by Anna Bell
‘And you’re wearing your hair curly again.’
‘Felt like a change,’ I say, lying. My numbers on Instagram have been creeping up and I don’t really want to be seen out on a ‘non-date’ with a man who isn’t Luke so I figured I’d look as different as I could from This_Izzy_Loves. I know it’s lame, but the curls are my version of Clark Kent’s glasses.
‘Your table’s ready.’
I mutter under my breath as now I’ve got to get off this bloody stool again. If I’d have known it was going to be so quick I would have stood against it in a casual lean.
We’re escorted across to a table in the middle of the restaurant. At least the seats are at normal height and don’t require any athletic training.
‘Have you eaten here before?’ I ask, picking up the menu.
‘No, but I walk past it on the way to the train and it’s always looked nice. Have you?’
‘No, but I’ve heard the burgers are good.’
‘I’m going to have the Mexican burger. Saskia’s been talking about doing one at the café so I might as well check out the competition.’
‘That’s a good boyfriend thing to do,’ I say.
‘Boyfriend?’ he says, looking over the top of the overly large menu.
‘Yeah, you know, Saskia’s your girlfriend?’
I’m still debating between the aoili burger and the stilton one and it takes me a minute to notice that Aidan’s staring at me.
‘Saskia’s my partner.’
‘Ooh, sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you with the semantics. I always think of partner and girlfriend as being a bit same, same. But I’ll try harder.’
Aidan laughs. ‘That’s not what I meant. Saskia’s my business partner.’
‘Your business partner,’ I say slowly.
‘Uh-huh. She’s an old friend who needed someone to invest in her café idea and I’d developed an app for fun that had done well and I had some money in the bank.’
He laughs like it’s really funny, and I want to tell him that it wasn’t that ludicrous a theory as I’d seen her blowing that kiss to him, but I can’t as then he’d know I’d seen him and ignored him.
‘There’s absolutely nothing between me and Saskia. We’re purely platonic,’ he says, picking up his beer.
I don’t mean to look up but I do and I find myself staring him straight in the eye.
‘Right, OK. So just like us.’
He chokes on the beer he’s sipping. ‘Um, I guess so. Yeah, absolutely. I mean we’re the epitome of platonic friendship.’
The waitress comes up to our table at that exact moment and she gives us a look.
‘I could come back?’ she says, retreating slowly.
‘No, don’t worry. We’re only discussing how we’re just good friends,’ I say, getting flustered.
‘Always good to get those things out in the open,’ says the waitress with a hint of pity in her smile. ‘So, did you want to order or should I come back?’
‘Let’s order,’ says Aidan. ‘I’ll go for the Mexican burger. And a large Peroni to drink.’
‘OK, and you?’
‘I’ll go for the loaded burger with aioli.’
‘You know that has garlic on, right?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘OK, then, guess it’s just as well that you’re just friends,’ she says with a wink, before taking our menus and walking off.
‘That was weird, wasn’t it?’ says Aidan, looking over his shoulder at the waitress with a confused look on his face.
‘We were having a chat before you arrived… never mind,’ I say, stirring my cocktail with the metal stirrer. ‘So, Saskia’s your business partner. Does that mean you have any other… partner in your life?’
Not that it should matter whether he does or he doesn’t, seeing as we’ve discovered that we’re platonic friends and all that.
‘No, no other partners, business or otherwise,’ he says. ‘I don’t want one either.’
‘Wow. That’s pretty certain.’ He sounds so much like me.
He shrugs his shoulders.
‘My ex, Zoe, so much shit went down when we broke up and the only way I found to convince myself to get through it was to not put myself through it again. I mean, I’m not talking about forever, but I can’t imagine that it would be for a long, long time.’
‘I absolutely get that,’ I say, copying the waitress’s pitying nod.
‘You said you didn’t date, either,’ he says.
‘Have you seen the men available on Tinder?’ I say with a joke.
‘I’ve seen them all right,’ he says, idly picking up his cutlery.
