by Casey Winter
“Are you insane?” I snap, leaping to my feet. Well … skates. “I can’t say it first, Penny. That’s crazy. What if I say it and he just sort of looks at me like I’m a weirdo and then quietly tells me something like he loves being with me. That would just make things so awkward. No, I think the best thing to do is just wait.”
“I think you should just tell him,” Penny says. “But you just have to pick the right time. Like, give him the best blowjob of his life, really work it, make it so he’s just about to come, and then you say it. I love you. You’re still cupping his balls, obvs. If he doesn’t say it back, you get up and walk away. Easy. Or give them a good squeeze. Your choice.”
I’m laughing so hard I have to sit back down. Wiping a tear from my eye, I say, “Well, it could work. I don’t know. I’ll figure it out. You’ve got class today, right?”
“Yep,” Penny says. “Want to walk with me?”
“Sure,” I say, nodding. “Aren’t you getting the bus today?”
“It’s such a nice day,” she replies. “Might as well make the most of it before Maine punishes us with its winter.”
“True,” I laugh. “Little Fall always gets its revenge.”
—
Later, I skate through Memorial Park, smiling a few hellos to people I’ve come to recognize during this summer.
When Luke calls me, I skate over to a bench and sit down, butterflies humming in my belly. “Hello, Mystery Man,” I tease, realizing that Penny was right. As soon as we’re together, I forget my doubts. Is that what love is? “Before you say anything, you’ve gotta tell me who this vandal is. I’ve been dying to know all morning.”
“I don’t know if you’ll believe me,” Luke mutters. “Hell, Hannah, and it might bother you, too. I know you two’ve got a history.”
“Frogman, this suspense is actually killing me. So unless you want my death on your conscious, you better fess up.”
“It was Graham Fitzgerald. I caught him trying to key my car, chased him into the forest. Morgan tried chasing him once, too, but Graham is a surprisingly slippery snake. He took the old trapper’s path, mostly overgrown now, thinking he’d lose me there. But I know that path just as well as him. I used to run it when I was training for the SEALs. I got my hands on him and pulled off his mask. And there he was.”
“What?” I yell. “Did I hear you right? Graham Fitzgerald.”
“Yep,” he mutters grimly.
“Okay,” I say, wondering if I’m imagining things.
It’s just so strange. Graham Fitzgerald, the kid who declared his love for me at prom, the nurse at Little Fall Medical Care?
“Graham has a lot of credit card debts,” Luke says.
“Yeah, I heard about that. His wife, Denise, right?”
Luke snorts. “Is that what he told you? No, it’s him who’s addicted to them. Denise works at a factory in Lorham, her mom taking care of the kids when she’s at work. And then she has to come home and be a mother on top of a twelve-hour shift.”
“Jesus,” I mutter.
“So Graham has all this debt, and my boss, Oliver, he thinks this whole Family Roller thing is a complete waste of time. He knows I came back here because it was in my brother’s will, but he doesn’t give a damn. In his mind, I should be loyal to Sun-Disk Security. Do you see where I’m going with this?”
“I think so,” I say. “I think … did your boss hire Graham to sabotage the rink? Maybe he hoped that if it became too much of a nuisance, you’d return to Sun-Disk Security?”
“Bingo,” Luke growls. “Oliver has always been a little unhinged, but I never knew how much until I left the company. I’ve already called him and told him to lose my number. I’ve also been in contact with my police buddies on the east coast. They’ve got Graham’s confession, so Oliver’s business is going to be busted pretty soon. And he’s lucky that’s all I’m doing, the little prick.”
“So all that fuss with Jock … but he turned up that day at the rink, the night of the fire.”
“Yeah, he did,” Luke mutters. “It turns out he was telling the truth. He really did just come to gloat. He had nothing to do with it. This whole time, I’ve been jumping to conclusions. Hell, I already knew Will had nothing to do with it, since I’ve hung out with him a couple of times. Will’s got a prickly exterior, it’s true, especially with all those tattoos. But he’s a good man at heart. But Jock didn’t know about it, either.”
“Wow,” I whisper. “So what’s going to happen to Graham?”
