On the other hand, my stomach was twisting into tight knots as I read the message. It sickened me to think that she was alone now. I couldn’t hold her in my arms anymore. Some creep could try and hit on her, and I wouldn’t be there to protect her. Or worse yet: she could fall in love eventually with someone else. God, I can’t keep thinking about that.
I had to find some way of distracting myself. But what?
I dug out an old, worn notebook from my aunt’s glove box. She kept a little bit of everything in that glove box since her personal philosophy was to always make sure she was prepared for anything.
I decided to write for the first time in ages. I was never one to write short or long stories. I was more of a poetry kind of guy.
And that was one of the reasons I’d been branded as ‘weird’ in school.
It started one day during study hall during my freshman year of high school. I didn’t have anything to do that day, so I pulled out my notebook to write.
As I sat there and poetically hashed out my frustrations on the page, Bryce McClellan and his gang of assholes sidled up to me. Bryce was the embodiment of everything I hated about my male peers.
He was a tool, constantly cheating on tests, and he treated every girl he met like garbage. And of course, his athletic abilities always managed to get him out of whatever trouble he would get in at school. He was the junior-varsity football star, after all.
“Whatcha workin’ on, Brandt? A love letter to your girlfriend?”
Girlfriend. At that point in the time, the word couldn’t have been a more foreign concept to me.
“That would be pretty hard since I don’t have one.”
“Oh, you’re not winning over the chicks with your girly poetry shit? Dude, that’s such a chick thing. You know what your problem is, Brandt? You act like a pussy. Quit being a douchebag, and maybe you’d actually get laid.”
“I’m not looking to get laid, Bryce.”
“You hear that, guys? Brandt says he doesn’t want to get laid. Pretty sure you know what that means!”
The entire group laughed at his juvenile statement, leaving me to sit there at my desk mortified, wishing like hell they’d disappear.
“What’s the matter, Brandt? Were you not ready to come out, yet?”
The group roared with laughter again, and I felt my cheeks burning. His asinine statement couldn’t have been further from the truth. I wasn’t questioning anything about myself.
Unlike him, I didn’t feel the need to treat the fairer sex as though they were toys to be played with. I was old school. I wanted to treat women with the respect they deserved.
Thankfully, Mrs. McMaster came back into the room just in time to catch them harassing me.
“You’re all cruising for a detention if you don’t sit back down right now. I don’t want to see you boys getting up and bothering Devin again.”
I fully expected Bryce would utter some sort of sarcastic comment under his breath, but to my astonishment, he didn’t.
From that point forward, I didn’t write in public again. In fact, I didn’t write much at all; just a little bit here and there.
Even though I was writing in my aunt’s SUV, it was still the first time I’d written anywhere other than my bedroom since that incident happened.
“Are you writing a trip journal?” my aunt teased.
“No, I just thought I’d try writing a little poetry again. It’s been a while.”
“You’re right. It has.”
My aunt never judged me for expressing myself in the ways I did. It was one of the many great things about her.
CHAPTER 7
_______
My aunt could adjust to anything it seemed.
Four days into starting her new job, she’d already made friends with everyone at the office. She’d even started a book club with some of the women in the office. My aunt was absolutely blossoming in her new role.
And I was…well, I wasn’t doing anything. I didn’t have a car anymore since my former car had taken a shit. Since we were moving, and it was going to cost too much to fix, it didn’t make the move.
But now I had no way of getting around, and I didn’t want to ask my aunt to buy me a new one. It just didn’t feel right.
I wasn’t the type of guy to take a handout. I wanted to work for it. I thrived on having that sense of accomplishment.
Since I had nothing to do, and a lot of free time, I spent a lot of time walking and getting to know the layout of the town. We didn’t live in a big town; just a small suburb outside the city. It didn’t take long before I’d memorized every street and every storefront.
But each time I went for a walk, the pit in my stomach would always find some way making its presence known again. Everywhere I looked, I thought I saw Natalie.
On our fourth day in our new town, I was sent on a mission to pick up a few last-minute groceries for my aunt’s book club gathering, when I spied her. My heart nearly stopped.
That has to be Natalie.
A tall, thin young woman with a curly, blonde hair stood there, leaning over to grab a bell pepper from the produce display. I knew it was foolish to think she would be here. I lived five states away now. There would be no reason for her to be here, but it didn’t stop me from staring.
Please turn around. Please. I need to know if you’re her.
As though she’d read my inner thoughts, she turned around.
To my vast disappointment, it wasn’t Natalie. The young woman smiled back at me, but my face was filled with such grave disappointment, that I couldn’t muster a smile back. I knew it wasn’t very gentleman-like, but I couldn’t manage it. She wasn’t my sweet Natalie, and knowing it wasn’t her made my chest tighten.
Only Natalie Sorenson could make me smile like that. I missed gazing into her sapphire blue eyes, her sweet kiss, everything.
She was the warmest soul I’d ever encountered. Which made it that much harder to walk away from her. But I didn’t have a choice.
