by Devney Perry
“Maybe.” I giggled, feeling a weight come off my mind. I hadn’t unloaded all of that on, well . . . anyone. It was nice to talk freely about Dad, Mom and Denny. “Anyway, that’s the story of my family. Sorry. That got heavy.”
“Don’t be.”
“Do you have any siblings?” I asked.
“I have an older sister, Tanya. She is eleven years older than I am. I was a surprise after a Garth Brooks concert.”
“Ah. And where is your sister?”
“She married a guy in the military. They move around a lot and are currently stationed in Germany.”
“Germany. Oh, wow.”
“Mom and Dad go visit when they can. Tanya and her husband don’t want kids, so they like bouncing around. She says it keeps them fresh.”
“I can see that.”
“Would you ever live somewhere else?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” This was home. It always had been. I’d never entertained the idea of a new town because while Dad had been alive, I had no reason to leave. But now? Maybe. “I love my job here. It would be hard to let that go. If Dad were still alive, I’d say no. But if the right opportunity came along, I’d consider it.”
“But you’re not set on Spokane forever.”
“No, I guess not. Why?”
Milo gave me a sexy, half-cocked grin. “Just curious.”
Five
The evening I spent with Milo talking about my family turned out to be the last of my evening visits to his room. That had been two weeks ago.
I wish I had stayed another five minutes to memorize his woodsy smell. I wish I had asked him just one more question to watch those soft lips answer. Even though I’d spent hours in his room that night and all the nights before, it hadn’t been enough.
After talking about my family, we visited about nothing until nearly midnight. I learned that he didn’t like strawberry smoothies and preferred orange or blueberry, but he didn’t have the heart to tell his mom. Milo asked about my college experience and I asked about his time in the police academy.
We talked about some of the cases he’d worked as a deputy. We talked about my favorite things about being a nurse. We talked about my love for pepperoni pizza and how much he missed the bacon cheeseburgers from the Prescott Café.
Hours passed until I finally left and walked home in the dark. The sidewalk was well lit. I’d made that walk hundreds of times after nightfall. But Milo insisted I call him once I got home.
His voice was rich and smooth. Not too deep to be gravelly. Not too high to be feminine. I hadn’t appreciated it enough until that moment, when he spoke for a few short moments to bid me good night.
I hung up the phone and knew I was in serious trouble.
Little did I know that trouble was going to manifest so soon.
When I got to work the next morning, I stepped off the elevator, still smiling and riding the high from my time with Milo, only to be met with an irritated stare from my boss, Amber.
That smile dropped and didn’t come back again.
Amber asked me to follow her to the staff lounge, where she closed the door and proceeded to tell me how Dr. Vernon had made a passing, casual comment about my growing affections for a patient.
Amber had done her research. She’d asked around and knew I’d been spending my evenings with Milo. It wasn’t technically against the rules, but it was pushing the boundaries of professionalism.
Did it matter that I’d done the same with Luna? No. My time with Luna hadn’t bothered Dr. Vernon.
But the doctors, well . . . they’re the doctors, Sara.
Amber recommended—read, ordered—I work with other patients from here on out. And my evening visits were over. After all, we had to make sure Dr. Vernon was happy, didn’t we? He was the doctor spearheading a new unit. His success here meant success for the unit and, ultimately, my job.
Amber left not long after. I stayed in the lounge with my head hung in shame.
I’d never been reprimanded by a boss. I’d rarely gotten into trouble with Dad and whenever I had, it had made me sick to my stomach. Growing up, I’d been a good kid. I’d been the girl who followed the rules without question. The first drink I’d had was after I’d turned twenty-one.
When I left the nurses lounge for the locker room, I walked the halls, feeling like everyone’s eyes were on me. That they all knew I’d had a slap delivered to my wrist.
Maybe no one knew. No one asked about it, but no one asked me what side of the unit I wanted to work either.
