‘You’re wasted here,’ Chloe said in a low voice when I took her plate. I just laughed but I saw Cameron watch our exchange with interest. He headed out to light the bonfire and Chloe went up to dry her hair while Heather and I cleared everything up.
‘I can’t thank you enough for tonight,’ Heather said when we were alone. ‘You totally saved us.’
‘Oh, well…’ I mumbled, a little embarrassed by her praise. I hadn’t really experienced that before. But I decided I liked it.
‘Thank God Brodie brought you here,’ she said, squeezing my shoulder as she passed me to stack the dishwasher. ‘Oh, I can hear them all arriving. I think we’ve done enough for tonight. Let’s go and relax. You definitely deserve it.’
I slipped upstairs to put on a hoodie as I knew it would be chilly outside now. When I walked downstairs, I saw Cameron by the front door on the phone. I paused, not knowing whether to go down or not.
‘No, Adam, I can’t,’ he was saying with a sigh. ‘I’m working… I’m sure you can manage without me. Yes, she’s still here.’ Cameron sighed again. ‘No, I won’t ask her because I already said no… You know I don’t like Lorna like that. Yes, I’m well aware you think I’m crazy.’ Cameron was becoming irritated. ‘I have to go… Adam, you know why,’ he finally snapped. ‘I’ll see you later,’ he added before hanging up. He strode out of the door. Hmmm. That was interesting. I carried on walking downstairs, wondering why Adam had annoyed him so much, and wondered if they had been talking about me. And someone called Lorna, whoever she was. It was clear though that Cameron wasn’t interested in dating anyone. Maybe we did have something in common after all.
I followed Cameron to the bottom of the hill, where everyone had gathered around the large bonfire. The sky was only just turning dark behind the dancing flames. Everyone was sitting on folding chairs holding drinks and snacks when I approached. Rory, Heather’s dad Don and little Harry had joined Heather, along with an older man who Heather introduced as Angus. Cameron went to sit next to him and on his other side was Chloe. I sat down in the empty seat beside her.
‘Here,’ she said, passing me a skewer with a marshmallow on. ‘How fun is this? I haven’t done this since I was at Brownies.’
‘Me neither,’ I agreed. I’d missed out on things like that after my accident and when you were an adult campfires and toasting marshmallows weren’t usually on the agenda unless you had a family. ‘Although I did camp out on a beach in Thailand once. Slightly different to this.’
She smiled. ‘I loved Thailand. Where else have you been?’
‘Australia and New Zealand, all round Europe and I also spent a few months working in an American camp for kids.’
‘Oh wow, that sounds like fun. I’ve never stayed anywhere longer than just a couple weeks’ holiday.’
‘I like moving around,’ I said, holding out my marshmallow to toast. I caught Cameron watching us again.
‘I feel so unworldly listening to you two,’ Heather said. ‘I’ve never left the UK. I just never had the travel bug I suppose.’
‘You must go to Italy a lot,’ Chloe said to Cameron.
‘Not since I was a kid,’ he replied, staring into the flames.
‘I loved Venice, and Rome,’ Chloe said, oblivious to his blunt tone. ‘The food in Italy…’
I nodded. ‘So good. The best place I ever worked was an Italian restaurant. Although the owner, Donna, used to shout at me if I got anything wrong. She was very particular about her herbs and spices.’
‘Why did you leave?’
‘Her grandson,’ I replied to Chloe. ‘He told her I broke his heart when he found out I was seeing his friend, even though we’d barely gone out. Blood is thicker though, right? Now I make sure I don’t date anyone I work with,’ I added with a rueful laugh. Cameron lifted his head and met my eyes through the flickering light of the fire. I wondered what he was thinking.
‘Sensible,’ Chloe said. ‘Although you two work together,’ she said to Rory and Heather. ‘And are such a cute couple.’ Heather and Rory exchanged an amused look. I didn’t think they’d ever been called cute before.
‘We’ve had our ups and downs but it works for our family, we love it,’ Heather said. ‘It’s a real family business, with my dad, plus the fact that Angus is Cameron’s uncle,’ she explained to Chloe.
