“He wouldn’t talk about what happened, but I’ll tell you this: He misses you. What went wrong, anyway? One day Dad was walking on cloud nine and the next he was in the dumps.”
“I have issues,” I said, rather than go into the details.
“You have issues. Dad has issues. Doesn’t everyone?”
I snorted a laugh. She was right. Everyone did, in one way or another. The key was working them out instead of running away.
“So now that we’ve come to this point, I’m guessing you called for more than an interest in Dad’s health.”
“I did,” I readily confessed. “Do you think…he’d respond if I sent him a text?”
“Why would you text him?” Misty asked. “From what little Dad told me, you said you were finished with him. Have you changed your mind?”
“I regret saying that.” I’d been hurt and angry and stupid, but I was willing to admit it now.
“In other words, you’ve had a change of heart?”
“I have.”
She considered my words, then said, “Don’t toy with my dad, Maureen. This is the second time you’ve pulled the rug out from under him. The first time was bad enough. Either you’re in or you’re out. You need to decide what you want, because I refuse to stand by and let you stomp all over his heart.”
His heart wasn’t the only one that felt like it’d been caught in a stampede. “I know what I want, and that’s Logan. He said I should let him know when I was ready to take back what I said. I’m ready. More than ready.”
“Good,” Misty asked, and sounded pleased. “But why are you talking to me and not to my dad?” she asked, which was a perfectly legitimate question.
“I wanted your take on how receptive he’d be.” The request floated in the air like a balloon tossed about in the wind.
“At this point, I don’t know,” Misty said, and exhaled loudly. “If you had asked me a few days ago I’d say it was a lost cause. Now I’m not so sure. He’s been low. I don’t think you have any idea. Dad was head over heels for you.”
“Was?” Past tense observed, and my heart sunk.
“He’s moving on as if you’re out of his life. If you do this thing—reach out, call, text, whatever it is you decide to do—great. But like I said, be sure this is what you want. This yo-yo thing isn’t working. Understand?”
“I do.”
“You say you’ve got issues. Deal with them.”
“I intend to do exactly that.” My heart felt lighter than it had been in a long time. Funny how it was that two women, my daughter and Logan’s daughter, had been the ones to set me straight.
“Thank you,” I told Misty. “I mean that. I’m sincerely grateful.”
After Misty and I ended our call, I stared at my phone, considering how best to approach Logan. My head searched for the words that might get him to respond to me. I toyed with several ideas, some funny, some apologetic, but nothing I came up with felt right.
Finally, after a lot of thought, I started moving my fingers.
It’s said the truth will set you free. So here it is: the truth. I love you, Logan.
Sucking in a calming breath, I pushed the send button. The words disappeared, and the message delivery notification came back. I held on to my phone with both hands as I waited for a response.
For a full ten minutes I stood in my kitchen, staring at the face of my phone, waiting.
None came.
CHAPTER 34
Jenna
We had plans to meet at my home later in the day to discuss the trip. It simply wasn’t in Maureen’s DNA not to show up on time. I had wonderful news to share after this morning’s conversation with Mackensie and Allie. I had plans to meet Rowan later and could hardly wait. I would have canceled with Maureen, only I knew she needed to talk. Besides, Rowan had early duty at the hospital. Over the years she’d had unavoidable delays, but each time she’d called to let me know. Not so today, which made me more than a little concerned.
Five minutes passed beyond the time Maureen was due. When it was ten minutes, followed by fifteen, I was convinced something bad had happened: a car crash, a fall that left her unconscious, or some other unavoidable disaster. Just about the time I was ready to call Tori in a panic, I saw Maureen’s car pull up and park in front of the house.
Even before she had climbed out of the vehicle, I was out the front door. The day was full of dark clouds, and Maureen looked as if one of those very clouds hung over her.
“What’s up?” I asked, as we met partway up the sidewalk.
She shook her head, telling me she didn’t want to say anything until we were inside the house. This could be one of those subjects not open for discussion, so I kept quiet. Once in the warmth with the door closed, she removed her coat and tossed it over the chair. I’d never seen Maureen toss her coat. She always hung it up in a neat, orderly fashion.
“Does this require alcohol?” I asked.
“What do you have?”
“RumChata and an open bottle of pinot noir.”
“Wine,” she said without hesitation. She followed me into the kitchen while I brought down two wineglasses and poured us each a generous glass.
“Okay, spill.”
Maureen took a gulp and set the glass down on the kitchen table, where we both took a seat. I don’t know what it is about this room of the house. My mother and I had the most serious conversations of my life in the kitchen. It’d been the same with my kids and me. Perhaps it was the familiarity of gathering around the table that welcomed confidences. Whatever the reason, Maureen and I both were the most comfortable sharing our hearts and our hurts in this very room.
“I texted Logan to tell him I loved him.”
This was big. More than big. It was huge. Maureen had always kept her feelings and emotions close to her chest. She would never say what she didn’t mean. If she’d been willing to tell Logan that he had her heart, then this was as real as it got.
