by Gen Ryan
I opened my mouth wide, trying to think of what to say. “Why are you so understanding? After I just laid my heart out there for you and talked about changing, I’m still going back.” The sun reflected off Brad’s stunning features, highlighting the lightness of his blond hair, his bright smile, the glow of his skin.
“Because. It’s your job. And this”—he turned and looked out at the ocean—“was my job. You’re helping me just by being here to get back to what I loved the most. I’d take one day of this over none. You still decided to come here with me, when you could have stayed and worked the case, guaranteeing a win against Biggs. And yet you’re here. Looking fuckable as ever in those swim shorts.” Brad smiled.
“Now who’s hiding behind their dirty mouth?” I grinned.
“I’m not hiding anything, Colton. You’ve changed me too. Your entire family has. If it weren’t for your sister, we would have never met. If it weren’t for you asking me to teach you to surf, I probably wouldn’t be here right now.”
I stood up and placed my hands on his shoulders.
“That’s where you’re wrong. It’s all you, babe. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
He leaned in and brushed his lips to mine. I liked it rough, there was no denying that, but the softness of Brad’s lips against mine, the emotion that seeped from his tongue as it moved in and out, was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Maybe it was us opening up to each other or the connection we had; whatever it was, I never wanted it to end.
“I’m going to come in my swim shorts if you don’t knock off that tonsil hockey,” I said against his mouth. Brad pulled away.
“Ready to learn how to surf?” he asked as I picked up my board.
“Ready as I’ll ever be. Guess I won’t just watch,” I whined.
“Watching isn’t as fun as getting in there yourself.”
God. I adjusted my dick. What I really wanted was to bury my cock in his ass right there as everyone watched. But I figured exhibitionism was frowned upon, so I thought of evil clowns and anything else that would help my dick get back to its normal, flaccid state. Because my man was going to teach me to surf, and I couldn’t fucking wait.
20
___________
BRAD
“You know how to swim, right?” I asked as I pulled Colton over behind the rocks.
He spat out more water and took deep breaths.
“Yes. But it’s different when ginormous waves are coming at you!” Colton exclaimed through a laugh.
“The waves are stronger today.” I looked out as the waves crashed against each other. It was calming, listening to them, watching them come to a peak and disappear before I could even blink. I never knew where they would end up or how big they would be. It was like my own strength. Often I never knew how strong I could be until I was forced to dig deep. Waves were all the same, just different peaks at different points in their lives. Like love. It ebbed and flowed and was intensely fierce. Maybe that’s why I was such a good surfer: it was my destiny. I glanced at Colton and wondered if maybe he too was my destiny. The one. Everything was magnetic between us. Drawn together even though we were so different. He was my strength. I was his. We just fit.
“Show me how it’s done. I’ll hang out on this rock here and watch.” Colton smiled, still trying to catch his breath. The sun cast its reflection on the surface of the water. It was as if it were calling to me, taunting me, begging me to join in as the waves kissed the shore.
With a chaste kiss to Colton’s lips, I paddled out to the waves and waited until I saw another one forming. Lying on my stomach and clutching my board, I crouched down right before the wave came to a head. Standing up, I rode the wave, my hand skimming the water as I fought to keep my balance. The sun shone down on me and I looked over at Colton, who gave me a thumbs-up as I did what I loved. It was one of the best moments of my life. I was back. The loss of Taylor was still there. It’d never go away, but as I gained back pieces of my life again, everything seemed to be looking up.
I swam back to the rocks where Colton sat smiling.
“That was amazing to watch. You’re pretty good.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Pretty good? I was all right.” I laughed. “God, it felt good to be back out there. I can let everything go and just be.”
“You seem happy out there. The happiest I’ve ever seen you.” There was a sadness in Colton’s eyes when he said those words. This part of my life was so different than what he was used to. I fixed cars and taught swimming. I didn’t surf or live at the beach. But this was my past, where my roots were. And it did make me happy, but so did Colton. Waking up in his arms, waiting for him to come home from work. It wasn’t surfing, feeling the sun against my skin every day as I waited for the best wave—it was better. I smiled at the realization of how hard I’d fought to get there. I remembered thinking I was such a mess that I’d never recover. But there I was, the person I always wanted to be. Strong. Stronger than ever before.
“I want to show you something.” We grabbed our boards and trailed farther down the beach. A row of cottages stood side by side and I stopped at the one I owned. I turned over the rock that hid the key and opened the door. Colton and I went inside.
“Wow, this place is nice,” Colton said.
“My parents must have kept it up for me.” It was immaculate. No dust or signs that I hadn’t been there for the past four years.
It was a modest cottage, just a large room with a couch, TV, and a bed. There was a kitchenette area off in the corner and a small bathroom. I’d spent more time there than I did at home. I’d wake up before the sun and watch it rise from the beach. I’d catch the waves early, before people had a chance to even think about getting up. It had been a perfect life. I glanced up at Colton, who stood at the large bay doors that opened into the porch that overlooked the ocean. Sometimes the concept of perfection changes.
