I peel my eyes open and the sunlight on my face instantly reminds me what a shitty mistake I made last night. My head pounds and why the fuck am I laying in the grass? More importantly; the arms. They couldn’t be Nate’s.
I groan and go to look back over my shoulder as the arms tense. “Oh, fuck,” Jesse groans behind me.
Shit. I’m spooning Jesse.
We spring apart from each other as though we’d just been caught in the act. “He’s going to kill me,” Jess murmurs to himself. “I’m going to get another fucking black eye. He’ll disown me. He’ll never talk to me again. He’ll make my life a liv-”
“No, no, no,” I say, pushing myself up in the grass, cutting off his freaked out rambling. “We don’t need to tell him. Nothing happened… right?”
He looks at me as though I’m stupid before talking very clearly. “I had your tits in my hand.”
“But I have my clothes on and we were asleep. It’s not like it was intentional,” I tell him as my stomach reminds me of its current contents. “Besides, we’re friends. I sleep in the same bed with Brooke all the time and it’s not like you had morning wood poking me in the ass.”
“It’s not that same as when you sleep with Brooke,” he says, getting hysterical. “You know why? Brooke doesn’t have a dick.”
“Thanks. I’m aware of that,” I say, rolling my eyes as my stomach begins to gurgle. I can practically feel the blood draining from my face as my queasiness takes over. “I don’t feel too good.”
“Then go throw it up,” he says, bluntly.
The second I take in his words, I can’t help myself. I slap a hand over my mouth and throw myself to my feet before running to the bushes. I only just make it before hurling my guts up. I struggle to hold my hair back out of my face as my stomach just keeps on emptying itself.
Shit. How much did I drink last night?
Once I’m done thoroughly embarrassing myself, I turn back to Jess which is when I notice my R8 sitting in the drive, covered from head to toe in dirt. Fuck. Nate was here in the middle of the night and I’m sure as hell he wouldn’t have missed Jesse and I passed out in the grass. Hopefully, we weren’t spooning at that point.
I trudge back over to Jesse feeling worse than I did before bringing up chunks. “Better?” he says as I fall down into the grass beside him.
Shaking my head, I look down at the grass and start picking at the grass. “Friends are supposed to hold each other’s hair back,” I tell him.
His face scrunches up in disgust. “Fuck that. I don’t want to get anywhere near that shit when you’re hurling. You’re on your own.”
I roll my eyes. I should have expected that from him. “We got a problem.”
He looks over at me and grunts before laying back down in the grass and closing his eyes. “What?”
“My car’s here,” I tell him.
“So? Shouldn’t it be?”
“No,” I groan. “It wasn’t here when we got home last night which means Nate dropped it off after we passed out.”
His eyes flash open. “You’re telling me he already knows about this shit?” he questions, waving his fingers between the two of us. “Fuck,” he curses, getting himself to his feet. “I’m out of here. I need to go grovel and get my face kicked in.”
“Alright,” I groan, also getting to my feet. “Have fun.”
We go our separate ways and I get myself inside where I instantly collapse down into my bed. My body desperately needs me to shut off and go back to sleep, but my mind just won’t allow it. All I can think about is Nate seeing me in his brother’s arms. It shouldn’t bother me, after all, he broke up with me. I should be allowed to crawl into the arms of any man I want, yet this is Nate. His pain is my pain.
I can’t help but feel that last night shouldn’t have happened. Nate and Brooke were both right. I was an idiot to think I could race on that track and come out unscathed. I guess this is karma for being such an idiot last night.
I hated the way he looked at me last night. It reminded me of the old him and now I’ve gone and rubbed salt in the wound by waking up next to his brother. I feel as though I owe him an explanation, when in reality, I owe him nothing. Ok, well, maybe I owe him a ‘thank you’ for bringing my car back, but that’s it. Apart from that, nothing.
