“Hi,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry to just show up, but I don’t have your number, and I went to the bonfire looking for you, but…I wanted to say I’m sorry about the way I took off last night.”
She lowered her eyes, her lips pursing.
“Daphne, I—” Over her shoulder he saw a guy carrying Hadley. Her little arms were wrapped around his neck, and she was giggling. Jock’s gut seized. “Sorry. I didn’t know you had company. I’ll catch up with you some other time.” He descended the steps, silently cursing himself, his past, and all his other shit that stood between him and Daphne.
DAPHNE CLOSED THE door, her chest aching. When Jock had brought her lunch this afternoon, she’d been so happy to see him, but that motherly voice in her head had quickly reminded her that there could be no more kisses, no more late-night Scrabble games or sharing of secrets. Not when he had such a strong reaction to her daughter. She touched her forehead to the door, clutching the knob, waiting for the hurt to subside.
“Hey, Dee, you okay?”
“Mama?” Hadley said with her mouth full.
Daphne put on her best happy-mommy face and said, “I’m fine,” as she stepped away from the door. Hadley had chocolate on her lips, and she was elbow-deep in a giant bag of M&M’s that Sean was holding. “Sean. Are you kidding me?”
Hadley shoved the candy into her mouth as fast as she could. She looked tiny in Sean’s beefy arms. Sometimes it baffled Daphne that she and Sean were twins. He was six two and so fit he could bounce quarters off his abs. He wore his blond hair military-short, and he had a flirty smile that probably won him all sorts of favors from women that Daphne did not want to think about. But from the moment she’d left Tim and moved back to the Cape, Sean had stepped up for both her and Hadley, which made her love him even more.
At the moment, Daphne didn’t feel very loving.
“It’s an hour past her bedtime, and now she’ll be all sugared up. She’ll never go to sleep.” She reached for Hadley, but Hadley clung to Sean, scowling at Daphne.
“It’s just a little candy,” Sean said. “Besides, it’s a beautiful night. Take her outside and let her run it off.” He lifted the bag for Hadley to take more candy, but Daphne snagged it out of his hands.
“Twin or not, I’m going to k-i-l-l you.” Daphne glowered at him.
“Mowah!” Hadley reached for the bag.
“No more, sweet pea,” Daphne said.
Sean lowered his voice and whispered to Hadley, “I’ll bring more next time,” earning more grins from his biggest fan. He could show up empty-handed and Hadley would still have a bucketful of smiles for him.
Hadley wriggled down from Sean’s arms and darted into the kitchen, yelling, “Owly!”
“He’s on the table,” Daphne called after her.
“Who was that guy?” Sean asked.
“Nobody,” she said, not wanting to face an inquisition.
“He wasn’t looking at you like he was nobody.” Sean draped an arm over her shoulder and said, “Do I have to nose around with Rick and the guys to find out for myself who he is?”
“No. He’s just someone staying at the cottages who I’ve been hanging out with.”
“You don’t hang out with the guests, Dee.”
Sometimes she hated that he knew her so well. “He’s a friend. I met him through Tegan. He was here last year, and he goes out with all of us sometimes.”
“And…?”
“And nothing,” she said, flopping down on the couch.
He sat beside her. “But you like him?”
She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Sure it does. You haven’t liked a guy since Tim.”
Hadley toddled down the hall toward her bedroom and yelled, “Getting Bird!”
“Dee, what are you not telling me? Did he hurt you? Because I’ll fuck him up right now.”
She rolled her eyes. “He’s not like that. We’ve been hanging out, getting to know each other better. We had dinner last night, and he brought food, wine, flowers, dessert. We cooked dinner together and I had the best time, but it’s not going to work between us. Hadley loves him, but he has trouble being around kids. I knew that going into it, but dumb old me…” Got attached to him.
“You’re the smart one. I’m the dumb fireman.”
“Hardly.” Sean wasn’t dumb. He was dedicated, loyal, and yeah, he had a nose for trouble, but not because he was stupid. He liked trouble.
“Why did you have dinner with him if you knew he had trouble being around Had?”