“It’s beautiful. I wish I didn’t have to go back to drugs and crime tomorrow.” Colton’s back was to me and I admired the view. His broad shoulders, his biceps stretching as he crossed his arms at his chest.
I walked to him and ran my hands down the length of his back. He softened at my touch, letting his arms fall to his sides as I took in every inch of him with my hands. I agreed with him; I wished he didn’t have to go back to drugs and crime either. I spun him around and grabbed his face between my hands.
“I’ll be right behind you, Colton. I’ll be back before you know it.” He let out a staggered breath. “I’ll always be right behind you.” I expected some dirty comment, but it never came, just his lips pressing against mine, his hands exploring my body. I would never tire of him touching and kissing me.
Perfection had taken on a new form. It wasn’t the ocean, my surfboard, or watching sunsets. It was Colton James.
21
___________
COLTON
Something didn’t seem right. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but as a police officer, I had a gut instinct, and I rolled with it or at least used it to propel myself toward a desirable outcome. It was too quiet. Usually right before a bust there was a low buzz in the air. An electricity that knew something or someone was coming. The air was different. It hung low, stifling me as I walked toward my squad car with Smith. Biggs was behind us, texting like his life depended on it. The air wasn’t steaming with a case that was about to be closed; it surrounded me like a fucking noose. It was death.
I was nervous. It was all in my goddamn head. I took a deep breath as Smith looked at me, his own nerves plastered across his face as sweat poured down it.
“It’s going to be okay, kid. We have good intel and Vega will be there.” I patted his shoulder quickly. “First big bust.” I tried to smile but I felt my own lips shake as it stretched across my face. What the hell is my issue?
“Yeah.” He nodded and continued to stare straight ahead. We drove to the restaurant, parking blocks away to not be detected.
&n
bsp; “All right, everyone gear up. Don’t forget your vests.” I strapped mine on and helped Smith make sure his was secure. More people piled out of cars. I looked out at all the faces, young officers wanting to make their mark on the force. Set a name for themselves as go-getters. That was me once, staring wide-eyed at my first stakeout.
“James and I will lead the way. Everyone else hang back until we call you in,” Biggs said, taking his gun out of his holster and bringing it to his side. I did the same and we walked silently through the streets, hiding in the shadows as we made our way to the restaurant.
Unease crept up my spine like a shiver. Biggs glanced back at me, the whites of his eyes looking ominous. He was my competition. The man I’d been fighting against for lieutenant. Right then, we couldn’t be competition; we had to be partners.
“Let’s put aside the competition for tonight, Biggs. I’ve got your back, all right?”
Biggs stopped, his chest rising and falling with deep breaths.
“Sure, James.”
“I’ll call in the rest of the guys.” I pulled out my walkie-talkie.
Biggs snatched it out of my hand.
“Wait, let me get a good look first. So we know what we’re dealing with.” He motioned to the side alley where there was a window looking into the restaurant. “Boost me up.”
Kneeling down on the ground, I boosted him, grunting under his weight. “What do you see?” I whispered.
Biggs looked down at me and the shiver returned to my spine.
“Your death,” he murmured as he shimmied from my arms.
“What?” I fell back, the barrel of his gun pointing right at my head.
“I can’t risk not getting this promotion. I need it.”
I put up my hands, letting him know that I wasn’t going to fight him. “You need the money? I can give you a loan.”
Biggs laughed. “It isn’t about the money. It’s about the pull I’ll have.” He smiled. “Everything was a setup. From the first bust you got that led to Bryant getting shot to now. You were too busy going off on vacations and losing your focus to realize what I was doing.”
The door opened to the restaurant and Vega came out with Sergio trailing behind him. It all clicked, even Biggs looking good and getting a shot off at Vega. But that meant Bryant getting shot was his fault. I stood up and lunged forward. Vega punched me square in the jaw, sending me flying back against the brick wall.
“Hey. This the fucker?”
Biggs nodded and Vega pulled out a gun as I wiped the blood from my mouth.
“I’ll take care of him. You have to hold up your end of the deal. Make lieutenant and we’ll have a partnership.”
“Of course,” Biggs said. “With him out of the way, the spot is definitely mine.”
“You don’t have to do this.” The words barely escaped my lips. It all sank in, exactly what was going to happen to me in this dark alley, fighting for a job that I wasn’t even sure I wanted. Biggs could have the promotion. I didn’t want it anymore. All I wanted was to go home and wake up and find Brad standing in my doorway. I wanted that for the rest of my life.
A sharp pain hit my side in the only spot not covered by the vest. I brought my hand there and blood trailed down my fingers. Everything went dark as I fell to the ground, and I heard another gunshot, barely feeling it pierce through my skin. I struggled to focus, listening to Biggs call in frantically for backup, saying an officer was down.
I lay there, bleeding out on the concrete, everything flashing before my eyes. The funny thing was it wasn’t my job, my house, or any of that shit that ran through my mind. It was Brad, Abby, and Olivia.
The faint sounds of sirens ran through my ears. The frantic cries of Biggs as he put pressure on my side. I opened my mouth to tell whoever would listen what had happened but nothing came out, just a breath. My last breath as everything went completely black.
