In truth, she had every right to be mad. I shouldn’t have ever let her go. But at the time, I didn’t think we would be able to make things work with the vast distance between us.
She was willing to try, and I was too stubborn, and feared what I thought was inevitable. And that’s what hurt her the most. By far, it was the worst decision I’d ever made.
I was so selfish, and so afraid of losing her that I’d pushed her away during a time where we should’ve been pulling each other closer. I could never forgive myself for that.
Growing impatient, I decided to call her since she hadn’t responded to my text, and another wave of anxiety washed over me. Maybe this isn’t her number anymore, I thought. Is this why she hasn’t responded?
I shook the thought from my mind, deciding to try anyway. The phone rang twice, and finally on the third ring, she answered.
Everything I’d rehearsed in my head before calling her suddenly disappeared from my mind, and I blurted out the first thought that came to mind.
“Did you get my text this morning?”
There was a pause, and I held my breath as I waited for her to speak. I hated bothering her, but I had to know if she wanted to see me.
“I did, and I’m sorry I didn’t text you back. It’s been a somewhat crazy morning. What made you decide to text me, anyway? We haven’t talked in years.”
Her lack of enthusiasm and cheerfulness made my heart sink. Had she really grown that cold? The feeling made me sick to my stomach.
“Well, I just moved back to town, and thought maybe I could hang out with an old friend.”
Friend. The word hung in the air like a rancid odor, and I regretted saying as much. She was so much more than that to me, and she needed to know that, but I resisted the urge to blurt out how much I loved her and needed her back in my life. It would be too overwhelming for her. If this was going to work, we needed to ease back in slowly.
“I see,” she said with an icy tone.
The tone in her voice concerned me, but I decided to give it one last shot.
“So, will you at least consider it?”
“I’ll think about it. I have a lot going on right now at work.”
The familiar beeping tone went off, and I realized she’d hung up. So much for being excited to see me, I thought.
Devastated, I slumped back into the couch, and stared at the blank television screen, feeling as lonely as I’d ever been. I’d been on my own for a while, and for the most part I was as content with it as I’d ever be.
But that day, I could’ve been in a room of two hundred people, and I still would’ve felt like the loneliest man on the planet. I had no one; no one to have my back, and no one to love me. The only thing that consumed me was my own emptiness.
Rather than wallow in my own self-pity the entire day, I decided to get out of the apartment and go for a drive. If she didn’t want to get a coffee with me, I’d just go by myself.
Grabbing my sunglasses and my keys, I set out for my caffeine run. Despite being late April, it was unseasonably warm, and the heat was already quite oppressive given it was still early morning.
A few minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot at Gwen’s. Today was unusually busy. Everyone needed a caffeine fix today.
Since it was quite warm out for a spring day, I decided to forgo my usual, getting an iced coffee instead. Dana was at the counter, and as soon she spied me walking in, she waved.
“Should I make your usual?” she asked, as I approached the counter.
“No, just give me an iced latte.”
“Oh, being a little different today, huh?”
“I suppose,” I said glumly.
A man stood somewhat close next me at the counter, and as Dana prepared my drink, I noticed him ogling her. It irritated me. Dana was beautiful, and I hated how men treated her like a piece of meat.
“Here you go,” she said sweetly.
“Thanks.”
She shot me a puzzled look.
“Something’s wrong. You don’t seem like yourself today. Do you want to talk?”
The coffee shop was busy, and I didn’t want to take up her time, so I tried to brush her off.
“No, I’m fine.”
Dana saw right through that and hollered over at one of her coworkers, letting them know she’d be back in a few minutes.
She motioned for me to follow her over to one of the couches in the cafe.
“Sit. So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong? I know something’s bothering you.”
I took a deep breath before giving her my answer.
“I called Natalie today.”
“Well, I’d be excited for you, but I’m guessing by the look on your face that it didn’t go well.”
“No. It didn’t. And now I don’t know what to do. I texted her this morning, and after a while, when she didn’t answer, I called her. She told me she hadn’t texted back because she’d been busy. She wanted to know why all of the sudden I texted her out of the blue, and when I told her I moved back to town, she didn’t exactly have the enthusiasm about it that I’d hoped. I don’t know what to do now.”
Dana’s expression was somber. I felt bad about dumping my problems on her, but I was in need of female advice.
“Well, don’t push her. You of all people know how stubborn she can be. If it’s meant to happen, she’ll warm back up to you. But I’ll be honest, I thought I heard a while back that she was married.”
It was easily one of the worst sentences anyone had ever said to me.
“Are you sure?”
“That’s what I thought I heard. But I could be wrong. Besides, I thought you wanted to be ‘just friends’ anyway,” she said with air quotes.
She liked to tease me, but I wasn’t in the mood for that. Not after learning Natalie was possibly married now.
“You know deep down what I really want. But if all we can be is friends, it would be better than nothing.”
“But can you really be friends with her knowing you’ll always want something more?”
