I climbed out, fed up with him now, and slammed the door a little childishly. I felt his eyes on my back as I made it to the door. My alcohol buzz had dimmed slightly thanks to my big brother, so I slipped inside and made it upstairs without anyone appearing. I had got away with it. Although I knew Brodie wouldn’t let me forget this.
Shutting my door, I went to my new bed and flopped on it. Why did I have to let Brodie see me tonight? A tiny voice inside my head told me that maybe I had wanted him to. That maybe despite all my protests, I hoped my brother would help me while I was here. That maybe I needed saving from myself.
But would he really want to help me after everything that had happened?
So many times, I’d almost asked him if he still blamed me for the accident, if the reason he and our parents disapproved of my life was because they thought I didn’t deserve one at all, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the words aloud for fear of what his answer would be. It was better to keep quiet, to stay away from my family, to keep my distance, to keep on moving, to keep fixed the barrier between me and other people… wasn’t it?
I lost my train of thought then, and passed out still fully clothed.
* * *
Monday morning. My first full day of work as the new housekeeper at Glendale Hall.
And I was hungover.
Sun streamed in through my window when my alarm went off. Beth had told me the family tended to all start getting up at seven a.m. for breakfast on a weekday. I took that to mean I should be ready for them then so I’d set my alarm for six. I groaned when I opened my eyes and sat up, my head pounding instantly.
I was still wearing the clothes I’d had on yesterday, and I felt, frankly, disgusting. And then I remembered that Brodie had found me and brought me back here. Great. As if I wasn’t feeling bad enough already.
Crawling out of bed, I shuffled into the bathroom, wincing at the sight of myself in the mirror. I looked rough, there was no denying it. I slipped into the shower and turned it on to the hottest setting, letting the water and steam wake me up. I stayed for as long as I could stand and then got out, brushed my teeth and hair, and pulled it into a ponytail, unable to face the hair dryer noise. I put on jeans and a t-shirt, and my Converse, and some make-up to make me look less pale and puffy, and then I made my way downstairs.
The Hall was quiet but the sun was up and promised another warm day. The kitchen was empty for now so I made myself a strong, black coffee and took two painkillers for my head before starting breakfast. Beth had bought a notebook to list things that needed doing and clipped it to the utility room door. I checked it again. I’d looked yesterday and she hadn’t added anything else to it.
Breakfast please!
Clean and air drawing room as dusty and gross
Change beds
BBQ tonight so no need to cook :)
She certainly wasn’t like any of my previous bosses. I was relieved there was nothing too taxing on the agenda for my first day, after all the alcohol I had consumed. I started on breakfast and slowly felt better as I busied myself cooking.
‘Good morning!’ Beth wandered in, still in her pyjamas. ‘I need coffee before I can get dressed,’ she explained her attire with a wry smile. ‘Look at you, you busy bee, what a treat. We haven’t had breakfast made for us since Sally retired.’
‘How come she still lives here?’ I asked. Sally lived in a cottage in the grounds, which was weird for an ex-employee surely.
‘Sally worked for us since she was really young, before I was born, so for like fifty years. She’s family. And John used to live in the cottage so once he married Mum, it was sitting empty. We didn’t want her to go. So it all worked out perfectly.’ Beth fed Izzy’s cat who had come in to the kitchen and wrapped herself around her ankles then sat down at the table to pour herself a coffee from the pot.
I nodded, unsure what to say to that. I couldn’t imagine working somewhere for fifty years and then wanting to stay living there afterwards. I started bringing over breakfast, assuming that the others in the house would soon follow her down. ‘I hope I’ve put everything out you might like.’
‘Honestly, we’ve just been having cereal or toast really. This is amazing. I’m so grateful that you can cook. I really didn’t think we’d find someone willing to do everything again. The people I interviewed for the job had such strict limits, like they would hoover and dust but not tidy. It’s very strange to me. I’m used to just mucking in with whatever, we all are.’ She smiled. ‘Join me and have some breakfast.’