“Because I like him, okay? He’s a good guy. Maybe even a great guy, except for the whole kid thing. We have fun together. But I know what you’re thinking, and he’s not like Tim. Tim lied about wanting kids. Once Jock and I started spending time together, he was up front with me about having trouble being around young children. He also said he wanted to try to get past it. But I realized last night that I was just being stupid. I can’t see a guy who isn’t able to be around my daughter. You know what? I guess I am the smart one after all, because I know what I have to do.”
Hadley came into the living room wearing sweatpants and red rain boots, dragging her sweatshirt in one hand and holding her owl and bird in the other.
“What’re you doing, Had?” Daphne asked with a sigh.
“Go for walk.” She handed her sweatshirt to Sean and said, “Unca help me?”
Daphne wasn’t in the mood for a walk, but before she could say anything, Sean said, “Always,” and helped Hadley put on her sweatshirt.
“I guess we’re going for a walk. You can take one toy, Had. One.” Giving in was easier than arguing. She was in a sour mood, but maybe the fresh air would do her good. She had a feeling even magic couldn’t turn her mood around. How could it when she knew she had to end things with the only man she’d wanted to spend time with in the last three years?
She lowered her voice and said, “Just wait until you have children, Sean. I’m going to hype them up all night long, then leave.”
“Me, have kids?” He laughed.
Hadley put her bird on the coffee table and said, “Owly.”
Daphne grabbed her sweatshirt and keys as Sean lifted Hadley into his arms and they headed downstairs. As Daphne locked the office door, Sean’s phone alarm sounded.
“I’ve got to head over to the station for my shift,” he said.
“That was your plan? Suggest a walk and ditch us?”
“Nah. I totally forgot about my shift. Are you okay by yourself?”
He’d been like that his whole life, forgetful, thinking about too many things at once, except when it came to fighting fires.
“I’ve been by myself for nearly three years. I’m fine.”
Sean tapped Hadley’s belly and said, “You be good for Mommy, okay?”
Hadley nodded.
“I love you, Hadley Padley.” He kissed Hadley’s cheek, and as he set her down on the grass, she said, “Love you, Unca Unca.”
Daphne reached for Hadley’s hand and said, “Thanks for coming over tonight. It was good to see you.”
Sean flashed an arrogant grin. “I had to check on my baby sister.” He was less than a minute older than her.
As he climbed into his truck, Daphne said, “Just remember, you’ll get wrinkles before I do.”
Hadley tugged Daphne’s hand toward the beach. “Walk!”
“Okay, let’s go. But we’re going on a short walk, okay, pumpkin?” As they walked along the grass toward the dunes, Daphne thought about Jock. She’d been so focused on getting him to leave before Hadley had seen him at the door, she hadn’t fully processed what he’d said. He’d gone to the bonfire looking for her? He’d known Hadley would be there. She’d mentioned it the other night in front of him.
Hadley pointed to Jock’s cottage and said, “Mine and Dock’s house.”
Daphne’s nerves flared. She and Hadley had lived in that cottage when a storm had caused a leak in the roof of their apartment. They’d loved it
so much, Hadley had called it hers. When Jock had moved in, her daughter had simply added him as if the cottage had always been meant for the two of them.
“Keep going, Had. We’re taking the Lefty Loosey trail.” The trail to the right of Jock’s cottage led to where her friends would be having the bonfire, and Daphne wasn’t in the mood to hang out with them. She was nervous and unhappy about what she had to tell Jock, and now it looked like she’d be this way for another night.
“Lefty Loosey!” Hadley said as they walked past Jock’s cottage.
“Daphne?” Jock stepped off the back patio.
Hadley spun around.
Oh, no, no, no!
“Dock!” Hadley charged toward him.
His jaw clenched, a stark contrast to the glee on her daughter’s face. Daphne’s heart ached for both of them as Hadley plastered herself against his leg. Jock’s eyes found Daphne’s. The mix of torture and hope in them wrecked her.
He put his hand gently on the top of Hadley’s head, as if he were testing his own reaction, and said, “Hi, Had.”