I took a larger gulp of my coffee than I should have.
“It’s hard to say, really.”
“Look, Devin, I just don’t want to see you get hurt. You’ve been through enough. Just be careful with your heart. You need to take care of you.”
Of course, she was right. I had to be careful. I was potentially playing with fire now.
“I’m already hurting. I’ve been hurting since the day I left this town,” I said as I stood from the table.
“Where are you going?” she asked, almost frantically.
“I’m heading home. I still have a bit of unpacking to do, and I have to do something to get my mind off of all this.”
♥♥♥
“Hello, Mr. Brandt. Good to see you again.”
Mrs. Worthington sat behind her desk. I smiled bleakly at her, not even trying to hide the dismay on my face.
“Is something wrong, dear?”
I ran a hand absentmindedly through my hair, feeling frustrated with the news I’d just received minutes earlier.
“I found out today that Natalie might be married.”
“Terribly sorry to hear that, Mr. Brandt.
“I mean, I don’t know for sure. But I hope she isn’t. One of the reasons I came back was for her. And now…”
My voice trailed off, and I took a moment to regain my composure.
“And now, this. This wasn’t part of my plan.”
“Mr. Brandt, sometimes things aren’t going to go quite as planned, but I suggest you find out for sure and go from there.”
CHAPTER 28
_______
It was Friday evening, and I was feeling more alone than I ever had. I had no one to talk to, and the silence in my apartment was deafening.
A few days had passed since I’d initially reached out to Natalie. I wanted to give her some space, but I could only be patient for so long, even with her. My stubbornness got the best of me, and I decided to t
ry once more.
Hey, babe. Hope everything is ok with you.
I hit send, wondering if I’d come off too strong. I just couldn’t help it when it came to her.
It took her about two hours to respond, and I was growing increasingly irritated all the while.
The phone buzzed once more, and a new wave of excitement came over me.
Yes, everything is fine.
That was all. That’s all she could manage to send two hours later? It frustrated me even more. I was beginning to second guess even trying at all. There didn’t seem to be a point.
But I couldn’t give up that easily. I owed it to her to fight for her. To make her understand that she was everything I needed, and she was everything I needed. She had to understand.
I miss you, Natalie. I hope we will meet soon. Been dying to see you.
I waited a few minutes, texting her again with my plea.
Please.
The phone vibrated again, and the best message I’d received in years lit up my screen and my heart.
We will.
CHAPTER 29
_______
Somehow, I’d managed to fall asleep despite being so excited. As I had done so many nights, I dreamed of Natalie. Every dream I had of her was vivid and life-like.
Thankfully, with any luck, I wouldn’t have to dream anymore. Soon she’d be mine again.
Maybe.
I got out of bed and threw on my gym clothes, ready to start my daily workout. It felt good to work my muscles again. I’d taken a long hiatus from working out after my aunt passed, and it was time to start focusing more on staying in shape.
An overly tanned blonde woman sidled up beside me as I stepped onto the treadmill.
“You’re new here,” she said with a blindingly white grin.
“Yeah. Just came back to town,” I said, trying to casually brush her off.
“Oh yeah? What for?”
“Starting a new chapter, you could say.”
I kept my answers short and to the point. This woman didn’t need to know my business.
“Maybe we could, you know, hang out sometime, when you’re free.”
I have to get her to go away, I thought. How do I let her down easily?
“Well, I appreciate the offer, but I have a girlfriend,” I lied.
“Wow, you move quick. Barely back in town, and already snagged someone,” she said, rolling her eyes.
“Well, we used to date. Then I had to move, but now that I’m back, we’re together again.”
Well, back together in my mind, I thought.
Her look of displeasure made me feel sorry for her for a fleeting moment. But I didn’t owe her anything. She would never have been my type, anyway.
“Well, never mind I asked,” she said as she walked off in a huff.
I finished my workout, silently hoping the woman wouldn’t bother me again. I wasn’t looking forward to having to avoid someone so soon after moving in. It’s a pretty large building, so it should be pretty easy to avoid her, I thought.
I arrived back at the apartment exhausted and sweaty and in dire need of a shower. The warm water felt wonderful on my skin, soothing my tired muscles, and I felt more relaxed than I’d felt in quite a while.
I wondered if, perhaps, I felt more relaxed because of Natalie. After all, she did say we would meet up at some point.
Then again, she hadn’t offered a time or place, so who really knew? The thought dismayed me and pulled me from the peaceful state of tranquility I’d been in.
Feeling famished, I quickly finished up in the shower, and scarfed down breakfast. I was getting ready to start the dishwasher when the phone rang.
It felt strange to hear a phone other than my own ring. I hadn’t heard it in years.
“Hello?” I said as I picked up the receiver.
“Mr. Brandt! How lovely to speak to you. You have a guest here. Dana White.”
“Thank you,” I said.
I was perplexed. Dana and I had not made plans today, and it worried me she’d come by without saying anything to me first.