‘Oh okay.’ I sat down and poured another coffee, and grabbed some fruit and yogurt and sprinkled granola over it. It was all I could face this morning, and usually I didn’t eat much for breakfast. I had put out eggs, bacon, pancakes and muffins for the others along with cereal and toast to cover all bases. ‘I suppose housekeepers are a dying breed. I guess there aren’t many houses big enough to need live-in help.’
Beth smiled. ‘Exactly. We’re really lucky that we’ve been able to keep the house in the family. But it does take a lot of work and money. We’ve had to come up with lots of ideas, like these weddings I’m starting up this summer.’
The back door behind us opened, making me jump. Beth seemed used to it though and looked up over her coffee cup and waved. ‘Come on in, Heather.’
Heather walked in, holding the hand of her little boy, who was beside her. ‘I’m on my way to drop off things at our shop and I need your help,’ she said but she seemed to be saying it to me, and not to Beth.
‘Join us for breakfast and tell us what’s going on,’ Beth said, cheerfully, gesturing them over. I didn’t think I’d been anywhere with an open-door policy like this. Once again, I was glad I had made a lot of food.
Heather was pretty with curly light brown hair and she wore old jeans, a baggy shirt, and trainers. She smiled broadly as Beth passed her a coffee. ‘Glad you’re a black coffee drinker too,’ Heather commented to me. ‘We’re addicted, makes us feel better we’re not the only ones.’ She put Harry on her lap – he was the spitting image of his father, and immediately reached for a muffin to eat. ‘So, good news in a way but also scary news… A woman called Chloe contacted me through my Instagram account to ask if she could come and stay for a retreat, she’s a travel influencer and wants to post about the farm and give it a review on her blog,’ Heather said, giving Harry a bit of the muffin and eating some herself. ‘She wants to stay for the whole weekend. The only space we had was this weekend and she’s free so she’s coming on Friday night.’
‘That’ll be such great publicity!’ Beth cried. ‘Who knew how much you’d get out of your Instagram. I really think I should have asked for commission when I gave you the idea.’ But she was grinning at her friend. ‘But why is it scary? You’re ready to go, aren’t you? And you have your guests this week to try everything out on, right?’
‘Well, Chloe messaged me to check she’d get all her meals but I explained it’s just breakfast that we’re offering at the moment and it’s self-catering the rest of the time but she doesn’t drive so can’t get to any local restaurants. So it was basically feed her or she won’t come. I’ve said yes and now I’m panicking. I don’t have time to hire a cook and I can’t be there all the time so…’ She turned and looked pleadingly at me. ‘I wondered if we could hijack Anna for the weekend, to make her meals. Cameron will be on hand to help too, of course.’
I felt a little nonplussed by her rapid-fire conversation. I looked at Beth for help.
‘I suppose, if you think about it, a retreat is about getting away from your life. I think I’d prefer to not have to worry about food all the time too,’ Beth said. ‘But Cameron is definitely not up to it?’
‘Even if he could cook well enough to please her, there’s not enough time if he has to manage everything else, you know? I mean, he has to look after the grounds and the farmhouse already. We’re all helping but we have Fraser Farm too.’
Beth nodded. ‘And she’s coming so quickly. I think y
ou’re right, get help for that weekend and bag yourself a great review. You can decide later if you want to do food.’ She turned to me. ‘Anna, would you be willing to help? It would mean working on a Sunday but you could have a day off in the week instead?’
‘I’d pay you double,’ Heather added desperately. ‘Could you manage without her though, Beth?’
I opened my mouth to protest but they both spoke quickly and excitedly. I couldn’t get a word in before Beth answered her. ‘Of course. Anything to help. You know how proud I am of you starting this business. It’s not a wedding weekend either so we’ll all pitch in and it’ll be fine.’ They finally stopped talking to look at me.
‘What do you think, Anna? Will you please help me out?’ Heather asked, hopefully. Beth gave me a reassuring nod.
