feel his little hand on my shoulder. He gives me a shake and says again, "Come on, Kate. I'm hungry."
Except in his almost-four-year-old voice, it sounds like "I'm hung-wee." Adorable.
My eyes blink open and I give a yawn. "Hey, Slinky Twinkie."
Ben giggles and I give a luxurious stretch. The strong arm wrapped around my waist tightens in response to my movement and pulls me back slightly against the hard male body that shares the couch with me.
Wait? What?
All at once, everything hits me in a wave.
I'm on the couch and Zack is lying behind me. With his arm around my waist. We were watching a movie last night and we must have fallen asleep.
And now Ben has seen us lying together.
I scramble off the couch, inadvertently giving a sharp elbow to Zack's ribs, and he comes awake with a grunt. Sitting up, his hair sticking out all over the place, he stares first at Ben, then moves his bleary eyes over to me. I return his look, mine, I'm sure, filled with panic.
Zack just yawns and then turns to Ben, opening his arms. "Hey, buddy...what are you doing up so early?"
"Hungry," Ben says as he steps into his father's embrace.
"Me too," Zack says as he stands from the couch and picks Ben up, hauling him over his shoulder. Ben squeals with laughter. "Let's go get some cereal."
My heart still racing, I sit down on the couch numbly. I'm completely horrified Ben caught us lying next to each other. Granted, we were fully clothed in what we had worn to dinner last night, and were not in a compromising position, but the fact of the matter is we were in a perplexing situation for Ben.
Watching his dad embracing another woman.
The kid has to be so thoroughly confused.
I know I am.
Last night resulted in somewhat of a shift in whatever this is going on between Zack and me. So many weird things happened.
First he got
jealous of that man Gregory buying me a drink.
Then he divulged something very personal to me that had been weighing on him heavily.
And the coup de grace was when we returned to his house. Alex and Sutton made quick goodbyes, assuring us that Ben went to sleep easily and all was well. As soon as they left, I assumed Zack would make a move on me. No matter where we are or what we are doing, there's always an underlying vibration of tangible attraction between us. I can feel it all the time. But it's usually those nighttime hours after Ben is asleep that Zack and I come together and give in to that attraction.
I expected no less when Zack locked the door behind Alex and Sutton.
Instead he merely took my hand and led me into the living room. He set me on the couch and said, "I have one more birthday gift for you."
I was pleasantly surprised and warmed throughout. No matter what the surprise was, the fact that Zack had planned something had me feeling mushy all over and my heart started the process of becoming enslaved to him.
Grabbing the remote, Zack turned the TV on and then turned the source over to the DVD player. "I had Sutton pick this up on the way over with the cake," he explains.
I watched the TV curiously, then gave a surprised yelp of excitement when I saw the opening credits of the movie Grease start to roll.
"It's your favorite movie," Zack said with a grin as he dropped the remote control on the coffee table. "Figured it would be a nice way to cap your birthday off."
I stared at him in stunned disbelief as he walked toward me. "You know what my favorite movie is?"
Zack just gave me an admonishing look. "Remember that whole thing we discussed in the car about you being a babbler? Well, you happened to mention your favorite movie. Oh, and you sing those stupid songs quite a bit around the house."
I laughed in delight and then my breath froze as Zack walked to the edge of the couch and raised a knee up to it. He then proceeded to crawl onto the cushions, and lay down right behind me. One arm came out to rest on my waist and he murmured, "Come on...lie down with me and I'll watch this stupid movie with you."
My heart nearly exploded with overwhelming feelings for Zack. It was the first act of affection he'd shown me. Yes, we've kissed and fondled and fucked, but he had never shown just warm and nonsexual tenderness to me before.
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