"It sounds perfect."
Jared helped her onto Honey's back, and then hopped on to Barnabas with an easiness that suggested he'd spent a lot of hours in the saddle. They walked the horses away from the barn, and she was happy to have a few minutes to get used to riding again.
When they hit the broader path, and Jared urged the horses into a trot, then a gallop, she was ready for a faster speed. With the wind in her face and the powerful animal beneath her, she felt like she was flying, like she was invincible, and it was a glorious feeling after the past few days of feeling helpless and out of control. Reality would eventually catch up, but for now, she was just going to enjoy the moment.
They didn't talk as they rode, but every now and then, Jared flung her a smile that made her stomach clench, and she realized she was falling for him, which was a really bad idea. She just didn't know how to stop it from happening. They kept getting closer, and the more she knew about him, the more she liked him.
There was a chemistry between them that felt like it was going to blow her mind if she ever gave in to it. But as much as she liked adrenaline, getting closer to Jared seemed a little too dangerous.
It wasn't like it had to go somewhere, but it felt like there was nowhere it could go.
They worked for competing agencies. They traveled the world. They lived their lives in the shadows, and they were almost always alone. They might be together now, but it wouldn't last.
They were truly two ships passing in the night, sharing the same space for just a very short time. It would be better if they didn't get any closer. It would be safer…
On the other hand, since when did she ever choose safe?
Sighing as her mind spun around once more, she told herself to stop thinking and just enjoy the moment.
When they got to the large pond, they circled it once, then Jared motioned for her to stop. He hopped off his horse and helped her down.
"That was amazing," she told him.
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. You ride well."
"I actually learned to ride in Bezikstan with Anika and Jasmine. Isn't that ironic?"
"It is. We'll let the horses graze."
"They won't run away?"
"These two appreciate rest." He led her toward a pile of large rocks. As they sat down on the boulders, he said, "This is one of my favorite spots. When I was a teenager, I used to come out here and think for hours on end."
"It's beautiful. Although, I have to admit I don't see you as a thinking-for-hours-on-end kind of guy."
"Maybe not hours. Let's call it minutes."
"Did you used to think about your mom when you came here?"
"I did. I also thought about my future, what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. When my dad first bought the house and took my brother and me out of the city, we were both unhappy. We liked being away from the tragedy, but we didn’t care for the fact that we weren't with our friends anymore. We had to start at a new high school where everyone knew each other. We were not just sad—we were city kids, completely out of place."
"I doubt you had any trouble making friends. You have the kind of personality that allows you to fit in anywhere."
"I suppose. But I had a lot of anger in me back then. Gradually, over time, and after a lot of horseback rides, and some extra nurturing from Carl and Pam, who have been a second family to me, I started to let go of some of that anger. I came to love this place. And whenever I had a break, I found myself coming home."
"So, someday you want to live here permanently? Is that why you bought the house?"
"I don't know if I'm a permanent kind of guy, Parisa. But I just knew I couldn't let the house go. What the future holds, I don't know." He cocked his head to the right, giving her a thoughtful look. "What about you? Where is home?"
She had to think about that. "I don't really have one. My mother and stepfather have a townhouse in DC now. They bought it a few years ago. I've never lived there, so while it's where they are, it doesn't feel like my home. The photos on their walls are from their recent travels. I'm sure my mom has a photo album somewhere with photos from my childhood, but I haven't seen it in years. I have an apartment in San Francisco, but the assignment I had there is over, and I'm not sure where I'll go next." She let out a breath. "It's weird. I've never thought about how rootless I am. I'm glad you bought your family home, Jared. I think someday you'll be really glad you have it."
"It's not like my mom was ever here. The memories are limited to after her death, but it does represent…peace. It's where we came to terms with our new normal."
She held out her hand to him, and he wrapped his fingers around hers. "I've always thought normal is overrated," she said.
He smiled back at her. "Me, too. Good thing—since my life isn't normal now."
"Mine isn't, either. I have to admit that lately I've been feeling a little restless. The night of the engagement party, I was thinking to myself that it was the first event I'd gone to in as long as I can remember where I was actually myself. And being there, talking to Neil and Anika and Jasmine, made me feel like the girl I used to be." She shook her head, feeling a little foolish by the admission. "It's hard to explain."
"But easy to understand," he told her, tightening his hand around hers. "I know what it's like to live in the shadows, but you can come into the light, can't you? The FBI operates out in the open far more than the CIA does."
"I know, and I've thought about it. I just haven't made any decisions. I'm good out in the field. I may not blend into situations as easily as you do, but my language skills have given me opportunities to get close to people no one else can access."
He looked out over the pond, then glanced back at her. "Is that really why you do it?"
"You think I have another motivation?" she asked warily, not sure she liked him digging into her psyche.
"I'm just wondering, in light of your gypsy background, and your lack of a real home, if you're not sure who you are if you're not undercover—if you can't be someone else."
"That's an insightful comment."
"Is it true?"
