by Maren Foster
“Yes, your honor. However, since this is only his first DWI arrest in the State of New York, and the mandatory minimum is only five days, of which he has already served two, we are hoping that you will take these and other key factors into account.”
The judge turned slightly to look directly at Nate. “How do you plead, Mr. Ellis?”
Nate spoke confidently into the microphone, “Nolo contendere, Your Honor.”
What the hell does that mean? I discreetly Googled it. No contest in Latin. He’s essentially pleading guilty without actually saying that word. That’s how it always goes with him, doesn’t it? Even when he knows something is his fault he won’t take responsibility.
I realized at that moment, just how badly I wanted to hear him say it; guilty. I had a strong feeling that there was no way he’d ever say he was sorry, which meant guilty, coming from Nate’s lips would be the closest thing to closure, resolution, amends.
“Your Honor, my client understands that he has a problem. He is prepared to do whatever it takes to rectify the situation, and will of course comply with all of the standard requirements, such as a one-year license suspension, however we ask that Your Honor consider that Mr. Ellis runs a health and wellness business that employs approximately 500 full-time staff and that he is also the sole support for his lovely wife, Wyn, who has recently learned that she is carrying their first child.”
What?
The young lawyer turned toward the gallery and the Judge’s gaze followed. I nodded instinctively and did my best not to look completely taken aback by the news. This must have been Nate’s sick idea!
The judge acknowledged me and Nate’s lawyer continued, “Your Honor, we request mandatory completion of a rehabilitation program, the maximum fine allowed under the law, supervised probation, community service, and of course my client will comply with all legal requirements including license suspension and use of an ignition interlock device.”
“Mr. Simms, I assume that your client has already been through an alcohol education and treatment program after his first offense, as well as community service, which is standard for first offenses. If so, it didn’t seem to do much to change his behavior. If the program did not work then, why should we believe that it will work now?”
“Your Honor, Mr. Ellis was younger and less mature. Given his wife’s condition, Mr. Ellis understands the gravity of the situation and the importance of changing his behavior.”
“Hmmm, I do wonder whether Mr. Ellis has the maturity now to learn from his mistakes and adjust his behavior appropriately. However, I do believe in second chances, and his wife will need a partner for support over the next year.”
Fuck. After all of this I’ll be the reason he gets let out? I shouldn’t have come today. If I wasn’t here, Nate’s lie wouldn’t have been nearly as effective.
“Your Honor, your point is not taken lightly, however, the news of Mrs. Ellis’ pregnancy has had a significant impact on Mr. Ellis and he is ready to reform himself and change his behavior now that he will be a father.”
I’m not Mrs. Ellis.
“Mr. Simms, if Mr. Ellis was behaving recklessly on Saturday evening, am I to believe that he has had a complete change of heart in the span of less than forty-eight hours?”
“Yes, sir,” he replied. “Because he only found out about Mrs. Ellis’ pregnancy this morning, Your Honor.”
The Judge turned to look at me again. I buried my face in my hands.
“Mr. Ellis. Your behavior is inexcusable. I sincerely hope that you were able to hear the proceedings that came before yours today, and if not, I hope that Mr. Simms and Mrs. Ellis will convey what occurred, because it is an apt example of where you are headed if you do not learn from your mistakes. You have a choice. You can change your ways and be a responsible member of this grand society, a good husband to your wife, and a good father to your child, or you can continue on the path you are on, which will inevitably lead to the destruction of your family and everything you have worked so hard for. I sincerely hope that up to this point, you have only harmed yourself. In the future, I guarantee that any ill-advised actions you take will result in the harm of others, potentially irreparable harm. While I am moved by the news of your wife’s condition and therefore I do not pass this sentence lightly, I cannot ignore the severity of this offense in light of your past behavior. You will submit to a DNA test immediately and will not be released from custody until the results of the test are received by this court. You will pay the maximum fine for a misdemeanor Aggravated DWI. Upon release, your license will be suspended for one year and you will be required to complete 100 hours of community service during your probation. Once your probation has ended, and for a period of three years, you may not operate any vehicle that does not have an ignition interlock device installed and operational. You will also complete an inpatient alcohol treatment program immediately upon your release by the Department of Correction. You are dismissed.”
I wept audibly into my hands to hide the smile that accompanied my tears of joy. An older gentleman came over to offer a packet of single-use tissues. I obliged, thanked him, and wiped the black mascara from around my eyes.
Nate was escorted out and the young lawyer walked over to console me, shepherding me out of the courtroom and back into the main hallway.
Once outside he turned to me and said earnestly, “I’m so sorry, but I think that actually went as well as could have been expected.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Thanks to your lie.