Holy fudge. Daphne didn’t know what alternate universe they’d fallen into, but her heart melted at his efforts. She didn’t want to push their luck, so she said, “Had, come take Mommy’s hand,” and hoped Hadley wouldn’t pitch a fit.
Hadley looked up at Jock, her rare and perfect smile curving her little lips. She held up her owl like a prize and said, “Owly!”
Jock’s lips twitched, though the tension wafting off him was palpable as he said, “I see that. Maybe you should hold Mommy’s hand.”
Hadley skipped across the grass to Daphne and took her hand, leaving Daphne dumbfounded.
Jock’s chest rose with a deep inhalation, relief rising in his eyes as he met Daphne’s gaze and said, “I wish you had told me you were seeing someone.”
“Seeing someo…? I’m not…” Ugh! Her heart was racing and her nerves were on fire, but she had to get it out, even with Hadley by her side. She lowered her voice and said, “It doesn’t matter if I am or if I’m not, because whatever this is between us can’t be. I really like you, Jock, but I’ve been with a man who didn’t want children, and I can’t do that again. I can’t sneak around and pretend to have a personal life that is mine, when my life belongs to her. She comes first and she always will.”
“I know that, and it’s good. That’s how it should be,” he said quickly. “I don’t want to be that guy, Daph. I just want a chance to explain.”
Hadley tugged on her hand. “Lefty Loosey, Mommy. Walk!”
“Please just hear me out.” Jock’s eyes implored her. “That’s all I’m asking. If you don’t want to see me afterward, I’ll not only leave you alone, but I’ll get another place to stay away from Bayside.”
“Mommy!” Hadley yanked her hand. “Dock walk? Dock?”
Hadley’s patience was fraying fast. The last thing Daphne needed was a meltdown when she was holding on to her own sanity by a thin thread. She looked at Jock and said, “Can you handle walking with both of us?”
The relief in his eyes was unmistakable. “I’d like to try.”
Chapter Nine
JOCK PICKED UP the netted bag of beach toys, thankful and nervous at once. He had no idea how this would go, but at least Daphne was giving him a chance. “Should I grab a blanket in case she gets cold? A towel?”
“Sure, I guess. But she doesn’t need more toys,” Daphne said, watching Hadley play with her owl at the edge of the patio.
“I’m not trying to buy your affection through Hadley. I assumed I’d find you down by the bonfire and thought she might play with them long enough for us to talk.”
Her gaze softened. “For a guy who has a hard time around small children, you can be very thoughtful toward them when you want to.”
“I’m uncomfortable around small children. I don’t hate them. I actually love kids. I always have. I just…Let me grab a blanket and towel and then I’ll explain.”
A few minutes later, they left their flip-flops and Hadley’s boots at the head of the path and made their way down to the beach. Daphne nudged Hadley in the opposite direction of the bonfire. Jock was thankful they wouldn’t have an audience. They followed Hadley as she toddled along the shore, stopping to pick up shells and inspect rocks and holes in the sand. Jock tried to figure out how to start the conversation. He had a lot to say, and he knew he’d have only one chance to do it, so he led with “Thank you for letting me come on your walk.”
“You touched Hadley’s head, and you encouraged her to come to me.” Daphne glanced at him and said, “I know that must have been difficult for you, so I figured I should hear you out. But I meant what I said, Jock. I don’t want to exclude her from any part of my life.”
“I understand, and I don’t want you to, either. I thought I had most of this worked out in my head, but now I’m not even sure where to start.”
“How about starting at the beginning, wherever that is? Just keep in mind that it’s late and Hadley might not last long.”
“The beginning is hard to define,” he said honestly, and then he dove in with both feet. “You know that I’d written a screenplay that I turned into my novel while I was in college. I was going to school in New York City, and a few months before graduation, Archer called and asked me to reach out to his best friend, Kayla, who had moved to the city for a job in the fashion industry. She grew up with us on the island, and he wanted me to make sure she didn’t run into any trouble since the city is so different from the island. But I was busy with school and friends and never got around to it. A few weeks later, I was out at a club and I saw her. You’d think because Archer and I are twins, Kayla and I would have been close friends, too, but it wasn’t like that. She was always Archer’s friend, and that’s pretty much how I always saw her. Anyway, we had a few drinks and we were having a great time, and we hooked up. Neither of us was looking for a relationship. We were just having fun.”