Dr. Vernon arrived an hour later, much too happy that he’d found me in the farthest room from Milo’s. I wanted to throw a pack of gauze at that smug grin on his face.
But the worst part? He hadn’t been wrong.
How many times had I told myself to go home? How many times had I worried this attraction to Milo would cost me my job? I guess not enough.
Stupid, Sara.
That was two weeks ago. I hadn’t been to Milo’s room since.
I owed him an explanation for my disappearance. It was the right thing to do. But I couldn’t bring myself to face him. To see the disappointment. Or worse, to see nothing at all.
Did he miss me? Did he wonder where I’d gone? He hadn’t called. Maybe he was just as happy with the other nurses, the ones who respected boundaries and didn’t crowd his room every night because they were desperate for his attention.
Milo had been here for a month. He’d been scheduled for his first skin graft this week, but I’d overheard Dr. Vernon tell Kym this morning they would have to postpone the surgery another week.
Maybe two.
He wasn’t healing as quickly as they would have liked. The burns on his torso didn’t have strong enough blood flow, and if there wasn’t a good supply, the grafted skin wouldn’t latch on.
Milo was going to be heartbroken. A delay meant he’d be here longer, away from his job and family. It was February and he’d been here a month. How much time could he take away from his job and still keep it?
I was too much of a coward to go ask.
Instead, I stayed in my seat at the nurses station—the safe half of the invisible line that divided the floor—where I’d been for the last thirty minutes, processing paperwork for a patient who’d been discharged today. My heart wasn’t in it as I mindlessly clicked through forms. My heart wasn’t in any of my work these days. It hadn’t been for two weeks.
My cursor was hovering over the final submit button when a loud shout filled the hallway.
Milo. My head whipped over my shoulder toward the noise. Toward the room I’d been banished from.
Was he okay? Should I go check?
I stood from my chair and walked to the end of the long counter that bordered the nurses station. Then I clutched the wall and peered at Milo’s door, my fingers gripping hard to keep me from taking another step.
There was no other noise, just the hum of the florescent lights above.
Dr. Vernon was in Milo’s room. So was Kym. They’d gone in twenty minutes ago to check his burns. What was happening? Was he in pain? I stayed there against the wall for another long moment, hoping someone would come out and tell me what was wrong. But the door remained shut.
I sighed, released my hold on the wall and turned away. Only before I could return to the computer, I heard a faint sound that was a lot like my name.
I froze midstep, listening again. Nothing.
“Ugh.” I plopped down in the chair, my frame slumping. I hated that he could be suffering. I hated being trapped on my side of the unit. I hated that I hadn’t seen Milo’s eyes or his simple smile in fourteen days.
But here I was, stuck. And there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.
The sound of a door opening perked me up in my seat. I kept my eyes on the screen, my hand poised over the mouse like I’d actually been working, as footsteps came my way.
“Hi, Sara.” Dr. Vernon’s voice was cheery. Too cheery, given that he’d just been with a patien
t who’d shouted loud enough to penetrate a closed door and long hallway.
“Hi.” I gave him a tight smile.
Kym, on the other hand, looked like someone who’d come from a stressful patient visit. Her eyes were dazed. Her cheeks were missing their normal healthy flush. And she stood back from Dr. Vernon, giving him the side-eye, like she was wondering what had just happened.
“Kym, you deserve a break after that one,” Dr. Vernon joked.
Her eyes darted to me, then back to the doctor. She forced her own strained smile. “I’m fine. I’ll just go and grab some water.”
She looked at me once more, her eyes saying I’ll tell you everything later. I gave her a small nod, then looked back at my screen as she walked away.
Everything about my posture—my rigid back, my eyes on the screen, my lack of a smile—screamed I’m busy. Go away. But did Dr. Vernon take the hint?
Of course not.
“So, Sara. Any big plans for Valentine’s Day next week?” Dr. Vernon slid down the counter until he was directly across from me. Then he propped his elbows on the Formica as he waited for my answer.
