by Colbie Kay
“Agreed. Our friendship ends here…unless you guys get back together.” He starts his truck, and we pull away.
On the other side of town, he stops along the curb in front of my house. I don’t say anything as I jump out. Thoughts are swirling through my mind, and a mix of emotions are running wild. Nathan’s not here waiting, which makes me feel relieved.
Stepping inside, I take the stairs up to my room and fall backward onto my bed to stare at my ceiling. I’m trying to make sense of what transpired tonight. Did I always have feelings for Lucas? Did I not realize it, or did I just push them deep down inside because of Nathan? I don’t know, but they sure surfaced tonight, and now, I have no idea how to deal with this. My boyfriend’s best friend, well, ex-boyfriend as of now…
It’s been four years since I’ve seen this shithole city. I swore I’d never come back here after graduation but look at me now. The taxi driver pulls up to the silver tin camper trailer I grew up in, and I laugh to myself. It’s not even a decent trailer, it’s just one you can hook to the back of a truck and carry it along wherever you wanna go.
We never went anywhere though; we were stuck here in Wichita with no money and nowhere to go. Since graduation, I’ve been in South Dakota with Nate working a minimum wage job while trying to kick start a rock band. The band failed, and I realized all I’ve ever been is one big fucking failure after another.
But that’s not why I quit my job and moved back here with my mom, that was because of Nate and all his asshole glory.
I pay the man his money and step out with nothing to my name except a duffle bag full of clothes. Turning the handle, I remember you gotta push up and turn in just right for the door to open, but I have to be careful since opening it too fast can cause the door to come off its hinges. “Mom?” I don’t have to shout in this one-room tin dump.
“Stinky? Is that my stinky?” She gushes from the bed which converts into our eating table. I roll my eyes at the stupid nickname but smile at hearing my mom’s voice. The bed she’s lying on is the same bed I shared with her, my own mother, from as far back as I could remember until I graduated high school. Talk about some uncomfortable nights especially when I grew to be over six feet tall, at least I don’t have much muscle and Mom’s frame matches mine in the skinny department. I can’t blame her for how I grew up though. She was a single mom and worked her ass off, but it was never enough to get us away from the trailer park. She made sure I had some kind of roof over my head, a place to lay my body at night, and food in my belly. She showed me she cared every single day and even in the worst of times, my mother loved me no matter what. I couldn’t ask for more, and yet, I was ready to get the hell out of Dodge as soon as I could. I was looking for more, and that got me nowhere except here, back where I started.
I sit on the edge of the thin mattress–not that I would actually call it a mattress–and grin. “It’s Tink, remember?”
She sits up and pulls me in for a tight hug. “I missed you so much.” Her hands rubs up and down my back just like they did when I was a kid. She hasn’t changed much in the four years I’ve been gone, still has her same dark pixie haircut and shining brown eyes.
“I missed you too.” I lock my hands behind her back and hold her tighter. “I never thought I would be back here.”
She pulls away, eyes narrowed in confusion. “Why are you back?”
“Me and Nate had a falling out.” I leave it at that. Truth is, his girlfriend’s a bitch, and we didn’t get along. She freely moved herself into our apartment and gave Nate an ultimatum. He chose her. I had no money saved and no place to go while working on my music. So, back to Wichita, Kansas I went, feeling like a failure to boot.
She pats my cheek with her palm. “You two have been best friends since you were kids. I’m sure you’ll work it out.”
“Not this time, Mom.” I don’t even know why I stayed friends with him for so long. He’s self-centered and doesn’t give a fuck about anyone except himself–not even me, his supposed best friend since elementary.
Her eyes light up. “You should go and see Grady. He’ll be so happy to see you. He asks about you all the time.” She stands up from the bed. “That’ll give me time to clean up a bit and get some food cooking. You’re looking awfully skinny. Were you eating in South Dakota?” She shakes her head.
I nod and return her smile. “Yes, I was eating.” I laugh. “I’ll go see him now.”