“He’s been arrested, but he’s out on bail.”
“How did he afford that?”
Luke laughs grimly. “His wife, Denise, she came and basically begged me to go easy on him. She said she’d keep him in line from here on. So I paid the bail and told Coach that I’d be fine with community service, a slap on the wrist. Rehab, too, since he’s been on coke pretty much this whole time. I knew there was something jittery about him that day at the Fork.”
“This is all so crazy,” I mutter.
“Yep,” he agrees. “But what’s crazier is we’ve been talking for five minutes and I haven’t told you how badly I need to see you yet.”
“Yeah?” I say, a thrill of pleasure moving through me.
“What’d you mean, yeah?” He laughs. “Of course I do, Hannah. It’s all I’ve been thinking about since you ran out of the parking lot last night. My old man told me he ate a big helping of humble pie last night. I just hope that changes things between us.”
“It does,” I whisper. “I think it does, anyway.”
“Good, because I …” He trails off.
“Luke?” I mutter, into the pause.
I love you.
Is that what he was going to say?
“I need to see you,” he finishes, his sigh more of a growl.
“Tonight,” I say, suddenly confused.
What if I full-on love him and he doesn’t love me? Will that work? Am I a big enough person to sit around and wait patiently for him to fall in love with me, too?
“Come by the rink today,” Luke says. “Or I’ll come to you. Why wait?”
“I … I need to help Mom with something,” I lie. “But tonight, Luke, okay?”
“Tonight, then,” he moans, voice heavy with desire. “But I’ve gotta warn you, twinkle toes. I’ve been dreaming about you every night since the barbeque. I can’t be held responsible for what I do to you tonight.”
Tingles attack me. My body suddenly feels more alive. I just about manage to stop a breathy moan from escaping, which would be embarrassing with all the people in sunny Memorial Park this morning. “I might have to hold you to that, frogman,” I whisper.
“You better,” he says. “You could tell me where you are. I’ll make you hold it to me right now.”
“Later,” I manage to say, though every instinct is urging me toward him. “Listen, I have to go now. But Luke. I just wanted to say …”
Okay. Deep breath. You can do this.
“Hannah?” Luke says, voice quiet. Somehow, I think he knows what I’m trying to say. “What is it?”
“I love—” I bite down on my hand, feeling silly, “I love that things are okay between our families now,” I basically yell, because I feel so fricking ridiculous. “I’ll see you later, kay?”
“Hannah, wait—”
I hang up before I can make things even more uncomfortable.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Luke
“He’s shot himself in the foot, Luke,” Morgan says, frowning deeply.
I sit back in my office chair with a nod at the webcam. “He’s an idiot,” I growl. “He wanted to get me back at Sun-Disk, fair enough, but this wasn’t the way to go about it. Now he’s lost his two best operators.”
Morgan leans forward, his stark blue eyes blazing. “You should have seen his face when I told him I was quitting, min bror.” His dark laugh is crackly through Skype. “He’s lucky I’m only quitting, too. He’s lucky I didn’t throw him out the window.”<
br />
“Will you go to another firm?” I ask.
Morgan sighs, shrugs. “Maybe, maybe not. I have money. That’s not the issue. I know you’ll make fun of me, but I’ve been thinking more about writing.”
“Come to Little Fall, brother,” I grin. “My girl’s friend, Penny, she runs a creative writing course.”
Morgan almost—almost—smiles. “So she’s your girl now?”
“Yeah,” I say matter-of-factly. “She is. Enough games, enough messing around.”
“Good,” Morgan grunts. “It’s good to see you happy, brother. It’s good to see you looking well-rested, too.”
I snort. “The only good sleep I’ve had since the barbeque was last night, and that was because Hannah texted me saying she wanted to see me. Otherwise it’s been the same old hell. I don’t know how you do it, Morgan. How you sleep so well.”
“I close my eyes and I see only darkness,” he mutters, voice dead-quiet. “You’re the only person I’m remotely emotional with, Luke.”
“And you’re a goddam robot with me,” I chuckle.