“Did Archer know?”
“Yes. I told him. I was so cocky back then, I probably bragged, you know, one-upping him since I knew they had never hooked up. Everything came easy to me then—school, sports, women. Archer and I were pretty competitive, and maybe that was part of why I did it. I don’t know. But I liked Kayla, and Archer was cool about it. He told me he’d kill me if I screwed her over, which was fair. But she and I were doing the casual thing, you know? Hanging out, hooking up, not even talking about commitment. We were having too much fun.” He paused for a moment and said, “Then we found out she was pregnant, and that was a shock for both of us. We weren’t prepared, and we weren’t in love, but we were good together as friends and we decided to try to make it work.”
“Make it work as a couple?” Daphne asked.
“Yes. We told our families, and she moved in.”
“So, you are—or were—married?”
“No. What I said to you over dinner is truly how I feel. Marriage vows are one of the few sacred things in life that should mean something. It probably sounds weird, but we had our own lives, and yes, we were trying to be a couple and we had every intention of raising our baby together, but it’s not the 1950s. We didn’t feel pressure to rush into marriage just to appease others. We knew we needed to talk to our families about it, but the pregnancy was a big bomb to drop, so we decided not to tell them we weren’t in love. We told them we wanted to be sure we were right for each other before we got married. I have since told my parents the truth, but the rest of our family members don’t know.”
“So what happened? Where is she? Where’s your son or daughter?”
Hadley plopped down in the sand, and they stopped walking. Emotions clogged Jock’s throat. He needed a minute to try to clear them away and said, “Should we give her the sand toys?”
“Sure.”
While Daphne took the plastic toys to Hadley, Jock spread out the towel for them to sit on, and used that moment to regain control, telling himself to get it all out as fast as he could.
Daphne
brushed the sand from her knees and joined him.
“Do you want to sit down?” he asked.
They sat down, and she said, “Where were we? Oh yeah, you weren’t married, but you and Kayla were going to have a baby.”
“Yeah. Things were good. I got my book deal and I was working with a publicist to prepare for the launch in the fall. Kayla was working and having fun in the city with her friends. As the months wore on, we found out we were having a boy and set up a nursery for him. I had wondered if we’d fall in love, you know? Like you said, a baby can bring a couple closer together. We tried to force those feelings, but we realized they weren’t going to develop.”
“That must have been hard.”
“I wouldn’t say hard, because neither of us was pining for the other. But it was sad. We wanted to raise our child together, but as time passed, we realized that would mean we would never experience being in love. I was okay with that for me, but not for her. I knew things had to change. She spent more time talking to Archer than to me, and I tried to talk with her about it a number of times, but she didn’t want to. Then my book hit the New York Times bestseller list, and she was really distracted all day. I thought maybe she was finally ready to talk about it, and I tried to bring it up before we went out to celebrate with friends that night, but she said she didn’t want to put a damper on my big night. She was like that, always looking out for everyone else. Anyway, we went out and I had a few drinks. Three drinks. Not enough to miss that she spent the whole night texting with Archer, sending him pictures under the guise that she didn’t want him to miss out on the celebration. But that night I realized that she always shared everything with Archer first. It had always been him and then me.”
“Oh, Jock. That had to hurt.”
“It was a blow to my ego, but not my heart. I know this is going to sound untrue, but it’s not. I had a gut feeling that she was in love with him, and I wanted her to be happy. And Archer’s my twin, my blood. I wouldn’t have held him back. Anyway, after our friends left the restaurant, she and I talked. She admitted she was in love with Archer. She thought she always had been, but that she’d get over it. She had no idea if he felt the same way, and I didn’t either. It was weird, because Archer and I were always competitive, but that night I didn’t feel that way. I hoped to hell Archer loved her, because she deserved to be loved.”
Tempted by Love: Jack Jock Steele (The Steeles at Silver Island Book 1) Page 13