“It wasn’t in my plans,” Aodhan said with a grin rare and beautiful. “I want to be an artist, not a warrior.”
“Too bad you’re so powerful.” It had been made clear to Aodhan that he was too strong at too young an age to be left to his own devices. Either he aligned himself to a particular archangel’s court after his majority, or he ran the risk of being considered a threat by all.
“I talked to Raphael.” Aodhan ruffled Illium’s hair, his happiness for Illium a dazzling brightness. “He told me I can work as a courier for his court after I come of age—it’ll give me more time to decide, and I can keep up my sparring with you.”
Joy burst to life inside Illium. Even though it was his dream to be in Raphael’s forces, he’d hated the idea of being separated from Aodhan for significant stretches of time. “Good plan. I know you want to focus on art, but you know you get frustrated without a physical outlet.”
Aodhan wasn’t like Illium’s mother, content with weeks, even months, of solitude; he and Illium would’ve never become friends if he hadn’t also had a wildness inside him. Only three days earlier, it had been Aodhan who’d talked Illium into a late-night session of gorge diving.
“I’d like to be in a squadron with you,” he admitted, knowing it was a selfish need—but it wasn’t one he could fight, not when Aodhan was one of the solid foundations of his life. “If you don’t want to, though, it’s all right. You just have to be aligned to a court—you don’t have to actually be part of a squadron.”
“No, that won’t do.” Aodhan threw an arm around his shoulders. “I have to pass the damn test now—just to keep you out of trouble.”
“Ha!” Illium elbowed his best friend. “You wish. I’m going to be the one riding to the rescue, Mr. Turtle.”
“We’ll see.” Another grin. “So what’s the first thing you’re going to do now that you’re an official adult?”
Illium’s cheeks grew hot. “The girl I saw in the meadow when we did that overnight flight? I found out her name. Kaia.” As an underaged angel—even if only by a few months—Illium hadn’t been allowed to land or speak to her. Angels were only permitted to interact with mortals after they gained their majority.
“Yeah?” Aodhan’s eyes twinkled. “Are you planning on courting her?”
“I’m going to try. I look at her and I can’t breathe, Adi.” He rubbed a fist over his heart, massaging away the ache.
“Just flutter your pretty eyelashes at her, and she’ll fall.” After ducking to avoid Illium’s mock punch, he came up smiling. “Seriously, though—congratulations, Blue. One of these days, you’re going to end up second to an archangel.”
“No. That’s Dmitri’s spot—and I’m not leaving Raphael for any other archangel.” Illium’s loyalty was a thing of blood and stone. Once given, it would take an earthquake of monumental proportions for him to shift allegiance.
Eyes yet bright, Aodhan gave a slow nod. “No, you’re right. I can’t see either of us being happy in any other court. Is it arrogant to say that Raphael and Dmitri and Naasir and Jason are like family now?”
“Not when it’s the truth.” It was Raphael who’d taught Illium how to raise a sword, Dmitri who’d tutored him in strategy, Naasir who’d shown him the wild places in the Refuge and taught him the value of stealth.
Jason was different; quieter, more distant, but he was also the one who’d passed on advice about the motives of certain people in the Refuge. He’d also made sure Illium knew to protect his mother from the attentions of those who’d take advantage of her generous soul and fragmented mind.
The four had mentored Aodhan nearly as much. And not only because he and Illium were always together. No, it was because Aodhan had scholars for parents. Menerva and Rukiel’d had no idea what to do with a son so powerful.
“Family isn’t only blood,” Illium added. “Dmitri and Raphael are each other’s family, too.”
Aodhan gave him a thoughtful look. “Are we family?”
The answer should’ve been easy, but Illium hesitated. “No,” he said at last. “We’re beyond that.”
Aodhan nodded, his expression suddenly solemn. “Yes.”
27
Today
Illium was already putting together a sandwich in the stronghold kitchen by the time Aodhan made it there. No sign of Kai. When Aodhan touched his mind to Li Wei’s, she told him that the staff was in another wing, closing it up room by room. But they’d be in the kitchen in five to ten minutes, for their lunch.
Damn.
Shelving his discussion with Illium for now, Aodhan made his own sandwich, then the two of them ate standing up. Neither one of them had to be reminded to use high-energy items, but Aodhan ignored the Medjool dates that Illium snacked on, instead choosing a handful of dried fruit.
“Still hate dates?” Illium asked, no anger in him at that instant.
“Hate is a strong word. Despise beyond bearing would be better.”
A grin that hit Aodhan right in the gut, it was so familiar. “There’s chocolate in my backpack. I can get you some.”
Aodhan smiled, went to answer . . . and it hit him then. His willingness to fall right back into the uneven relationship that had been so easy—and a cowardice. It had nothing to do with the offer of chocolate and everything to do with how quickly he was willing to turn his face from all that he wanted to change between them, how ready he was to forget the difficult conversations they needed to have, just to keep that smile on Illium’s face.
Stepping back without thought, he said, “No, the fruit is fine.”
Grin erased, Illium finished a glass of water and said, “If you’re ready.”