‘Oh,’ I say. I might have got this whole thing very wrong indeed. ‘So you like men?’
‘What? No,’ he says, shaking his head. ‘I saw the men on Tinder because Zoe showed me. Right near the end we had this fight and she showed me all the men that had swiped right for her as if to show me all the men that were potentially better than me.’
‘What?’ I say loud enough that the people at the next table all turn and look at us. I lean in and lower my voice. ‘What an absolute bitch.’
He half smiles.
‘I don’t often call people names but you’re right, she was. And that wasn’t even the worst thing she did.’
‘What could possibly be worse?’
‘She ended up flirting with an ex on Facebook and getting back together with him. Although she dated both of us for a few months just to make sure she was making the right decision.’
‘Shit, that is worse. I stand by my earlier comments, what a bitch.’
Aidan smiles weakly.
‘You know, I can beat your story though. My ex was worse,’ I say, sipping my drink.
He pulls a face. ‘I really don’t think that’s possible.’
‘Wanna bet?’
‘I always like a bet. Loser buys the sweets at the cinema?’ he says. ‘And I hope you do lose, not because I don’t want to buy the sweets but because I’d hate to think you were with someone more awful than Zoe.’
‘Unfortunately he was,’ I say, confident I’m going to win. ‘I was living with my now-ex, Cameron, up in London. I thought we were happy and in love. Cameron was in New York on business the day that Ben died, and I phoned him when I got back to my parents’ house. It was the middle of the night for him and at first when his work colleague Tiffany picked up, I thought reception had put me through to the wrong room, but it turned out they hadn’t.’
‘Bloody hell.’
‘Yep. I guess there’s never a good time to find out that your boyfriend’s been cheating on you. Apparently, they’d been sleeping together for years but dated other people as inter-office dating was against the rules.’
I take hold of my drink and wish it was something stronger. Elderflower doesn’t really have the kind of edge I need right now.
‘Pick ‘n’ mix on me then,’ he says, whistling through his teeth.
We sit in silence for a minute and I’m furious. Not only at Cameron but at Zoe too for treating someone as nice as Aidan so badly.
‘I don’t know what’s worse: the fact they did those awful things or the fact that they’ve left us not wanting to risk another relationship,’ he says.
‘Bet you’re glad we came for the burger first.’
‘I think next time we should stick to having a drink after the film and we only discuss that.’
‘Might be a safer plan,’ I say with a sigh.
The waitress brings over our amazing-looking burgers and pops them down in front of us. Usually I’d take a photo for my Instagram stories, but knowing how much that would remind Aidan of his ex, all I do this time is squirt some ketchup on my plate and tuck in.
‘Bloody hell, those chips are hot,’ I say, dropping it fast and drinking quickly to soothe my poor burnt tongue. I’m not used to hot food anymore, by the time I take a couple of sips, it’s a lot cooler. I wait for a moment before taking a bite of my burger and the waitress was right, it
’s super garlicky. I might have to get mints instead of my usual Maltesers. I reckon that everyone else in the cinema is going to be able to smell me.
The film was exactly what we needed after our meal. A little light relief. Yes, there were sad moments in it, but it was also heart-warming and funny and absolutely what we needed. Aidan and I have been waxing lyrical about the genius that was Rik Mayall in the pub for the best part of an hour.
‘Bugger, it’s train o’clock, I’m afraid,’ he says, draining his pint. ‘I’m glad we had dinner after all or else this would have felt too short.’
‘I know, time’s really flown,’ I say, finishing my drink and standing up to go.
I shuffle out of the comfy booth and we head outside.
‘I’ve had a really good time tonight,’ says Aidan.
‘Me too.’
‘It was nice to talk about the heavy stuff as well,’ he says.
‘It was. You know you can talk to me about it, anytime. You know, if you need to.’
‘Thanks, I appreciate that,’ he says. He rocks back on his heels and puts his hands in his pockets. ‘You know, I’m over my ex. I realise I probably made it sound like I wasn’t when I talked about her.’