This should also be a reason to celebrate, only Maureen wasn’t smiling. She wore the same look she’d had the day she’d come to tell me that Peter had moved out and they’d decided to divorce. It was that lost, pained look that made my heart ache for her. I noticed how pale she was.
“And his response?”
“He didn’t return my text. I thought he felt the same. He…must have changed his mind.”
I took a slow sip of wine to give myself time to think this through. I wasn’t convinced this was the case. “Maybe he didn’t read it.”
“He saw it.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“My screen said it was delivered.”
“Delivered, yes, but that doesn’t mean he read it.”
“It doesn’t?” Hope came alive in her eyes. “You’re sure?”
I nodded. “What is it about love that makes everything so difficult?” I asked, not expecting an answer. Relationships between men and women never seemed to be crystal clear. Most of the time it was like looking into a muddy puddle and expecting to see a Picasso painting.
“What’s going on with you and Rowan?” she asked.
Leaning forward, I braced both of my elbows against the tabletop and covered my face with both hands. “I met with his daughter earlier, and she explained a lot. You were right to tell me to hear him out. I would have saved us both a lot of angst if I’d listened to you.”
For the first time since she’d arrived, Maureen smiled. “I knew he was the one. Told you so, didn’t I?”
“I don’t know how you can say that. If I were to make a list of everything I didn’t want in a man, it would be the description of Rowan. He’s a physician. He works at the same hospital as I do. He’s divorced and, until recently, estranged from his daughter; he wasn’t allowed any access to her since the divorce. You, of all people, know that these are all big issues with me, an
d yet he’s the one I fell in love with. Can you explain that?”
“Nope,” Maureen said. “Life is strange.”
“You’re telling me. I knew almost from the moment I met him that I was going to fall for this guy. And when I say fall, I mean as in leaping off the Golden Gate Bridge—that kind of fall. My head keeps telling me it’s crazy for us to get involved, and yet my heart refuses to listen.”
Maureen eyes showed understanding. If she had any more words of wisdom, she was keeping them to herself.
“It all started with that walk along Gold Creek Lake,” I murmured. “When I felt his arms around me that first time, I’d been lost. From that point forward it was all over for me. Some part of me had known that there was no going back. I’d stumbled along the way—more than once. But Rowan wasn’t like other men. He wasn’t ruled by his ego. He was patient beyond explanation, content to wait me out. He seemed to believe that if he waited long enough, I’d eventually accept that we were meant to be together, as he had.”
Maureen took another big guzzle of her wine. “I met with Tori earlier. She forced me to look at myself and confess that I have issues. Don’t you hate it when our children are right?”
“Don’t look so glum. We all have issues. Some are bigger than others. I have my own, as you well know.”
“No!” Maureen feigned shock.
“Paul still isn’t speaking to me.” I’d reached out again, and no response. This was killing me. More than anything, I longed to resolve this issue between us. I knew he was upset with me. We’d had disagreements before, but never any that had lasted more than a day or two. This had gone on long enough, and I was desperate to set things right.
“What are we going to do about Paris?” Maureen asked, bringing up the original reason that we were meeting today in the first place.
“We’ll do what we always do,” I assured her. “Yes, we can travel to Paris in September or October, but I’ve always dreamed of seeing the city in the spring.”
“I know. I have, too.”
“Then let’s put it off for another year.”
“Just as long as we set a date that doesn’t interfere with my grandbaby’s first birthday.”
“It’s a plan.” I clinked the edge of my wineglass against hers. Some dreams simply had to be postponed. We’d put Paris off this long. An extra year wasn’t going to be that difficult to accept. Our plans were set, but I remained concerned about Maureen.
“You going to be okay?”
“Nothing more I can do. I laid my heart and my pride on the chopping block. The next move is up to Logan.”
We finished our wine, and before Maureen left, we hugged.
About fifteen minutes later, I got ready to meet Rowan.
CHAPTER 35
Maureen
After I left Jenna, I headed home; my heart felt like a boulder was pressing against it. It seemed Logan was going to need more than a text from me. I’d hoped he would respond to my declaration of love. He hadn’t. I’d lost count of the number of times I’d checked my phone. Nothing.
This only meant that I would have to swallow even more of my pride and reach out to him in person. I had to ask myself how willing I was to admit I’d made a mistake. The answer was easy: I wanted Logan in my life. I wanted this relationship. As I looked back on the years since Peter and I had divorced, I recognized that I’d sabotaged every chance I had to build a new life with another man. I didn’t want that to happen again. Logan was someone I wanted to start a new journey with. Obviously, something was wrong with me that I would continue to push away the very man I had come to love.
As I turned onto my street, I noticed a truck parked in front of my house. One of the neighbors, I assumed, until I got closer. My breathing stalled, and I gasped for air when I realized that it wasn’t the neighbor’s vehicle.
It belonged to Logan.