“Exactly,” he growls, with his near-smile. “I’m glad that you’ve found somebody. But for me? No. I’ve been alone since I was ten years old and I saw my family burn. I will be alone until I’m ninety.”
I shake my head. “Goddamn, brother, you sure are a barrel of laughs this morning.”
He grimaces. “Oliver has pissed me off,” he admits. “I’m sorry. Don’t take me seriously.” He runs a hand through his ash-blonde hair. “So, have you told your girl you love her yet?”
I flinch. “What?”
“Don’t play games with me, bror,” Morgan says. “You love her, don’t you? Either that or you’re sick. Something’s wrong with you, anyway.”
“Why’d you say that?”
“Because you’ve been smiling like a smitten little kid since we started this call, that’s why.”
“I—” I swallow, nervous. But then I think of Hannah, my goddamn girl, with her way of making the world seem bright and not so depressing after all. “I do love her,” I whisper. “Jesus Christ, man, I do. I love her. I love Hannah. I love Hannah more than I can even believe.”
I’m smiling like a fool.
But I don’t care.
It turns out the old cliché about wanting to shout it from the rooftops is true. A moment later, though, my smile drops.
“But we’ve been through a hell of a lot lately, man. Shit, I don’t know if just coming out with something like that is really the best idea right now. Maybe I should just play it cool. Or as cool as I can, anyway. See how things go. I don’t wanna scare her off when things are just starting to go well.”
“I’m sure you’ll make the right decision,” Morgan says. “My advice would not be much help. I’ve never been in love.”
“I know, you grim prick,” I laugh. “You need to go to the gym. Maybe go and spar a couple of rounds. Did Oliver really piss you off that much?”
“He betrayed you,” Morgan barks. “Somebody could’ve died in that fire. Hell, your girl could’ve died, Luke. Who sets fire to another man’s business? He’s lucky I didn’t—” He cuts off with a snarling laugh. “Maybe you’re right. I’m going to drive to the gym right now, bror, and work my body until my brain forgets this fury. Good luck, and let me know how it goes.”
“I will,” I tell him. “Speak soon.”
It only hits me after the call is over why Morgan is so angry.
Fire.
Oliver ordered Graham to set fire to the roller rink. Morgan, for all his talk of being cold, just expresses his emotions differently to other people. Everything comes out as quiet, deadly rage. He’s fiercely protective and loyal, and when we call each other brother, we mean it. And fire is a sore point with him, owing to the fact he watched his family home burn down when he was a kid.
I hope he’ll come to Little Fall and take Penny’s creative writing course, but I’m not holding my breath. Morgan is his own man and will go his own way. He might return to Norway. He might just disappear. With Morgan, you never know.
I work for a few hours, constantly glancing at my phone to see if Hannah has called or texted me. I try not to read too much into the fact that she didn’t want to meet until tonight, when Alexis is doing her video shoot. For a moment there on the phone, I thought she was going to tell me she loved me.
I wanted her to, badly.
It would make things so much simpler.
When my phone finally rings, though, it’s not Hannah. It’s my old man. “Can you take an hour?” he asks.
“Yeah, probably,” I say. “Why?”
“I want to go to your mother’s grave,” he mutters, sounding different. His voice is lighter. All the bitterness has gone since he admitted the truth and apologized. “And I have something to tell you, too. Something that might make you angry. But it’s for the best, I think.”
“More surprises, old man?” I laugh lightly.
“Just one more,” he says. “Humor me, eh?”
“Alright, what if I meet you at the cemetery in forty five minutes?”
“Yeah, that works. I’ll see you there, son.”
“Alright, Dad.”
I turn back to my work, wondering what the hell the old man has up his sleeve now.
I also can’t help but wonder what Hannah is going to make of my proposition later. I have to make sure that I offer it casually, make it clear that if she says no, I won’t be offended. I don’t want to push her.
I want to be with her, and that means not scaring her away. Tonight can’t come soon enough.
But, first, I need to see what games my old man is playing.
—
I find Dad standing at Mom’s grave, his arms folded, wearing a suit like he often does when he visits. I walk up next to him and we nod briefly. Then we just stand there in respectful silence. I think about the way Mom would always encourage people in whatever they wanted to do, no matter how ridiculous it seemed.
