“Spare bedroom all the way at the end of the hall. My stuff is in there, just shove it to the side.”
Chrissie steered him in that direction. As soon as they closed themselves inside the tidy bedroom, where a carry-on bag sat on a four-poster bed, some of his tension eased. Relative quiet surrounded them, even though he could still hear the hum of voices outside.
“You looked like you were getting overwhelmed out there,” she said softly.
He managed a smile. “Classic introvert trait. Not good with crowds.” He rubbed at the back of his neck, the tendons still rock-hard from that drive.
“Here, let me.” She eased him onto the bed, then climbed onto her knees behind him. The feel of her hands settling onto his neck, warm and soothing, nearly undid him. “How are you, really?”
“Scared to fucking death,” he burst out. None of his usual control was to be found. “Even if the Desperado is fine, Bo must be terrified. I don’t know if he can handle this. What if he’s all alone out there? What if the others don’t help him because he’s new or he’s not like them?”
He didn’t know where that fear came from, but there it was, torn straight from the depths of his heart.
“Ian.” She leaned over his shoulder and turned his head so he was looking at her. “Everyone likes Bo, once they get used to him. And even if they didn’t, fishing crews take care of each other. You have to trust me on this. I would say especially Tristan’s crew, but I don’t even need to. You can go out and ask any of those fishermen out there.”
He didn’t want to talk to those fishermen right now. He wanted to stay right where he was, with Chrissie’s hands on him and her bright voice in his ear.
“This is the thing I keep forgetting,” she was saying. “When you live on the edge of the wilderness like this, it can be life and death. People can be fighting about all kinds of things—politics, religion, coffee versus tea—but when a crisis hits, they band together.”
Her hands stole under his sweater and kneaded his shoulder muscles. God, it felt incredible. At the same time, her touch tormented him because he wanted her so deeply. She was so close, and yet it seemed she’d never been further away.
“I was always on the outside in my family,” he mumbled. “They never knew what to do with me. I got used to that. I found my own place. Then Elinor had Bo and as soon as I first saw him goofing around in a purple tutu and a Viking helmet, I knew he was going to have trouble. We’re not at all alike. Bo is like the inside-out version of me. His heart is all on the outside.”
She laughed softly. “I love that description of Bo.” The affection in her voice warmed his heart.
“I swore that I wouldn’t let him suffer the way I did. I’ve always let him know that I accepted him with all his weird quirks. He’s the only member of my family who…accepts me. The nerdy neurosurgeon. And now—” His chest felt so tight it might burst. “I failed him. I should have forbidden him from getting on that boat. I let him down. Maybe worse.” Raw emotion tore the words from his throat. He clamped his jaw shut before he made an ass of himself.
“Ian! No.”
“He’s my responsibility,” he choked “I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to him.”
He tore himself away from her and bolted off the bed. He couldn’t stay still. Had to move. Couldn’t think. His head was swimming from her nearness, not to mention the worry and tension of the past few hours.
“Maybe it’s my fault because I got him the job.”
He hadn’t thought of that. It was absurd, and yet in one sense it was true. Bo wouldn’t be on that boat if not for Chrissie. But that didn’t make it her fault. It was his fault. Bo and Elinor had trusted him and he’d failed them.
He waited a fateful moment too long to respond. By the time he turned to face her, she wore a stricken expression.
“Oh my God, it is,” she whispered.
“What?”
“It’s my fault. My mess. Another Chrissie disaster. You were right, in the lighthouse.”
“What are you talking about?” A cold chill swept through him and his hands went numb. Something was happening here that he didn’t understand.
“I’m so sorry, Ian. For everything. I should never have gotten involved with you and Bo.”
“Stop it! You have it all wrong, Chrissie. I was wrong.” He ran his hands through his hair as if he could draw out his thoughts that way instead of using words.
“What?” She blinked at him, rightfully confused. “Who’s wrong, you or me?”