"I don't know. Maybe a little. It can be easier being someone else."
"I agree. When you're undercover, the only expectations are for the job performance. If you fail, it was your character who failed, not you. If people don't like you, it's not the real you. At the end of the day, if you achieve your objective, that's your victory. The fake persona takes all the failures. The real person takes all the wins."
"I never thought of it that way, but you're right." She paused. "You know what's really weird, Jared?"
"What?"
"I never thought I'd have this much in common with a spook."
"Or I with a fed."
They exchanged a warm smile that sent a shiver down her spine. She didn't know where things were going between them, but she sensed they were heading into reckless territory. "We should probably go back. It will be dark soon."
"Okay." He stood up, then pulled her to her feet, and against his chest.
She caught her breath at the purposeful look in his eyes. "What are you doing?"
"Fulfilling a very old fantasy. I used to dream about bringing a beautiful woman here, sharing a kiss as the sun went down. Want to be that woman?"
"More than I should," she whispered, sliding her arms around his waist as she lifted her head to his, as his mouth covered hers with delicious heat.
It was the kind of kiss that could have gone on forever. Everything about it was sheer perfection—slow, purposeful, tender but simmering with unexplored passion. In Jared's arms, she felt like she'd found the happiest place in the world. His presence surrounded her, but it didn't overwhelm her, didn't make her feel any less important; it actually made her feel like she was more important than she'd ever thought.
A whinny from Barnabas and a gusty breeze, brought them back to chilly reality. The sun was slipping past the horizon, and it was time to go home.
Which was a really odd thought
…because she didn't know where home was…except that maybe it was starting to feel like anywhere Jared was…
That was a disturbing thought.
Nineteen
Parisa sprinted ahead of him on the ride home, and Jared had a feeling her quick pace had more to do with what had just happened between them than a desperate desire to get the horses back to the barn before dark.
He wasn't as excited to return as she was, because he didn't believe they could outrun whatever was brewing between them. He'd felt a connection to her the first time he'd seen her. In his gut, he'd known she was going to be important in some way. It was probably the real reason he hadn't tried to talk to her at the party. It wasn't just his mission that had kept him away; it was his internal alarm system that had rung all kinds of bells when his gaze had landed on her.
Now that he actually knew her, the tie between them had only grown stronger. She was both a perfect match for him and the worst possible person he could fall for. They were alike in so many ways. They shared a passion for justice, a desire to live life on a big stage, a desperate need to make the world better, and a love of the shadows.
But where did two people who were rarely themselves end up?
He'd thought for some time that being a CIA operative and having a personal life was impossible. There were too many secrets. How could he ever lie to someone he really loved? And not just once, but over and over and over again? It wouldn't be fair to the other person.
But would it be different with someone who understood that lies about the job were a necessary evil?
He didn't really think so.
But kissing Parisa after they'd both finally shared who they really were had felt different. There had been an honesty to their intimacy, a deeper desire to connect that went way beyond the physical.
But it didn't have to be that way, he told himself. They could keep things light as long as they both were on the same page.
And, surely, they were on the same page.
Parisa had a job that she loved. She wasn't planning on leaving the FBI any time soon. Her job took her undercover and wherever the bureau wanted her to go. She didn't want a relationship that would make that difficult. And he felt the same way. Maybe it could work.
Or was he just being ridiculous?
He frowned at the crazy direction of his thoughts. He'd never thought so hard about whether or not he wanted to have sex with a beautiful woman as he was right now, another reason why Parisa was different.
They were together for a reason that had nothing to do with their personal feelings or desires. They had a mission to accomplish. Find Jasmine. Stop the terrorists. Anything and everything else would have to wait.
He just wished there was something they could do right now, because it was the waiting part that made him think too much and want too much. And the night loomed long and large in front of them. He was starting to share Parisa's greatest fear of having too much time…
* * *
Parisa wondered what thoughts were keeping Jared so quiet. He usually had a lot to say, but on the ride home, and while putting the horses away with Carl's help, he didn't have a lot of words.
They'd finally made their way back to Jared's house, and after a quick tour of the home, they'd ended up in the kitchen. Carl had insisted on giving them a bag filled with sandwiches, chips, and cookies as well as water and coffee, guessing they hadn't had time to stock up on any provisions.
"Are you hungry?" Jared asked, as he unpacked the goodies.
"I'm still full from the tacos we had earlier, but you go ahead."
"I'm fine. I'm going to make some coffee." He put the sandwiches and bottled waters in the fridge, then moved across the room to the coffeemaker.
She took a seat at the table, pulling out one of the new phones they'd picked up earlier. "I want to check in with Damon."
"Good idea. Would you put the phone on speaker?" he asked. "Then we can both get the update."
Years of being secretive and deceptive made her want to say no, to keep the call private, but she and Jared were in this together, and she trusted him even more now that he'd opened up to her. It almost surprised her to realize the depth of that trust.
His gaze sought hers. "Is it that tough of a decision?"