I had never felt so heartbroken in my life. I guess that was why I never put myself out there before Natalie. Then again, I had never been interested in anyone but her.
She was grace, beauty and warmth, all in one breathtaking package. She was different.
My kind of different.
My always-optimistic aunt told me I would feel better in time, but I didn’t believe her. There wasn’t a way to get over her.
There would never be a replacement for Natalie Sorenson.
CHAPTER 8
_______
“Honey, I think you need to clean up a bit in here.”
“Huh?”
Feeling groggy, I blinked several times to try to wake myself up. Everything was fuzzy.
“Devin, you really need to get up and get around. You need to start filling out applications today.”
I didn’t want to get up, but I knew my aunt had a point. School was over. Time to start acting like an adult.
“Okay, I’ll be down in a minute,” I muttered through my haze.
I sat up warily, not wanting to leave the comfort of the bed. Despite not doing much the day before, I felt completely exhausted. My emotions were seizing control over my physical well-being, and I knew I couldn’t afford to keep doing this to myself much longer.
I had to move forward.
I bumbled way downstairs, still half-asleep and terribly groggy.
“Honey, you look awful. Get something to eat. Have you been eating during the day while I’m gone? You’re starting to look a little bit thinner.”
The statement gave me pause, and for a moment, I wondered if she was right. My sweats felt a little more loose than usual. Maybe she is right, I thought.
“I think I’m going to go down to the diner today and put in an app there,” I said.
“I’d say that sounds like a pretty good plan to me.”
Feeling uneasy, I took several deep breaths to calm myself. I knew I needed to make as good of an impression as I possibly could.
I needed this job. I needed the money. And most importantly, I needed to bank up enough money so I could go back home.
Home. This place isn’t home, I thought. It would never be my home. My real home was thirteen hours away now. And my heart…well, it was thirteen hours away now, too.
The hot, steamy water of the shower helped me to relax, but only temporarily. My mind couldn’t stop wandering. But mostly, I couldn’t stop thinking about Natalie.
I wondered what she would be doing at that time of day. Maybe she was at home. Or maybe she’d found a job and was at work.
Or maybe she’s with another guy. I grimaced at the horrendous thought. No, she can’t be. She loves me.
I couldn’t stomach the idea, and it was all the motivation I needed to make some money and get back home.
Despite the humidity in the bathroom, the tile was cold on my feet as I got out. I looked in the mirror, feeling melancholy as I stared at the tattoo emblazoned across my chest.
Once again, my thoughts returned to Natalie. I was a marked man now; marked forever by my one true love.
I ran my fingers through my hair, remembering how Natalie loved running her own fingers through it, and how soft her fingers were. The thought made my chest ache with sorrow, and I longed to feel her hands upon me again.
I styled it as normal; my normal ‘sexy, spiked-up’ look, as Natalie lovingly called it. I settled on my favorite dark red button-down shirt, and dress pants.
I knew I didn’t really need to dress up for this place, but I wanted to look as professional possible, and not give them any doubts about the kind of worker I would be for them.
The walk down to the diner was hot and humid, and it made the walk less enjoyable than usual.
I’d walked past that diner every day since we’d moved, and my aunt and I had already eaten there twice in the few days since moving there. The food was fantastic, and it was everything you’d expect an old diner to be.
The diner was filled with nostalgia and echoes of days past. Most everything in the diner was original and un-restored. The barstools lining the bar were well worn in their cushions, and the air was thick with the scent of grease from decades of frying onion rings and French fries.
The bells that hung on the front door clanged as I walked inside. It was quiet, and one lone customer sat in the corner reading a newspaper.
“Well, hello there, son! Uh, you must be Devin, right? I’m Arnie Wright, the head honcho around here.”
An older man shrouded in a stained apron appeared from behind the counter.
“Yes, that’s correct, sir.”
I didn’t have to ask how he knew my name. I already knew.
“Your aunt has told me wonderful things about you, Devin. I told her we could use another hand around here, and she tells me you’re up to the task. She said you really want to bank up as much as you can.”
“Yes, sir.”
I didn’t elaborate on the real reason why I wanted to work.
“Yes, she tells me you want to move back home. I told her you’ve hardly been here, and you should give this ol’ town a chance. It’s a nice place here, you know?”
“I’m sure it is, sir, but—”
“Yes, yes, I know. Your aunt tells me you have a girlfriend back home.”
“I do. I really want to go back home to be with her.”
“Boy, she must really have you smitten. Well, save your pennies son, and you’ll be able to do just that. So when can you start?”
“You don’t need to interview me or anything?” I asked.
“Nah. I already know what kind of character you have. It’s pretty obvious, if you ask me. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, son.”
My first job! Finally. I’m one step closer now, I thought.
I was one step closer to going home.
CHAPTER 9
_______
“I’m so proud of you honey!”
My aunt hugged me tightly as I told her the news. She shouldn’t have been so surprised I’d landed the job, given that helped me gain the opportunity.