“Both. Neither.” For God’s sake, this was impossible. How was a man supposed to get it right when the whole world had turned to quicksand?
Just say it.
“I love you. I didn’t say it right. I know that. I see why it upset you.”
“That doesn’t matter now—”
“It matters.” He exploded into words. “I love you with every corner of my heart. I love your mess. I love your sadness. I love your mind, your spirit, your smile, your complications, your light, your dark.”
She looked stunned. And for once, at a loss for words. Her mouth fell open, but nothing more came out.
His phone chose the worst possible moment to interrupt with a piercing shriek. Bo.
He dug it out of his pocket and saw that it was the hospital calling.
“A Coast Guard rescue chopper’s on the way in with two injured fishermen. We need you here asap. Possible concussion, head injuries, one victim might need surgery.”
Just then Chrissie’s phone rang. As he was telling the hospital that he’d be right there, she too turned serious and spoke into her phone. “On my way.” She hung up. “They’re calling me in as backup pilot. Injured fishermen.”
“Do you think?”
“Don’t know.”
Neither of them wasted another moment. They dashed out of the spare bedroom and ran back through the house.
The crowd out front was buzzing like a hornet’s nest.
“Ian, Chrissie, I was just coming to find you!” Toni called to them. “They located the Desperado and everyone’s alive.”
“Bo?” he asked urgently.
“No details. Two injured, that’s all we know so far. But it’s good news, Ian. They’re all alive.” Toni looked as if a two-hundred pound weight had just been lifted off her.
“We both just got called to the hospital,” Chrissie told her as she grabbed her coat off the pile by the door. “I’ll call you when I can. Can I leave Shuri with you for now?”
“Of course. Stay safe, both of you.” Toni gave each of them a quick hug. “Thank you for being here,” she murmured to Ian. “Your first storm vigil. You’re a real Lost Harborite now.”
Outside, Ian charged across the snow toward his car, with Chrissie right behind him. He thought about everything that lay ahead: finding out who was injured, how badly, who needed to be transported to Anchorage, what surgery he might be performing in an hour or so.
On top of everything he’d already been through that night.
He could do it all. And more. He could move mountains, perform miracles, stay up all week if he needed.
But he couldn’t go another minute without showing Chrissie everything that was in his heart.
“Stop,” he said, skidding to a stop in the snow. She nearly ran into him, and he grabbed her to keep her from falling into the snow bank. “I have to finish what I was saying before. I’ve never told anyone that I love them. I can be awkward. I know that. You know that. But I’ve never felt this way about anyone. I don’t think I could feel this way about anyone else. This is about you, and me, and how you make me feel, and how I want to be everything that you deserve because you deserve…everything.” He trailed off, weakly, because his words had run out.
She started to speak, but he raised his hand. “Not done.”
“Okay.”
“I can get better at expressing myself. I will get better. But what I feel for you isn’t about the words that I’m saying. It’s what I�
��m willing to give you. And that’s everything. All of me. Forever.”
She cleared her throat. Her eyes glistened. A new flurry of snow danced around them. “Can I talk now?”
“Yes. Sorry. Of course.”
But she didn’t talk. She stepped through the knee-deep snow toward him and pressed her warm lips to his. “Thank you.” Her husky whisper filtered through him. “Thank you for not giving up on me even when I act like a bitch. Thank you for being everything that you are. But I need to sort through all this. I can’t allow myself to hurt you or Bo. I won’t. Understand?”
His heart thudded to a stop. He didn’t really understand, but he nodded anyway.
She gave him another lingering kiss on the lips. Warm and intimate, her kiss promised more, later. Soon. Maybe forever. Or maybe that was his deepest desire speaking.
“We need to go,” she whispered.
He yanked himself away from her and ran around to the driver’s side. They both slid into the car and headed back into the storm.
They didn’t say anything more, either of them, but that was okay. He’d said what he needed to say, fully and completely, and it felt better than he could ever have imagined.