22
___________
BRAD
“Damn.” I tried to power on my phone but it wouldn’t turn on. I looked over at my charger that wasn’t connected to the wall, shook my head, and asked my mom to borrow her phone before we headed to the airport.
I dialed Colton’s number and was met with his voice mail.
“Hey, it’s me. My phone’s dead and I’m about to head to the airport. I’ll be in around six tonight. I’ll head right to your place.” I hit the End button before I did something crazy like end with an “I love you.” We’d both gotten to that point—almost. But almost didn’t count for anything. I wasn’t the type of guy to need to wait for Colton to say it first; I just wanted the time to be right, not over voice mail. These days in California had been what I needed. I was refocused and eager to get back to Rhode Island to see Colton.
As my parents drove me to the airport, I watched everything buzz by. This place had a familiarity. Special places I’d frequented growing up. My first job. My first boyfriend. Just being in California for a few days made me consider moving back home. Santa Cruz had everything I wanted. Except Colton. When we made it to the airport, I lugged my bag as my parents insisted on walking me in.
“I love you, Brad. Don’t be a stranger.” My mom hugged me as I stood outside of airport security. She brushed away her tears.
“I’ll be back for Christmas. I promise.”
My dad gave me a quick hug. “Bring that young man back with you too. I like him,” he said.
“I will.” I waved as I weaved through security. They watched me until the last second. When I rounded the corner and I couldn’t see them anymore, I couldn’t help but remember the day I’d run from home, hopped on a plane, and tried so hard to forget. I kept walking. It was different this time. I was walking toward a life I’d built, no longer standing on wobbly legs trying to forget Taylor. She was a part of me. I’d carry her with me wherever I went. Her smile, her love for the water that I’d helped instill in her. Trying to forget someone you loved was like poison. It had been slowly killing me, taking away the happiness in my life. I had it all back, plus some.
***
“Colton?” I opened the door to his house, expecting to see him there. The lights were on and his car was in the driveway.
“Brad?” Melanie rounded the corner, her eyes red-rimmed. She clutched her cell in her hand.
“What are you doing here? Where’s Colton?” I dropped my bag and went over to her.
“We’ve been trying to reach you. Abby, Lee, me. Your parents said you were in the air and your phone died.”
“What’s going on?” My mind was floating somewhere else when Melanie explained what had happened. A shooting, Colton in critical condition, kidney failure, medically induced coma. The bullets pierced through his kidneys and caused severe damage. The pain was so unbearable they had him heavily sedated with pain meds.
“Brad? Are you hearing me?” I fell onto the couch and looked up at her, unable to even let the tears escape. I was numb, the loss of another person ringing in my ears. I thought of the past months and how madly I had fallen for Colton. His skin against mine, his dirty humor and horrible surfing skills—all of that could be gone. The way he’d welcomed me into his family without hesitation. We’d never grow old together or say our first I love yous. Everything was being ripped from me again. I knew if I lost him, I’d be lost too.
“They are looking for a kidney donor. Both aren’t filtering and are damaged beyond repair. They need someone with O negative blood. His sister tried but she’s not a match. Lee tried. Hell, I even tried. Nothing.” Melanie shook her head. “He’s low on the donor list. They’re just keeping him comfortable now.”
Keeping him comfortable. That meant there was virtually nothing left for them to do. “O negative?” I asked. The feeling in my body returned. My mind focused on Melanie as she stared at me.
“Yes, O negative. We should get to the hospital. They aren’t sure how much longer he can hold on.”
“I’m O negative.”
Melanie’s eyes grew wide and she
dialed someone on her phone. I heard her talking wildly to Abby.
“Let’s go. They can test you right away and see if you’d be a good match.” We made our way to the car. I could save him. I know I still had to be a match, but being O negative gave me greater odds. I wouldn’t lose him. I couldn’t. I let a little bit of hope creep in.
As soon as I got to the hospital, I was whisked away to get tested. I wasn’t able to see him and it killed me. I knew time was of the essence and I tried to focus on that. Once the testing was over, I had to wait for the results, so they let me go to the ICU to see him.
“Brad.” Abby hugged me tight and we cried together.
“Is he awake?” She shook her head.
“He hasn’t been awake since the accident.” She looked toward the door that led to his room. “Biggs was there when it all happened. Vega got away again. That son of a bitch.”
“Biggs was there? Was he hit?” I asked. Biggs and Colton weren’t usually partners, and I struggled to make sense of why they would be in this case. Maybe because they were both seasoned officers? I didn’t know a whole lot about police tactics, but that didn’t make sense.
“No. He was fine. They went in to scope things out before calling in their guys, and I guess Vega came up shooting and hit Colt before Biggs could do anything.” Abby dabbed her eyes with a tissue.
“I wanted to talk to you about that, Abby.” An older gentleman came up next to me and extended his hand. “I’m Mason Lawrence.”
I looked at Abby for some guidance as I shook his hand.
“Chief,” she said.
“Ah. Chief.” I nodded. “Pleasure to meet you.”
“Likewise. I wish it were under other circumstances. I wanted to talk with you both about that incident this evening.”