Troy made it back home that night after we’d finished cleaning out both stores. We laid together in the early morning hours, trying to comfort one another without saying a word. We arose early to spend time with Taylor and Austin. Being with them helped us escape for a while and live in their world filled with cowboys and princesses. With the Treasure Cache doors closed and paperwork filed, we waited to hear from our attorney.
We tried to keep things as normal as possible even though waiting for a judge to make a decision regarding our future was torture. Our refrigerator stopped working in the midst of all of this chaos. Troy went and purchased one of the small ones intended for a dorm room. What a despairing sight it was when Troy placed it in the large space where the former one had set. Taylor thought it was perfect because it was just her size, but when it didn’t keep their milk cold, she didn’t like it anymore. A couple of weeks passed and I continued to sell drugs and pretend to the outside world that everything was fine. No one knew anything about our troubles except our parents. Finally, the day came to appear before the judge.
Bankruptcy is a peculiar thing. One day you are covered in debt, not sure what the next will bring; then the next day, you don’t owe anyone a penny. Thankfully, the bank didn’t take our home because there was not enough equity in it to recoup any of their losses, nor were my wages garnished, which allowed us the ability to move forward.
Financially we were going to be okay, but emotionally life began taking a toll. Troy went back to installing window coverings, but he was filled with disappointment and stress. He felt he was a failure to the children and to me. My words didn’t seem to bring him comfort.
If it had not been for our neighbors, we would not have pulled through as easily. Several of our yards connected in the back and we routinely gathered to let the kids play while the adults had a cold beverage.
There was one couple in the group, however, who we all called the “Holy Rollers.” Their real names were Mell and Julie, but they earned their nickname by going to church two or three nights per week, plus a half day on Sunday. Why is it necessary to go to church that often? I questioned.
**********
The following Saturday morning, Troy and I were hanging out with the kids in the playroom upstairs. While enjoying what I thought was some great family time, Troy got up and went down to the kitchen. Something told me he needed to be alone.
Time passed slowly before I heard the familiar sound of the backdoor. Taylor Rae and Austin Lee were right in the middle of making Mama look beautiful with a new hairdo, so I couldn’t get up to see where Troy had gone.
When I heard my man return, I told my babies to play for a bit by themselves while Mama talked to their daddy alone. As I walked down the stairs, our eyes met, his misty and mine concerned.
“Where have you been, Honey?” I asked.
He sat down at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.
“Rhonda, the thoughts going through my head have been agonizing. I have not been a good husband. It’s because of me that we are in the situation we are in. You deserve better.”
I sat motionless.
“I was sitting here actually contemplating how to kill myself. Then something strange happened, Rhonda. I don’t know if you will believe me or not, but I heard God speak to me. It was not an audible voice. I just heard it in my head.”
“What did He say?”
“He told me, ‘This isn’t what I have for you, Troy.’” The tears fell from his eyes, forming a puddle on the table. “Rhonda, I got up and went next door to Mell and Julie’s house, you know, the Holy Rollers. Julie opened the door and I asked her, ‘Will you please teach me the Bible?’”
SEVENTEEN
“For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God.”
Romans 8:38–39
That was the moment when things began to change. Hearing God’s voice caused Troy to choose another path—the one less traveled.
I later found out that Julie almost jumped into Troy’s arms with excitement, all five feet and four inches of her bubbly self. I had never met anyone so joyful. She was close to giggles every time I talked to her.
Mel was much more subdued, with a dry wit Troy and I both appreciated. We soon learned Mell and Julie had loved the Lord their entire lives and had met at a Christian university, which lead to marriage.
They decided to start a Bible study in our home after two other couples also agreed to join us. Evidently, this was a cul-de-sac that knew very little about the Bible or the Creator, for that matter.
The first night the eight of us gathered was rather awkward. Mell asked us what we would like to study. One of the gals spoke up and said, “I’ve always wanted to know, who were the Jews?”
Mel smiled and said, “We will start with Genesis chapter one.”
And that is exactly what we did. We met weekly and studied stories from the Bible. This sweet couple taught from their hearts, never once judging us for our lack of knowledge.
As the weeks passed we grew hungry to know about the unspeakable joy Mell and Julie talked about. We were beginning to look like Holy Rollers ourselves, going to church on Sunday and Wednesday nights, and having Bible study with our neighbors, too.
Troy and I desperately wanted to understand what they meant by “having a relationship” with Jesus. Questions were rampant within our little group. How is it possible to have a personal relationship with God? How can you communicate with someone who’s not here? Can everyone hear God’s voice?
Mel and Julie leaned on the Bible to answer our questions through the experiences of others before us. Lost in my thoughts, I heard Mell say, “The Lord promises that He will never leave you or forsake you.”
Wait. I said, “Are you saying through all the beautiful and ugly moments of my life, the Creator of the world has been by my side?” A secure feeling came over me, confirming God was right there with me.