Standing up, I step to the door and open it once again. I walk down the gravel, moving a few trailers away. The first thing I notice is the two motorcycles hitched up, and someone squatting down to work on one of them. “Grady?”
The older man pops his head up with a bright smile. Setting his wrench down, he steps over to me and pulls me in, slapping my back. “Tink, it’s been a long time. How’s life treatin’ ya?” His hair has more silver now than the peppered color he had when I left, and his thick beard matches the grayness. That said, he doesn’t have a single wrinkle on his tanned face except in the corners of his blue eyes. Looks like he’s been outside a lot this summer. He’s an old biker, and when I was younger, he always watched out for me, becoming the only father figure I ever had.
I saunter over to one of the bikes. “Been good. I was up in South Dakota with Nate.” My gaze meets his. “You remember him?”
His lips twitch. “Yeah, I remember that punk. I know this ain’t the best place around, but I’m glad you’re back.”
I grin. “Me too. What’cha got going on with these bikes?”
Grady stands at my side as we both stare at the motorcycles. “Don’t know yet. Tell ya’ what, you help me out, and you can have your pick.”
My eyes snap to his excitedly. “Really?”
He chuckles. “Yeah, I’ll teach you how to ride too. I got my baby ‘round back. These are just for fun.”
Smiling, I nod. “It’s a deal. When you want me over?”
His hand lands on my shoulder as he gives me a pat once more. “Tomorrow morning around nine. Go spend some time with your momma, she missed you.”
“I missed her too.” I wrap my arm around his neck. “I missed you too, old man.”
“Don’t get all sappy on me now. You won’t see this old man crying.” His fingers rub under his eye.
“Oh, yeah.” I laugh. “What’s that?” I point to his other eye. “I think I see a little tear trying to come down.”
“Shut it, Boy.” He pushes my chest, and we both burst into laughter. “Go spend time with your mom.”
“Going.” I jog away. Maybe some parts of being back aren’t so bad. There are a few people I’ve missed.
Nathan and I never did get back together after that night, and Lucas and I never spoke about what happened after we left the party. I would catch little glimpses of Lucas staring at me as I passed him in the halls, causing my belly to do little somersaults when those dark eyes met mine, and I often wondered why things couldn’t have been different. What would it have been like if I was with Lucas instead of Nathan, but I couldn’t worry about the what-ifs, and just like Lucas said, our friendship was over. I was sad for a while, almost heartbroken over the loss–not for losing Nathan, but for losing the friendship I had with Lucas. However, time moves on and so did I. Nathan and Lucas graduated, and just like they planned, they got the hell out of Wichita. I heard they landed somewhere in South Dakota.
I spent the next two years to myself, never dropping my title of ‘loser’ until I graduated, and in the fall after graduation, I moved to Boston for college. Life was great in the beginning. I made new friends, loved my dorm roommate, and was social, living college life to the fullest. In the middle of my freshman year, I met Rex Michaels. He is sexy, muscular, and tanned. On top of that, he plays quarterback for our college football team, and everyone loves him. The complete opposite of Nathan. I was living the college dream and my best life away from Wichita, Kansas.
I loved Rex so much and was obsessed with him, not in the creepy obsessed way, but in a good wa
y. I thought about him, day and night, about our future together, and about what life would have in store for us after college. That was until about a year into our relationship when his true colors began to show. I stayed with him for the next two years because I was scared to leave, but that terrifying feeling left me a few weeks ago when I finally gained enough courage to end my three-year-long relationship with him. Once I spit out those words, “We’re over,” it was like a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders.
Tonight, my roommate, Ashlyn, is gone for the night with her boyfriend, and I just got back to our apartment from the library. I have final exams coming up, and to say I’m excited about graduating college in a few months would be an understatement. After hours of studying, I’m ready to change into an old t-shirt and pajama pants, put my hair into a messy bun, and binge on all the junk food I can find while watching Netflix. Turning my key in the lock, I open the front door of our apartment. All of the lights are off, which is normal, but I get this eerie feeling as soon as the door is shut. The hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stands up, and a shiver races up my spine. I reach out to find the switch, but when I flip it, the light doesn’t come on. My heart gallops in my chest, and my pulse pounds in my ears, but that doesn’t drown out the sound of someone breathing. Someone other than me. “Who’s there?” I shout, grabbing for the doorknob, ready to make my escape.