Thirty-Six
As Ian parked in the staff parking lot, Chrissie spotted the Coast Guard’s Sikorsky Jayhawk lowering toward the roof. At that point, they separated. Chrissie ran full-tilt toward the locker room where she kept her flight suit.
The next few hours gave her no time to think about everything Ian had said. As soon as the Coast Guard helo had cleared off, Dan Stone arrived in the Mediguard helicopter. Their patient turned out to be Ralphie Reed, one of the deckhands on the Desperado.
He’d slipped on the icy deck and impaled himself through the shoulder with a fishing gaff. He was in severe pain but perfectly conscious. The surgeon in Anchorage was standing by.
Dan took the controls while Chrissie tended to their patient. Without her even having to ask, he launched into the story of what had happened.
“We got struck by fucking lightning. How often do we get lightning out there? Never happens. Lost all our communications, radio, radar, all the electronics. We headed back to port, of course, but then this monster storm hit. We skirted around it instead of going right through, then Tristan said, fuck it, let’s just head back to Lost Harbor for repairs. We made it as far as Kodiak but then we rode up on a sandbar. We didn’t have our depth finder, we didn’t have nothing. We had to get off and pull the damn boat with ropes and our fricking hands.”
“Anyone else injured? How’s Bo?”
“The new kid? Aw, he’s fine. We left him onboard so he could document it for his film. Says he’s going to make us all famous.”
“Wait.” Chrissie put a hand to her head. “So he’s totally fine? No injuries?”
“Gash on the forehead. He slipped and hit his face on a cleat after the lightning strike. Tris patched him up but he should have a nice scar.” The helo hit a pocket of air and bounced, making him wince. Chrissie checked his pulse; still only slightly elevated.
“And Tristan?”
Ralphie’s expression changed to worry. “I didn’t even know he was hurt. Didn’t see it happen. He was the one keeping it all together. After we got off that sandbar he came back on deck and just collapsed. Soon as we got into cell range we called the Coast Guard. They said they’d just started looking for us. Guess we saved them a whole lot of time and fuel.”
The lights of Anchorage loomed up ahead. “Five minutes out,” called Dan Stone.
“Almost there, Ralphie. How’s your pain level?”
“Nothing a little smile won’t fix.” He gave her a hopeful wink.
“Totally sexist but I’m giving you a pass.”
He grinned, handsome as ever despite the sweat and grime covering his bearded face. “In that case, are you busy later?”
“As a matter of fact, I believe I am.”
Chrissie climbed back into the copilot’s seat and put on her seatbelt for the descent. Her stomach was in knots. What if Tristan was seriously injured? Toni must be freaking out right now.
As soon as they’d handed Ralphie off to the emergency room doctors, she ducked out to text Ian.
What have you learned? Text me if you can.
No response, which meant that he was probably busy dealing with whatever the night had dumped on him. Treating Tristan, perhaps, or reuniting with Bo.
Either or both would be fortunate if Ian was tending to them right now. Bo already knew that. That kid knew a good thing when he saw it, starting at a young age when he’d latched on to his Uncle Brain.
She texted Maya next. What’s going on down there?
Her phone rang right away. Seized with sudden fear, she answered. “Yeah?”
Dan was beckoning her back to the helicopter, so she ran across the rooftop through the slanting rain. At least the wind had died down, so the trip back should be more peaceful.
“Ian says Tristan needs immediate surgery. Another helicopter’s bringing them both to Anchorage. Are you coming back to Lost Harbor? It’d be good if you could stay with Bo. He’s a little shaken up, and the ER doc said someone should keep an eye on him.”
“Of course.” If it was her fault that he’d gotten lost at sea, the least she could do was take care of him now that he was back.
“We’re about to head back right now. Is he at the ER?”
“Yes, I’m with him now.”
“I’ll take him home. Tell him to sit tight.”
“Thanks, Chrissie. Jess and I are going to drive to Anchorage with Toni so she can be there when Tristan gets out of surgery.”