I guess the only good thing that came from last night was that I got to see him. I saw the devastation in his eyes and the intense need that he has for me which helped to make me feel a bit better about the situation. If he didn’t have that, I'd probably wonder if I ever meant anything to him, but I see that he was honest in his reasoning. I shouldn’t have doubted him, he did what he thought was right for me. He sacrificed his own heart thinking it would be the best chance to give me a successful start to my future. Just because I don’t agree with it doesn’t mean that's not his truth.
I hate it, though. I'd give anything to have just one more day with him. Feel his arms around me one more time. Have him whisper those three little words in the dead of the night. If I knew last week was going to be the last time, maybe I would have committed it to memory a little better. I would have treasured the moment with everything I have. Instead, I'm left behind with a heart full of regrets.
I guess seeing him for the first time after the break up is a good thing and seeing him away from school is probably even better. It would save me the embarrassment of sitting in class on Monday morning in tears as he sits behind me in Mr. Miller's class. I'm certainly not looking forward to it, but there's not a thing I can do. At least now I'll have a better chance of keeping the tears at bay.
Shit. I have to man up. There have probably been countless hearts in my school which Nate has broken. I'm just another one added to the list. I'm nothing special when it comes to him. I shouldn't be making a big deal of my broken heart. I should just let it go and try to move on.
I sink down into my bed and pull the covers right up to my chin. My night seriously sucked and now I have to grovel at my best friend’s feet. Why was it so hard for me to listen to reason last night? All I had to do was go out and have a good time. Instead, I fucked everything up. Hell, I even got in a car with Jackson Millington. But then, maybe he deserves a little credit. He got me out of a tight spot and saved my ass. He was being a decent guy just like he promised to be. He drove me to the party, made sure I was with someone who would look after me, and then graciously ducked out before causing a scene with Jess. We even had a decent conversation which didn’t make me shudder with annoyance.
Maybe he isn't the asshole I think he is. Maybe he's right. Maybe I've been believing what Nate has been telling me to believe. What he wants me to believe.
Shit. Maybe it's time to stand on my own two feet. I’ve had my night of being an idiot and if I’m going to suffer through a broken heart, then I may as well make it worth my time.
My head pounds and I reach over to my bedside table to find some painkillers. I mean, I probably should have reconsidered just how much I was drinking last night and Jesse sure as hell shouldn’t have let me annihilate myself like that. But then, it’s not like I was really going to allow him to stop me.
Knowing I’ll never find sleep, I flick on the TV and press a few buttons until I find the episode of ‘Game of Thrones’ I was up to and try my hardest to swoon over Jason Momoa, but with my heart aching so much, swooning is a little difficult.
I watch for a few hours until my phone buzzes against the wood of my bedside table. I reach over and grab it to find a text from Jess.
Jesse – He saw.
Fuck.
Tora – How’s your face?
Jesse – He winded me. Got hit with an uppercut as soon as I walked through the door. I didn’t even get a chance to run away like a little bitch.
Tora – Shit. Sorry. This is all my fault.
Jesse – Don’t stress. I know I’m fucking irresistible, but keep your mittens off me next time or I’ll be forced to tell everyone you’re taking advantage of my young soul.
&nb
sp; I roll my eyes as I read his text.
Tora – You’re a turd!!! As if anyone would believe that! Go to bed!
My ‘Game of Thrones’ vibe disappears and I peel myself out of bed before trudging into the shower. I mean, did I even remember to brush my teeth after throwing up this morning? No, I don’t think so. Ugh. I’m foul. No wonder he broke up with me, I would have broken up with me too.
I turn on the taps get myself cleaned up and the second I feel like a normal human being, I decide to brave the rest of the house.
I walk down the stairs feeling each step rattle right through my skull and beg for it to be over soon. Yep, definitely regretting last night.
I get to the bottom and do everything in my power not to sit on the bottom step as I fear I may never get up. I walk through the formal living areas and out past the kitchen to where I hear my mother’s hushed voice. “Mom?” I call out as I start peeking my head into the room to find where she is.
“In the living room, Tora,” she says without her usual chirpiness.
