by Kendall Ryan
I lay on the mat, and he knelt over me and went through the motions of pulling my arm into the first hold. I caught myself looking across the room at the empty treadmill and wondering where MacKenzie was. I hoped she was okay.
Damn. I needed to get my mind off her and focus on the fight.
Jonah moved quickly, slipping his legs around me and pulling my good arm in a direction it was not supposed to go. “Okay, how do you get out of this?” he asked.
I looked around for some part of him to punch, but he was behind me and all his good targets were protected. And I couldn’t twist out of his hold because of the angle at which he held my arm. Fuck, this was why I never let them get me on the ground in the first place. This was also why I needed to train with Jonah.
I pushed up with my legs and tried to roll on top of him, but he held me down so that I might as well be fighting a brick wall.
“Use your other arm,” he said. “I’ve got your arm in a vice, but if you distract me by pushing up, I won’t be able to control what your other arm does. Use that.”
I pushed up against him again and realized right away what he was getting at. In order to keep me down, he was pushing forward, which made his head very vulnerable. I reached up and hooked him into a chokehold, pulling him around in front of me.
He tapped out. “Good. Let’s try that again.”
When we moved back into position, I noticed Chris stepping out of his office, followed by MacKenzie. He said something and she laughed, but it seemed forced. She still looked tired, but maybe a little bit more relaxed than she was the day before.
As I lay there on the mat, I studied them as a couple. Something pricked at the back of my mind as I noted the distance between them, the way all their interactions seemed forced. She was never like that with me. You could light a city block with the electricity that buzzed between us.
But it didn’t matter. She’d chosen him.
Chris noticed me and waved me over.
“I guess we’ll have to finish working on this later,” I said to Jonah. “Thanks for the help. I’ll really need it if I’m going to win in Vegas.”
“Yeah. I don’t know if Chris told you, but I might be going with you. He wants me to be your cornerman.”
“That would be great. I could use an expert on submissions on my side.”
“That road goes both ways. I hear you’re a mean pounder, and I’d love to get some pointers on boxing.”
“Sure.” I headed off toward the office.
“Welcome back, pussy,” Chris said when I was within shouting distance. He looked up at the party banner hung up at the front of the gym and smiled. The little shit.
I laughed. “It’s good to be back.” We bumped fists and he led the way back into his office, taking a seat behind his desk.
Chris grinned at me. “I was going to get you a cake, but your ass is in training mode.”
I wasn’t sure if it was the tone of his voice or what, but at that moment I was reminded of the fact that I’d gotten his girlfriend off the other day. My mouth and fingers had been inside his girl, and we’d been moments away from having sex.
I was pretty sure MacKenzie hadn’t told him about that. But it suddenly occurred to me that I should know for sure before allowing myself to be alone with this guy. He might not fight pro anymore, but he was a weight class above me, and could probably whip my ass with my arm out of commission.
But Chris didn’t hint at knowing anything about what happened between Kenzie and me, he just tossed me one of his famously nasty homemade protein shakes and leaned back in his chair.
Ugh, I didn’t miss these. Still, I shook it up and chugged it, trying to assess the situation.
“MacKenzie told me how the doctor visit went, and I wanted you to know that I’m behind you in this. I’ve asked all the guys at the gym to help out. We’re going to get you in shape for the next doctor visit.”
Chris was a good friend. Knowing that he’d had my back this whole time made me feel even shittier about trying to take MacKenzie away from him. He was, after all, a decent guy, and she deserved that.
“Thanks,” I said. “I’m excited to get back into it. I know I can be ready.”
“Good. That’s just what I wanted to hear. I saw you were out there training with Jonah, and I don’t want to keep you from it, but I just talked to MacKenzie and I had to share. I don’t know if you knew this or not, but things are going kinda slow with MacKenzie and me. For a while there, I thought maybe she wasn’t into me, or there was someone else.”