Julie obviously sensed that something was stirring within me. “Rhonda, God loves you because He created you. Why would He abandon His creation?”
“Are you saying that God has stayed with me because He loves me even when I don’t deserve it?” I asked.
Julie answered, “Rhonda, that’s grace.”
That was the most beautiful picture of love I could imagine. “So this relationship you are talking about—is my love returned to God?”
Mel said, “Yes. When you love someone, don’t you want them to love you in return?”
It clicked. I realized that because I loved Him so much, I would want to express that love through acts of service, and not because God required me to, but because I would want to, simply out of love.
“There is no complex riddle or system of rules that you have to follow in order to be called a Christ-follower. Love covers a multitude of sins,” Mell added.
This truth alone sparked a yearning that began an incredible transformation within me. Troy and I went to bed with peaceful hearts as we learned more about this love that God offers. His next words, however, surprised me.
“Rhonda, I’m ready to go to the next step with the Lord.”
“We just did. What are you talking about, Honey? As long as I don’t have to tell the truth about my past.” The peace slipped away as anxiety took over every nook and cranny of my mind. What could possibly be the next step he wanted to take? He wants me to tell everyone about my past. What would Mell and Julie think of me? If the truth came out, then all of our friends would think I had been dishonest with them all of this time.
That was my biggest fear—revealing the real me. The woman who was on her third marriage and had done unspeakable things, how could I ever let anyone know that person? If coming clean was the next step, I wanted no part of it.
I rolled over, indicating I was finished with the conversation. How was it possible I had exp
erienced exhilaration unlike anything I could explain just a few hours ago and now be so confused? For the first time in my life, I knew God loved me. How could that feeling vanish so quickly? I whispered, “Lord, please help me to understand.”
**********
Spring of 1999 marked our fourth anniversary in Franklin. The calendar flipped another year, adding an additional notch to the growth chart for our babies. Taylor loved school and Austin couldn’t wait to ride the bus with his sissy. She usually came home each day with a big story to tell her little brother, adding to his agony that he wasn’t old enough to share her experiences. She nearly caused me to choke on my chicken one night over dinner when she asked, “Can we adopt?”
Troy and I chimed in at the same moment, “No!”
“Well, why not?” she asked.
We began the song and dance that we were too old and we had two healthy children; there wasn’t any reason to adopt.
Taylor said, “But I have a new friend from Russia who was just adopted and I could have a sister just like her.”
I later found out about the little girl recently adopted in the first-grade class, and Taylor had been asked to be her room buddy. To our surprise, the little girl lived in our neighborhood, too. The two girls became inseparable. However, we nipped the notion of adoption quickly.
Not long after this I was driving home with the windows down, lost in my thoughts, when I noticed a new subdivision. For some strange reason I decided to pull in and check things out. The model home was lovely. What could it hurt just to walk around? I probably shouldn’t have, though, because it caused my mind to reel with ideas. And my excitement didn’t wane in the five-minute drive home.
Troy was standing in our kitchen, tired after a long day of work, when I came bursting through the front door with news of my fantastic discovery.
“Troy, you have got to come see the house I found. I mean, it is so spacious and the kids would just love it. It’s perfect!” I exclaimed.
“What in the world are you talking about? We aren’t looking for a new house, Rhonda. Besides, we couldn’t even get financing three years after filing bankruptcy.” He walked out of the room.
I thought to myself that I could change his mind if I could just get him there.
The following Sunday after church, when we were all in such good moods, I decided it was the perfect time to bring up looking at the new house. “Hey, Honey, let’s drive over and look at that new subdivision I told you about.”
“Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt just to look,” he said. Of course, Taylor and Austin chimed in, asking questions as to why we would go to see a new house.
Everyone was hooked the second our family walked into that model home.
The builder encouraged us to apply, just to see if we qualified for the loan even though we had filed bankruptcy. Taylor and Austin’s pleas pressed on Troy’s heart and he agreed to try.
We were approved, much to our surprise, so we decided to see if our house would sell. The FOR SALE sign went up and the house sold within four weeks. I wasn’t sure why, but I kept feeling as though we were going to need the additional space.
Once again we packed our bags. It was going to be hard to move from our little cul-de-sac, even though we were just a hop, skip, and a jump away. I was going to miss our neighbors, especially the backyard parties. I also realized we were leaving the home where God had entered our minds and hearts for the first time. Memories that would not soon be forgotten.
**********
Our new house was exciting, but the changes happening within the walls was what I loved most. I learned how to pray. Up until this point, I never prayed in front of anyone, not even Troy. Of course, I had prayed with Taylor and Austin: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.”
I was afraid I would say something wrong in front of others. For some reason, I believed that my prayers needed to impress people instead of just talking with God. Matthew 6:6 spoke to me: “But you, when you pray, go in your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you.” So that’s what I did—I headed to the closet.