‘It’s OK, you don’t need to explain,’ I say, noticing that we’re standing pretty close to each other on the street and I’m starting to regret the choice of burger.
‘I want to,’ he says, putting his hands in his pockets. ‘I’m not angry at her, I’m angry at myself that I let her treat me the way she did. I’ve spent the last year and a half becoming me again and it’s great, and I don’t want to change who I am.’
‘But maybe you wouldn’t need to,’ I say, stopping before we go through the door to the pub. We shuffle away from smokers and end up on the pavement alone, still standing far too close to each other. ‘If you met the right person they wouldn’t want to change you. They’d accept you for your crow’s feet, your slightly too much stubble and your wardrobe that only seems to consist of band T-shirts.’ I pause for a second. ‘And for the fact that you like those awful spaceship sweets. That person wouldn’t care because they would know that you’re one of the most caring and thoughtful people and that you have excellent taste in films and do fantastic impressions and you have what look like pretty rock star abs…’ I stop, suddenly realising what I’m saying. Aidan’s looking at me with intensity and I can’t figure out what he’s thinking…
‘Is that what they’ll think?’ he says, a small smile appearing over his lips.
‘Well, you know, something like that.’
He leans towards me and my stomach starts to flip. My heart is racing and I tilt my head and move towards him.
And then a guy drunkenly knocks into Aidan. ‘Sorry, mate,’ he says, staggering off again.
I’m sure Aidan was going to kiss me. My lips are still tingling in anticipation, but whatever spell had fallen over us has been broken and Aidan coughs and backs away.
‘I guess that I should be getting that train.’
I breathe out, trying to get over what almost happened. My legs are trembling and my heart is going nineteen to the dozen, but I pretend I’m fine and plant a fake smile on my face.
He gives me an arm’s length hug then mutters a quick goodbye before he goes. He must have been relieved that we got inter rupted as he couldn’t get away from me quick enough.
But that’s not how I feel. I’m glued to the spot watching him go.
I’ve never wanted to kiss anyone as much as I want to kiss him right now but as usual when it comes to my love, life all I’m left with is the familiar pang of heartbreak.
Welcome to October
This_Izzy_Loves IGTV
No. followers: 19.6k
Hurrah, it’s officially autumn! Luke and I went for a walk through crunchy leaves today and he decided we should have a leaf fight and I’m still picking bits out of my hair. Did you see the meal we had afterwards on my stories? I’m still full from that sticky toffee pudding – it was every bit as good as it looked! Luckily we’ve just got a chilled night planned. I think we’ll crack open some more of the gin we got from our tour last month. If you didn’t see our distillery visit, the link’s in my bio to the video. The recipe for our new signature cocktail ‘The Luzy’ is on there and it’s fantastic, if not a little strong – you have been warned!
Chapter 18
Marissa’s become even easier to spot in the crowded shopping centre with her ever-increasing baby bump. She sees me and heads toward me carrying a large cardboard cake box.
‘Hello, you,’ she says, giving me a quick hug. It makes me wince with pain. ‘What’s with you?’
‘Gin hangover,’ I say, shuddering. Luke and I spent last night trying to recreate the cocktail recipe from our distillery tour. We’d planned to use water instead of alcohol but we had been gifted so much gin that it seemed a shame to waste it. And it hadn’t tasted that bad on the tour when it was in a cocktail. I was about to call myself a gin convert, until I woke up in agony this morning thinking that someone was trying to smash through my head with a pneumonic drill.
‘Oh bless you. Hangover food it is then.’
‘Yes, let’s go to McDonald’s or Burger King,’ I say, wincing in the sunlight. Since when has it been so sunny in October?
‘We’re not eating fast food. I’m about to give birth to a tiny human, which means I’m going to have a lifetime of eating in places like that. Let’s go somewhere less child-friendly like the Boozy Goose. They do those amazing chicken wings.’
I like that bar and the lights aren’t too bright.
‘OK,’ I say, nodding.