“Where have you been?” Rex’s calm yet horrifying voice grows closer with each word.
I’m frozen, unable to move a muscle as I feel his towering body press against mine. My back falls against the wood of the door from the force of Rex’s weight. “What are you doing here? How did you get in?” My eyes try to adjust to the darkness, but it’s impossible to see anything.
His hot breath hits my cheek as he speaks, “You shouldn’t leave a spare key under your mat. It could be very dangerous, and you don’t want just anyone being able to get in, now do you?” His fingers graze my cheek, and I try to recoil away from his touch, but his other hand tightens around my neck. “Where have you been?” He repeats his question, and he sounds more agitated this time.
“At the library. I was at the library.” I grab his hands, trying to get the pressure off my neck. It’s becoming harder to breathe.
His fist slams into the door next to my head. “Don’t fucking lie to me,” He growls.
Tears pool in my eyes. “I’m not lying. I swear. Please, Rex, let me go, and we can sit down and talk.” I beg and try to coax him into releasing me. If I can break free, maybe I can escape.
“You want to talk now?” He cackles. “I’ve tried to talk to you for weeks, but you ignored me, Jorga. You made me come here. You are making me act like this. You make me crazy.” His fist bangs against the door with each statement spewing from his mouth.
It’s not true, he’s fucking psycho all on his own. “I’m sorry. I love you, Rex. Only you. Please, let’s just talk.” I keep my tone calm and sweet, but inside I am fearful. When he’s like this, he terrifies me.
He exhales a deep breath in a rush. “That’s all I wanted.” He finally releases me and takes my hand in his. He moves me over to the couch, and after sitting, he pulls me down on his lap. He strokes my long chestnut hair, his cheek resting against my arm. “I don’t know why I do these things, Jorga, but you have to give me another chance. I swear I’ll get better.”
He always says he will get better, but as time goes on, he only gets worse. I’ve heard a million “I’m sorry”, a thousand “I’ll change”, and hundreds of broken promises. “I’m sorry. This is all my fault,” I tell him what he wants to hear, but this isn’t my fault, this is his fault. He needs serious help.
He nods against my arm. “It is, Jorga. If you would just be a good girl, I wouldn’t have to hurt you anymore. We can be happy. You just need to learn your place. That’s all I’ve been trying to teach you.”
“I know, Rex, and I’m sorry. I couldn’t understand that.” I squeeze my eyes shut. The thought of touching him makes me want to vomit, but I have to. I must get him to trust me at this moment. I run my fingers through his dark hair and stroke his cheek with gentle caresses. “Listen, baby, I really want to go get dressed in something more comfortable. Can you wait here for me? Then I’ll show you how sorry I am.”
“I’ll wait here.” His hands reach up, and he tugs my face to his. His wet lips smash against mine. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to pull away. My eyes close tighter as I hold back the bile rising in my throat.
Standing from his lap, I hold my arms out and feel my way through the front room to the hall. I release a rush of air, relieved. Once I’m in my room, I shut the door behind me, falling against the wood and reaching over to find my light. I close my eyes, a smile on my lips when the light shines brightly, illuminating the room. Pulling my phone out of my back pocket, I quickly find Ashlyn’s number. I don’t want to take a chance that Rex will hear me so I send her a text instead of calling.
ME: Come home! Rex is here!
She’s the one who helped me realize Rex has been abusing me in every form possible. I mean, obviously I knew he was physically and at times sexually abusive, but I didn’t realize the extent of how bad he had broken me mentally and emotionally. Ashlyn was my dorm roommate freshman and sophomore year. We became best friends and decided to get our own apartment before our junior year started. She’s been there through it all with me, a witness to everything.