When I was ten years old and told her I was going to be a soldier, she gave me a stern talk about what it meant, the sacrifices I’d have to make, and how difficult it would be. And then she said that if I put the effort in, I could do it. She gave me specific advice, like learning to read maps and getting disciplined, exercising regularly and practicing shooting with my BB gun.
“She was a hell of a woman,” I mutter after several minutes.
“She was,” Dad growls, holding back tears. “Sometimes, I wake up thinking of one of my silly jokes. Dad jokes, I think people call them. She used to do this hilarious fake laugh every time I told her one. Har-har-har, you are sooooo funny, Russel.” He smiles, reminiscing. “It’s been a long time since I told one of those jokes.”
“Well, I’d like to hear one,” I tell him.
He turns to me, a mix between a smile and a grimace on his face. “I really don’t think you would, son.”
“Try me,” I grin. “Go on, old man. Don’t get shy now.”
“Okay, I had a dream last night I was eating a giant marshmallow …” And you when you woke up, your pillow was ruined. I think everybody knows this joke, but, dammit, the old man looks so proud and boyish. “And when I woke up, I only had half my pillow left.”
“Oof,” I say, wincing. “That hurt, Dad. Physically hurt.”
He chuckles, beaming. “That’s what they’re supposed to do.”
Wordlessly, we wander toward the entrance. We pause near our parked cars, Dad taking in my Chevy with a whistle. “That really is a beauty, Luke,” he says. “I don’t think I’ve told you this yet, which is a shame, but I’m proud of you. You’ve grown into a fine young man.”
“And all it took was a Chevy Impala to make you realize it,” I say, bantering. Then I grow serious. “But thanks, Dad. That means a lot.”
“I guess I should stop delaying the inevitable, eh?”
“You said you had news,” I say helpfully.
He sucks in a breath. “Good news for me, y
eah. But it might annoy you.”
“Well?”
“I sold Nelson’s Nails to Bruce Hanlon.”
“Oh,” I mutter, thinking. “And you’re gonna buy that ranch. Or a ranch, anyway.”
He tilts his head at me. “I thought you’d be angry. I know how much you dislike the Hanlons.”
“I dislike Jock,” I correct. “And I dislike him a lot less now that I know he wasn’t behind the vandalism at Family Roller. Sure, he’s a bit boisterous, and he acted like a drunk asshole at Coach’s house. But, well, so did you. So did I. As for the Hanlons in general … Will, Bella, Bruce, they all seem alright to me. I’ve even been training with Will.”
“The tattooed one? He’s a professional fighter, isn’t he?”
“Not yet,” I say. “But he’s good, Dad, really good. And he’s a decent man, too, which is more important. Don’t let those tattoos fool you.” Even if Alexis did say he bullied her in high school. “I’m happy for you, old man. A ranch would suit you.”
“That’s a load off, really. I thought I was gonna be causing you more hassle. But as for the ranch. This is just a start—”
He needs more money.
“My offer still stands,” I tell him.
His scarred face puckers. “I don’t need handouts, Luke—”
“That’s not what I mean. I’ve been thinking. I want to stay in Little Fall. I’m done with mercenary work. You know how much that can weigh on you. Well, sort of. I’m not saying the Army is mercenary work. Bloody work, maybe.”
“I know what you’re saying, son,” Dad says. “Of course I do.”
“Let’s buy the ranch together,” I say firmly. “I know it won’t be as fulfilling as owning it with Mom, but I think you could teach me a thing or two.
“Do you really mean that?” he asks a moment later.
“I do,” I say with certainty. “I’m not saying I’m going to be a rancher for the rest of my life, but I think it’d feel good, to … to do something with my hands, to grow things, to tend things. Hell, Dad, I don’t know. Just to do something where the end result isn’t just money.”
“That’s not fair,” Dad says. “You earned a Navy Cross, Luke, and half a dozen commendations besides. You’re not just a mercenary. And even when you were, with Sun-Disk, you helped people. You saved people in Mexico. Don’t downplay your achievements. You’ve done a lot of good with your life.”