‘For my sins,’ Angus grunted, making them all laugh, even Cameron.
‘And Anna is the brother of the minister of Glendale, so she’s connected to the village too.’
‘A minister?’ Chloe looked surprised.
‘We couldn’t be more different,’ I confirmed, smiling.
‘He’s thrilled you’re here,’ Heather said. ‘I bet he’s a protective older brother, am I right?’
‘Ever since my accident,’ I agreed, and then realised what I’d said. I was annoyed. Now I’d get lots of questions that I didn’t want to answer.
‘Accident?’ Chloe asked.
‘When I was thirteen. My dad and I were in a car accident,’ I said in a rush to get my explanation over with. ‘My dad hit his head but I had just taken off my seatbelt so I flew through the windscreen. I ended up in a coma and almost died. It took a long time to recover…’ I trailed off, not wanting to admit that I still hadn’t recovered. Or that the driver who had hit us had died. Or why his car had hit ours in the first place. I looked away from the fire and into Cameron’s shocked gaze. In fact, it looked as if the blood had completely drained from his face.
Like he’d seen a ghost.
Chapter Eighteen
I knew I hadn’t imagined it because Angus shot his nephew a concerned look as Chloe let out a shocked noise. ‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Anna. How awful.’
‘It’s okay,’ I assured her. ‘All’s well that ends well,’ I said lightly but, inside, my heart raced as it always did when I thought back to that time. ‘So, how was your first time on a horse?’ I asked, changing the subject. I swear I saw Cameron’s chest sag with relief when Chloe started talking about horse riding. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one who would rather not be reminded of the past.
After that, the evening passed peacefully. Cameron was quiet, but his uncle was too so perhaps it was normal for them. After we toasted the marshmallows, we had a few drinks and the sun slipped away while the fire burned merrily.
When Harry fell asleep on his mother’s lap, Heather said they’d better go home. ‘I hope you’ve enjoyed the day, Chloe,’ she said as she said goodbye to us. ‘And thank you again for dinner, Anna.’
‘I feel so relaxed,’ Chloe said. ‘This place is really beautiful, a real sanctuary. I think you’ve got a winner on your hands. I know so many people who would love to get away from it all here.’
Heather hugged her then and we waved them off, leaving Chloe, Cameron and myself and the dying fire.
‘I’m exhausted. I’ll see you both for breakfast. My last morning here, it’s gone so quickly!’ Chloe headed off into the farmhouse with a cheerful wave.
I drained the last of my glass of wine as Cameron pulled on his jumper. The air was growing cooler by the minute. It was so quiet now it was just the two of us. I should have jumped straight up and followed Chloe back into the farmhouse but I knew that I wouldn’t be able to sleep. ‘One more drink?’ I said, picking up the last bottle. Cameron looked like he was going to refuse but then he nodded and held out his glass. Maybe he also wasn’t looking forward to going to sleep. I wondered again what had shaken him so much when I mentioned my accident. As I poured his drink, our eyes met and it felt like he was thinking about it too.
We both took a sip as we watched the last of the flames flicker. It was dark now and the stars were out; silence wrapped around us like a blanket.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, finally, continuing to stare at the fire embers and not at me. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them as I watched him trying to find the right words. ‘I was really hard on you, and I don’t even know you. Hearing what you said about your… accident.
When I saw you with Adam I thought, well, I thought that you were reckless and it annoyed me, I suppose. But…’ He was stuttering a little. He looked over at me. ‘It’s really me that I was annoyed with, not you.’
‘It’s not you, it’s me. That’s a cliché,’ I said. There was this heavy atmosphere around us now. Something stirred in the pit of my stomach when he looked at me like that. I shivered and I wasn’t fully convinced it was because of the dip in temperature. He looked away and I let out a breath. ‘Sometimes I act like I don’t care, I know that. It’s a self-preservation thing. I want to be fearless. But I’m so far from it. I was stupid the night I almost let Adam drive me. I’m glad you were there. You were right to be angry. I was angry with myself. My accident, it… haunts me,’ I said in a half-whisper. Perhaps it was the alcohol, the fire, the fact we were alone with just the woods to hear us but I felt myself be more honest with Cameron than I had been with anyone in a very long time.