“So, when do you start?”
“Arnie said he wants me to come back after dinner. Said he wanted to have me do some one-on-one training with one of his more experienced employees.”
“Well, that’s wonderful, Devin. I’m happy for you. Plus, now you can finally get out of this house and stop moping around so much. This will be good for you.”
“Yeah. You’re right,” I said as I took a bite of food.
I hurried through dinner so I could get back to the diner. I couldn’t wait to start training. I knew I’d already made a great impression on Arnie, but now it was time to really knock his socks off.
When I arrived back at the diner, I tried to pull the front door open, but it was locked, and I knocked on the glass, hoping Arnie would hear me and open the door. I’d forgotten that it was a little after nine o’clock, and the diner was closed for the evening.
A minute or so passed, and I still didn’t see any movement in the diner.
I banged on the glass again. I finally saw a red-headed girl appear from behind the counter, making a beeline for the door.
“Oh my gosh, I am so, so sorry! I hope you haven’t been standing there too long!”
Her piercing green eyes scanned over every part of me, as though she was trying to commit every inch of my body to memory.
“It’s no trouble. I haven’t been standing here long,” I said with a cautious smile.
Every part of me felt something was off with her. But I couldn’t put my finger on it.
“I’m sorry, what was your name?” she asked, nervously fidgeting with the hair tie around her wrist.
“Devin Brandt.”
“No way! I’ve heard so much about you!” she squealed.
“I didn’t realize I was famous around here,” I said with a slight smile.
“Well, your aunt sorta is. She’s been talking to, like, everybody.”
Before she could speak to me any further, Arnie appeared.
“I see you’ve met Skye.”
“Well, I didn’t get her name yet, but—”
“I’m Skye Jensen. Better not forget it,” she interrupted.
“Skye’s a great girl, Devin. You’ll be closing every night with her. She’ll show you the ropes. This gal can do anything,” Arnie said.
“Oh, Arnie, you’re too sweet,” she said with an overly bubbly tone.
“Isn’t she a sweetheart? Well, I’m going to leave you two kids to it. It’s just you two tonight, and it’s time for me to head out for the night. You’ll do okay, Devin, don’t worry. Let Skye lead the way.”
Despite Arnie’s enthusiasm for her, I remained skeptical. Something just didn’t feel right to me.
Skye led me back to the kitchen to show me around. The kitchen was nearly spotless, and much cleaner than I’d expected.
“So, what brings you here?”
Her voice was high-pitched and almost abrasive to my ears, but I feigned a smile at her in an attempt to be polite.
“Well, my aunt had to move here for her job. She works at Endcom.”
“Wow! She must be making really good money, then, I take it?”
The question caught me off guard. Why does she care what kind of money my aunt makes? Though her question seemed irrelevant, I played it off in a casual way.
“I guess so. She doesn’t really talk about her finances with me.”
“Oh. I see. So how are you liking the change of scenery?”
“It’s alright. I’m still missing home. Home is where the heart is, I guess.”
My voice trailed off, and my thoughts went to Natalie. I resisted the urge to pull out my phone and see what she was up to. I didn’t want to risk texting in front of Skye, for fear that she’d say something to Arnie about it.
“So, do you have a girlfriend?” she asked.
Her abrupt question caught me off guard, but I should’ve expected it. Deep down, I knew where her m
ind was going.
“I do. We were going to get married, but then my aunt told me about her job offer, and that put an end to our plans.”
“So, you didn’t break up?” she asked.
I could tell she wasn’t going to let any of this go very easily.
“No. But it’s complicated. We love each other, but things are going to be a little more difficult now, being thirteen hours away from each other.”
“Sounds like it’s not even worth it,” she said as she rolled her eyes.
I didn’t like her attitude. Even more so, I didn’t like the direction the evening was going in. She was supposed to be training me for my new job, not grilling me on my love life.
“It is to us. You’ll understand when you find someone you love someday.”
“What makes you think I’m not already in a relationship? You don’t know anything about me,” she scoffed.
She took a step closer to me, and her close proximity made me uncomfortable. I paused before answering her question, not wanting to come off too harsh.
“I had the impression you weren’t. You also seem to be very interested in my love life despite not knowing me that well yet.”
“Well, to be honest, I think you deserve better. You don’t deserve to be lonely,” she said, as she looked at me with wistful eyes.
On some level, she was right. But I wasn’t ready to give up this fight. I loved Natalie with all my heart. I couldn’t give up now.
“I’m sure you’ll find someone new now that you’re here,” she said.
The hopeful look on her face annoyed me. I knew what she was insinuating, and I also knew it was never going to happen.
“No, I don’t have any interest in finding someone else,” I said firmly.
“Well, you never know when the right girl might come along.”
She was wrong. I’d already found her. I’d found her, then lost her, but I knew I would get her back again.
That much I knew for sure.
CHAPTER 10
_______
Behind Brown Eyes Page 3