“Um, no. I don’t think so.”
He grinned. “No date?”
“Nope.”
Why was he even talking to me? We weren’t friends. I’d been giving him the cold shoulder since he’d reported me to Amber. He’d gotten what he wanted. Milo was no longer my patient. So why couldn’t he leave me alone?
Professionally, I had a lot of respect for Dr. Vernon. He excelled at treating burns. But over the past two weeks, he’d been the easiest person to blame for my situation. Besides myself, that was. He’d never once commented on the evenings I’d spent with Luna. So why Milo?
Maybe he liked me. Maybe I’d been ignoring the signs for a long time—or denying them. Because here he was, leaning in too close as his eyes drifted down my chest.
My B cups were smashed flat in the sports bra I wore under my scrub top. There wasn’t much for Dr. Vernon to see. Still, that didn’t stop him from trying.
“I don’t have a date either,” he said.
“Huh.” Oh, please. Please, don’t ask me out.
“I was thinking of going to get some sushi at Wave. If you’re free—”
“Sushi makes me sick.” I faked a gag. Actually, I loved sushi. “I had bad fish once. Sorry. I’ll stick to burgers.”
“I like bur—”
“Here you go, Sara.” Kym came into the nurses station, and to my rescue, with two bottles of water from the vending machine. “I thought you might want one.”
“Thank you.” I took the bottle of water and unscrewed the top. Then I took a long, long drink so I wouldn’t be able to talk. I spun in the chair, facing Kym and giving Dr. Vernon my back. And with the water bottle still pressed to my lips, my eyes pleaded with her not to leave.
Kym got the message. “I was going to go through the new procedure checklist that Amber gave us. Would you like to do it together?”
I nodded, taking the bottle away. “Yes, please. Your timing is perfect. I have some time before I need to do another set of rounds.”
Turning around, I plastered on another smile. “Do you need us to do anything for you, Dr. Vernon?”
“No.” He stood tall. “I am done here today. I’m going to do some paperwork in my office, then head out. Call me if you need anything.”
“Of course. Have a nice night.”
“Don’t stay too late,” he said, his voice hard and short.
Was that a threat? He knew I’d stopped going to Milo’s room. His warning only made me mad. I dropped my gaze to the screen, my teeth clenching tight. When his footsteps echoed away from the counter, I scowled at the back of his lab coat until he disappeared down the stairwell toward his office on the second floor.
I can’t stand him. I managed, only barely, to keep that thought inside my head.
“Was Greg about to ask you out?” Kym stepped closer, lowering her voice.
“I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe he was just being polite?”
“That explains it,” she muttered, shaking her head.
“Explains what?” The uneasy look in her dark eyes made my muscles tense. She sat in another chair and rolled it close. But before she could answer my question, I asked another. “What happened in Milo’s room?”
“Greg took away his morphine button two days ago.”
“Oh.” I didn’t like the self-regulated dosage method, but I had faith that Milo could control himself. “Are the dosages you’re giving him not enough for the pain?”
“That’s the thing.” Kym shook her head. “He took away the IV dosage for Milo to control. But Greg didn’t prescribe me anything to give him in its place.”
“What?” I nearly flew out of my chair. “So he’s been without anything for the pain for two days?” Over half the skin on his stomach had been burned away. You could see muscle in a few places. Milo had to have pain medicine.
Kym’s face paled as she nodded. “I asked him about it again this morning and he said he’d put one in the system. But it wasn’t there the last time I checked.”
“That’s abuse. I’m reporting this.” I was ready to march downstairs to Human Resources to report it when Kym stopped me.
“Wait. Before you go, let me check the system. And if the prescription’s still not in there, I’ll report it. It would be better coming from me.”
I huffed and sat down as she clicked through to the computer. I hated that she was right. I hated that Dr. Vernon had put me in a position where I would be seen as the nurse pulling favors and showing preferential treatment. Because even though I’d developed feelings for Milo, I would have done the same for any patient.