I shrugged, trying to keep my shit together. I didn’t have a clue in hell where he was going with this, and was thankful that he’d remained seated. Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to talk to MacKenzie about what Chris knew. For the safety of everyone.
“Well, that’s about to change.” He got a smug grin on his face as he nodded like I knew what he was talking about. “She just agreed to go to Vegas with me.”
I forced a smile and gritted out, “Great.”
I wanted to come clean with Chris. As a friend, I knew I should, but I was starting to wonder if his knowing would do more harm—to him and the rest of us—than good. Besides, they were finally taking their relationship to the next level. Maybe it was best to just leave it alone.
As all these thoughts swirled around inside my head, I realized I was irritated that I couldn’t be happy for him, and for them. And I desperately wanted to be.
I also wanted to fucking punch something. Repeatedly.
Twenty-Eight
Ian
Winning the fight in Vegas was crucial, but that didn’t mean I was going to forget about Sophia. Family was important. I’d lost sight of that for a while, and ended up missing how messed up Sophia’s life had become. I vowed that would never happen again. Not on my watch. Because if it was a choice between the fight in Vegas and saving my kid sister from doing drugs, Sophia would win, hands down.
But I didn’t plan on it getting to that point.
Ever since I’d found out Sophia was snorting that shit, I’d been checking in with her face-to-face every evening. She seemed clean, as was evidenced by how exhausted and bitchy she was. She continued to nag me about lending her money, but that was not going to happen. Instead, I took her grocery shopping and paid her bills. She also wouldn’t stop whining about how bored she was, so in order to shut her up, I took her along with me to go drinking with Cade.
Cade was already there, seated at one of the cracked red leather booths when we arrived. “You look like shit,” he said as Sophia and I slid in across from him. The comment could have been targeted at Sophia since she did look like hell, but he knew better than to insult my kid sister. The douche was talking to me.
I rubbed my hand over my hair. “Fuck, man. At least let me get a beer in me before you start talking trash.” I signaled for the waitress and ordered. “A light tap for me and a cola for her.”
Sophia pouted, but she was only nineteen. I was no idiot, I knew she had a fake ID and drank all the time, but she wouldn’t be doing it on my watch.
“Sophia, I’m surprised to see you hanging out with losers like us. What gives?” Cade winked at her as if it was an innocent question rather than an acknowledgment of the elephant in the room.
“Ian thinks I have some sort of ‘problem’ just because I like to have a good time.” She glared at me, but it didn’t matter what kind of mood she was in, she couldn’t pass up a chance to see Cade. She’d always harbored a schoolgirl crush on him. “He’s trying to make up for our parents being gone all the time.” She shrugged and a hint of a smile came to her face. “You know Ian. His intentions are great enough to save the world, but he’s too stupid to focus his energy in the right direction.”
“Speaking of misguided idiots, what’s going on with you and MacKenzie?” Cade asked.
I took a long pull on my beer before I could answer. “I don’t know which one of us you’re calling an idiot, but MacKenzie is off-limits as a topic of conver
sation. You want to talk about your girlfriend’s menstrual cycle or your new fuckin’ skin moisturizer, whatever, just not MacKenzie.” It was going to be hard enough to see her with Chris at the gym every day. I was done talking about my feelings on the issue.
Cade was stunned somewhat silent. I took the opportunity to pound the rest of my beer and waved the waitress over. “Another one of these.” It was one of the last nights I could drink before full training mode kicked in, and I planned to spend it somewhat inebriated. Maybe even make Sophia drive me home.
Sophia took a sip of her soda, then looked up at me. “Is that the chick you were making out with on my sofa?”
Fuck. “Sophia, damn it, we’re not talking about this.”
Cade leaned forward over the table. “Who were you making out with on her couch?”
I shook my head and blew out a breath, noting the waitress was headed back to our table with my fresh beer. Thank God.
“Ian?” Cade said.