"No, it's not a difficult decision at all. We'll call Damon together."
A smile entered his eyes. "Good. But…"
"There's a but?" she asked warily.
"You can't tell him who I am."
"He already knows your name." She stopped abruptly. "Is Jared MacIntyre really your name? Because he ran a check on you after we first met, and you did not come up as CIA."
"Jared is my first name."
"And I suppose I don't need to know your real last name."
"It doesn't matter at the moment. He thinks I'm a journalist?"
"Yes. Your cover is still intact."
"Good. I don't need the CIA getting involved, and I'm not just saying that because I'm worried about getting fired. I don't want them to throw up barriers that not even the bureau can get over."
"I get it. But at some point, someone from the agency is going to figure out you're still involved in the case."
"By then, I hope to have found April's killers."
"I'd ask if finding April's killers is worth losing everything, but I already know the answer."
He met her gaze. "It is worth it."
"There's a chance you could end up with no justice and no job."
"We're going to make sure that doesn't happen."
"I don't know if I can help save your job, but I will definitely do my best to find April's killers."
She punched in Damon's number, then set the phone on the table, as Jared sat down across from her.
"Hello?" Damon said a moment later, his voice hushed.
"It's Parisa. Is it okay to talk?"
"One minute." Silence followed his answer, and then he came back on the phone. "We're good now. Are you all right?"
"Yes. What's happening with Ben? Did he start talking?"
"No. But Raj Kumar is speaking to him now. We're hoping he might be able to persuade Ben to say something of value."
"I hope so. Are Ben's parents still there?"
"They left when Raj showed up. They wouldn't even speak to him."
"Raj must be really confused and feeling so betrayed by both Ben and his father right now. Maybe it was a mistake for me to turn Ben into the bureau so quickly," she muttered. "I might have been able to get more out of him."
"You did the right thing. He probably would have shut down with you, too."
She wasn't so sure about that, and judging by the expression on Jared's face, his thoughts were running close to hers.
"We did find the bartender at the Stone Cellar, who admitted to knowing Isaac," Damon continued. "In fact, Isaac was in the club Thursday night."
Her heart sped up. "So, he's here in the city."
"Yes. The bartender claims he has never seen Isaac outside the club, but he gave us a couple of other locations Isaac mentioned that he likes to go. They're mostly other clubs, but it gives us somewhere to start. He also said that the night Isaac was in the club, he was talking to two guys, who appeared to be Indian. We're looking through surveillance tape from the club."
"Those could be the kidnappers."
"Unfortunately, the club is frequented by a lot of young men who fit that description. We also chased down the IDs of the two waiters that Ben got into the party. Both men were deceased. The identities were stolen."
"That's not unexpected."
"No. We've gone through Ben's phone. There were three calls from a number that is now disconnected. We traced it to a phone purchased from a convenience store a week earlier. It was a cash transaction, and the team is going through security footage obtained from the store and neighboring buildings to see if we can pick up any familiar faces. That's going to take time."
"Time that Jasmine doesn't have. I could take a shot at the Langd
ons again. Make them see how important it is for Ben to keep talking," she suggested.
"I doubt it would help. You're not Mrs. Langdon's favorite person. She said you owed the family your loyalty, and you betrayed them."
She felt a twinge of guilt at Damon's words. She had betrayed the Langdons, but she'd only done it to save Jasmine's life. She supposed that didn't make a difference to them, since she'd put their son's life on the line to do that.
"I think it's best if you stay out of this, Parisa," Damon continued.
"What about the ransom? Have the kidnappers contacted the Larimers again?"
"No. The drop is set for tomorrow morning at ten o'clock at Shell Park. Now you know what I know. One last thing. Vincent has been pressuring me to bring you in. He claims to be very worried about you. I told him that you are staying off the grid until Jasmine is found. I'd suggest you do just that."
"I want to do more than hide, Damon."
"There's nothing you can do that we're not doing."
"I'll check in with you again later." She ended the call and sat back in her seat. "Looks like you were right, Jared. We might have gotten more information if I hadn't turned Ben over."
"There's no point in looking back. Regrets get us nowhere." He got up. "Do you want coffee?"
"Sure."
He filled two mugs and returned to the table.
She sipped her coffee, immediately appreciating the kick of caffeine. "At least we know Isaac is in New York, although that only makes me worry more. The city is a target-rich environment. And that diamond could buy a lot of explosives."
"It could also buy a lot of weapons to overthrow the Bezikstan government, which is one of the goals of Brothers of the Earth."
"That's true."
"But I'm not discounting a New York target. The group wants to be noticed. They want recruits and the more attention they get, the more people who sign up. We have to stop them."
"I want to do that; I'm just not sure how." She thought for a moment. "Maybe I should call Neil. I didn't speak to him earlier. I could make a case for Ben cooperating with the FBI. He's a reasonable, intelligent person, and I know he cares about Jasmine." She paused. "You still have his phone number, don't you?"
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