“It’s there.” Kym’s shoulders sagged.
“Thank God.” I closed my eyes, shaking my head. “I wish I could help him. At least see him. It’s not fair.”
Kym put her hand on my knee. “It’s not fair. We all know you weren’t doing anything wrong. But . . .”
It didn’t matter. Her unspoken words hung between us. The bottom line was it was Dr. Vernon’s concerns against my actions. I had no chance of winning.
“What else happened in there today?” I asked.
Kym sat back in her chair. “He’s in pain. He’s angry and frustrated. He wants to get his grafts but he’s just not ready. When Dr. Vernon told him that his surgery was postponed, he overreacted. He yelled. Told Dr. Vernon that if he wasn’t going to fucking fix him, then get the fuck out.”
“He’s a nice guy. That’s not him.”
Not long ago, Teresa was defending an outburst of Milo’s. She made sure I knew that Milo wasn’t an angry man after he’d kicked at his table and sent his lunch tray flying. Now here I was, taking up her defense.
“I know he’s a nice guy,” Kym said. “It’s just the circumstances and the pain.”
“Good.” It was important that Milo didn’t alienate the nursing staff. The last thing he needed was to be deemed combative or abusive and be sent somewhere else. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. And he’s not the first patient to cuss out a doctor.”
“This is true. Did he—did Milo say my name? I thought . . .” I asked the question and instantly wanted to pull it back.
This wasn’t about me or my feelings. Milo needed help, and for him to have the best chance at recovery, I had to stay away.
“Yes,” Kym answered with a smile. “He asked for you. He promised me no offense but wanted to know if you could be his nurse.”
My heart nearly burst from my chest. “He did?”
Milo wanted me back. Even if it was just because I had a gentle touch or because he liked the sound of my voice. Even if it was just because things on his end were purely platonic. He wanted me back.
Did that mean I could be his nurse? We accommodated patient requests all the time. It was the beauty about our unit being small. We had flexibility. All Kym had to do was tell Amber and then I could go back.
“Oh, no.” Good-bye happy feeling. “But, what?”
“Greg told Milo that you’d asked to be reassigned.”
“What?” I hissed. My chair couldn’t hold me. I stood and began to pace in the small area between my chair and the counter.
I wasn’t an angry person. I wasn’t entirely sure my temper had ever worked right. Meek was the term my mother had used once to describe me to her friend.
If she could see me now. I was ready to shout this entire place down. I wanted to put Milo in a wheelchair, load him up into my car and drive him to Seattle, where there was no Dr. Vernon to spread lies and poison his recovery.
“This is bullshit,” I spat. “I didn’t ask to be reassigned.”
“I know.”
“But does Milo?” My voice carried.
Kym looked around, confirming we were alone, then stood. “Greg’s gone for the day. You go and take Milo. It would be good for him to see you. If Amber or anyone else comes up here, I’ll cover for you.”
“Really?” My anger evaporated. The restriction from the past two weeks was killing me. If this was my window to see him and apologize, I was taking it. “Thank you.”
This was the closest I’d ever felt to her, like we were fighting on the same team instead of simply working alongside one another.
She winked. “You’re welcome.”
With one last smile, I rushed away from the nurses station. My first stop was to get Milo’s morphine from the supply station, then I hurried to his room.
My nerves vibrated through my body, making my legs wobbly and my fingers dance. When I reached his door, I raised a trembling hand, rapped my knuckles twice and sucked in a deep breath before walking inside.
“Hi.” It came out in a whoosh, more like a long Haaaa than an actual word.
The smell of the room was like wrapping a warm blanket around my shoulders, chasing the nerves away. It didn’t smell like a hospital in here, scentless and sterile. It smelled like Milo, clean but rich and manly.
Milo’s eyes opened as he lifted his head from the pillows. He stared at me for a long moment, not making any indication that he wanted me here. Not making a sound.