I accepted my beer from the waitress. “Thanks. Keep ’em coming.” I chugged another half beer and put the glass down on the table a little too hard, making Cade jump. “If I give you the basics of the Kenzie situation, you have to shut the fuck up about it when I’m done so that we can move on to more pleasant conversations such as how to rip the limbs off my next opponent.”
Cade nodded, looking pleased with himself. “Done.”
“I didn’t mean to take your advice, but it happened. I just couldn’t push her away anymore, and we fell into each other’s arms during one of the self-defense lessons.”
Sophia giggled. “You were giving a girl one-on-one self-defense lessons and didn’t think it would lead anywhere?” She turned to Cade. “My brother’s an idiot.”
I kicked her under the table.
“Ouch,” she cried, even though it was only a tap.
“She’s dating Chris. I was giving her lessons because she lives in a bad part of town. The only reason I let it go as far as it did was because I thought she wasn’t really into Chris. I thought she would leave him. But she didn’t, she stayed with him. So now I feel like the biggest prick in the world. Having pushed myself on her when she didn’t want to be with me, and trying to move in on Chris’s girlfriend.”
I finished my beer, hoping that the waitress would hurry with my next one. I couldn’t be drunk enough to have this stupid fucking conversation.
“Huh,” Cade said. He looked at his beer as if he was digesting what I’d just said. But then his brow wrinkled. “Promise you won’t punch me?”
“No, I’m not promising anything. Out with it.”
“Alexa was sure the two of you were together. She told me yesterday that she’s been waiting for you two to get on with it for over a month. Said MacKenzie was driving her nuts, and she was so stoked that you had finally gotten there.”
“Dude.” My stomach was tightening, and it wasn’t just because Cade was wearing on my last nerve. “It doesn’t matter what Alexa thought. The only thing that matters is that MacKenzie made her choice.”
Sophia snorted. “No way that chick likes someone else. She was giving you the sickest love-me eyes I’ve ever seen, and the way her body moved with yours? It was like a dance.” She leaned toward Cade. “And the look on his face was something.” She nodded her head toward me. “I’ve never seen him like that with any woman before. He was so pussy-whipped, I almost wanted to slap him out of it. That was some disgusting shit to witness.”
“Sophia—” I started, but stopped short.
I wanted to call her out on the fact that she’d been high, and there was no way she could trust whatever it was what she thought she saw. But that was a shitty thing to say, and I was trying to be nice to Sophia, no matter how bitchy she was. I wasn’t going to take her bait. Besides, if I had to be honest, she’d been right on at least one count. For the sixteen hours that MacKenzie and I had been together, for the time I thought she was mine, I’d been totally whipped.
But I had to respect MacKenzie’s choice. “She wants to be with Chris, she said so to my face. It’s time for me to realize I missed my chance and move on.”
At that moment, I realized I wasn’t just telling Sophia and Cade, I was telling myself. It really was time for me to get over it and move on.
Fuck.
Twenty-Nine
MacKenzie
There was one important thing I learned as a kid going through foster care. Anytime I made friends at school, I’d have to leave them. Anytime I bonded with the other kids in one of the homes, something would happen and we’d all have to be moved, be separated. The lesson I learned was that if you got too emotionally attached to something, you would lose it. So as a rule I kept my emotions at a distance.
Until Ian. This whole time, I knew he was a threat to my carefully crafted way of life. Because being around him felt so good, I knew I was in danger of losing him. For some stupid reason, I thought I could keep the emotional demons at bay, but I’d gotten too comfortable with him, and he’d snuck past my defenses somehow. Sneaky bastard.
Rather than succumb to the pain of losing Ian, I switched to my other fantastic defense mechanism. I shut down my emotions and allowed myself to become comfortably numb. It had been a while since I’d had to shut off my emotions entirely, but I didn’t see any other way of keeping Ian—and my feelings for him—in check.
I clenched my jaw, marched over to the weights, and pointed at the forty-five pounder. It was day two of us working together at the gym.
“It’s time to start upping your game,” I said.