Instantly, my suspicions are up.
I walk down to the living room and turn the corner before coming to a stop in the doorway. Hurt flies through me as I stare back at my father, the guy who caused all this pain in the first place. We’ve been walking around the house like strangers for the past two weeks.
“What’s going on?” I ask, narrowing my eyes on him and wondering what bullshit he’s going to throw my way. I mean, is he going to suggest I go to boarding school now. Did he somehow hear about my night?
“I’ve come to talk to you,” he tells me, watching me with caution.
My eyes flick to mom before turning back on my father. “I don’t have anything to say to you and I doubt you have anything that I’m interested in hearing.”
He lets out a sigh and leans back against the side of the couch. “I’d like to apologize, Tora,” he says. “I’ve sai-”
“For what?” I demand, cutting him off in my anger. I mean, if he wanted to talk, he’s picked the wrong day. “For leaving mom right after she buried her mother? For leaving me? Or for talking my boyfriend into leaving me as well?”
He sighs again and I do what I can to keep myself rooted to the ground otherwise I’ll race forward and punch him in the throat so I don’t have to hear that frustrating sound again. “I’m apologizing for being absent. I recognize that the way I talked to you the other week was harsh, but after the fire, I panicked and I didn’t like the path you were going down. So, I felt you needed a little tough love but I see now that perhaps it was a bit too tough.”
“A bit too tough,” I scoff. “You made me feel like a bug squished under your shoe. You had no right to talk to me like that, especially when you haven’t been around. You were taking twisted stories you heard from Caden Ryder and using them against me, rather than just asking me like a decent human being.”
“You’re right,” he says. “I did do that, but surely you must see that no matter how harsh I was, you needed to hear it. Your future is what’s important. Other boys will come.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Come on, Tora,” he says. “Nathaniel Ryder is not the type of boy you’ll be living your life with. He’s a fling. After college and law school, you can pay a little more attention to your romantic life, but not now. I know you’re probably hurting now, but it will pass soon enough.”
I walk forward and situate myself before him. “Nate wasn’t just a ‘fling’. He was the guy who I fell in love with. He’s always going to be the guy no matter how much you twist the story to make him seem less than. And the fact that you don’t approve, just makes me want to get him back more.”
“I’m not looking for an argument,” he tells me, looking down at me with a heavy disappointment. “I’m trying to apologize. You’re my daughter and I love you, but no matter how much you push the Nate topic, I will never approve. You have been involved in fights and fires since your relationship with him started. Your grades have dropped and your attitude has certainly spiked. This is for the best. You may not see it now, but someday you’ll thank me.”
I stand tall and let him see just how serious I am. “I will never forgive you for this,” I tell him. “And I can honestly say that I will never thank you. Over the past few months, all you’ve managed to do is cause pain. Why don’t you just go back to London?”
He flinches back as mom gasps. “You couldn’t mean that?”
“I do, dad. I’m sorry but you sealed your fate when you decided that you knew what was best for me. You’ve never been so wrong and you’ve cost me the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
With that, I turn and stalk out of the room, far too annoyed and frustrated to even cry.
Twenty minutes later, a knock sounds on my door before mom sticks her head through the small opening. “You hurt your dad’s feelings,” she says.
“Good,” I grunt.
She pushes the door wider and steps inside my room. “I know you didn’t mean it,” she says. “That was a harsh thing to say, especially when he’s just trying to look out for you.”
“He doesn’t know a thing about me,” I tell her. “How could he? He’s never around. Even when he is, he’s always in his office.”
Mom sighs before moving forward and sitting on my bed beside me. She rests her hand on my knee. “I know you’re hurting but you know he loves you and he’s just trying to do what he thinks is right. No matter what you might think now, it’s not easy for a parent to see their child heading down a bad road.”
“Nate wasn’t a bad road.”
Mom squeezes my hand. “He never saw you with Nate. He didn’t see how much you two love and mean to one another.”