‘I know what it’s like to feel haunted,’ Cameron said, matching my soft tone. He faced me in his chair. ‘I feel like I’m trapped in the past sometimes. And, I don’t know, you sent me back there. But I was so rude to you, I know. I’m sorry. I’m not like that. It’s, what did you say? Maybe it was a self-preservation thing too.’
‘You don’t need to be scared of me,’ I said with a laugh. ‘I won’t be here long. It’s what I do – I move on.’
‘I just don’t let people in easily, I suppose. And when I say self-preservation, I really mean for you and not me. I…’ He trailed off, unsure what to say for a moment. ‘I keep my distance for other people’s sake, not my own. I’m not someone you want to get close to.’
‘A guy told me once that I was toxic.’ I let out a bitter laugh. ‘So, I could probably say the same thing back to you.’ It was strange to think that I had things in common with Cameron. He’d been so distant with me but I recognised what was behind it now. Maybe he’d even been more distant with me than other people because he’d felt the same attraction I had.
‘You’re not toxic, Anna. Just because you don’t feel the same way about someone, it isn’t your fault. Like when you lost your job… They shouldn’t have done that.’
I was surprised he was on my side. What had happened back then still smarted. ‘You’re right but I never even let myself find out if I do feel the same way. I leave before it gets to that stage. Yeah, it was unfair of them but I didn’t realise. I didn’t even see that he was in love with me. Because I have never felt that way about anyone. Doesn’t that sound like there’s something wrong with me?’ I gripped my wine glass hard. I hated that I didn’t feel like everyone else seemed to about relationships.
He shook his head. ‘Just because you haven’t loved anyone doesn’t mean you can’t. You just haven’t met that person yet. And, believe me, when you do it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.’ He sighed heavily. Heartbreak? Was that what haunted him? I couldn’t relate to that. ‘It must have been so hard what happened to you.’
I usually shrugged when someone said that but I was tired of doing that. ‘It was,’ I said simply and finished off my drink. ‘You could tell me,’ I said then. ‘What’s on your mind. I’m the last person to judge anyone, you know.’
Cameron was silent for a moment. He looked across at me and I could swear that electricity crackled across the air between us. ‘Sometimes I feel like the wall I’ve built around myself might never come down.’
‘Me too,’ I whispered. How was it possible that he was saying the exact thing that I worried about? That we had the same fears?
‘I should go,’ he said, standing up abruptly. ‘I am sorry for being so hard on you. For being so unfriendly. But you really should stay away from me.’ And with that, he turned and practically marched towards the trees, as if he had to put distance between us. I watched him walking away and was gripped by a sudden unexpected need to follow him.
I didn’t think, I just followed my instinct. Jumping up, I went after him towards the woods. Following him all the way to his cottage.
At his front door, he turned and looked at me. ‘What do you want, Anna?’ he asked warily.
‘I don’t want to be alone tonight,’ I replied, honestly. I knew I’d go back to the farmhouse and that I would toss and turn all night and if I managed to fall asleep, nightmares of the accident would wake me up. I could feel it. I knew when nights like that were coming. And I wanted to hide from it. I knew that in Cameron’s arms, I could forget. Even if it was only for one night. That’s all I was ever looking for. A way to escape my thoughts. My past. Myself, really, if I was being honest.
‘I told you…’ he began.
‘Just one night, Cameron. Believe me, that’s all I want. You and me – we’re the same.’
He shook his head. ‘You don’t know anything about me. I haven’t told you everything.’
I stepped closer. ‘I know. Nor have I. But I don’t care. I don’t want to be alone tonight, do you?’
Cameron hesitated. ‘This isn’t a good idea,’ he warned, but when I stepped closer again, he didn’t move.
‘I don’t want to be alone tonight, do you?’ I repeated, softer this time, tilting my face to look up at him, just inches between us now. He was so much taller than me. He looked down at me and I saw the indecision in his eyes. It looked like I would need to be the one to decide. I stood on my tiptoes and brushed my lips against his. I heard him hitch his breath and we looked at one another. There was only a beat before he pressed his lips against mine and wrapped his arms around my waist. I drew mine up around his neck and pulled him closer.