Troy and I were both changing, but it still seemed something was missing. The following Sunday, right in the middle of the sermon, he leaned over to me and whispered, “Take a look around. What do you see?”
I glanced around the small sanctuary, and to my surprise half of the congregation was asleep.
I looked over at Troy as he whispered out of the corner of his mouth, “There has got to be a place this doesn’t happen.”
What Troy meant specifically was that perhaps it was time to find a new church.
The following week he decided to visit a new church by himself. We didn’t want to disturb the regular routine for the kids until we determined whether or not we were moving.
The kids and I got home before Troy. He walked in, fired up. “Honey, the message and the music were unbelievable. Let’s all go there together next Sunday.”
“Well, of course, if that’s what you want to do. Let’s go,” I replied. I wanted to share his excitement.
The week flew by as I anticipated visiting this church Troy had been so ecstatic about. Sunday finally came, and we walked into the largest church I had ever visited and I was not the least bit comfortable.
We walked into the lobby where we were greeted by friendly faces and firm handshakes. I noticed on the wall a plaque displaying the mission statement. It read, “Our mission is to turn ordinary people into passionate followers of Jesus Christ.” Well, we might be at the right place, I thought. We are certainly ordinary.
We found our way into the sanctuary, but there were no pews. On the stage, a band was tuning up. I gently pulled on Troy’s sleeve as we found our seats.
“They must not be having their regular service today, Troy. We should probably come back next week.”
“No, please. You’re going to love it. I promise,” Troy whispered back confidently.
We took our seats and the music began. It wasn’t hymns; it was more like a rock concert with people clapping and lights flashing. Taylor and Austin joined in, as did Troy. Out of the corner of my eye, it became apparent that I was the only stick in the mud present.
This isn’t for me. I don’t like it. People aren’t dressed up. I don’t know the songs.
As soon as the music ended, Pastor Rick White began speaking. His voice was filled with passion, causing me to sit up. I had never heard anyone take scripture and make it so applicable to my life before. I could understand Troy’s eagerness to bring us here.
We were sitting in the middle section, and to our right were about four hundred teenagers who had just returned from a camp. I got a tad distracted when I noticed how attentively they were listening to the message.
This is where I want Taylor and Austin.
I turned around, unsure of what just happened, only to realize the same voice that had spoken to Troy at our kitchen table was telling me this was the place He wanted our children to attend church.
Walking out, Troy didn’t have to ask if I liked it. With inexpressible joy, I told him what had happened. I wanted to dance, sing, or do something. What else does one do after God speaks to them?
EIGHTEEN
“And you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”
John 8:32
Our new church was much like a vast ocean, and our family fearlessly jumped right in. At first it was difficult to meet people, but as time went on we began to build friendships. Taylor and Austin adjusted quickly, which made it easier for us, too.
The contemporary music started to speak to me. I was pleasantly surprised when I realized there was a radio station that played many of the same songs I heard on Sunday mornings. I found that helped me during the week to soak in the positive words instead of the songs from my past, which oftentimes made me think about things I wa
nted to forget.
The Lord was definitely doing something within our family and within me. I found myself in the closet more and more, crying out to God and pleading for forgiveness. I just felt I needed assurance. I knew the Bible said if I asked God to forgive me, He would. However, I was still pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I didn’t know what the Bible said about that.
Sundays couldn’t come soon enough. We were like sponges soaking up everything we could about Jesus. Arriving early allowed us time to wander around some of the booths displayed in the lobby. Troy seemed to linger at one table for quite a while.
“Rhonda, I think I’m going to Guatemala. It’s only for seven days and there is a whole missions team going.”
I was shocked. I don’t think I heard anything Pastor Rick said that day. I sat in my seat convincing myself that he should not go. Missionaries get killed. I’m going to lose Troy, too. Taylor and Austin won’t have a father, just like me.
The fear of death returned.
We got in the car and I pleaded with him to change his mind.
“Rhonda, I am going to get to build houses. You know how much I love to use my hands. Could God possibly be revealing how He could use me?”
I knew I couldn’t say no, and even if I did, he wouldn’t listen. Troy had made up his mind that he was going. And he did.
I cried off and on for seven days. I informed every human being I came in contact with that week that my husband was on a missions trip in Guatemala, as though he were the only man in history to ever go on such an endeavor.
The kids and I drove to the airport to greet the team on their return. We ran to meet him. Did he look different? Something had changed.
Dinner was waiting in the oven when we got home. We gathered around the dinner table as he recounted story after story of how God had worked there.
“We were pouring a concrete roof one day. There were several of us doing the job because as the concrete was poured, we had to spread it quickly. All of a sudden, a wall of rain moved in our direction. Lightning strikes lit up the sky, followed by bursts of thunder. We knew our roof would be destroyed if it were rained on. One of the men yelled, ‘We have to pray!’ and we all went to our knees upon that roof.”
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