“Well, that’s what happens when you’re never around,” I grumble.
“I completely agree,” she tells me. “So, with that in mind, I want you to know that if you want to try and mend your relationship that I support you one hundred percent, but your focus has to be your school work. I know you don’t want to hear it but your dad was right, you can’t throw away your future because you’re too busy swooning over a boy.”
“I’m not,” I groan.
“Sweetie,” she says with a knowing look. “You are and that’s ok, it’s normal to swoon over your first love. I just need you to swoon a little less and stop jumping head first into fights with boys twice your size. If you come home with a gash on your face again, I’ll be forced to upload that picture of you as a baby pooping in the bathtub to my Facebook page.”
My eyes widen at my mother’s sneaky ways. “You wouldn’t?”
“Wouldn’t I?” she grins as she pushes up from my bed and walks back to the door. She turns back around as I gawk after her, completely surprised and honestly, a little terrified. “I know you’re hurting but maybe give it a little time before you speak with Nate. Your heart needs some time to heal before you can risk giving it away again.”
“I guess,” I say, thoughtful.
“Alight, my dear,” she smiles. “I love you, but now I have to go and convince your father that you love him too.” I scoff which has her stopping in the doorway and looking back. “Keep in mind that he’s only here for a short while. He’ll be going back in a few days and I’d really like it if you two could make up before that happens.
I let out a deep breath and realize she’s right. “Ok,” I sigh. “I’ll try.”
Chapter 18
After spending Sunday scrubbing the dirt off my car, I pull up at school bright and early on Monday morning. It’s a new day and a fresh start. It’s also the first time I’ll see Nate after screaming at him at the party and having him see me spooning his little brother.
It’s going to be great.
I’m kind of hoping he’ll back off and give me my space, but you can never be too sure with Nate Ryder. If he wants answers, he’ll bombard me until he gets them and it won’t be pretty.
I make my way out of my car and look around the lot. It doesn’t look like Nate
or Brooke are here yet, but at least the girls are, so I’ll have some company while I wait for my undoubtedly horrible doom.
I grab my bag, sling it over my shoulder and head up to the front of the school where I find Elle, Brylee, and Courtney hanging out with Tyson and Puck. Brylee’s eyes widen in surprise when she sees me coming. “Oh, my God,” she says, breaking away from the group so she can meet me with a hug. “How are you?”
“Fine,” I groan, hugging her back.
She pulls back and studies me closer. “Really? Cause when I saw you on Friday night you didn’t look anything close to ‘fine’.”
“That’s because Friday night was awful. This is Monday morning and I feel great.”
“Uh huh,” she says with narrowed eyes. “Well, if you’re going to bullshit about it, at least tone it down a bit.”
I can’t help but smile at her. “Too much?”
She laughs and shakes her head. “Way too much.”
She drags me over to the group and Puck instantly throws his arm over my shoulder and yanks me in hard to his side. “How was the hangover on Saturday morning?”
“Don’t remind me,” I tell him as I push his heavy arm off me. “It wasn’t fun.”
“I bet,” he says as Tyson starts chuckling. “Did you make it through the whole bottle?”
I let out a huff as I look up at him. “Didn’t I say ‘don’t remind me’? I don’t want to think about Vodka for the rest of my life.”
“That bad, huh?” Courtney laughs.
“Worse. I slept outside in the grass.”
The girls shake their heads as the boys burst into laughter, but I’m not having it. “I’ll see you guys inside,” I tell them, breaking away and heading in through the doors.
I get halfway down to my locker when I hear Brooke’s voice coming from behind me. “Wait up,” she calls. I stop and turn to find her hurrying behind me, looking at me as though not a damn thing happened between us. “Hey,” she says with wide eyes as she catches up to me. “I have to talk to you.”
She pulls me along to her locker and hastily opens it up, skipping straight past mine. “You’re not going to give me a hard time about Friday night?” I question.
Broken Hill Hurt: The Broken Hill High Series (Book 3) Page 16