“I know, the mandatory minimum is only five days and we didn’t get that, and it may take a few weeks to get the DNA test results back, but he will be home to you soon. Certainly before the birth. Hang in there.”
“Yep. Thank you.”
“Of course.”
“You know I’m not pregnant, right?” I said.
The look on his face was all the confirmation I needed: he was Nate’s pawn too.
“I’m so sorry.”
I nodded, playing along. “Thank you.”
“Do you want to see him now?” he asked.
“I’m exhausted,” I said. “I think I’ll come back tomorrow. I can visit whenever I want, right?”
“Well, not exactly. There are visitation hours. They should be posted online or you can call.”
I nodded.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes, I’ll be okay. Thank you.”
As I walked back to the car, I worried about what the future might hold. Will the DNA test come back a match to my rape kit? Will he be released on bail even if it is a match? I knew that playing the role of Nate’s distraught wife would be difficult, but he had made it even more difficult with his lie. I laughed nervously about the suggestion that I was pregnant with his child, as I thought back to how that had felt. I felt the empty void inside me where hope should have been. Will this ever be over?
The Breakdown
Friday, March 16, 2018
Old Greenwich
Almost a month and no word on the DNA test. How long can a DNA test take?
I’d visited Nate in prison the week after the hearing, but hadn’t been back since. Putting on the show, even for Nate, was exhausting. It had been hard enough under normal circumstances, but having to play sympathetic to my rapist’s current plight was too much, even for me. Not wanting to give too much away, I sent Nate notes of encouragement on the backs of completed pages ripped out of my coloring book. In the white spaces on the front of the pages, I reproduced passages from Sun-tzu’s The Art of War that Nate had carefully underlined. Things like, “Ultimate excellence lies / Not in winning / Every battle / But in defeating the enemy / Without ever fighting” and “The difficulty of the fray / Lies in making / The crooked / Straight / And in making / An advantage / Of misfortune.” and “Anger / Can turn to / Pleasure; / Spite / Can turn to / Joy / But a nation destroyed / Cannot be / Put back together again; / A dead man / Cannot be/ Brought back to life.” At some point in his life these nuggets had no d
oubt motivated him, but under the current circumstances they were sure to confound.
Movement in the backyard caught my eye. It was Adam. He came in the back door and walked over to the chair next to me.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“Came over to see what you’re up to tonight. I’m on my own again,” he said. “I thought maybe we could have dinner. Watch a movie.”
“Adam, Nate’s in jail.”
“For raping you.”
“I know, but we can’t be together right now. It won’t look good if I’m seen with another man while my husband’s in jail.” The last thing I need right now is someone accusing me of cheating on Nate while he’s in prison. I’ve been the perfectly faithful wife for this long. I just need to be patient, at least until I hear something about his DNA test.
“What’s going on?”
“I can’t tell you yet. Soon. I promise.” I can’t tell you until I know the plan has worked and I’ll be free and safe.
“You’re always full of secrets. I don’t get it.”
“This is all part of the performance. I need you to help me right now by staying away. We can’t be seen together at all. Please.”
“You sure you’re okay? I know this has been a difficult time but you seem a little paranoid.”
“I’m fine,” I said. “You’ll understand soon enough. Please just go.”
He frowned but stood up. “Fine.”
“It has nothing to do with you,” I yelled as he let himself out.
I felt a little bit bad and would have enjoyed his company, but I knew he needed to stay away. What if the Evanston Police never had my rape kit tested? What if it’s just sitting around in a warehouse somewhere collecting dust? The whole plan would be ruined. I can’t believe I haven’t heard anything yet. Maybe there’s just a backlog on testing.
I needed to stay busy to avoid getting impatient and doing something I would regret. I flipped through the channels but there was nothing on t.v., so I picked up Vi’s diary.
April 4, 1989
Shreveport, Louisiana. I went to the only clinic in town for pregnant women. The nurse did some tests and then I asked her about an abortion. She turned almost white and said that I should never say that word again as long as I live. She asked where I had even heard about that. I didn’t tell her. She said that my baby has a normal heartbeat and that I am probably going to go into labor around the middle or end of August. I will be in Chicago by then. I have no idea where or how I will have the baby. I’m really starting to get nervous! Ruth and Elizabeth said that they will help me raise the baby and we will be like the Three Musketeers but moms. I don’t think they understand.