We start walking towards the bar and I loop my arm through Marissa’s. You’d think I was the heavily pregnant one at the speed I’m insisting we walk.
‘I thought you were going to fake your gin photos?’
‘We were going to,’ I say, groaning at the memory, ‘but then we figured we might as well have one.’
‘Or ten, I’m guessing by the state of you.’
‘I sort of lost track…’
‘So, drinking with Luke on a Friday night, huh?’
I see her not-so-subtle eyebrow raising.
‘It was a nice night,’ I say, shrugging. ‘I wouldn’t say we’re becoming friends, but we’re definitely getting used to spending time with each other and it’s not totally awful.’
‘High praise indeed,’ says Marissa, pushing open the door. We climb up the stairs to where the bar is located. ‘So is it still just a showmance, or is it turning into something more? The way he looks at you in those pictures…’
We round the top of the stairs and I pull a face before I head over to the sofas in the corner.
‘There is nothing in the way he looks at me other than the pound signs in front of his eyes. I’m merely a way of him making money, nothing more.’
She raises a sceptical eyebrow and I choose to ignore it.
‘Although he did surprise me by contacting Heart2Heart. I thought he’d want to do a fun run or something, but he wants to do a proper fundraiser.’
‘Right, so he organised for you to do a fundraiser for a charity that’s really special to you and you really think he’s only in it for the money?’ asks Marissa, placing the white cardboard box she’s carrying on the table.
‘He said it was to raise our profile.’
‘Then why not pick a better-known charity?’
I sigh. Occasionally Luke can do nice things and it’s hard to reconcile those with the normal selfish things he does.
‘What’s in the box?’ I ask, changing the subject.
‘It’s a cake,’ she says far too loudly and perkily for my hungover state. ‘It’s for the gender reveal.’
‘You’ve decided to do one?’
‘Uh-huh,’ she says, clapping her hands together. ‘Tim finally agreed to it. We’re going to stream it via Instagram Live tomorrow. I haven’t dared tell my mum; she’s going to be well pissed off she won’t have the op
portunity to announce our news to the world first like she usually does.’
I laugh. Marissa’s mum does like to be the centre of attention.
‘I can’t believe you’re going to keep that cake until tomorrow.’
‘There’s no point streaming it on a Saturday night.’
I open the box’s flap and peer inside.
‘Could I just scrape off a little bit of the icing and look?’
‘No,’ screams Marissa. ‘That’s cheating. You’ll find out tomorrow, just like my thousand other followers.’
‘I can’t believe you haven’t looked.’
‘People would know. I’m so crap at faking anything.’
‘Yeah, I get that,’ I say, thinking back to the awful Makayto unboxing.
‘I’m dying to know though,’ she says, rubbing her belly. ‘It seems so weird that all that’s standing in my way of knowing if it’s a boy or a girl is a centimetre of frosting.’
I push the cardboard box gently in her direction to tempt her.
‘No,’ she says. ‘It wouldn’t be right. Not without Tim.’
‘And the rest of your followers?’ I can’t even copy one of her sceptical eyebrow-raises. It’s too much effort today.
‘Let’s change the subject,’ she says. ‘How was dinner and a movie with your friend Aidan?’ she asks, sounding a little too like that waitress for my liking. I’ve told Marissa about the cinema trips with him, although I’ve made it clear that we’re just good friends. I definitely haven’t told her we almost kissed and that I’ve regretted the fact that we didn’t ever since.
‘I told you on the phone, dinner and a movie was good, thank you.’
‘So, when are you seeing him next?’
‘I’m not sure. We usually meet at the monthly cult cinema, but this month is The Exorcist and there’s no way I can go and see that in the cinema. I saw it once on a grainy VHS and it scared the shit out of me. So I won’t see him until November.’
‘I guess that isn’t a problem if he’s just a mate, is it?’
I look up from my menu and she’s staring at me with a knowing smile on her face.
‘You know, you could ring him,’ she says. ‘Arrange to see another film. There are other cinemas.’