Minutes later, there was a knock at the door.
“Hey, I’m so sorry, but I really need to talk to you,” she said.
“Sure, come on in,” I offered as I motioned for her to come inside.
“Have a seat. Can I get you something to drink? Late morning mimosa, perhaps? I know how much you love those.”
Her cheeks flushed, and her gaze fell to the floor. Something about the way she was acting wasn’t right.
“Actually, um, no. I better not. Just a water please,” she said meekly.
“I can do that.”
I heard her make a loud sniffling sound, and realized she was crying.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as I handed her the glass.
“Devin, I…I’m pregnant.”
I blinked hard. This was certainly not what I was expecting, though in hindsight, her refusal of alcohol should’ve been somewhat of a clue. Dana loved her little fruity drinks.
“I didn’t even know you were seeing someone.”
“I’m…I’m not. It was…it was one night with a guy I met at Gwen’s.”
“Wow. You never do things like that.”
“I know, and that makes me feel all the more foolish. I’m a damn fool. I should never have let this happen!”
I put my arm around her in an effort to comfort her, but judging by her loud, wrenching sobs, it wasn’t helping.
“It will be alright, Dana.”
“I just wish I believed that,” she sobbed.
“You’re a strong woman. A lot stronger than you realize. And I know you will be a fantastic mom when the time comes.”
CHAPTER 30
_______
Dana stayed a while longer. I didn’t rush her; I wanted her to take all the time she needed to regain her composure.
“Thank you for letting me come over today, and dribble on,” she said woefully as I walked her to the elevator.
“Of course. What are friends for? I’m always here if you need anything.”
“Thank you,” she said as she kissed my cheek.
Normally, I would never let another female do that. But Dana was the exception to the rule.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you down to your car?” I asked.
“I think I’ll be fine in broad daylight. Well, I hope,” she said with a slight laugh.
A few minutes later, I returned back to my apartment, feeling my phone vibrate as I walked through the door.
A small preview of a photo appeared on my screen, with a message from Natalie.
What do you think? :)
I had a million things on my mind that I wanted to say.
First and foremost, she was still the most beautiful girl in the world to me. She always had been, and always would be.
Second, the way that little floral sundress hugged her curves made my mouth water. I stared in awe of how beautiful she looked in it; and how beautiful she would look out of it.
I shook my head and tried to clear my thoughts. Rein it in, you asshole. I couldn’t afford to step off the deep end, so I kept my response brief.
You look so damn beautiful.
I knew she would be elated. She loved feeling adored and wanted. And by God, I was going to do just that. Always.
Thanks.
Sick of beating around the bush, I decided to ask. We’d been dancing around the issue long enough. It was time to see each other. I knew deep down she wanted to see me just as bad as I wanted to see her.
It was time.
Are you free later this evening?
I waited in anticipation for a few moments, hoping and praying she’d say yes. I wanted to see her. No, I needed to see her. A long minute passed, and I looked down at my phone.
Yes. :)
CHAPTER 31
_______
My heart raced. I couldn’t believe she’d said yes and agreed to see me. Then again, part of me shouldn’t hav
e been surprised. I knew deep down she still felt something for me. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have continued talking to me, and that sentiment reassured me. Still, it did little to calm my nerves.
Things were going to be different. On many levels, I wasn’t the same guy I was seven years ago. So many things had happened in my life. And truth be told, I had no way of knowing she’d be the same girl, either. I only hoped she’d be the same sweet girl I fell in love with.
It was perhaps the longest hour of my life as I waited idly for her to arrive. Knowing Natalie and her not-so-great sense of direction, she’d probably get lost, and I worried I’d have to go find her.
I nervously looked over at the clock. It felt as though ten minutes had passed since I’d last looked at it, but it had only been two minutes. It was almost painful how slow the time was passing.
A wave of anxiety crashed over me, and suddenly I felt self-conscious about how I looked. I got up and stared in the bathroom mirror, checking over my hair one last time. Nothing about the way I styled it had changed during our time apart.
I glanced over my clothing once more. I hope I’m dressed ok, I thought. Still, I felt like an idiot for worrying. Natalie would never be judgmental about how I looked. That just wasn’t like her.
Or at least, that’s not how she was when we were together. I knew I couldn’t keep comparing her to her past, but it was the only thing I could do. Every memory I had of her was from seven years prior. A lot could’ve changed, but I hoped and prayed she was the same kind, compassionate girl I treasured in my memories.
Lost in a reverie, I jumped when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. There was only one person it could be.
Hey, I’m here :)
My heartbeat pounded fiercely in my chest. This was it. I’d waited so many years to finally see her.
Glad you made it here ok. You’ll need to check in at the front desk. Can’t wait to see you.
It was true, I couldn’t wait to see her, but it didn’t stop me from feeling nervous as hell. I wondered if she looked the same. Hell, for all I knew, she could be a completely different person. The knots in my stomach tightened.
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