Putting my phone back in my pocket, I quickly step to my window and try to lift it without making a noise. Glancing over my shoulder, I stare at the door and listen to make sure he’s not coming. When I feel it’s safe, I begin to climb out of my window. Thank God, I have a ladder to go down in case of a fire. Taking one step at a time, I continue until I’ve reached the grass. I reach the edge of the apartment building, and my movements stop instantly.
Rex stalks toward me angrily. “Did you think I was really that fucking stupid, Jorga?”
“I’m sorry.” Tears trail down my cheeks as I hold my hands out defensively. “Rex, please.” I shake my head while my feet step backward.
I don’t even see it coming when his fist connects with my cheek, knocking me down. He climbs over me, and I try to fight the best I can, but his size overpowers me. I taste the coppery flavor of blood, and after so many punches, they stop hurting. Numbness submerges me, and my fight comes to an end. Rex’s face slowly disappears as I’m engulfed in a world of darkness. I embrace the black night as it takes me under.
“Jorga?” The quiet sweet voice of Ashlyn calls to me, and I slowly open my eyes.
The brightness in the room makes my eyelids flutter, and the sound of beeping machines deafens me. “Where am I?” I ask, my throat feeling scratchy and dry.
She gently sits on the edge of the bed and takes my hand in hers. “You’re in the hospital. Your parents are on their way. Do you remember what happened?”
My head throbs as I try to remember the events that led me here. “I’m not sure. I remember going back to the apartment after being at the library. The light wouldn’t work.” My eyes try to widen, but it stings from all the swelling. “Rex, he was there.” The machine beeps louder as I grow more anxious. “Rex, he did this.”
My roommate nods. “You’ve been out for the last twenty-four hours. Thank God you texted me. He ran away when Johnny and I pulled up. I found you lying there unconscious and bleeding,” Her voice breaks as tears begin to fall. “I was so scared. I thought he killed you. There was so much blood, Jorga.”
The door opens, and my parents scurry in. “Jorga!” Mom shrieks, rushing to the opposite side of my bed from Ashlyn.
My father holds my other hand in his. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay, Dad,” I whisper. But I don’t think I am. I will heal physically, but mentally and emotionally, I don’t know if I will ever be able to recover from this. Rex has hurt me more times than I can count but never to this extent.
Ashlyn jumps in. “Jorga, yo
u need to tell the police so they can arrest him.”
I shake my head. “If I tell the police, he will kill me.”
Mom mumbles, “He seemed like such a nice boy. I don’t understand why he would do this.”
Ashlyn’s eyes dart to my mom’s. “With all due respect, Mrs. Lankford, he wasn’t nice at all. He put on a good act in front of you guys, but I saw what he did to her every day…tearing her down, abusing her, isolating her. He’s awful and deserves to be in jail.”
“I should kill him myself,” My dad roars.
I hold his hand tighter. “Dad, no!”
“If you don’t tell the police what that son of a bitch did to you, I will, Jorga. You’re coming home as soon as your doctor discharges you.” My dad gives me no room to argue.
I nod. Maybe going home would be good for me.
Over the last year, I’ve tried to find work, but it’s not easy. The jobs I have been able to find are still minimum wage. They get me enough money to last for two weeks to help my mom, but they don’t keep me. I don’t like being told what to do or to be bossed around, that probably stems from high school. My mouth gets me in trouble, and I end up getting fired. I’m twenty-three, going nowhere really fucking quickly. I’m not gonna be in my thirties working fast food, yet, that’s exactly where I’m headed. I need to get my life figured the fuck out. I love my mom and everything she has done for me, but I want better than to be living in this trailer park until I die.
I’ve spent a lot of my spare time over the last year working on these bikes with Grady and learning how to ride. It’s been fun, and I’ve come to learn I have a love for motorcycles whether it’s working on them or riding. Being on the road, so open and free, it’s exhilarating. There’s nothing else like it, and for the first time in my life, I feel true happiness when it comes to these motorcycles. I wish I could find a job doing this, but that takes experience, and I don’t really have any of that either. I throw the wrench down in frustration.