I stared at them. A weekend at this farm? I mean, I’d be cooking, which I would love, but Cameron would be there. Although I was sure if I told him to let me get on in the kitchen, he would disappear again. I wondered if he knew about Heather’s plan. He was surely going to be pissed, based on his reaction to me so far. Kind of reason to do it. And double my pay… It meant more money for Ibiza. ‘Can I cook whatever I like?’
They both smiled. ‘Definitely,’ Heather said. ‘Are you really sure it’s okay? I feel so bad hijacking you from your job here!’
‘It’s fine. I love to cook. I’ve never been to a farm though…’
‘Cameron will look after you.’
My face fell as they both tucked in to their breakfasts, all smiles. I didn’t dare say that I was sure he wouldn’t. It seemed everyone was oblivious to the fact he didn’t want to be near me. I would just think of the money to get through it. It was only one weekend after all.
‘Oh, we need to arrange that final meeting with the florist,’ Beth said to Heather. ‘Did Em help on the shoe front?’
‘I’ve ordered a pair. I really hope they fit. The only problem with living in the sticks is I have to order everything online,’ Heather replied with a grimace. ‘I still can’t believe I’m getting married this summer.’
‘It’ll be perfect,’ Beth promised.
I could never understand the amount people spent on weddings, and all the stress, so as they pulled out their diaries to check when they could meet the florist, I slipped away from the table to clear up in the kitchen.
Whatever Beth had said about their old housekeeper, I was most definitely not part of life here at the Hall.
Chapter Ten
The drawing room at the Hall was grand. There was no other word for it. It had a high ceiling with ornate coving bordering it. Long and narrow, it had a polished wooden floor, and the furniture was in tasteful shades of neutral with elegant chairs, heavy gold drapes framing the windows, and paintings hanging on the wall that I assumed were worth a lot of money. There was also a grand piano in the corner with family photographs standing on it in silver frames. They would be a bitch to clean. There was a huge vase of fresh flowers in the large fireplace, as it was summer and didn’t need to be lit. On the mahogany coffee table there was a large scented candle, and a clock, which ticked loudly in the silence, took up most of the mantelpiece.
I felt very much like staff as I walked in with my cleaning supplies, my hair pinned up in a messy bun, rubber gloves on, and my earbuds playing The Smiths. This was my main task for the day and I could see that it would take me most of it, particularly as I was still feeling the effects of last night’s drinks. Thankfully, I was used to working with a hangover and with my music and the air from the window I opened widely, I felt up to hard graft, which had seemed impossible when I had woken up.
Going to the piano, I lifted the photographs off so I could clean it. There was one of Beth and Drew on their wedding day with their daughter. Izzy had been there when they got married, I knew, because Drew hadn’t known Beth had had their child as a teenager. I felt relieved that I wasn’t the only one around here with a complicated past. I sometimes wondered what the future held for me when it came to relationships. I had always moved on from places so quickly that I’d only had casual ones, flings that really hadn’t meant anything even if sometimes the men I had them with had felt differently. And although I did have fun, I couldn’t deny a certain lurch in my stomach when I saw love captured like in this photo. Would I ever want something like that? Perhaps you never really knew until you found that someone to have it with. The problem was, would I ever stick around long enough to realise if someone was that person? What if I’d already met them and hadn’t realised?
Shaking my head, I carried on pulling the photos off. I didn’t want to get stuck in that kind of mindset. Sometimes I looked back at my old photos on Instagram and wondered what would have happened if I stayed anywhere longer than six months. But how could I when I had to hide the truth about my past from everyone?
I polished the piano until I could see my face in it and then set about cleaning the framed pictures and setting them back on it. I saw the whole history of Beth’s family in those pictures. It was strange how sometimes a life came down to a photograph. I knew nothing about these people and their lives but they smiled back at me as if we were friends. There was one of Caroline as a younger woman holding a baby, who I presumed was Beth, with a woman who was clearly Caroline’s mother, at the Hall. It was so much more formal than the one of Beth and Izzy in the garden one snowy day. I could tell through the camera lens how different their relationship was by how happy and relaxed they looked with one another.