April 19, 1989
Shreveport, Louisiana. It was her! She did it! Now I understand what he meant when I visited him in the jail. She was bothering me again about marrying him. I told her to lay off and that I don’t want to marry him. She said I was ungrateful and should thank her for everything she has done for me! I told her I had no idea what she was talking about. She said that she was the one who called the police and told the cops that he had sex with a minor. She’s the reason he’s in jail at all and she was trying to guilt trip me the whole time! She says that the only way to save myself, my child, and my child’s father is to marry him, then it wouldn’t be rape. I asked her why she did it and she said that she did it for my own good. Because if she didn’t I would be ruined and she would have no choice but to kick me out of the house. She said she did it to save me. She thought that if he was in jail and Father Connelly agreed to lie about our marriage that I would agree to it to get him out of jail. She thinks it was an honorable thing to do. She set this whole thing up. I don’t even understand why she would want me to marry him. I thought she hated him after the awful names she called him. I won’t marry him, but I think I’m also too far along to have an abortion. I guess I’ll have to take care of myself and the baby alone.
Holy shit! So that is why she never talked to her mom again! It all makes sense now. How sad! She was betrayed by her own mother. Just when she needed her mother’s help the most, her mother turned on her and let her down. And to think, I never even asked Vi for help when I needed it most, because I didn’t want to burden or disappoint her. Maybe I should have told her what happened.
The next morning I indulged myself and stayed in bed. I was reading the news on my phone, when my cell phone rang. I recognized Simon’s number. Have they done the DNA test and finally gotten the results? Is that why Simon’s calling early on a Saturday? It must be! Do they know it’s my rape kit?
I hesitated and then answered, “Simon?”
“Wyn, thank God!”
“What’s wrong?”
“I have some bad news. Are you sitting down?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“I just got a call from the State Police. There was an offender hit in CODIS.”
Hallelujah! “Oh my gosh! What does that mean?”
“Nate’s DNA came back a match to evidence collected in an unsolved rape case in Illinois.”
“What? How is that possible?”
“Well, DNA from a rape kit done in 2012 matches Nate’s DNA profile. Mistakes are occasionally made, which means we will petition for a reexamination of the evidence. If it’s a mistake, which Nate says it must be, then he will be released.”
Of course he says that! “And what if it isn’t?” It means he’s finally on the hook for what he did!
“If the DNA in the rape kit really is a match, he would be charged in the State of Illinois with a felony. That would mean a trial, unless we can strike a plea deal first.”
“Would he go to jail if he’s convicted?”
“For the more serious of the charges he could be facing it’s a minimum of six years mandatory incarceration, but we will fight it. I believe that because he has no prior history of this type of offense and the criminal complaint is old and charges were never pressed, combined with his excellent standing in the community and as an employer, we should be able to work out a plea deal with better terms. He may be able to plea to a lesser charge that is probationable, which would mean he could be released from prison as soon as the deal is finalized.”
That’s it? Jesus Christ. All of this for a year in prison? “Did they say who the victim was?” Obviously they don’t know it was me or he wouldn’t have called.
“Not yet, the accuser’s identity will be withheld until a trial.”
“Oh my god, this is bad isn’t it?” Not bad enough.
“It’s definitely not good, but I think we have a few things working in our favor at this point, so I’m optimistic. Like I said, it’s been a long time since the incident occurred and the victim chose not to press charges initially. Also, the prosecutor said something about the victim not being a very reliable witness.”
“When will we know whether there will be a trial?”
“It could be a while. We’ve just started discussions with the Prosecutors team. The negotiations could take some time,” he said. “I will, of course, call you as soon as I have more information about the charge and the potential plea options.”
“Will Nate be able to come home? I mean, can we bail him out?”
“Unfortunately, no. Given the seriousness of the charges and Nate’s resources, the judge has denied bail. Wyn, I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you. I’m so sorry. I know Nate is just ready for this whole thing to be over and get home to you.”
“Uh huh.”
“He keeps asking about you. He mentioned that he was surprised that you haven’t come to visit again.”
“Oh, yeah, I meant to, but I’ve been busy. I’ll try to get up there this week.”
“Great, I know that would really cheer him up. I will keep you posted.”
“Thank you so much, Simon. That’s very kind of you.”
“I’ll be in touch, Wyn,” he said. “Take care.”
“You too.” I hung up.
I felt like celebrating. I kne
w it was too early, but I couldn’t help thinking that things were finally going to change.
I cut through the backyard and let myself into Adam’s through the back door. He was in the kitchen making a sandwich.
“I thought we weren’t supposed to see each other, at all,” he said.
“I have some good news.”
“What’s up?”
“They did a DNA test,” I said. “There was a positive match to DNA in a national database for the rape. It looks like Nate’s going to be charged with a felony for what he did to me.”
Adam turned and looked at me, his eyebrows raised. A wide smile crossed his face. “So that was it? That was the plan all these years?”