Cameron lifted me up then and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he moved his mouth to my cheek and then down my neck and along my collarbone. I gasped and he looked at me one more time, perhaps giving me a moment to be sure. I just smiled and he shook his head, and carried me inside, shutting the door behind us.
* * *
I wasn’t surprised when I woke up alone. I was surprised, though, that I’d slept so well. Cameron had held me during the night, I remembered feeling his body wrapped around mine. And I’d slept through the night. With no nightmares.
Sun streamed in through Cameron’s bedroom window as I sat up and looked around the room I’d barely registered last night. It was small with basically a bed, a lamp, a chest of drawers and a bookshelf. White walls, white bedding, and a wooden floor. Cameron obviously didn’t care about décor or injecting any personality into his room. Once again, I couldn’t ignore the similarities between us. I was always keeping my room impersonal. Cameron clearly did the same even though he lived here permanently. Or maybe he had one eye on the door, like me.
I wondered what haunted Cameron but then I shook my head. I had enough to deal with without delving into his past. Two broken people couldn’t make a whole person, I knew that with certainty. It was better if we kept apart from now on. I got out of bed and pulled my clothes back on, eager to escape. The walls felt like they were closing in. I tried so hard to outrun my own past, and I recognised the same thing in Cameron. He had been right last night – this was a mistake.
Hurrying downstairs as quietly as I could, I glanced around but Cameron was nowhere to be seen. I walked out and through the woods towards the farmhouse. It was really early, I realised, so Chloe wouldn’t have noticed that I hadn’t slept there. As I walked, I saw a figure moving in the distance. I paused. It was Cameron. Out for an early run. He turned when he heard me and changed direction to jog towards me. I tried to make it to the farmhouse door before he could reach me but I missed it by just a couple of feet.
‘You’re up,’ he said when he’d stopped, a little breathless.
‘I need to get sorted before Chloe gets up, and then Heather is coming,’ I gabbled, not looking at him. ‘And then I’ll be back at the Hall…’
‘Anna, I’m sorry about last night.’
‘Nothing to be sorry about.’ I glanced at him, trying to ignore his bare legs beneath his shorts and the tight t-shirt he wa
s wearing. ‘We both got what we wanted, didn’t we?’
Cameron raised an eyebrow. ‘But…’
‘I’ll see you around, Cameron.’ I walked inside before he could say anything else.
I leaned against the closed door and sighed. I tried not to remember the feel of Cameron’s strong arms around me, the warmth of his touch or how he had looked at me like he’d never seen anything more beautiful. For one night, I had felt closer to someone than I ever had. As if maybe for one night the walls we had both built around us, had been shaken just slightly. But I knew it had just been a mirage. Those walls could never come down.
We were both runners.
And like the best runners, we ran alone.
Chapter Nineteen
When I returned to Glendale Hall, chaos awaited me.
Heather dropped me home and didn’t appear to notice that I was quiet as she raved about how well the weekend seemed to have gone and how happy Chloe had been when she left Hilltop, promising that her content would be uploaded to her social media and blog soon. Cameron had stayed away from breakfast, only appearing to help Chloe with her bags and drive her to the train station and we didn’t look at one another.
As I left the farm, I thought that apart from a few visits to the Hall I was unlikely to have to spend much time with him for the rest of the summer, and that was the safest thing for both of us.
Heather had to go to her farm shop so she waved me off from her car and I let myself back into the Hall with my bag and stopped short in the hallway as Beth hurried down the stairs, her hair flying out behind her. Her face flooded with relief when she saw me standing there. ‘Anna, thank God! The bride for my first wedding next week has turned up and wants to call the whole thing off! Can you come with me?’ She grabbed me by the arm to pull me with her. I tried to protest but I was quickly learning that Beth wasn’t someone you argued with. I dumped my bag by the door and followed her into the kitchen where there appeared to be some kind of crisis meeting happening around the table.
Always and Forever at Glendale Hall Page 11