I wondered what people would think about my life when they looked back on photos of me in the future. I think in all of them I’m alone. There was always someone to take a photo if I asked, but not really anyone I ever wanted to be beside me in one.
I lost a bit of time just staring at those photos once I placed them back. I was relieved when my phone vibrated in my pocket with a message to draw me away from thinking about my life. I knew I spent far too much time looking back. I had to look forward. I had to keep on moving.
I hope your head is as sore as mine today!
The name flashed up as Adam, so we had obviously swapped numbers last night even if I didn’t really remember doing it. I knew it was bad when I drank so much the night became a blur. I tried not to do that but once I started knocking the drinks back, I lost track of keeping an eye out for the one that would push me over the edge, and just kept on going until I had forgotten what the edge was even like.
Pretty brutal and I’ve got to work all day :(
Fancy drinks again on Wednesday? It’s pub quiz night, and we’ll all be there
I paused, concerned by the ‘all’. Did that mean Cameron? What would he do if I joined their quiz team? I decided not to promise anything. I’d find out from Beth what this quiz night was like first.
I’ll let you know if I’m free!
Putting my phone away, I turned my attention to the mantelpiece. I didn’t really mind cleaning. It was repetitive and actually more physical than I realised when I was younger. But I was used to scrubbing pubs now, and this was a whole lot cleaner despite Beth saying it needed a good spring clean. I sang along softly to my music and the tasks passed quickly. Lunch came and went. Beth told me firmly not to bother with making lunch for anyone other than myself unless there was a special occasion otherwise I’d just be feeding everyone all day. I didn’t feel hungry so I just kept on going, heading into the kitchen once it was done to grab a cup of coffee and one of Emily’s muffins. It was empty, which I was pleased about. I didn’t think I had any energy left over to chat.
I took a quick break to eat and drink and then I went upstairs, feeling like the sooner I finished, the better. A run and a shower would be needed before this family barbeque. At least my headache had eased. All that was left was a slight taste of shame at the back of my throat, but I knew from experience that too would pass soon. I just hoped Brodie wouldn’t mention it. I was dreading seeing him later. I already knew that he was planning to come for dinner with Emily and Iona. At least the
farm lot were busy, Beth had said at breakfast, so there was no chance of having to deal with any grumpy farmers on top of my grumpy brother.
I stripped the beds and took it all to the laundry room. There were several sets for each bed so the washing could wait, and then I re-made all the beds.
Being a housekeeper in a house like this meant there was a lot to look at while I was bed-making. Each room had its own style and obviously had different belongings in. I hadn’t known the household long but I thought it was pretty easy to tell who occupied each room, even if I hadn’t been told on the house tour. Beth and Drew’s bedroom faced the front and had once been her grandmother’s room, she had said. It was pretty messy as they had both been up and about early. Caroline and John’s was the most elegantly furnished, in rich cream and gold with a large dressing table filled with expensive products that it was hard to resist trying – but I thought she was bound to notice so I didn’t. And then Izzy’s room faced the back and was filled with books – they lined the entirety of one wall and there were several piles of them stacked on the floor too. After I made her bed, her cat appeared, jumping up and curling up for a nap. I reached down to stroke her, smiling as she purred.
I then moved on to my room and changed my bed too. The room still didn’t feel like me but then I kept most of the places I lived in pretty impersonal. There didn’t seem much point in bothering to do things like put up pictures or buy ornaments to just pack it all away again when I left. But I had to admit, Glendale Hall felt so lived in it did give me a pause to leave the rooms full of character to come to mine with just furniture in and my small bags of belongings, most of which were still in my case. I really should at least hang my clothes up.
Always and Forever at Glendale Hall Page 6