I’d been going easy on Ian. Too easy. I was afraid he’d get hurt if I pushed him too hard during our previous sessions. It was because of that, because of my poor judgment, that he was in this mess now. I was going to make sure he got through it. I would make it right, even if that meant being hard on him. Whatever it took.
Just last week I wouldn’t have had the strength to push him, but now that I had switched off my emotions, being a hard-ass was easy.
He looked at me as if he wanted to protest.
I rolled my eyes and grabbed the weight with both hands, heaving it off the weight stand.
Ian rushed over to me. “Don’t do that. Let me get it.” He tried to take it from me with his good arm, and I turned away.
“If you want this, take it, but only with your left hand.” I turned to face him again. The weight was dang heavy; even with two hands, I was barely able to hold it up. It forced me into a hunched bent-knee position, but I held strong.
His jaw clenched and his eyes darkened. He was getting upset. Good. Maybe if he was angry, he would be able to push himself harder. “Just let me—”
“Uh-uh.” I took a seriously labored step back. “The left hand. Your ligaments have healed. The only reason you can’t fight yet is because your strength isn’t where the doctor wanted it to be. So, please take this thing before I drop it on my foot.”
He lunged in and grabbed it easily with his right hand. “Don’t be stupid, MacKenzie,” he barked.
“Stop being a baby,” I barked back. “We don’t have time for your pussyfooting around anymore, Ian.”
I was shouting. Crap. I wanted him to work harder, but not if I had to turn into Bitchzilla to make it happen. I turned away and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. Damn it, couldn’t he see I just wanted him to win? Why did I always have to end up being such a dysfunctional mess?
His rough hand closed on my shoulder, and he gently kneaded it. “MacKenzie, I’m sorry.”
For a moment I closed my eyes and allowed myself to imagine what it would be like to turn and face him, to have him sweep me into his arms and hold me to him. How good it would feel to press against his firm body and look longingly into his eyes.
I allowed myself only a moment of weakness to imagine this, then took another step away from him, shrugging off his hand before turning back to face him.
His hand fell to his side. “I didn’t mean you were stupid. I know I need to work
harder. Look.” He pointed to his left hand, where he held the weight. “I want to do this. I need your help to get my strength back so that I can win this fight.”
“Good,” I said. “Let’s see you do four sets of twelve.” I waited for him to protest the extra set of reps I added on, but he didn’t. Instead, he started in on his first rep.
Ian went through the first set without too much effort. With one arm, he shrugged up the weight I’d almost dropped as if it were as light as a can of soup. It was the third and fourth sets that almost killed him. He grunted through the final shrugs, something I should have been pushing him to do several weeks ago.
As he pushed through the final one, I caught sight of Chris just behind him coming out of the office with a woman I’d never seen before. She was about my age, maybe a little younger. Her hair was bleached blond, and she had serious makeup issues. Like her face was all deep tan, and her neck was seriously pink and pale.
Earth to Blondie, you can put makeup on your neck. Or just less makeup on your face. I wasn’t the beauty police, but seeing someone trying and failing so hard kind of made me smirk.
The smirk fell when I saw what she was doing with her hand. She was resting it on Chris’s abdomen, and Chris wasn’t stopping her. In fact, he seemed as if he was used to having it there. She giggled and smiled at something he said, and he looked at her with something like satisfaction.
My mind raced, wondering if I’d seen them go into the office. Ian and I had been just outside for a good half hour, and I hadn’t seen them go in. How long had they been in there?
Chris looked up and saw me staring. His posture immediately stiffened and he stepped out of Blondie’s reach, putting on a smile for me. He said a few words to Blondie. She glared at me for a beat before she ran off, and Chris headed toward us.
“Hey, guys. How’s the training going?” Chris said.
Ian turned to meet him. “Good. Your girlfriend is kicking my ass into shape.”
Chris nodded and stepped forward, taking my hand. “Good. I knew there was something special about her when Cade introduced us.”