Aodhan wanted to kick himself for his panicked reaction—because it had been panic. This past year, he’d convinced himself he was growing, becoming stronger, more who he would’ve been had an act of suffocating evil not derailed his life. But that was before his greatest temptation landed in the territory.
Illium, so bright and charismatic and generous.
Illium, so sure of what he wanted in life.
Illium, so easy to follow.
And follow him Aodhan had. Nearly all his life.
“Illium.” He lifted a hand, dropped it when Illium went motionless. “That wasn’t—”
“No explanations necessary.” A small meaningless smile. “My fault. We agreed to treat each other like squadron mates on a task. I’m the one who keeps overstepping.”
No, Aodhan wanted to yell, I didn’t agree to any such thing! We’ve never been anything so mundane, have always been more. Yet how could he say that, how could he demand more than this strained silence between them without falling into the gravitational force that was Illium?
If he fell, he’d remain stuck in amber. That was his greatest fear: that his dependence on Illium would leave him frozen in time, while his extraordinary friend grew and changed until he was a star Aodhan couldn’t touch.
He said none of that. He wasn’t quicksilver like his best friend. He needed time to think, to get his thoughts in order. And he could hear the faint murmur of voices in the distance as Li Wei and her team headed to the kitchen.
The idea of coming face-to-face with Kai when he felt rubbed raw turned his tone flat and curt as he said, “Let’s go.”
* * *
* * *
Illium was glad of their short time in the air after that ugly moment in the kitchen when Aodhan had taken a physical step back from him. Illium had seen Suyin touch Aodhan this morning, so it wasn’t as if Aodhan’s trauma had reared its horrific head, his friend fighting the dark.
No, it was Illium specifically that Aodhan didn’t want close.
Illium’s breath came out ragged, his chest crushing in on itself. The quick flight was just long enough for him to raise a shield that had been faltering, put it back in place. Patched and repaired it might be, but the fuckin
g thing would hold. All he needed to do anytime it weakened was to remember that instant in the kitchen.
When Aodhan had broken his fucking heart.
Keep it together, he ordered himself as they reached the hamlet. “Looks normal at first glance.”
Hovering overhead, they took in the small grouping of homes. Each had its own vegetable garden and enough space for a domestic animal or two, but it wasn’t a large settlement by any measure.
The forests and pillars of Zhangjiajie surrounded it on every side. Even the gravel road that led eventually to the main road, on which today traveled Suyin’s people, was heavily shadowed, the greenery encroaching on it from above and on either side.
“It could be a painting of a sleeping woodland village.” Aodhan’s voice was a little rough. “Like from a children’s book.”
“As if it wasn’t abandoned, but closed up for a long absence.” From what he could see, the doors were shut, the windows latched. No cars sat on the single main street that ran through the small settlement, and there were no abandoned items or pieces of lost clothing on the street or elsewhere, as might happen if people left in a rush.
The vehicles he could see were parked in what looked to be their usual spots beside houses, or at the side of the road. He spotted a few garages, guessed other cars lay within. “It’s like Vetra said, it looks like an average settlement in the middle of nowhere.”
Similar settlements existed in Raphael’s territory, usually made up of people who were self-sufficient and preferred to live off the grid. “I believed her when she said it, but I have to admit I still wasn’t expecting anything this normal.” He could see why she’d been so disconcerted.
“I, too, thought she must have missed some small sign of trouble since she was tired and on her way home from a long survey mission,” Aodhan admitted.
“I guess we both need to mentally apologize for our doubts. I’m going to land.”
“I’ll keep watch, see if your presence stirs up anything.”
With that, Illium arrowed himself to drop down in the center of the street. The susurration of his wings folding back was the loudest sound in the area. Even the trees had stopped rustling. It’s eerie, he thought to Aodhan. Like the world has stopped here.
I see movement to your left, near the yellow house.
Illium shifted his attention, didn’t see what had caught Aodhan’s eye. Walking closer while Aodhan shadowed him from above, he went to slide out his sword, when he heard a small sound.
He halted.
It came again.
A smile curving over his lips, he crouched down and looked under the raised porch to meet the scared eyes of a kitten so small she’d fit in the palm of his hand. “Hello there,” he murmured, and held out his hand for her to sniff.
She scrabbled back instead.
“Don’t blame you,” he murmured, “It’s creepy out here.” Aodhan, it’s safe. Our intruder is maybe eight inches long and probably weighs as much as a puff of air.
Aodhan joined him moments later. “Here,” he said, after digging into a wide side pocket of his rough canvas pants. “I grabbed a couple of packs of jerky on my way out of the kitchen, in case you got hungry later.”
When Illium scowled up at him, Aodhan a glittering silhouette against the sky, his face shadowed, Aodhan said, “You didn’t eat anywhere near enough to refill your energy reserves.”
Still annoyed, Illium grabbed the packet, and opened it to pull out a piece of dried meat. He put it where the kitten could get at it. Then he rose—while eating another slice. He slid the extra into a pocket. He wasn’t going to cut off his nose to spite his face—even if he really felt like it.