He sat in the cab and was looking down at something. I had to assume he was either snoozing or on his phone.
Once I parked in the driveway and got out of the car, the truck door opened and Logan climbed out.
“Did you mean it?” he hollered to me from the curb.
No need to pretend that I didn’t know what he was talking about. We both knew he was referring to the text I’d sent him. I nodded.
“Then say it.”
I glanced around, certain that by now I had the attention of every neighbor on the block. I became convinced when Mrs. Olson’s draperies moved and I saw her looking out the living room window.
“May we go inside and talk about this?” I pleaded.
“No.”
I shuffled my feet, kicking at a brightly colored leaf on the edge of my driveway. “I care about you.”
“That wasn’t what you said in the text.” His voice seemed to vibrate in the air as loud as a sonic boom.
“I texted that I am in love with you,” I said in a low voice, keeping my head lowered.
“I didn’t hear that. What was it you said?” He cupped his hand around his ear, even though I knew he’d distinctly heard every word.
He was going for blood now. “Okay, okay,” I all but shouted. “I’m in love with you.”
Satisfied, a big grin spread across his face, and he started walking toward me. His smile was bright enough to rival that of the summer sun. When he reached me, he wrapped his arms around my waist, lifted me off the ground, and whirled me in a circle. I brought my arms around his neck and held on to him, smiling in return, almost forgetting that the entire neighborhood was probably watching.
“It’s about time you admitted it,” Logan said, hugging me close.
I hugged him back, kissing the side of his neck.
“Guess that text was your way of telling me you weren’t finished with me, after all.”
“I’m not anywhere close to being finished with you.”
“Good to know.”
“You can put me down now,” I said, certain we were causing a scene that would be the talk of the neighborhood for months to come. “Please?” I was embarrassed enough, and convinced my cheeks were beet red, and not from the November chill.
Logan reluctantly did as I asked. Taking his hand, I led him to the porch and into the house.
“I have some news, and it’s the reason I showed up at the sports bar in the first place,” I said. “I’m going to be a grandmother.”
His smile was wide and genuine. “Congratulations!”
We sat close together on the sofa and Logan reached for me, bringing me into his arms, kissing me until the room was spinning out of control. I’d never thought of myself as sensuous. I was too staid to get caught up in the physical aspects of being a woman. Logan’s kisses, however, were awakening me to an entirely different aspect of my nature. Winding my arms around his neck, I practically climbed into his lap as I brought his lips to mine. I loved the smell of him, the taste of him…I loved everything about him.
“No more of this, Maureen.”
Oh my, I was just getting started, I thought to myself.
“You don’t like kissing?”
“I was talking about the thing you do when you’re upset with me. It’s like you can’t wait to get me out of your life when we face a bump in our relationship. I can’t live that way, walking on eggshells around you. I need to know that you’ll stick with me…that you’ll work through things and not run away.”
“I couldn’t agree with you more.” I was making myself a promise, and Logan, too. From this point forward, I wouldn’t run away; I’d run toward him. And I’d avoid the sports bar at all costs. That went without saying.
“Good.”
“I was jealous, you know.” This part wasn’t easy to admit. “I saw you with that woman.”
“What woman?”
“That night in the sports bar. She…She looked like she worke
d construction.”
“Sally?” he barked a laugh. “That’s no woman. Okay, I guess she’s technically a woman, but I don’t think of her that way. We’ve worked together for ages. She’s like one of the guys.”
“You had your arm around her.”
Logan twisted his face, as if reviewing his memory. “I did?”
“Her shoulder,” I amended.
His smile slid back into place. “And you were jealous?”
I nodded.
“I like that. I’ll let you in on a secret: I’m a one-woman man and I have my woman—you.”
I smiled at his comment. “Good to know.” He was saying all the right things—all the things I needed to hear.
“I have a question for you,” he said, drawing me close and kissing the top of my head. He put his arm around my shoulders and I laid my head there, enjoying the warmth and the closeness.
“Okay.”
“I feel like we both need a bit of clarification moving forward. Where do we go from here?”
Tilting my head back, I looked up at him, unsure how best to respond. “I…Where would you like us to go? I mean…we could continue the way we’ve been, getting better acquainted, sharing time and experiences together, that sort of thing.”
Logan nodded his head in agreement, but his eyes were thoughtful, unsure. “What would you say if I asked for more than companionship? After all, if I needed someone to pal around with, I’d just go down to the sports bar and ask my buddies to hang out.”
His question was becoming clear. He wanted, needed, more from me.
I held his look. “Do you love me, Logan?”
“More than I have the words to say. You center me, help me to understand what’s important in my life. At the same time, you challenge me with these books you have me read. And you calm me, although not as much as I’d like, especially in the last couple weeks. When I’m with you, the stress from work lifts right off my shoulders. To me, that’s love.”
He might not have the gushy words, but this was the most genuine declaration of love that I’d ever heard in my lifetime.
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