The friends were gathering, just as they always had. So was the community. As a member of the Yates family, she’d always felt like an outsider in Lost Harbor, one of those weirdos who wanted to secede from the whole state.
But she hadn’t been, not really. Her friends had always been around for her. She was the one who’d chosen to go Outside. Literally.
Maybe she’d had to go away in order to understand how deeply she loved this place and all who lived here.
Ian’s heart nearly stopped at the sight of Bo’s bandaged face in the ER.
“It’s fine, Uncle Ian. Don’t have a spasm. This doesn’t even hurt.”
“I’m so sorry,” Ian said as he hugged his nephew tight. “I shouldn’t have let you go.”
Bo pulled out of his arms. “It was the most incredible experience of my life,” he declared. “Scary as fuck, but so epic. Is Tristan going to be okay?”
“I think so. I’m about to fly up to Anchorage with him. They have better diagnostic equipment up there.” He dug in his pocket and pulled out his car keys. “Chrissie’s going to drive you home as soon as she gets back down here. These are for her use only.”
Bo nodded, then winced and swiveled his head to work out a kink. He took the keys and closed them inside his fist. “You must have been freaked out. I’m sorry about that part. Everyone says most fishing trips are a lot calmer than this one. Did…did you call Mom?”
“I haven’t yet.”
“Good. I want to tell her myself.”
Ian raised his eyebrows at his exhausted-looking nephew. Streaks of salt and grime covered his face, and his eyes were bloodshot. But he looked…more mature, somehow.
“I am nineteen, after all. I just survived a brush with death.”
“I know.” With another rush of relief, Ian went for another hug. “Thank God. I just wish—”
“Don’t say it, Unc. This is my life. I wanted to go on the Desperado and I’m glad I did. That’s what I’m going to say to Mom, too.”
Ian nodded slowly. “I understand.”
“Yeah. I know you do. What’s life without adventure?”
So now the kid knew the meaning of life, apparently. That was nineteen for you.
Ian’s phone beeped. “The air ambulance is ready for me. I’ll see you soon.”
“Love you, Uncle Ian.”
“Love you
too.”
One last quick hug and he hurried off. Two “I love yous” in one night. Amazing. Even more if he counted the multiple times he’d said it to Chrissie.
As he rushed down the corridor toward the elevator, he heard a familiar scratchy voice call out to him.
“Doctor! Doctor!”
He swung around to find Old Crow being pushed down the hall on a gurney. The orderly paused next to him.
“Old Crow. What happened?”
“Mishap at sea, you could say.”
“You were out in the storm too?”
“I was. Then I thought better of it, but it was almost too late. If you see your girl Chrysanthemum, you tell her thank you from me.”
“Chrissie?” His phone buzzed again, and he gestured for the orderly to follow him down the hall. “Thank her for what?”
“She called the Coasties. She kept talking to me. She has a pretty voice. Tell her that too. Very pretty voice.”
They reached the elevator. “I’ll tell her. I have to go. Take care, Old Crow.”
“Get your knives ready, doctor,” Old Crow called as the gurney trundled away from him. “Cuz I am.”
“We don’t use knives…” But the old man was already out of earshot and the elevator door was opening.
And he wondered if Chrissie would ever understand that she brought light wherever she went. Not mess. Light.
Thirty-Seven
On Dan and Chrissie’s flight back to Lost Harbor, they passed another air ambulance flying the other direction. They weren’t close enough for Chrissie to see who was inside, but Dan and the other pilot made contact on the radio.
“Can I ask him something real quick?” she asked Dan.
He jerked his head for her to go ahead. She spoke into the radio. “Is Dr. Ian Finnegan onboard?”
“Yes, but he’s with the patient.”
“Just tell him Chrissie has a message for him. Tell him I’ll take good care of Bo and I’ll see him soon.”
The other pilot said, “Ten-four. I’ll relay the message.”
But her message sounded much too neutral for what was going through her heart.
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