“Let’s leave her to decide whether to trust us or not. We can always bring some food out here for her if she stays skittish.” It was obvious from her skinny frame that she hadn’t been able to forage enough to thrive. Probably because she was too young to have those skills and had been someone’s pet.
Which made him frown. “Where are the chickens, the dogs, the goats?” The silence was absolute and he’d seen no other signs of life from above. “They took their animals with them, but the kitten escaped or got scared and bolted and so got left behind?”
“None of it makes sense.” Aodhan slid out one of his twin swords. “Let’s check the houses.”
They looked through eight different ones together, found clothes still hanging in the wardrobes, shoes sat by the front door, furniture standing unmolested, curtains neatly pulled or tied back. Other than large bags of rice and flour, there was no food except for the odd forgotten can in the back of a cupboard—but that could be explained by the residents taking all the easily transportable items with them.
To go where?
With no clothes or shoes or suitcases.
Standing in the center of the street again, surrounded by an echoing, inexplicable emptiness as clouds began to dim the sunlight, he said, “What are the chances Vetra looked in the same houses we did?”
Aodhan glanced at the homes they’d entered. “High,” he said after a while. “This is the logical place to land if you want to assess the situation. She also had no backup so wouldn’t have risked entering the houses that make a quick exit difficult.”
He touched the pocket of his cream-colored shirt with its raised collar and long sleeves. “I can call her.”
“The place isn’t that big. We could take a good look inside all the houses within the hour if we split up, take half each.”
“No splitting up,” Aodhan said at once. “Not here, Illium. China is . . . There are too many echoes.”
Illium had parted his lips to argue that he was fully capable of handling any random reborn that showed up, but shut his mouth on the second part of Aodhan’s statement. His friend had far more experience in this territory—and it was seriously creepy here.
Raphael would not be impressed if Illium got wounded because he’d gone off in a huff due to what was happening with Aodhan.
Instead, he just gave a nod, and the two of them began to go methodically through the houses. At some point, he heard a small meow and looked back to find the tiny gray-furred kitten following them—at a safe distance. Deciding to leave the scared creature to make up its mind about them without pressure, Illium kept watch while Aodhan searched, then they swapped.
It wasn’t something the two of them had to discuss. After so many centuries working side by side, they had a rhythm familiar and effective. So this entire operation was effortless . . . except for the tension that hummed beneath the surface. When their wings brushed as they passed in a hallway, Illium bit back his jerk and just continued on, not looking at Aodhan to see how he’d reacted.
He couldn’t bear to witness him pulling away again.
His mind went to earlier that day, to the moment he’d witnessed Suyin make contact with Aodhan’s skin. He hadn’t meant to see it, hadn’t been spying; he’d been on his way to talk to General Arzaleya when he’d overflown the spot where Suyin and Aodhan stood talking.
The touch had been nothing much. A mere brush of her fingers across his forearm, but Illium knew Aodhan. He could read his physical comfort. Aodhan had been fine with that touch. It hadn’t been unwanted.
Illium was glad his friend was increasing the circle of people with whom he was comfortable when it came to touch, but he was also jealous. It made his cheeks heat to even think that.
What the hell kind of friend was he to be resentful of Aodhan healing?
He shook his head in furious denial. No, that wasn’t it. He loved that Aodhan was healing. He wouldn’t mind if Aodhan touched Jae or Xan or General Arzaleya or literally any other person in this entire territory.
It was Suyin.
Kind, artistic, powerful Suyin who was the perfect match for Aodhan’s own strong, kind, artist’s soul. The last time Illium had spoken to his mother, she’d
told him that Aodhan and Suyin sketched together at times.
“I think she feels guilty for taking even an hour for herself,” his mother had said. “But I’ve told Aodhan he must make sure she does take it. It’s critical—she’s had little time to adjust to her new circumstances, needs to stabilize and nourish herself in the way that means the most to her—through creating.”
Illium understood all of that, but the idea of Aodhan and Suyin sitting companionably together while they created, it made him grit his teeth. Aodhan hated people in his space when he worked. Usually, he only allowed Illium or Illium’s mother into his studio. Illium had spent many an hour quietly cleaning both their weapons while Aodhan painted.
It was their thing.
“Now I sound like a jealous fuck even to myself,” he muttered under his breath.
And that was when he saw it. “Aodhan.”
A rustle of wings, and then Aodhan joined him in the kitchen of the small home. It was impossible for their wings not to touch in the compact area, and Illium bore the contact with a clenched abdomen and tight tendons. “Look.” He pointed to the small pool of rust-brown below one of the three chairs that bracketed the round table. “That seem like blood to you?”
Aodhan crouched down, his wings folded in and confined by the wall at their back. “Yes. But it’s too old for any kind of scent. We’d need to get a scientific analysis.”
“Yeah, I know. It could as easily be spaghetti sauce.” He shoved a hand through his hair. “I’m jumpy. Sorry.”
Aodhan rose, his wing brushing over Illium’s arm and chest. Unable to stand it, his eyes hot in a way that made him feel stupid, Illium stepped out of the room and continued to explore the home. Neat, lived-in, normal. No signs of struggle or violence.
Next house over and it was his turn to keep watch. He did so in silence.
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